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EMMY · Oct 10th, 2009, 07:55 PM

OK I have to put my two cents in here..I don't normally like to comment on other people's situations but in this case the New Yorker is coming out of me...

#1). If you can't drink w/ his permission this shows me that this guy is a disaster just waiting to happen...Are there other things that he gets peeved if you do w/o telling him as well? Because this is a red flag my friend that this man is controlling and as time goes on will only get worse...give me a break...it's almost 2010..do you need permission from ANYONE to do as you please?

#2.) The mere fact that you feel 'ashamed' alerts me to believe that for some reason your BF has made you feel that you can't be yourself and handle yourself BY YOURSELF in a social setting....Jealousy is a bad thing...it is HIS problem not yours..if you're BF has issues with the fact that you have friends and will be in partying situations w/o him then he has SERIOUS issues that will only escalate..relationships are not love stories..real life gets involved and it's not all fun and games all the time..if these problems are surfacing now they will only get worse unless he gets over his own feelings of distrust and insecurity..he IS insecure if he is laying this BS on you...

May I ask how old you are? B/C I suspect you are young and girl--there are waaaayyy too many men out there that don't have these issues...there will be many many things you and your future spouse will have to deal with..and if your relationship is not built on trust...then expect to have it all fall through thin ice FAST..

It saddens me that there are men out there that make women feel meek, timid and guilty when excersising their own independence..learn to stand up for yourself my lovely friend..open that mouth of yours and voice your opinion...otherwise you will be setting yourself up for these type of men to keep their thumb on you and not let you spread your wings every once in a while..

Sorry if I sound convicted but one of my dear friends is going through something similiar and OMG I want to knock some sense into both of them...this hits a heart string and I hope you will be OK and realize this guy is an idiot until he proves himself otherwise...

Charles · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

Sorry i didnt clarify.

NOTHING happened between me and my guy friend (lets call him T). My BF is like dead jealous of T bcuz for some reason he thinks T likes me. & also, my BF got mad bcuz i drank without asking him. IDK but I think tht he thinks tht mayb T could have took advantage of me since I got drunk, but he DIDNT. Now my BF says tht as of right now he doesnt trust me and has to think.

He told me tht i should have left once i realized T was there. I didnt know he was gonna b there.

Uh, you have to ask permission to drink? What about to use the bathroom and eat?
And he gets all pissy cause some dood shows up at a party you're at? OMG!! Call the National Guard. OP needs to be on security lock down!

You bf sounds like an immature, controlling, dillhole.

My advice, let him break up with you so you can find a decent guy.

MarieG · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by Charles

Uh, you have to ask permission to drink? What about to use the bathroom and eat?
And he gets all pissy cause some dood shows up at a party you're at? OMG!! Call the National Guard. OP needs to be on security lock down!

You bf sounds like an immature, controlling, dillhole.

My advice, let him break up with you so you can find a decent guy.

I couldn't agree more! Well put!

amber11 · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:20 PM

you didn't do anything wrong....its totally silly that your bf is getting upset over this, and i don't think its because he is protective of you and didnt want you to get hurt because thats just something he would explain to you instead of giving you the silent treatment and threatening to break up with you.... and you shouldnt need permission from him to drink or do anything you'd like... theres obviously not a lot of trust here and he shouldn't be so controlling over you... i would get this sorted out quickly or lose the bf

BagLadie · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:30 PM

you can't drink without asking him first? Hmmm. Yeah. Not.

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:43 PM

I dont wanna lose him nd i dnt want him to break up with me :(((
All i been doing is crying cuz idk wat to do. I dont wanna be without him.

domlee · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

I dont wanna lose him nd i dnt want him to break up with me :(((
All i been doing is crying cuz idk wat to do. I dont wanna be without him.

That is your problem. You don't have the self esteem to see that you CAN be w/o him. You're probably young based on what you posted. And clearly you don't see what else is out there. He is completely dominant over you.

Heck, are you of legal drinking age? (21+)

domlee · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:50 PM

Scratch what I asked earlier because...

1) You're 16 and he is 19.
trust issues

2) You don't trust him and he doesn't trust you.
trust issues

You two are completely disfunctional.

Back to the main topic, he was PROBABLY mad because you're not of legal drinking age. And because you smelled of alcohol, he was super pissed off, which he has EVERY right to be since you're not legal. That is what you failed to mention. I have a huge amount of respect for him, since he is a marine. Additionally, his "enemy" being there has very little (if any) to do w/ the real reason why he is upset w/ you.

