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talexs · Oct 10th, 2009, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

I dont wanna lose him nd i dnt want him to break up with me :(((
All i been doing is crying cuz idk wat to do. I dont wanna be without him.

Like every wise tpfer has said, ditch him and you will find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated, you'll be a lot happier. I don't say this lightly bc I know how hard it is, esp when you're 16 and he really is a good chunk of your world. Trust me it can be done, we've all been there. Hell at 16 I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with the guy I was dating--he was at college getting silly at this time--when I was 19 I found another person I didn't think I wanted to be without, but it wasn't working with any of them bc they weren't the right person for me. If he was the person you were supposed to be with he wouldn't make you feel this way, it wouldn't be this dramatic. Just be brave and get it over with, you deserve better.

Cheetah7 · Oct 11th, 2009, 12:27 AM

OP, thanks for the clarification. Sounds to me like your bf just doesn't trust you and this can't be good. It's not like you're obligated to ask his permission whenever you want to spend time with your friends. Your relationship is a disaster waiting to happen and your bf clearly has trust issues going on. I suggest you give him space to cool off, think or whatever before contacting him.

mizz852 · Oct 11th, 2009, 01:10 AM

I was in the same situation as you with my current boyfriend about a year ago when we first started dating. You have two choices:
a) Stay wit him; HOWEVER, make sure that you discuss this matter with him seriously, let him know that he's the one that is in your heart and that he needs to trust you (and vice versa) in order for the relationship to work. Simply love is not enough, a relationship requires hard work, to maintain, and always add some freshness to it. *Compromise is the key*
If he is not willing to compromise then...
b) Walk away. If he just gives up your relationship solely because of this, then he's not even worth it. I know exactly what you mean by you can't be without him. I am only a few years older than you, and trust me, a few years ago, I thought the same about my ex-boyfriend who was abusive. I finally got the courage to leave him, and now i'm in a happier place, with a person who loves me and is willing to work on our relationship with me together. Yes, the jerks and the bad boys may be attract you more (I was once like that), but you will realize that you need a nice guy for a relationship to work.

I hope that my advice helped and that you can think clearly about what exactly do YOU want. If he is willing to work on the relationship with you, are you willing to as well? If he's not willing to work on the relationship and just wants to stay the way it is, will you both be happy in the long run?

Good luck with everything.

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 11th, 2009, 09:24 AM

Thanks for the replies everyone. I been thinking a lot and im still deciding if i wanna stay with him. I'm gonna talk to my BF later and we'll see how that goes.

Charles · Oct 11th, 2009, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

I dont want any other guy :((((

& now he's confusing me. He broke up with me , we talked for like 3hrs nd he said he cant trust me anymore. After much much crying and trying to convince him otherwise, he said he'll still be with me. Its as if he doesnt wanna be with me cuz he says he cant trust me but he also says he cant let go. My BF was gonna come here on monday and now he says he cant anymore :(( , He said he needs to trust me again before he can see me. I dont get it :/

He's toying with you.
Why do you want a man who expects you to ask permission to drink? Why do you want a man who gets mad at you cause you don't leave a party, where you're having a good time, just cause some guy is there that he doesn't like? Do you enjoy being told what to do? You're in a dysfunctional relationship. Why do you want to continue it?

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 11th, 2009, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by Charles

He's toying with you.
Why do you want a man who expects you to ask permission to drink? Why do you want a man who gets mad at you cause you don't leave a party, where you're having a good time, just cause some guy is there that he doesn't like? Do you enjoy being told what to do? You're in a dysfunctional relationship. Why do you want to continue it?

Because i love him :/
And im scared i wont find someone like him again. He is very good looking, independent, has a job, has money, everything I could ever want.

MarieG · Oct 11th, 2009, 11:22 AM

^^ Someone better and more suited will come along- trust me. He might possess those qualities but that does not make up for the fact that you guys obviously don't see eye to eye on certain important subject matters. If he is willing to break up with you because of something as little as this he obviously does not feel very strongly about you and is playing with you. This will most likely never change and if you make up now another insignificant event will trigger the same situation again.

amanda · Oct 11th, 2009, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

Because i love him :/
And im scared i wont find someone like him again. He is very good looking, independent, has a job, has money, everything I could ever want.

