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turboflgrl · Sep 14th, 2009, 08:22 PM

I have never understood the need for a bridal shower gift AND wedding gift. Ridiculous IMO. One gift, that's it, count yourself lucky you got one in the first place! Hehe..

I only say this because my boyfriend's cousin is getting married for the first time (she is around 38) and is having a bridal shower that listed registries as well as a ceremony/reception that ALSO listed registries! I mean really - isn't that a bit much?!

claireZk · Sep 14th, 2009, 09:36 PM

Originally Posted by caxe

And single people don't already have "everything they need?" Let me guess...there are tons of single women sitting around saying, "No, I won't buy a coffee maker. I'll wait until I meet some guy and he proposes and we register for a wedding!" LMAO. Riiiiight. Sometimes those people who haven't been married before, living by themselves before marriage, younger, etc., have just as much or more as those of us who have already been keeping house for awhile, but I bet you anything they register whether they need a 50th towel or fifth set of silverware or not. The stigma is just attached to those who have been married before, but THWT.

That's a good point. I never really thought about it, but you're right that most single people, by the time they get to a certain age, will have accumulated everything they need too. I guess what bothers me more is people who register for "once in a lifetime" gifts like pricey sterling silverware every time they get married (and get married multiple times).... I have one aunt who's going on her 4th marriage. She already has 3 sets of heirloom china, silver, crystal, etc. that she NEVER uses. I know I shouldn't care, but I still think it's tacky kwim?

karmenzsofia · Sep 14th, 2009, 10:10 PM

Personally, I don't see it as a stigma, and I disagree that single people have "as much or more" than married folks when it comes to the types of gifts we're talking about--the type that people register for. Couples get tons of expensive stuff just for getting married, stuff that many wouldn't be able to afford on their own. I think that it's no big deal for couples to get these gifts because it's someone else's money paying for them. Maybe if they were single or just living together, they would not spend hundreds of dollars on a plate, KWIM?

juneping · Sep 14th, 2009, 10:15 PM

actually as a single old woman...i think it's a blessing to find someone to share their lives with. asking for gifts is bit much. what's the purpose of getting married? getting a gift or spending their lives with someone they love/care?

caxe · Sep 14th, 2009, 10:31 PM

Originally Posted by karmenzsofia

Personally, I don't see it as a stigma, and I disagree that single people have "as much or more" than married folks when it comes to the types of gifts we're talking about--the type that people register for. Couples get tons of expensive stuff just for getting married, stuff that many wouldn't be able to afford on their own. I think that it's no big deal for couples to get these gifts because it's someone else's money paying for them. Maybe if they were single or just living together, they would not spend hundreds of dollars on a plate, KWIM?

I said SOMETIMES. But anyway, I know plenty of single people who have better stuff, more expensive or well-made stuff, than some couples I know because they have this mentality: "If you want something, buy it." Not, "If you want something, register for it, sit around, and wait for someone to give it to you."

karmenzsofia · Sep 14th, 2009, 10:46 PM

^ Gotcha. KWYM.

elizat · Sep 14th, 2009, 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by caxe

I said SOMETIMES. But anyway, I know plenty of single people who have better stuff, more expensive or well-made stuff, than some couples I know because they have this mentality: "If you want something, buy it." Not, "If you want something, register for it, sit around, and wait for someone to give it to you."

*Raises hand.* That's me. I think I'd like to get married one day when I am ready, but I'm not joking when I wrote I could not think of anything to register for. Unless I could start a registry fund to go to my student loans, mortgage, dream trips or whatever, if I want something, I buy it. Heck, I have 4 sets of casual dishes and 3 sets of china, plus lots of other antique dishes b/c I just happen to like that stuff. I really can't think of any house or kitchen stuff I actually need, b/c as I want stuff or it wears out, I just buy/replace it.

Kansashalo · Sep 15th, 2009, 09:13 PM

/\ I can't either. I seriously can not think of one thing that I don't have now, but will if I married. Like you, I have china, nice silverware, deviled egg platter (I grew up in the south so good dining wares are a must! lol), pots, blender, etc.

Maybe a baseball bat for when hubby gets out of line lol

but that's about it.