Don't get me wrong, but you dug your own grave on this one because you're not of legal drinking age.

Junkenpo · Oct 10th, 2009, 08:54 PM

'kay.. i had to look because all the text-speak made me think that OP is very young..... and she is...

on another thread she states she's 16... trust issues

OP: you BF won't change his tune, your world won't end if he breaks up with you and there will be other boys to date & break your heart in the future. Since you are 16, you may want to cut back on the drinking as it isn't legal and your age + poor choices are likely to lead to regretable things....

(just noticed i posted after dom... same thoughts!)

Charles · Oct 10th, 2009, 10:15 PM

It shouldn't matter her age in regards to her having to get his permission to drink. Either he's against her drinking due to her age, or he's not. There's no in between by him saying she needs to ask him if it's ok.

Also, you're in a LDR, which is hard to begin with. Add to the fact that you're young and insecure, an LDR isn't a good idea. OP, I promise, there are better guys out there that are closer to where you live.

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 10th, 2009, 10:19 PM

He's not mad bcuz im not old enough to drink, i rlly dont think thts it.

ilovetoshop2 · Oct 10th, 2009, 10:22 PM

I dont want any other guy :((((

& now he's confusing me. He broke up with me , we talked for like 3hrs nd he said he cant trust me anymore. After much much crying and trying to convince him otherwise, he said he'll still be with me. Its as if he doesnt wanna be with me cuz he says he cant trust me but he also says he cant let go. My BF was gonna come here on monday and now he says he cant anymore :(( , He said he needs to trust me again before he can see me. I dont get it :/

amanda · Oct 10th, 2009, 10:25 PM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

I dont wanna lose him nd i dnt want him to break up with me :(((
All i been doing is crying cuz idk wat to do. I dont wanna be without him.

He doesn't exactly sound like a keeper. You shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to go to a friend's house, even a male friend, or drink anything you like. I feel like this is one of those situations where, down the road, you'll be really glad that he broke up with you over this, if it happens. I would never, in a million years, entertain the affections of a man that wanted to control me in this way. He does not have that sort of authority over you and you need to stand up for yourself and your ability to make your own choices. Being in a bad relationship is never, ever preferable to being single and being in control of your own life. If you don't believe that, perhaps you need to take some time to yourself to learn it. You'll be better off for it in future relationships.

I had a boyfriend like this when I was 17 or 18, and I was super sad when we broke up - it was also long distance and we had been together for a year and a half. I was terrified of being without him. But eventually, I got a little too uppity for him and he broke up with me and I was crushed. But I recovered and learned how to stand on my own, and that being young and single is a blessing, and my entire life changed for the better when I gained that confidence. I hope that you're able to see the flaws in your relationship and how your boyfriend treats you and eventually do the same.

Rhose · Oct 10th, 2009, 10:47 PM

I blame Stephenie Meyer! She's taught a generation of teenage girls the perfect man is a controlling nutbag.

OP, you asked what you should do, and you've received plenty of excellent responses from women who've been there. Dump him. He's not worth the heartache.

amanda · Oct 10th, 2009, 10:56 PM

Originally Posted by Rhose

I blame Stephenie Meyer! She's taught a generation of teenage girls the perfect man is a controlling nutbag.

LOL. Truth.

Be careful, a gaggle of enraged Twilight fans are probably making plans to hunt you down right now.

Oct 10th, 2009, 07:55 PM	#16
EMMY Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Syracuse , New York Posts: 6,742	OK I have to put my two cents in here..I don't normally like to comment on other people's situations but in this case the New Yorker is coming out of me... #1). If you can't drink w/ his permission this shows me that this guy is a disaster just waiting to happen...Are there other things that he gets peeved if you do w/o telling him as well? Because this is a red flag my friend that this man is controlling and as time goes on will only get worse...give me a break...it's almost 2010..do you need permission from ANYONE to do as you please? #2.) The mere fact that you feel 'ashamed' alerts me to believe that for some reason your BF has made you feel that you can't be yourself and handle yourself BY YOURSELF in a social setting....Jealousy is a bad thing...it is HIS problem not yours..if you're BF has issues with the fact that you have friends and will be in partying situations w/o him then he has SERIOUS issues that will only escalate..relationships are not love stories..real life gets involved and it's not all fun and games all the time..if these problems are surfacing now they will only get worse unless he gets over his own feelings of distrust and insecurity..he IS insecure if he is laying this BS on you... May I ask how old you are? B/C I suspect you are young and girl--there are waaaayyy too many men out there that don't have these issues...there will be many many things you and your future spouse will have to deal with..and if your relationship is not built on trust...then expect to have it all fall through thin ice FAST.. It saddens me that there are men out there that make women feel meek, timid and guilty when excersising their own independence..learn to stand up for yourself my lovely friend..open that mouth of yours and voice your opinion...otherwise you will be setting yourself up for these type of men to keep their thumb on you and not let you spread your wings every once in a while.. Sorry if I sound convicted but one of my dear friends is going through something similiar and OMG I want to knock some sense into both of them...this hits a heart string and I hope you will be OK and realize this guy is an idiot until he proves himself otherwise...
	__________________ Emmy

