walked in on bf cheating, can't stop crying

RaquelleBelle · Oct 6th, 2008, 01:23 AM

Hi everyone,

Thank you oh-so much for the kind words...it still hurts like hell but I took some advice from you guys and I'm doing ok.

I've just been hitting the gym to release my frusteration and keeping myself super busy with family.

HE moved out into some apartment with some work buddy of his, and I am floating between my parents house (to keep my mind busy) and technically still live at the condo. My uncle dropped the rent price drastically for me so I can stay if I want, and he's letting me live there free until 2009. Being at the condo makes me think a lot about the sorry bastard, but now that almost all of his crap is out I'm starting to think of the condo more as MINE, not ours.

Oh-and now for the really great part - I TOTALLY did what a lot of you said, and I just payed for some of the stuff like I would've any other time using his account. I mean, he did tell me to get it, so why the hell should I have to suffer and look like an ass? I messaged the sellers and they were really cool about it. They will all be getting their money eventually. Right after, I called him and just flat out told him I'm paying for my stuff and it's the least he can do. He doesn't really care too much and said to buy something else of my liking. Ummmm, no? I don't need your money asshole! In fact, I just got my work hours increased yesterday so buying my own bags will be reachable, it will just require some saving.

He says he feels really terrible about what he did and he called me crying, but I don't care. He said "I'm his whole world and he made a mistake and that I've made mistakes and should just try and forgive him." Ummm, yea. My mistakes consisted of giving a guy my number the first month we were dating, drinking alcohol at my aunt's wedding even though he told me not to, and prank calling my ex.

Yeaaaa....I was pissed he would even compare that. Not to mention some of the other hurtful things he's done.

Thanks everyone for being so sweet.

candace117 · Oct 6th, 2008, 04:24 AM

I'd take him up on his offer to buy something else

I mean there are some great Hermes items on eBay

Laurie8504 · Oct 6th, 2008, 06:05 AM

Yay! I'm happy you went ahead and got the stuff. You don't need to worry about eBay negs on top of all this. As for the condo, maybe some redecorating will help you "reclaim" it, even if it's just moving the furniture around, or buying some nice candles or pictures.

And good for you for being strong when he called you crying! You are going to be just fine before you know it.

Candace, I hope I never get on your bad side...

eviemarie · Oct 6th, 2008, 06:54 AM

You sound alot better than your first post. So that is a good thing.
The thought of what you saw is just making me shudder! I would max out an buy whatever you want, stuff him!!! Go for it you would have no reason to feel bad!

The cono you will have to put your own mark on then it will be "yours".

Take Care.
p.s what did you say to the girl?? I would of belted her!

jellybebe · Oct 6th, 2008, 07:41 AM

I'm so terribly sorry to hear that. You sound very sweet and he's just making excuses for his nasty behaviour. I'm sure the eBay stuff will work itself out, others here know more about it than I do but they have built-in policies for when life happens. Please spend this time to focus on yourself. It sounds like you are still in a lot of shock and are focusing on the most concrete thing - the ebay purchases, but you can use this time to think about school, your feelings, and what you want for yourself. Hope you start to feel better soon!

Allisonfaye · Oct 6th, 2008, 09:34 AM

The thing that bothers me the most is that he tried to blame it on you. How self absorbed is that? He is like the classic abuser who blames to the victim. Tell him that he seriously needs to grow up.

bibliophile · Oct 6th, 2008, 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candace117

I'd take him up on his offer to buy something else

I mean there are some great Hermes items on eBay

What she said!!!

You rock candace!

But on a serious note, glad to hear the logistics are sorting themselves out..

lovinalotofbags · Oct 6th, 2008, 03:39 PM

You will be just fine. Us women just have to get over that initial shock factor and then stand on our own two feet. Good for you.