Rockysmom · Sep 17th, 2009, 05:15 PM

My friend who is in her early 30's got married for the 2nd time but didn't have a registry. Most of the people who were there for the first wedding were there for the second. So really there was no point in a registry; she already had towels, china, silverware, etc. All that they asked was that people donate to her honeymoon, if they wished.

bebelastrange · Sep 17th, 2009, 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by karmenzsofia

Is not necessary, but some people register for gifts no matter how many times they get married. IMO, a person should get one shot at wedding gifts, and after that they're own their own! But to each her own.

Personally, I can't relate to so much gift getting, probably kuz I'm gift-deprived. I feel like Carrie in SATC: What about us, the ones who don't get married and/or have kids? Where's my free, fancy toaster? Do I need to be married to operate a toaster and eat toast? PLUS, singles have no one to share expenses with, so the more reason to give them gifts.

I always loved that episode

bebelastrange · Sep 17th, 2009, 06:29 PM

my question is...

"what if its the brides first wedding?"

i can tell you i wouldn't mind have a new dinning set... that i can say was my wedding gift... i would want a bridal shower too?

but i would not over do it b/c i do not "need" a whole lot...

elizat · Sep 17th, 2009, 08:00 PM

^ I think if it is the first marriage for one party, a registry is fine. If that person is also older and established though, I would think the registry would be smaller as well.

cocokitty · Sep 18th, 2009, 06:18 PM

I don't think they're ok at all. Just as I've known, and seen, many people getting married in the mid 30s-to early 40s and exspect things. Depending on the person, too, I either love registries or hate them. I usually pull them up, as they have them online, and look at what they have. I ask myself one question "Would X buy this for his/herself or are they asking for this because someone else is footing the bill?" Trust me, I've seen many people have have outragous tastes because they think everything they want is going to be bought. So, if that's the case, I purposely buy something that is not on their registry.

Also, if you're imo 35 and up and getting married, you should be settled. I'm not going to fill your house up for you.

NLVOEWITHLV · Sep 21st, 2009, 02:22 PM

I dont see it as "fishing" for gifts either... I've been married for almost 5 years (married by JP), and DH and I are stable. However, we just closed on our first home August 31, and are planning our "church" wedding. I'm not registering per say, but we are doing a house warming/ wedding shower and for anyone that wants to bring a gift I'm asking for gift cards (we never did a wedding shower initially)... we went from a 1 bedroom/ 1 office apartment to a 5 bedroom 3 1/2 bathroom house!!! Were still in our 20's, and we dont have everything for a house that big... besides where I come from people want to buy gifts for a married couple or a couple moving into a house...

stellamaried · Sep 21st, 2009, 04:22 PM

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

I dont see it as "fishing" for gifts either... I've been married for almost 5 years (married by JP), and DH and I are stable. However, we just closed on our first home August 31, and are planning our "church" wedding. I'm not registering per say, but we are doing a house warming/ wedding shower and for anyone that wants to bring a gift I'm asking for gift cards (we never did a wedding shower initially)... we went from a 1 bedroom/ 1 office apartment to a 5 bedroom 3 1/2 bathroom house!!! Were still in our 20's, and we dont have everything for a house that big... besides where I come from people want to buy gifts for a married couple or a couple moving into a house...

You didn't ask for opinions, but I would not suggest that your guests give you gift cards. It wouldn't occur to me to give someone in your situation a gift and I think this request/suggestion could rub someone the wrong way.

Anyway, I'm with some others on the shower/registry thing. In part because it seems like a lot of stuff surrounding weddings has gotten so big! It sometimes seems like people are registering for stuff just to register (seriously -- 6 different kinds of glasses? Where will you put them?). I also have all of the household "stuff" I need and would be uncomfortable with people buying me, for example, linens.