You're SO incredibly young. You're seven years younger than me, and I think I'M too young to be in a serious, marriage-minded relationship. You've got literally your entire life in front of you, and there are so many men to meet and things to experience. And guess what - those men are going to be independent and have jobs as well. That's not hard to find, and you'll easily find it again. You're too young to waste your life with someone like this. A job and a bank account does NOT a winner make. It's totally possible to have a job and pay your bills and simultaneously be a total loser, and this guy sounds like he is if ordering around a high school student makes him feel big and secure. You can do much better. And you will.

You'll look back on this dude in a few years and wonder WTF you were thinking. I know I do when I think of the boyfriends I had when I was young and unsure of what I needed in a relationship.

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 11th, 2009, 01:55 PM

OKay so i tlked to my BF again, and i cnt let him go :/
I told him for us to try to work things out again and thts wat we're gonna do. Its so hard right now bcuz things were GREAT just 2days ago, we had everything planned. He was coming here tomorrow and was gonna spend a month here, i have no school this whole week so it was all i was looking foward to and now its all ruined :((( .

Im gonna have to wait like another month till he comes. I hope we're still together by then. Its gonna be hard but im willing to continue trying. Thanks to everybody who replied, i really appreciate it<3

olialm1 · Oct 11th, 2009, 04:10 PM

So it sounds like you two are doing the long distance thing? Why doesn't he trust you? Did something happen between you and "T" before? If you and "T" have no history of any kind I would tell your boyfriend to RELAX and work on his trust issues. If you've never done anything in the cheating department or been with this guy he's worried about then he shouldn't be so uptight. And you should NEVER have to ask someone if it's okay for you to drink or do anything. You are your own person. Make your decisions whether they are right or wrong, only you will learn from your mistakes. I hope you and your s/o are able to work things out. He's being very unfair IMO.

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 11th, 2009, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by olialm1

So it sounds like you two are doing the long distance thing? Why doesn't he trust you? Did something happen between you and "T" before? If you and "T" have no history of any kind I would tell your boyfriend to RELAX and work on his trust issues. If you've never done anything in the cheating department or been with this guy he's worried about then he shouldn't be so uptight. And you should NEVER have to ask someone if it's okay for you to drink or do anything. You are your own person. Make your decisions whether they are right or wrong, only you will learn from your mistakes. I hope you and your s/o are able to work things out. He's being very unfair IMO.

Yes we are doing long distance. & Nope, nothing ever happened between me and T. My BF is jealous of T i think cuz he can be a bit flirty sometimes but we really are JUST FRIENDS. I cant talk to T anymore and i cant drink. IDK if my BF and I are gonna last much longer but i rlly want us to.

Jahpson · Oct 11th, 2009, 08:25 PM

why would you want to be with someone who would be quick to break up with you at the snap of a light switch? doesnt sound like he is that into you...

I bet $100 cash that if the tables were turn and he had a female friend, you would HAVE to get along with her.

We need to stop allowing men to get away with these double standards

Aslan · Oct 12th, 2009, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by amanda

He doesn't exactly sound like a keeper. You shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to go to a friend's house, even a male friend, or drink anything you like. I feel like this is one of those situations where, down the road, you'll be really glad that he broke up with you over this, if it happens. I would never, in a million years, entertain the affections of a man that wanted to control me in this way. He does not have that sort of authority over you and you need to stand up for yourself and your ability to make your own choices. Being in a bad relationship is never, ever preferable to being single and being in control of your own life. If you don't believe that, perhaps you need to take some time to yourself to learn it. You'll be better off for it in future relationships.

Excellent post, ITA.

There will be relationships ahead for you, OP, in which you will be with a man that will be strong enough to be able to handle the fact that you make your own choices.

amanda · Oct 12th, 2009, 11:15 AM

OP, I think you need to try to answer some of the questions about your relationship rationally instead of answering them with "but I love him." It's important to be able to look at both the bad and the good in a relationship and answer questions honestly, and I'm not talking about the questions we're asking - there are questions you should be asking yourself. Start with, "Why do I want to be with someone that controls me?"

sonnie_skies · Oct 12th, 2009, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

Because i love him :/
And im scared i wont find someone like him again. He is very good looking, independent, has a job, has money, everything I could ever want.

You need and deserve someone who's confident, secure, and capable of trusting you. Sometimes the people who seem to have everything are so terrified of losing it all they're paranoid and mistrustful and take these things out on their partner.

