[annabellet]

A friend of mine has this situation :
She has been with here BF for over 6 years . lately hes been acting a little weird. So she has been watching his cell phone calls to see if anything is strange.
Once in a while he would go out to the bar with his co workers. He works part time Tuesday to Saturday.
Everytime he goes out with these co workers he never ask her to go with him and when he does go out with them he usually doesn’t pick up his phone.

Last weekend 2/9/08 he went to work like usual and told her that he will be home about 11 or noon time so get food ready then for lunch. So she did and she was waiting for him to get home. She called his cell phone and no answer.

She looks around the house and she finds a letter from a coworker’s husband to her. Her husband said lets work out things or else ill file for a divorce. She said its not fair that she has liked him since the beginning and likes the little games. hummmmmmmmmm wierd why is this letter at the house hidden

then he just shows up at home about 4PM. Shes like where were you??? Hes like just driving around bymyself.
So that make it a big fight cuz she also brought up the letter.

So for a few hours they were not talking and then about 7PM hes like I need to cool off im going out. so shes at home calling him and NO calls back. So he comes back home about 2AM and fight again and he comes home the next day at 10AM like everything was fine.

So during the week everything was OK

On Sautruday 2/16/08 she checked his phone calls and she questioned one of the calls. They didn’t fight but he never called again the whole day while he was gone and just shows up at 5PM. No arguments but she asked him. Please don’t call the people I don’t want u to talk to. He said ok

So on Sunday 2/17/08 they both wake up and she checked his phone and asked why again did he call her. He said by accident. So he got upset again and Left from 2Pm to 10 PM. This time she decided to call the girl and she said that they just coworkers and shes married with kids. Hummmm if that’s the case your married why you always calling another guy you work with.

Now it’s the weekdays and everything is ok

So today she checked his voicemail and there is a message from the girl saying call me I just got into a car acciedent. If you were in a accident wouldn’t you call your husband and not your coworker.

what do you all think???

[Frances Bean]

Originally Posted by annabellet

She looks around the house and she finds a letter from a coworker’s husband to her. Her husband said lets work out things or else ill file for a divorce. She said its not fair that she has liked him since the beginning and likes the little games. hummmmmmmmmm wierd why is this letter at the house hidden

wait... what? I'm confused

[annabellet]

Originally Posted by Frances Bean

wait... what? I'm confused

that was a wierd email that was printed out and my friends BF was hiding it

[peach.]

Something that keeps bugging me about her situation: why does she have to keep checking HIS phone and HIS voicemail? Where's the respect for other people's privacy, and more importantly, TRUST?

She obviously doesn't trust him at this point. If I were the boyfriend, I would be very annoyed that she keeps being suspicious and keeps checking up on me. Even if something was going on, he is NOT going to come clean while she acts in this manner and doesn't give him a chance to talk. He will keep dodging comments and questions and will continue to "act strange."

There needs to be serious talking done between the two of them. I always want to be with my boyfriend and he would always invite me to go places with him, even if it's with his friends. I don't see the point in a relationship if they don't enjoy each other's company and don't always want to be keeping in touch via phone/whatever to let the other know what is going on.

I think she needs to trust him. It's never a good idea to spy on people! Why can't they just be honest with each other and be direct? They've been together 6 years, so if they want to save their relationship, they will need to talk about exactly how they are feeling.

[dusty paws]

I think they both need to calm down and have a long chat. Even if a mediator needs to be brought in it may help. Her speculating and his weird behavior are going to make things worse - everything needs to get put out on the table and the truth needs to be told.

I wish her the best of luck - this situation is never easy.

[claireZk]

Originally Posted by peach.

Something that keeps bugging me about her situation: why does she have to keep checking HIS phone and HIS voicemail? Where's the respect for other people's privacy, and more importantly, TRUST?

Ummm, it's because he's cheating on her!! This guy doesn't deserve to be trusted- there's DEFINITELY something going on. She needs to just get rid of him and move on! There were several key pieces of info that are reg flags IMO:

-They've been together for 6 years and there's no formal commitment; they're not married or even engaged.
-He only works part time tuesday-saturday and he spends lots of time at bars WITHOUT his gf.
-He/his friends don't want the gf around.
-He doesn't answer his phone when he's out.
-They argue constantly.