Yeah, I would have bought something else also.

moi et mes sacs · Oct 6th, 2008, 03:46 PM

So glad you are so together about all this. Enjoy yourself and you will meet a real man very soon.

lcterp · Oct 6th, 2008, 04:00 PM

I'm so sorry, I remember when I found out my bf of 4 years was cheating on me (it was a huge saga but basically I was on myspace one day and there was a picture of him with a girl and a baby, he had a child behind my back, yes lets not go there) and I was completely devastated. I was void of breath and just completely humiliated and hurt. I threw myself into my friends and working out and cut off all contact with him (minus the restraining order court thing I had to put against him). I'm not sure this is helping but just stay strong, stay focused on yourself, job, and schoolwork and it will get better, I swear. I think that cutting off all contact is the most important thing b/c then it is harder to be reminded of the "good" things and have them falsely override the bad.

MissEvil · Oct 6th, 2008, 04:39 PM

You should stay in the apartment. It is nice having a place of your own and you can move stuff around and make it your own place and not yours and his. Of course if it gets too hard then you would have to leave but it probably will be nice with a place of your own. He has behaved horribly towards you and all the exscuses are just ridiculous. There is no way of 100% knowing that it is not something that happened before either. But I would have more respect for the guy if he was saying he had made a misstake and that temptation got too much than saying "well you got a job". Imagine when one works full time how difficult that will be on this guy. Or when a child is being brought into the family and suddenly attention is divided between him and a child

Jahpson · Oct 6th, 2008, 04:48 PM

My first reaction before the tears came would have been a old-fashioned azz kicking

his reason for cheating was because you got a job?

*blank stare*

you know what?...I would give you advice on what to do, but you might want to run for public office one day. so all im going to say is that one day you'll get through this

nataliam1976 · Oct 6th, 2008, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahpson

My first reaction before the tears came would have been a old-fashioned azz kicking

his reason for cheating was because you got a job?

*blank stare*

you know what?...I would give you advice on what to do, but you might want to run for public office one day. so all im going to say is that one day you'll get through this

woman you crack me up !

Jahpson · Oct 6th, 2008, 04:55 PM

^^ ha ha! hope it cheers the OP up a little bit..

candace117 · Oct 6th, 2008, 05:36 PM

^^Hence why I suggested she just buy herself some Hermes, on him

Oct 6th, 2008, 04:24 AM	#47
candace117 Pirate Trash Location: Hardcorvallis	I'd take him up on his offer to buy something else I mean there are some great Hermes items on eBay __________________ "With so much drama in the L-B-C, it's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double G."

Oct 6th, 2008, 06:05 AM	#48
Laurie8504 chocolate...where? Location: Italy	Yay! I'm happy you went ahead and got the stuff. You don't need to worry about eBay negs on top of all this. As for the condo, maybe some redecorating will help you "reclaim" it, even if it's just moving the furniture around, or buying some nice candles or pictures. And good for you for being strong when he called you crying! You are going to be just fine before you know it. Candace, I hope I never get on your bad side... __________________ flickr

Oct 6th, 2008, 07:41 AM	#50
jellybebe Back to school! Location: Canada	I'm so terribly sorry to hear that. You sound very sweet and he's just making excuses for his nasty behaviour. I'm sure the eBay stuff will work itself out, others here know more about it than I do but they have built-in policies for when life happens. Please spend this time to focus on yourself. It sounds like you are still in a lot of shock and are focusing on the most concrete thing - the ebay purchases, but you can use this time to think about school, your feelings, and what you want for yourself. Hope you start to feel better soon! __________________ Wish List: LV Farandole bracelet (WL) LV pink scuba pochette (WL) white Balenciaga City with GGH (?) Prada E/W Gauffre

Oct 6th, 2008, 09:34 AM	#51
Allisonfaye Member	The thing that bothers me the most is that he tried to blame it on you. How self absorbed is that? He is like the classic abuser who blames to the victim. Tell him that he seriously needs to grow up. __________________ Ink City, tomato first, white first, violet first, black flat brass first, rouge vif city, white city.