Oct 11th, 2009, 12:27 AM	#32
Cheetah7 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Here, there and everywhere Posts: 302	OP, thanks for the clarification. Sounds to me like your bf just doesn't trust you and this can't be good. It's not like you're obligated to ask his permission whenever you want to spend time with your friends. Your relationship is a disaster waiting to happen and your bf clearly has trust issues going on. I suggest you give him space to cool off, think or whatever before contacting him.
	__________________

Oct 11th, 2009, 01:10 AM	#33
mizz852 Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 278	I was in the same situation as you with my current boyfriend about a year ago when we first started dating. You have two choices: a) Stay wit him; HOWEVER, make sure that you discuss this matter with him seriously, let him know that he's the one that is in your heart and that he needs to trust you (and vice versa) in order for the relationship to work. Simply love is not enough, a relationship requires hard work, to maintain, and always add some freshness to it. Compromise is the key If he is not willing to compromise then... b) Walk away. If he just gives up your relationship solely because of this, then he's not even worth it. I know exactly what you mean by you can't be without him. I am only a few years older than you, and trust me, a few years ago, I thought the same about my ex-boyfriend who was abusive. I finally got the courage to leave him, and now i'm in a happier place, with a person who loves me and is willing to work on our relationship with me together. Yes, the jerks and the bad boys may be attract you more (I was once like that), but you will realize that you need a nice guy for a relationship to work. I hope that my advice helped and that you can think clearly about what exactly do YOU want. If he is willing to work on the relationship with you, are you willing to as well? If he's not willing to work on the relationship and just wants to stay the way it is, will you both be happy in the long run? Good luck with everything.
mizz852 Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 278	__________________ http://chicandglam.blogspot.com "Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about those who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised that it would be worth it."

Oct 11th, 2009, 11:22 AM	#37
MarieG ..loves Balenciaga:) Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,017	^^ Someone better and more suited will come along- trust me. He might possess those qualities but that does not make up for the fact that you guys obviously don't see eye to eye on certain important subject matters. If he is willing to break up with you because of something as little as this he obviously does not feel very strongly about you and is playing with you. This will most likely never change and if you make up now another insignificant event will trigger the same situation again.
	__________________ "A girl should be two things: Classy and Fabulous." ~Coco Chanel My Bal Collection Come and Visit My Blog: http://littleslicesofheaven.blogspot.com/

Oct 11th, 2009, 04:10 PM	#40
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,540	So it sounds like you two are doing the long distance thing? Why doesn't he trust you? Did something happen between you and "T" before? If you and "T" have no history of any kind I would tell your boyfriend to RELAX and work on his trust issues. If you've never done anything in the cheating department or been with this guy he's worried about then he shouldn't be so uptight. And you should NEVER have to ask someone if it's okay for you to drink or do anything. You are your own person. Make your decisions whether they are right or wrong, only you will learn from your mistakes. I hope you and your s/o are able to work things out. He's being very unfair IMO.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Oct 11th, 2009, 08:25 PM	#42
Jahpson Member Joined: Aug 2007 Location: The Playground Posts: 22,325	why would you want to be with someone who would be quick to break up with you at the snap of a light switch? doesnt sound like he is that into you... I bet $100 cash that if the tables were turn and he had a female friend, you would HAVE to get along with her. We need to stop allowing men to get away with these double standards
	__________________ Michael Joseph Jackson 1958-2009

Oct 11th, 2009, 09:24 AM	#34
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	Thanks for the replies everyone. I been thinking a lot and im still deciding if i wanna stay with him. I'm gonna talk to my BF later and we'll see how that goes.

Oct 11th, 2009, 01:55 PM	#39
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	OKay so i tlked to my BF again, and i cnt let him go :/ I told him for us to try to work things out again and thts wat we're gonna do. Its so hard right now bcuz things were GREAT just 2days ago, we had everything planned. He was coming here tomorrow and was gonna spend a month here, i have no school this whole week so it was all i was looking foward to and now its all ruined :((( . Im gonna have to wait like another month till he comes. I hope we're still together by then. Its gonna be hard but im willing to continue trying. Thanks to everybody who replied, i really appreciate it<3

Oct 12th, 2009, 11:15 AM	#44
amanda RIP Uga VII Joined: Oct 2005 Location: Athens, GA Posts: 11,732	OP, I think you need to try to answer some of the questions about your relationship rationally instead of answering them with "but I love him." It's important to be able to look at both the bad and the good in a relationship and answer questions honestly, and I'm not talking about the questions we're asking - there are questions you should be asking yourself. Start with, "Why do I want to be with someone that controls me?"
	__________________ PROUD TO BE A UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA BULLDOG! Follow me on Twitter

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