Wedding registry necessary for 2nd/3rd marriages?

[Kansashalo]

Hi ladies and gents!

I did a search on this and couldn't quite find what I was looking for so I'm just going to ask. I'm in my mid 30s and the majority of the people I know are working on their 2nd/3rd marriage. Now given that we are in our 30s, none of us are "starting out" in life - we all have jobs, own/rent homes, drive decent cars and have 401Ks.

I was always under the impression that the tradition of the wedding registry was simply to help the new couple "set up shop" (their home). Granted, this was driven from back in the days when people married young and literally started with nothing (lol) but today, I'm refering to couples who are like myself - in their 30s, have homes, cars, etc. - who are not starting from the ground up.

Do you think it is necessary for people in this situation (financially ok, going on 2nd/3rd marriage, etc. ) to register for wedding gifts, especially when its stuff like sheets, a coffee maker, etc.?

This question came up in a coversation today at work because we have a co-worker getting married for the 2nd time, is in her 30s, and some people were like "she should have everything she needs - why is there a registry?". lol

[cupcake]

I totally agree with you! One wedding shower and one baby shower per person - period. And, I also think that even for a first wedding, if the couple is older and have been supporting themselves nicely, that a shower is tacky. I am under the same impression as you, showers are to "set up shop" for a home or baby.

ETA: I TOTALLY misread the OPs title and for some reason thought this was about showers rather than registries. I stand by what I said about showers, but I think gift registries are fine in these situations. Sorry!

[bagaholic85]

shower - depends on the person/situation. for example: my aunt got married young to a terrible guy that didnt support her or her kids emotionally or financially. then she met her current husband (15 years later) and they got married after dating 7 years. at the same time as their marriage, they decided to buy a home together (they had been living in the house from her 1st marriage together). sort of starting a new life together - a clean slate. my immediate family (aunts, grandma, mom, female cousins) held a shower for her in honor of the life that she and this new wonderful man will be sharing. she was incredibly touched, and we did it out of love.

registry - why not?! even on a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wedding the attendees bring gifts no? why not register for things u want?

[elizat]

Originally Posted by Kansashalo

I was always under the impression that the tradition of the wedding registry was simply to help the new couple "set up shop" (their home). Granted, this was driven from back in the days when people married young and literally started with nothing (lol) but today, I'm refering to couples who are like myself - in their 30s, have homes, cars, etc. - who are not starting from the ground up. Do you think it is necessary for people in this situation (financially ok, going on 2nd/3rd marriage, etc. ) to register for wedding gifts, especially when its stuff like sheets, a coffee maker, etc.? This question came up in a coversation today at work because we have a co-worker getting married for the 2nd time, is in her 30s, and some people were like "she should have everything she needs - why is there a registry?". lol

I agree. I don't find it necessary. Being honest, I don't even understand the point of registries for older couples that have been out on their own for some time anyway. If you're living on your own as is, you should have the things of a household, like sheets, pans, kitchen stuff, etc. I'm in my late 20's and while I don't want a traditional wedding/reception, I can't even think of 5 things I'd want to register for.

[vhdos]

I don't mind registries, but I think only 1 wedding shower is appropriate. We just attended a "couples shower" for a couple on their 2nd wedding. They even had a registry for it that had some very extravagant gifts on it like an 8ft pool table, a bar hutch from Crate & Barrel, an original oil painting. I mean, how ridiculous. How are you supposed to top any of those with your wedding gift????

[natalie78]

I am not a fan of regristries in general and definitely not for a subsequent wedding.

[karmenzsofia]

Is not necessary, but some people register for gifts no matter how many times they get married. IMO, a person should get one shot at wedding gifts, and after that they're own their own! But to each her own.
Personally, I can't relate to so much gift getting, probably kuz I'm gift-deprived. I feel like Carrie in SATC: What about us, the ones who don't get married and/or have kids? Where's my free, fancy toaster? Do I need to be married to operate a toaster and eat toast? PLUS, singles have no one to share expenses with, so the more reason to give them gifts.

[Kansashalo]

Originally Posted by vhdos

I don't mind registries, but I think only 1 wedding shower is appropriate. We just attended a "couples shower" for a couple on their 2nd wedding. They even had a registry for it that had some very extravagant gifts on it like an 8ft pool table, a bar hutch from Crate & Barrel, an original oil painting. I mean, how ridiculous. How are you supposed to top any of those with your wedding gift????

WTF? Were they serious? An 8ft pool table? See, this is why if I was to ever marry, instead of a registry, I would like for people to make a donation to a specific charity instead (probably the American Cancer Society since it affects me personally). At this point in life, the stuff I want, no one would be willing to pay for it. lol (ex. pay off my mortage or student loans, trip to Tahiti, etc.)

