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angelsflying · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:34 PM

Im new here, but needed to vent my anger,pain,lack of trust,and talk about my possibly ending my marriage.
Lets start, my hubby of nearly 7 years has an account at an adult web site where you can post actual pics and videos of yourself,have private chat,and web cam abilities. I just happened to stumble across this web site while looking through my web browser...BOY was I surprised,and I went digging..found out he has pics and videos of himself,and has been chatting with women ,and other things I dont think I need to mention, on our web cam..and Im in the same room asleep....what I want to ask you ladies is...Is this cheating? Yes, I have confronted him,and he says its all just fantasy,play....told me he would stop, changed his password so I couldnt get on his account to read his chat, or see who he‘s been talking to....well, I got the new password,and its all still going on...I feel this is cheating,and betrayal...can I have an honest opinion, do you all feel the same?

caxe · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:35 PM

I think it is cheating. Especially since he wants to be secretive about it.

sammydoll · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:36 PM

If it were me i'd consider it cheating, yes. It's even worse that he's doing it right next to you while you're asleep. Sorry, darling.

Sternchen · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:39 PM

I would consider that cheating, yes.

ChristyR143 · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:44 PM

Yes I would most definitely consider that cheating. I'm sorry.

illinirdhd · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:44 PM

Yes, it's cheating.

domlee · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:49 PM

It is a form of cheating on you.

But more than anything, it is a form of sex addiction.

More so than just fantasizing about porn, this is a step further than that. This is interacting w/ someone else performing sexual acts.

He may not see it that way, but I guarantee any therapist would say that it is.

maddog · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:50 PM

So sorry to hear. Yes it's cheating to me. I can possibly forgive the first time, but for you to have talked about it and decided that he won't do it again, then he changes his password and keeps doing it ... THAT part I have a hard time with.

It's a seven year marriage though. Do you still love him or have any trust in him at some level still? I think marriage counselling for both of you is in order; he needs to recognize what he's doing to your marriage. Good luck.

claireZk · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:57 PM

IMO yes.

berryblondeboys · Jan 6th, 2009, 03:58 PM

I have no issue with men (or women) looking at porn and *doing their own thing*, but when it becomes interactive, that's another level. I agree that it's some sort of sex addiction or living out fantasy without actually cheating, unless it a relationship that has developed with someone and they are having cyber sex - that is cheating for sure.

I don't know how I would feel about it... He's not actually with another woman (or man), he's not putting anyone at risk for STD's and while he's masturbating online... it's not feeling, touching, *physically* cheating...

I guess in a way I have to ask myself. How much different is it than a guy doing his thing with a porno flick or magazine?

Yet, I know I would be quite upset if I discovered my DH was having an interactive *solo* session whereas I don't have issues with him looking at a girlie magazine. I'm not naive to think he doesn't masturbate besides having sexual relations with me...

But... I would be upset yes... not sure I would quite classify it as cheating in the traditional sense though.

ghall · Jan 6th, 2009, 04:19 PM

this is considered cheating to me. he's sharing something intimate with a real other person. i don't care when my husband watches porn or masturbates, but this is interaction with real other women.

Miyoshi637 · Jan 6th, 2009, 04:24 PM

YES YES YES YES Cheating! Sorry about all of this.

I think he'd be mad at you if you were doing this online, so why does he think it's ok for him to do it?

scarlett_2005 · Jan 6th, 2009, 04:26 PM

This is 100% cheating in my book.

Loganz · Jan 6th, 2009, 04:27 PM

The betrayal is that he told you he would stop, and didn't.

Regarding whether it is cheating - I tend to agree with berryblondeboys's post.

As with all marital issues, how much you are willing to condone, ignore, put up with is entirely up to you and/or your spouse. If you think it is cheating than that is all that really matters - if by reading others take on this it helps you see things differently than that is okay too. However, ultimately, you are married to this man and you have to live with him and his addictions.

If this is a type of sex addiction than you know what is coming next: Counseling. If you are still in love with him that it is worth your effort to work this through - just remember he has to be willing/wanting to work it through too - and stop doing behaviors that are hurtful to you.

Good luck.

KMBS · Jan 6th, 2009, 04:45 PM

I agree with everyone, since there is someone on the other "side", this is cheating

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:34 PM	#1
angelsflying OP Member Joined: Jan 2009 Location: Georgia Posts: 5	Web cam sex and chatting/Is that cheating? Im new here, but needed to vent my anger,pain,lack of trust,and talk about my possibly ending my marriage. Lets start, my hubby of nearly 7 years has an account at an adult web site where you can post actual pics and videos of yourself,have private chat,and web cam abilities. I just happened to stumble across this web site while looking through my web browser...BOY was I surprised,and I went digging..found out he has pics and videos of himself,and has been chatting with women ,and other things I dont think I need to mention, on our web cam..and Im in the same room asleep....what I want to ask you ladies is...Is this cheating? Yes, I have confronted him,and he says its all just fantasy,play....told me he would stop, changed his password so I couldnt get on his account to read his chat, or see who he‘s been talking to....well, I got the new password,and its all still going on...I feel this is cheating,and betrayal...can I have an honest opinion, do you all feel the same?