Oct 6th, 2008, 03:39 PM	#53
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	You will be just fine. Us women just have to get over that initial shock factor and then stand on our own two feet. Good for you. Yeah, I would have bought something else also. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Oct 6th, 2008, 01:23 AM	#46
RaquelleBelle "The Purse Fiend" Location: Northeast Ohio	Hi everyone, Thank you oh-so much for the kind words...it still hurts like hell but I took some advice from you guys and I'm doing ok. I've just been hitting the gym to release my frusteration and keeping myself super busy with family. HE moved out into some apartment with some work buddy of his, and I am floating between my parents house (to keep my mind busy) and technically still live at the condo. My uncle dropped the rent price drastically for me so I can stay if I want, and he's letting me live there free until 2009. Being at the condo makes me think a lot about the sorry bastard, but now that almost all of his crap is out I'm starting to think of the condo more as MINE, not ours. Oh-and now for the really great part - I TOTALLY did what a lot of you said, and I just payed for some of the stuff like I would've any other time using his account. I mean, he did tell me to get it, so why the hell should I have to suffer and look like an ass? I messaged the sellers and they were really cool about it. They will all be getting their money eventually. Right after, I called him and just flat out told him I'm paying for my stuff and it's the least he can do. He doesn't really care too much and said to buy something else of my liking. Ummmm, no? I don't need your money asshole! In fact, I just got my work hours increased yesterday so buying my own bags will be reachable, it will just require some saving. He says he feels really terrible about what he did and he called me crying, but I don't care. He said "I'm his whole world and he made a mistake and that I've made mistakes and should just try and forgive him." Ummm, yea. My mistakes consisted of giving a guy my number the first month we were dating, drinking alcohol at my aunt's wedding even though he told me not to, and prank calling my ex. Yeaaaa....I was pissed he would even compare that. Not to mention some of the other hurtful things he's done. Thanks everyone for being so sweet.

Oct 6th, 2008, 06:54 AM	#49
eviemarie www.designerclothing Location: Stratford Upon Avon	You sound alot better than your first post. So that is a good thing. The thought of what you saw is just making me shudder! I would max out an buy whatever you want, stuff him!!! Go for it you would have no reason to feel bad! The cono you will have to put your own mark on then it will be "yours". Take Care. p.s what did you say to the girl?? I would of belted her!

Oct 6th, 2008, 03:46 PM	#54
moi et mes sacs Science Geek!	So glad you are so together about all this. Enjoy yourself and you will meet a real man very soon. __________________ If you never change your mind, why have one? Edward de Bono

Oct 6th, 2008, 04:00 PM	#55
lcterp La bella vita Location: Pittsburgh	I'm so sorry, I remember when I found out my bf of 4 years was cheating on me (it was a huge saga but basically I was on myspace one day and there was a picture of him with a girl and a baby, he had a child behind my back, yes lets not go there) and I was completely devastated. I was void of breath and just completely humiliated and hurt. I threw myself into my friends and working out and cut off all contact with him (minus the restraining order court thing I had to put against him). I'm not sure this is helping but just stay strong, stay focused on yourself, job, and schoolwork and it will get better, I swear. I think that cutting off all contact is the most important thing b/c then it is harder to be reminded of the "good" things and have them falsely override the bad. __________________ Terp Grad '07 Pitt Law '10 Currently on an EVERYTHING ban!!

Oct 6th, 2008, 04:39 PM	#56
MissEvil Member Location: Sweden	You should stay in the apartment. It is nice having a place of your own and you can move stuff around and make it your own place and not yours and his. Of course if it gets too hard then you would have to leave but it probably will be nice with a place of your own. He has behaved horribly towards you and all the exscuses are just ridiculous. There is no way of 100% knowing that it is not something that happened before either. But I would have more respect for the guy if he was saying he had made a misstake and that temptation got too much than saying "well you got a job". Imagine when one works full time how difficult that will be on this guy. Or when a child is being brought into the family and suddenly attention is divided between him and a child

Oct 6th, 2008, 04:48 PM	#57
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	My first reaction before the tears came would have been a old-fashioned azz kicking his reason for cheating was because you got a job? blank stare you know what?...I would give you advice on what to do, but you might want to run for public office one day. so all im going to say is that one day you'll get through this __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Oct 6th, 2008, 04:55 PM	#59
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	^^ ha ha! hope it cheers the OP up a little bit.. __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Oct 6th, 2008, 05:36 PM	#60
candace117 Pirate Trash Location: Hardcorvallis	^^Hence why I suggested she just buy herself some Hermes, on him __________________ "With so much drama in the L-B-C, it's kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double G."