Sep 14th, 2009, 08:22 PM	#16
turboflgrl Sofa King Addicted Joined: Jun 2008 Location: The Beach! Posts: 448	I have never understood the need for a bridal shower gift AND wedding gift. Ridiculous IMO. One gift, that's it, count yourself lucky you got one in the first place! Hehe.. I only say this because my boyfriend's cousin is getting married for the first time (she is around 38) and is having a bridal shower that listed registries as well as a ceremony/reception that ALSO listed registries! I mean really - isn't that a bit much?!
	__________________ ~Ashley~ "Unbanned and ready..." Wish List: Christian Louboutin Black Pigalle LV Ebony Damier Speedy 30 Hermes Cartouche Bracelet Love Quotes Scarves

Sep 14th, 2009, 10:10 PM	#18
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,886	Personally, I don't see it as a stigma, and I disagree that single people have "as much or more" than married folks when it comes to the types of gifts we're talking about--the type that people register for. Couples get tons of expensive stuff just for getting married, stuff that many wouldn't be able to afford on their own. I think that it's no big deal for couples to get these gifts because it's someone else's money paying for them. Maybe if they were single or just living together, they would not spend hundreds of dollars on a plate, KWIM?
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 14th, 2009, 10:15 PM	#19
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,327	actually as a single old woman...i think it's a blessing to find someone to share their lives with. asking for gifts is bit much. what's the purpose of getting married? getting a gift or spending their lives with someone they love/care?
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Sep 14th, 2009, 10:46 PM	#21
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,886	^ Gotcha. KWYM.
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Sep 15th, 2009, 09:13 PM	#23
Kansashalo OP Memories! Joined: Sep 2006 Location: USA Posts: 3,604	/\ I can't either. I seriously can not think of one thing that I don't have now, but will if I married. Like you, I have china, nice silverware, deviled egg platter (I grew up in the south so good dining wares are a must! lol), pots, blender, etc. Maybe a baseball bat for when hubby gets out of line lol but that's about it.
	__________________

Sep 17th, 2009, 05:15 PM	#24
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941	My friend who is in her early 30's got married for the 2nd time but didn't have a registry. Most of the people who were there for the first wedding were there for the second. So really there was no point in a registry; she already had towels, china, silverware, etc. All that they asked was that people donate to her honeymoon, if they wished.
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941

Sep 17th, 2009, 06:29 PM	#26
bebelastrange Member Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 321	my question is... "what if its the brides first wedding?" i can tell you i wouldn't mind have a new dinning set... that i can say was my wedding gift... i would want a bridal shower too? but i would not over do it b/c i do not "need" a whole lot...
bebelastrange Member Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 321	__________________ Dream A Little Dream O Balenciaga O Bottega Veneta O Chloe O Miu Miu "pan metron ariston" xxb

Sep 17th, 2009, 08:00 PM	#27
elizat Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 9,116	^ I think if it is the first marriage for one party, a registry is fine. If that person is also older and established though, I would think the registry would be smaller as well.
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Sep 18th, 2009, 06:18 PM	#28
cocokitty Sofa King Banned Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 443	I don't think they're ok at all. Just as I've known, and seen, many people getting married in the mid 30s-to early 40s and exspect things. Depending on the person, too, I either love registries or hate them. I usually pull them up, as they have them online, and look at what they have. I ask myself one question "Would X buy this for his/herself or are they asking for this because someone else is footing the bill?" Trust me, I've seen many people have have outragous tastes because they think everything they want is going to be bought. So, if that's the case, I purposely buy something that is not on their registry. Also, if you're imo 35 and up and getting married, you should be settled. I'm not going to fill your house up for you.
cocokitty Sofa King Banned Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 443

Sep 21st, 2009, 02:22 PM	#29
NLVOEWITHLV Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: Houston Posts: 742	I dont see it as "fishing" for gifts either... I've been married for almost 5 years (married by JP), and DH and I are stable. However, we just closed on our first home August 31, and are planning our "church" wedding. I'm not registering per say, but we are doing a house warming/ wedding shower and for anyone that wants to bring a gift I'm asking for gift cards (we never did a wedding shower initially)... we went from a 1 bedroom/ 1 office apartment to a 5 bedroom 3 1/2 bathroom house!!! Were still in our 20's, and we dont have everything for a house that big... besides where I come from people want to buy gifts for a married couple or a couple moving into a house...
	__________________ "Marriage is like a roller coaster- at first you have butterflies or may be scared, at times you may wonder what you've gotten yourself into and if you can handle it, but once the ride begins its amazing and you would DEFINITELY do it all over again!!!!"

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