Wedding registry necessary for 2nd/3rd marriages?

[natalie78]

I just don't like the idea of telling people what they should buy. I think it takes out a lot of the meaning behind someone giving a gift. At that point, it becomes something that someone is doing as an obligation rather than something that they want to do for someone they care about.

[michie]

Originally Posted by Kansashalo

I was always under the impression that the tradition of the wedding registry was simply to help the new couple "set up shop" (their home). Granted, this was driven from back in the days when people married young and literally started with nothing (lol) but today, I'm refering to couples who are like myself - in their 30s, have homes, cars, etc. - who are not starting from the ground up. Do you think it is necessary for people in this situation (financially ok, going on 2nd/3rd marriage, etc. ) to register for wedding gifts, especially when its stuff like sheets, a coffee maker, etc.? This question came up in a coversation today at work because we have a co-worker getting married for the 2nd time, is in her 30s, and some people were like "she should have everything she needs - why is there a registry?". lol

I agree with you. If you've been on your own for a while or "shacked up" (as the older folks say LOL) with your SO, there should be no reason why people should be "setting you up".

[Kansashalo]

Originally Posted by stellamaried

You didn't ask for opinions, but I would not suggest that your guests give you gift cards. It wouldn't occur to me to give someone in your situation a gift and I think this request/suggestion could rub someone the wrong way. Anyway, I'm with some others on the shower/registry thing. In part because it seems like a lot of stuff surrounding weddings has gotten so big! It sometimes seems like people are registering for stuff just to register (seriously -- 6 different kinds of glasses? Where will you put them?). I also have all of the household "stuff" I need and would be uncomfortable with people buying me, for example, linens.

I agree. I've gone to and given housewarming parties and maybe this is because my friends and I are older, but we've never asked people to bring stuff. People just did things on their own and even then, it was things such as a bottle of wine, a dish, etc.

I will admit that I am one of those people that are rubbed the wrong way when someone request "cash" or tell me exactly what to buy. Umm, a gift is just that.....a voluntary item given from one person to another. I find requesting cash to be tacky, whether its a bridal/baby shower, housewarming party, birthday party, tupperware party, what have you, etc. I do think there are exceptions where I would think this is ok (ex. parents are cash strapped due to a child being hospitalized, etc.), but in general, ummm no.

[exotikittenx]

I think if it's a second wedding for both members of the couple, and especially if it's an older couple, it is tacky to set up a registry for gifts. My mother remarried and she did not have a registry, nor did she request any gifts. People were very kind and just gave nice gifts like a pretty vase or a card with a gift certificate in it. I think it's best to leave it up to the guests to decide what they want to do. I do believe that a guest should never come empty-handed to a celebration for someone, but a registry is definitely tacky in the situation you described.

[michie]

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

I dont see it as "fishing" for gifts either... I've been married for almost 5 years (married by JP), and DH and I are stable. However, we just closed on our first home August 31, and are planning our "church" wedding. I'm not registering per say, but we are doing a house warming/ wedding shower and for anyone that wants to bring a gift I'm asking for gift cards (we never did a wedding shower initially)... we went from a 1 bedroom/ 1 office apartment to a 5 bedroom 3 1/2 bathroom house!!! Were still in our 20's, and we dont have everything for a house that big... besides where I come from people want to buy gifts for a married couple or a couple moving into a house...

Wow...Y'all are doing a wedding shower almost 5 years later ? Honestly, you should just do a Housewarming. BTW, what do you mean by "don't have everything for a house that big"? My initial thought was "kids and furniture?"....just curious, though.

[NLVOEWITHLV]

My situation is kinda different. DH and I kinda eloped when I was 19. We took his mom and dad to the JP and just got married. His parents did a reception for us kinda spur of the moment- none of our friends were there, just some family. My parents were furious because daddy and mommy wanted me to have a big church wedding. The only gifts we got was a check and bedroom furniture from my parents and some furniture and king size temperpedic matresses from his parents. My friends and family were furious that they werent invited or didnt give us anything to start out. On our 5 year due to persuasion from everyone involved and b/c I would like a church wedding were doing a "do over" wedding. My family, friends, and church family wanted to do something special for us, b/c were already settled they figured they'd give us money via a money tree (I guess b/c you cant go wrong with money). I told them to do a gift card tree instead. I didnt ASK for gifts, I'm just so loved by my friends, family, and church family that they are insisting that DH and I accept their gifts. I'm flattered that giving us wedding gifts is so important to them... even if it is 5 years later!!!