Originally Posted by karmenzsofia

Is not necessary, but some people register for gifts no matter how many times they get married. IMO, a person should get one shot at wedding gifts, and after that they're own their own! But to each her own. Personally, I can't relate to so much gift getting, probably kuz I'm gift-deprived. I feel like Carrie in SATC: What about us, the ones who don't get married and/or have kids? Where's my free, fancy toaster? Do I need to be married to operate a toaster and eat toast? PLUS, singles have no one to share expenses with, so the more reason to give them gifts.

Amen!

[caxe]

Originally Posted by Kansashalo

Hi ladies and gents! I did a search on this and couldn't quite find what I was looking for so I'm just going to ask. I'm in my mid 30s and the majority of the people I know are working on their 2nd/3rd marriage. Now given that we are in our 30s, none of us are "starting out" in life - we all have jobs, own/rent homes, drive decent cars and have 401Ks. I was always under the impression that the tradition of the wedding registry was simply to help the new couple "set up shop" (their home). Granted, this was driven from back in the days when people married young and literally started with nothing (lol) but today, I'm refering to couples who are like myself - in their 30s, have homes, cars, etc. - who are not starting from the ground up. Do you think it is necessary for people in this situation (financially ok, going on 2nd/3rd marriage, etc. ) to register for wedding gifts, especially when its stuff like sheets, a coffee maker, etc.? This question came up in a coversation today at work because we have a co-worker getting married for the 2nd time, is in her 30s, and some people were like "she should have everything she needs - why is there a registry?". lol

I don't think it's necessary, but it's perfectly okay. You're neglecting the fact that, sometimes, it's not always the second or third marriage for BOTH. When I got married last year, it was my first, but my husband's second! I didn't have a second thought about registering, and I would have been well within my rights, but as it turned out we didn't really have a wedding/reception that we invited people to, and we didn't have showers, so it didn't matter at all. But just because ONE person may have been married doesn't mean the person who hasn't been married before should deprive himself or herself of the whole "experience" if that makes sense.

[caxe]

Originally Posted by bagaholic85

shower - depends on the person/situation. for example: my aunt got married young to a terrible guy that didnt support her or her kids emotionally or financially. then she met her current husband (15 years later) and they got married after dating 7 years. at the same time as their marriage, they decided to buy a home together (they had been living in the house from her 1st marriage together). sort of starting a new life together - a clean slate. my immediate family (aunts, grandma, mom, female cousins) held a shower for her in honor of the life that she and this new wonderful man will be sharing. she was incredibly touched, and we did it out of love. registry - why not?! even on a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wedding the attendees bring gifts no? why not register for things u want?

Yep!

And as far as people saying "why is she registering, she should have whatever she needs" or whatever, that's just catty and inappropriate. If you can't say something nice or neutral about someone's nuptials, keep your mouth shut.

[Bag*Snob]

Originally Posted by natalie78

I am not a fan of regristries in general and definitely not for a subsequent wedding.

I agree with this. I hate it when people fish (beg) for gifts.

[claireZk]

Not only is it not necessary, it's inappropriate IMO.

The whole point of a registry, as mentioned, is to furnish a couple with the things they need to start their household together. I honestly think it's tacky when couples have been living together for 10 years and then register for the whole shebang... it's like "Really? You don't have towels and silverware after 10 years???" If the couple is really young and hurting for money, that's one thing... But I'm not a fan of older couples with cushy jobs pandering for new appliances and linens, especially if they've been living together for awhile or have been married before!

[caxe]

And single people don't already have "everything they need?" Let me guess...there are tons of single women sitting around saying, "No, I won't buy a coffee maker. I'll wait until I meet some guy and he proposes and we register for a wedding!" LMAO. Riiiiight. Sometimes those people who haven't been married before, living by themselves before marriage, younger, etc., have just as much or more as those of us who have already been keeping house for awhile, but I bet you anything they register whether they need a 50th towel or fifth set of silverware or not. The stigma is just attached to those who have been married before, but THWT.

[PurseAddict79]

Personally, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it, but I wouldn't do it. I'm divorced and if (HUGE if) I were to remarry, I wouldn't register or have a shower or anything like that. I'd rather just celebrate with friends without them feeling the need to bring gifts.

ETA: I don't view registries as "fishing" for gifts. I think it eliminates having to answer the question of "what do you want?" or "what do you need?" if you're getting married. I've gone to several weddings where it wasn't the first for either party, and if they didn't register, it was difficult trying to figure out what they 'needed'...

[juneping]

it doesn't bother me...i think i am thick skin as well...i might just don't buy any gift if i don't attend the wedding. sometimes i think showing up at their wedding is a gift itself. it shouldn't be a business kind of thing JMHO.