Well I feel like crap

nsynchic20 · Feb 24th, 2008, 10:43 PM

Ok so I felt like surprising my boyfriend a little today, but I guess I picked the wrong day.

I had bought lingerie to wear for him on Valentine's Day, but our night didn't go so well, so I never ended up wearing it, so I decided today I would surprise him with it. While he was at work I got ready, put on the lingerie, put on makeup and stuff, and felt hot for once.
So he comes home from work, and I open the door. He looked a little surprised, and kissed me a few times, and said, whats this? I said "its your valentine's present. do you like it?" He said yeah, but nothing happened. He went to get a drink of water, so I went to sit in the TV room, waiting for him. He came and sat down and didn't make a move. I asked if he was in the mood and he replied with "I'm getting there. Are you?" I said, "I wouldn't be wearing this if I wasn't" Anyways, more of this went on, long story short he finally told me he wasn't in the mood, and by then I had lost feeling in the mood because he didn't seem interested, and never told me how good I looked, etc.
So he went to make dinner, and I took the outfit off, and now here I am, kind of upset cuz it didn't go as planned.
I thought he would have at least told me I looked good.

Rockst@r · Feb 24th, 2008, 11:02 PM

What a bummer! Is there any chance that something was bothering him? It sounds like something was on his mind. Perhaps give him a few hours of "space" and then come back to him and ask if anything is on his mind. I'm sure it's not you personally.

Fashionista_Gal · Feb 24th, 2008, 11:16 PM

That sucks! Did he have a bad day or something? I would talk to him about how this made you feel.

Pursegrrl · Feb 24th, 2008, 11:18 PM

Oh man, I'd feel like a total dweeb, but I guarantee you he was just stressed or had a lot on his mind...it's not you! Just let him unwind, give him some space, and check back with him later in the evening!

devoted · Feb 24th, 2008, 11:41 PM

Do you guys have a healthy sex life? if so, don't let this bother you.
But if this happens a lot and he doesn't seem to be "in the mood" most of the time, then you really should have a serious talk with him and ask what's going on.

boxermom · Feb 24th, 2008, 11:50 PM

Ugh, I feel for you. It's a tough thing to experience (been there). No advice, unfortunately. It doesn't help a lot to know it was something going on with him and probably had nothing to do with you. You still feel like crap when it happens, tho. (( Hugs))

devoted · Feb 24th, 2008, 11:57 PM

Am I wrong to assume if a man isn't interested in sex with his gf or wife it's because he's cheating? One time can be excused, but if it happens a lot I will just assume he's cheating...

okay, honestly, if he's not trying to sleep with me at all times then I will assume he's cheating. Am I way off base?

nsynchic20 · Feb 25th, 2008, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by devoted

Am I wrong to assume if a man isn't interested in sex with his gf or wife it's because he's cheating? One time can be excused, but if it happens a lot I will just assume he's cheating...

okay, honestly, if he's not trying to sleep with me at all times then I will assume he's cheating. Am I way off base?

I don't think you are off base, but I see it a different way. I think if the guy wants sex all the time, thats all he's looking for, and if he's desperate enough, he'll take a relationship along with that if he has to. I thought my boyfriend was using me for sex in the beginning.

devoted · Feb 25th, 2008, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nsynchic20

I don't think you are off base, but I see it a different way. I think if the guy wants sex all the time, thats all he's looking for, and if he's desperate enough, he'll take a relationship along with that if he has to. I thought my boyfriend was using me for sex in the beginning.

So he was really sexually persistent at the start of the relationship, I guess it's normal for him to not be as "demanding" as your relationship progressed....but using my SO as an example, he's still as attentive as he was at the start of the relationship. If he stopped being intimate; no kissing, hugs, compliments, etc...then I would just know he's cheating.

Not saying your SO is cheating...unless this happens a lot...but, honestly, even if it does it still won't mean he's cheating, I just have to stop assuming the worst all the time.

April_Skye · Feb 25th, 2008, 12:24 AM

Stupid men! grrr...
sounds like somethings on his mind hun :(
(maybe he had a really bad day at work)
He's obviously seen how you looked and the effort you went to. And you mentioned valentines day - so he's gotten the hint! ;-)

I feel so sorry for you - i hope your feeling ok. But i can tell you, when i was with my bf, that was the last thing i was thinking about when i walked into my house after finishing work. Gah... all i wanted to do was sit infront of the tv, with my feet up, and eat dinner. (gosh i sound like a guy dont I?! haha)
Maybe he's building his stamina back up as we speak! Maybe he just had to stop and recharge his batteries for a little while.
He'll come round, im sure of it! :)

iheartvuitton · Feb 25th, 2008, 12:55 AM

He just sounds stressed. Don't worry!

nsynchic20 · Feb 25th, 2008, 01:23 AM

I just overheard him talking to his friend on the phone and my bf said "Well its not that I didn't like it, she was just weird"

Zophie · Feb 25th, 2008, 01:27 AM

awww, I feel sad just reading your story. I don't blame you for feeling bad. :(

amanda · Feb 25th, 2008, 01:45 AM

Ick, just reading that made me feel all awkward and sick to my stomach. I would NOT be happy if that transpired. Even if he wasn't in the mood, if I make the effort, I expect it to be recognized, kwim? Maybe not by actually HAVING SEX, but it least a nice compliment and a promise of fun later or something.

amanda · Feb 25th, 2008, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by devoted

Am I wrong to assume if a man isn't interested in sex with his gf or wife it's because he's cheating? One time can be excused, but if it happens a lot I will just assume he's cheating...

okay, honestly, if he's not trying to sleep with me at all times then I will assume he's cheating. Am I way off base?