Originally Posted by stellamaried

You didn't ask for opinions, but I would not suggest that your guests give you gift cards. It wouldn't occur to me to give someone in your situation a gift and I think this request/suggestion could rub someone the wrong way. Anyway, I'm with some others on the shower/registry thing. In part because it seems like a lot of stuff surrounding weddings has gotten so big! It sometimes seems like people are registering for stuff just to register (seriously -- 6 different kinds of glasses? Where will you put them?). I also have all of the household "stuff" I need and would be uncomfortable with people buying me, for example, linens.

[NLVOEWITHLV]

Under "normal" circumstances I think a wedding shower 5 years later might be strange... under my circumstances I don't. My friends and family are doing the shower under their OWN FREE WILL. I didn't ask for it, they twisted my arm and forced me (almost literally!!!). My friends and I are so picky that we LOVE gift cards, it takes the guest work out of gift giving... in our eyes it's like the PERFECT gift... I think they'd rather do the gift cards so then I can get what I want. I can use them for bathroom decorations, drapes, lamps, groceries, or even combine them for larger purchases. We don't like wasted gifts or to have to do returns, so we make it simple from the start... besides I haven't figured out my color schemes yet. Your thoughts about furniture is correct, the kids will wait several years!!! LOL!!!

Originally Posted by michie

Wow...Y'all are doing a wedding shower almost 5 years later ? Honestly, you should just do a Housewarming. BTW, what do you mean by "don't have everything for a house that big"? My initial thought was "kids and furniture?"....just curious, though.

[Bag*Snob]

IMO having a party for yourself and registering for gifts is over the top. It used to be showers were surprises - you bought what you wanted to buy. In my neck of the woods, we give cash for weddings. So no registry needed.

Now people plan their own showers and similar parties expecting gifts - that is shocking to me. So tacky and if I hardly know the person, I ignore it as I feel they are only looking for a gift.

[Gimmethebag]

I asked my co-worker about this topic since she entered her 2nd marriage in her late 30s. She feels that it is inappropriate to have a bridal shower if the the bride has previously gotten married and while she did not want gifts for their reception, guests brought them anyways.

We then chatted about what I should register for when I get married. My SO and I have been together for over 6 years. We've been living together for a while. We are very fortunate to have a beautiful apartment that is well furnished by ourselves and our generous parents. Anything we "need" would really only be an upgrade. The only things I can see registering for are some housewares from Tiffany. For linens, I want Missoni. (We already have Dwell Studio bedding and Ralph Lauren towels) I guess we'll ask those wishing to give charitable donations to do so with an animal rescue group.

[Fishfood]

I kind of see registries as a "if you'd like to" situation, or at least thats how my friends and I treat them. Although my wedding was small and we specifically said no gifts, and did not register, people snuck giftcards in our cards, or brought little romantic things anyway... like a picnic basket for 2, gorgeous frames, etc... and gave my mother a hard time fishing for ideas!

Of course, it was my 1st wedding (not for DH, tho) so I think people just didn't want me to feel left out. I thought it was sweet, but in no way expected.

[BittyMonkey]

Originally Posted by PurseAddict79

Personally, I don't necessarily see anything wrong with it, but I wouldn't do it. I'm divorced and if (HUGE if) I were to remarry, I wouldn't register or have a shower or anything like that. I'd rather just celebrate with friends without them feeling the need to bring gifts.

I got divorced and lost quite a bit in the divorce. I had half of the glasses and plates and not much else. I remarried someone and it was his first marriage. So if I had said, "no, we're not registering" he wouldn't have been able to experience the fun. So we did, but we didn't register for anything extravagant. Mostly little appliances and cooking stuff and new flatware and bedding.

I did have a couple of family members refuse to buy us gifts and not bother to RSVP because I had been married before. But whatever. That wasn't out of left field for these people anyway.