Oct 10th, 2009, 08:20 PM	#19
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711	you didn't do anything wrong....its totally silly that your bf is getting upset over this, and i don't think its because he is protective of you and didnt want you to get hurt because thats just something he would explain to you instead of giving you the silent treatment and threatening to break up with you.... and you shouldnt need permission from him to drink or do anything you'd like... theres obviously not a lot of trust here and he shouldn't be so controlling over you... i would get this sorted out quickly or lose the bf
amber11 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 711

Oct 10th, 2009, 08:30 PM	#20
BagLadie Got a handle on it Joined: Nov 2006 Location: Red Sox Nation Posts: 7,002	you can't drink without asking him first? Hmmm. Yeah. Not.
	__________________ If life hands you lemons, make a vodka and lemonade. Then use the rest on your elbows.

Oct 10th, 2009, 08:50 PM	#23
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 950	Scratch what I asked earlier because... 1) You're 16 and he is 19. trust issues 2) You don't trust him and he doesn't trust you. trust issues You two are completely disfunctional. Back to the main topic, he was PROBABLY mad because you're not of legal drinking age. And because you smelled of alcohol, he was super pissed off, which he has EVERY right to be since you're not legal. That is what you failed to mention. I have a huge amount of respect for him, since he is a marine. Additionally, his "enemy" being there has very little (if any) to do w/ the real reason why he is upset w/ you. Don't get me wrong, but you dug your own grave on this one because you're not of legal drinking age.
	Last edited by domlee; Oct 10th, 2009 at 09:12 PM.

Oct 10th, 2009, 08:54 PM	#24
Junkenpo LVoebird! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass Posts: 3,058	'kay.. i had to look because all the text-speak made me think that OP is very young..... and she is... on another thread she states she's 16... trust issues OP: you BF won't change his tune, your world won't end if he breaks up with you and there will be other boys to date & break your heart in the future. Since you are 16, you may want to cut back on the drinking as it isn't legal and your age + poor choices are likely to lead to regretable things.... (just noticed i posted after dom... same thoughts!)
	__________________

Oct 10th, 2009, 08:43 PM	#21
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	I dont wanna lose him nd i dnt want him to break up with me :((( All i been doing is crying cuz idk wat to do. I dont wanna be without him.

Oct 10th, 2009, 10:15 PM	#25
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,190	It shouldn't matter her age in regards to her having to get his permission to drink. Either he's against her drinking due to her age, or he's not. There's no in between by him saying she needs to ask him if it's ok. Also, you're in a LDR, which is hard to begin with. Add to the fact that you're young and insecure, an LDR isn't a good idea. OP, I promise, there are better guys out there that are closer to where you live.
	__________________

Oct 10th, 2009, 10:19 PM	#26
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	He's not mad bcuz im not old enough to drink, i rlly dont think thts it.

Oct 10th, 2009, 10:22 PM	#27
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	I dont want any other guy :(((( & now he's confusing me. He broke up with me , we talked for like 3hrs nd he said he cant trust me anymore. After much much crying and trying to convince him otherwise, he said he'll still be with me. Its as if he doesnt wanna be with me cuz he says he cant trust me but he also says he cant let go. My BF was gonna come here on monday and now he says he cant anymore :(( , He said he needs to trust me again before he can see me. I dont get it :/

Oct 10th, 2009, 10:47 PM	#29
Rhose Member Joined: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 198	I blame Stephenie Meyer! She's taught a generation of teenage girls the perfect man is a controlling nutbag. OP, you asked what you should do, and you've received plenty of excellent responses from women who've been there. Dump him. He's not worth the heartache.

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