It sounds like he's immature and doesn't want a commitment- he'd rather go out with his buddies and party. It also sounds like she's a bit immature to be clinging to this troubled relationship with a guy she can't trust and who won't commit to her. I say the sooner she can get rid of this guy and move on, the better. I don't condone her nagging and lack of trust, but I think she's justified in her suspicion (in this case). I was in a relationship just like this once and my gut instinct was right. He was always picking fights with me for not trusting him and he'd say things like "if you're going to accuse me, I might as well cheat." He'd guilt me into trusting him, but the whole time he WAS cheating

[annabellet]

Oops i forgot to mention that they are Engaged havent set a date.
He works part time for that company and also works from home.
They never argued until just recently when his behavior has changed.

Everytime she would bring something up about the situation he would get upset and say he needs to cool off and leave for the hours during the day.

[Luccibag]

I'd have to say based on everything I read, he's definitely cheating. Any way she can get his cell phone bill? Its probably loaded with calls and text messages to her.

[annabellet]

Originally Posted by Luccibag

I'd have to say based on everything I read, he's definitely cheating. Any way she can get his cell phone bill? Its probably loaded with calls and text messages to her.

Yes she can get the cell phone record beacuse it is under her name and she sees all the calls. she blocked his text messages cuz they kept texting and he doesnt have the text plan.

[devoted]

He is cheating, no doubts at all. I hope she doesn't wait for the incriminating evidence because there won't be any unless she walks in on them, which won't ever happen. I don't think he'll admit it, and the other woman won't either. Time to let him go.

[Luccibag]

I think the proof will be in the cell phone bill. Whenever he leaves mysteriously she should jot down the date and time and check to see who he called.

[peach.]

Originally Posted by claireZk

Ummm, it's because he's cheating on her!! This guy doesn't deserve to be trusted- there's DEFINITELY something going on. She needs to just get rid of him and move on! There were several key pieces of info that are reg flags IMO:

-They've been together for 6 years and there's no formal commitment; they're not married or even engaged.
-He only works part time tuesday-saturday and he spends lots of time at bars WITHOUT his gf.
-He/his friends don't want the gf around.
-He doesn't answer his phone when he's out.
-They argue constantly.

It sounds like he's immature and doesn't want a commitment- he'd rather go out with his buddies and party. It also sounds like she's a bit immature to be clinging to this troubled relationship with a guy she can't trust and who won't commit to her. I say the sooner she can get rid of this guy and move on, the better. I don't condone her nagging and lack of trust, but I think she's justified in her suspicion (in this case). I was in a relationship just like this once and my gut instinct was right. He was always picking fights with me for not trusting him and he'd say things like "if you're going to accuse me, I might as well cheat." He'd guilt me into trusting him, but the whole time he WAS cheating

Yes, I realize he's cheating on her. But the method of finding out that he's cheating on her is less than ideal. And what if he's not? All I'm trying to say is that there are problems on both sides. He sounds VERY immature, but that doesn't mean she needs to spy on him to get information. Whatever happened to just being straight-forward and honest?

[Luccibag]

Originally Posted by peach.

Yes, I realize he's cheating on her. But the method of finding out that he's cheating on her is less than ideal. And what if he's not? All I'm trying to say is that there are problems on both sides. He sounds VERY immature, but that doesn't mean she needs to spy on him to get information. Whatever happened to just being straight-forward and honest?

If there was any kind of honesty or straightforwardness, there would be no cheating. Sometimes a lil hair of the dog is necessary.

[awong10]

Based on the facts you just gave me, he's definitely cheating. You don't need much to come to that conclusion. A woman's instinct is never wrong (almost).

[HauteMama]

Its rather beside the point right now whether he is cheating or not. Your friend doesn't trust him and he refuses to communicate and walks away from any arguments/discussions. Unless they both stop, take a step back and decide whether they want to continue or not, this will ultimately lead to breakup.

It is likely he is cheating, but I don't see that as the major issue right now. They have no communication and no trust and that essentially leaves no relationship. She needs to protect herself by not sleeping with him (at least not without a condom) until they get this resolved - she shouldn't risk her health. But if they are both going to continue this cycle - she spies on him, confronts him, they argue, he leaves - they will need outside help to make anything work (counseling, for example).