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:35 PM	#2
caxe Established 1976 Joined: Mar 2007 Location: The Southeast, US Posts: 4,963	I think it is cheating. Especially since he wants to be secretive about it.
	__________________ Let's get it on. It's time to get down!

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:36 PM	#3
sammydoll i'm a.. Joined: Sep 2006 Location: Annapolis, Maryland Posts: 2,737	If it were me i'd consider it cheating, yes. It's even worse that he's doing it right next to you while you're asleep. Sorry, darling.
	__________________ !visit my fashion blog! http://dollhousechic.blogspot.com Everything is an acquired taste

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:39 PM	#4
Sternchen Proud mama of 3! Joined: May 2006 Location: Bavaria, Germany Posts: 13,954	I would consider that cheating, yes.
	__________________ Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year and have worked very hard for my family, my school and my job. This year I would like to wish for only one thing: THE CUPCAKE CAR!!! Please and thank you. Love, Melanie

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:44 PM	#6
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: New to the Philadelphia area! Posts: 5,738	Yes, it's cheating.
	__________________ Our baby boy was born on August 21!

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:44 PM	#5
ChristyR143 Just me... Joined: Aug 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 4,103	Yes I would most definitely consider that cheating. I'm sorry.

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:49 PM	#7
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 957	It is a form of cheating on you. But more than anything, it is a form of sex addiction. More so than just fantasizing about porn, this is a step further than that. This is interacting w/ someone else performing sexual acts. He may not see it that way, but I guarantee any therapist would say that it is.

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:50 PM	#8
maddog Mmmkay Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,589	So sorry to hear. Yes it's cheating to me. I can possibly forgive the first time, but for you to have talked about it and decided that he won't do it again, then he changes his password and keeps doing it ... THAT part I have a hard time with. It's a seven year marriage though. Do you still love him or have any trust in him at some level still? I think marriage counselling for both of you is in order; he needs to recognize what he's doing to your marriage. Good luck.
maddog Mmmkay Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 1,589	__________________ Belen Echandia: 2! Mastercard: 0! ..... uh oh, it only just started .....

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:57 PM	#9
claireZk Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 11,699	IMO yes.
claireZk Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 11,699	__________________ http://loveshimmer.blogspot.com/ When life gives you lemons, just say f@#$ the lemons and bail...

Jan 6th, 2009, 03:58 PM	#10
berryblondeboys Member Joined: Sep 2007 Location: VA (DC Burbs) Posts: 2,822	I have no issue with men (or women) looking at porn and doing their own thing, but when it becomes interactive, that's another level. I agree that it's some sort of sex addiction or living out fantasy without actually cheating, unless it a relationship that has developed with someone and they are having cyber sex - that is cheating for sure. I don't know how I would feel about it... He's not actually with another woman (or man), he's not putting anyone at risk for STD's and while he's masturbating online... it's not feeling, touching, physically cheating... I guess in a way I have to ask myself. How much different is it than a guy doing his thing with a porno flick or magazine? Yet, I know I would be quite upset if I discovered my DH was having an interactive solo session whereas I don't have issues with him looking at a girlie magazine. I'm not naive to think he doesn't masturbate besides having sexual relations with me... But... I would be upset yes... not sure I would quite classify it as cheating in the traditional sense though.
	__________________ When you teach your son, you teach your son's son. ~The Talmud

Jan 6th, 2009, 04:19 PM	#11
ghall IWANNABUYSTUFF! Joined: Feb 2008 Location: Flatsville Posts: 1,055	this is considered cheating to me. he's sharing something intimate with a real other person. i don't care when my husband watches porn or masturbates, but this is interaction with real other women.
	__________________

Jan 6th, 2009, 04:24 PM	#12
Miyoshi637 Member Joined: Mar 2006 Location: Bay Area Posts: 2,356	YES YES YES YES Cheating! Sorry about all of this. I think he'd be mad at you if you were doing this online, so why does he think it's ok for him to do it?
	__________________

Jan 6th, 2009, 04:26 PM	#13
scarlett_2005 Member Joined: Dec 2005 Location: USA Posts: 8,001	This is 100% cheating in my book.
	__________________

Jan 6th, 2009, 04:27 PM	#14
Loganz raining cats & dogs Joined: Dec 2005 Location: in the doghouse Posts: 4,536	The betrayal is that he told you he would stop, and didn't. Regarding whether it is cheating - I tend to agree with berryblondeboys's post. As with all marital issues, how much you are willing to condone, ignore, put up with is entirely up to you and/or your spouse. If you think it is cheating than that is all that really matters - if by reading others take on this it helps you see things differently than that is okay too. However, ultimately, you are married to this man and you have to live with him and his addictions. If this is a type of sex addiction than you know what is coming next: Counseling. If you are still in love with him that it is worth your effort to work this through - just remember he has to be willing/wanting to work it through too - and stop doing behaviors that are hurtful to you. Good luck.

Jan 6th, 2009, 04:45 PM	#15
KMBS Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: New York Posts: 784	I agree with everyone, since there is someone on the other "side", this is cheating
	__________________ Fixing the economy, one bag at a time....

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