I think that's a tad naive. Interest in sex can be affected by ALL SORTS of things - stress, new medication, aging, falling into a 'routine.' I think it's insecure to assume it's cheating, not to mention a good way to ruin a relationship when the guy might just be stressed out over work or school.

Feb 24th, 2008, 10:43 PM	#1
nsynchic20 Member Location: Oregon	Well I feel like crap Ok so I felt like surprising my boyfriend a little today, but I guess I picked the wrong day. I had bought lingerie to wear for him on Valentine's Day, but our night didn't go so well, so I never ended up wearing it, so I decided today I would surprise him with it. While he was at work I got ready, put on the lingerie, put on makeup and stuff, and felt hot for once. So he comes home from work, and I open the door. He looked a little surprised, and kissed me a few times, and said, whats this? I said "its your valentine's present. do you like it?" He said yeah, but nothing happened. He went to get a drink of water, so I went to sit in the TV room, waiting for him. He came and sat down and didn't make a move. I asked if he was in the mood and he replied with "I'm getting there. Are you?" I said, "I wouldn't be wearing this if I wasn't" Anyways, more of this went on, long story short he finally told me he wasn't in the mood, and by then I had lost feeling in the mood because he didn't seem interested, and never told me how good I looked, etc. So he went to make dinner, and I took the outfit off, and now here I am, kind of upset cuz it didn't go as planned. I thought he would have at least told me I looked good. __________________ Need to save some $$$ right now, so no purses for me!

Feb 24th, 2008, 11:02 PM	#2
Rockst@r Zeta lady 4ever Location: Philadelphia	Re: Well I feel like crap What a bummer! Is there any chance that something was bothering him? It sounds like something was on his mind. Perhaps give him a few hours of "space" and then come back to him and ask if anything is on his mind. I'm sure it's not you personally.

Feb 24th, 2008, 11:16 PM	#3
Fashionista_Gal Member Location: FL	Re: Well I feel like crap That sucks! Did he have a bad day or something? I would talk to him about how this made you feel.

Feb 24th, 2008, 11:18 PM	#4
Pursegrrl Oh no she di-int!! Location: Seattle	Re: Well I feel like crap Oh man, I'd feel like a total dweeb, but I guarantee you he was just stressed or had a lot on his mind...it's not you! Just let him unwind, give him some space, and check back with him later in the evening!

Feb 24th, 2008, 11:41 PM	#5
devoted Member	Re: Well I feel like crap Do you guys have a healthy sex life? if so, don't let this bother you. But if this happens a lot and he doesn't seem to be "in the mood" most of the time, then you really should have a serious talk with him and ask what's going on.

Feb 24th, 2008, 11:50 PM	#6
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	Re: Well I feel like crap Ugh, I feel for you. It's a tough thing to experience (been there). No advice, unfortunately. It doesn't help a lot to know it was something going on with him and probably had nothing to do with you. You still feel like crap when it happens, tho. (( Hugs))

Feb 24th, 2008, 11:57 PM	#7
devoted Member	Re: Well I feel like crap Am I wrong to assume if a man isn't interested in sex with his gf or wife it's because he's cheating? One time can be excused, but if it happens a lot I will just assume he's cheating... okay, honestly, if he's not trying to sleep with me at all times then I will assume he's cheating. Am I way off base?

Feb 25th, 2008, 12:24 AM	#10
April_Skye we CAN have it all Location: over there..... and down a bit	Re: Well I feel like crap Stupid men! grrr... sounds like somethings on his mind hun :( (maybe he had a really bad day at work) He's obviously seen how you looked and the effort you went to. And you mentioned valentines day - so he's gotten the hint! ;-) I feel so sorry for you - i hope your feeling ok. But i can tell you, when i was with my bf, that was the last thing i was thinking about when i walked into my house after finishing work. Gah... all i wanted to do was sit infront of the tv, with my feet up, and eat dinner. (gosh i sound like a guy dont I?! haha) Maybe he's building his stamina back up as we speak! Maybe he just had to stop and recharge his batteries for a little while. He'll come round, im sure of it! :) __________________ Live Now. Kill The Boredom

Feb 25th, 2008, 12:55 AM	#11
iheartvuitton Member	Re: Well I feel like crap He just sounds stressed. Don't worry! __________________

Feb 25th, 2008, 01:23 AM	#12
nsynchic20 Member Location: Oregon	Re: Well I feel like crap I just overheard him talking to his friend on the phone and my bf said "Well its not that I didn't like it, she was just weird" __________________ Need to save some $$$ right now, so no purses for me!

Feb 25th, 2008, 01:27 AM	#13
Zophie I <3 my Maltese! Location: New Orleans, LA	Re: Well I feel like crap awww, I feel sad just reading your story. I don't blame you for feeling bad. :( __________________

Feb 25th, 2008, 01:45 AM	#14
amanda I Bleed Georgia Red Location: Athens, GA	Re: Well I feel like crap Ick, just reading that made me feel all awkward and sick to my stomach. I would NOT be happy if that transpired. Even if he wasn't in the mood, if I make the effort, I expect it to be recognized, kwim? Maybe not by actually HAVING SEX, but it least a nice compliment and a promise of fun later or something. __________________ PROUD TO BE A UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA BULLDOG! Read my blog: http://graduationday.wordpress.com