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domlee · Oct 26th, 2009, 03:06 PM

A friend of mine...she does amazing stuff w/ her hair. Knows how to manage it in all types of weather climates, etc. She ALWAYS wanted to be a hair dresser...but said she feels like she'll be putting her education (in accounting) to waste.

It is important to be a realist in situations. But we all have dreams. Some of us have regrets.

I know I still ask myself "What If" all the time. And I'll probably do so forever...(and I'll be trying little things here and there forever too).

I'd also like to point out that just because we do something for a part of our lives, doesn't mean that we'll do it forever. Lots of people end up doing things that are different from their college degree.

amymaria · Oct 26th, 2009, 04:14 PM

I'm the same age as you guys (24) and I make pretty decent money at my job now. I am also in the construction business.

I think the first issue that pops into my head is that you base the success and happiness of your relationship on things that "are supposed to happen". You should NEVER be in a relationship "for the future goals". You should enjoy it as it is, despite where it may lead you. The important thing is to remember that you are both a team. There is only you and him in that team, you rely on each other for support.

He's young and wishes to pursue other things. What is your rush to owning a home? Getting married? etc? You need to answer those questions for yourself.

Do you need that committment to be able to be happy with him? Do you HAVE to own a home in the very near future? What will happen if you don't? You should realize that life is going to be FULL of these unplanned, unexpected turn of events. You should know that while we do control our own decisions, we don't control the decisions of others....

If you love him, as you say you do, being supportive of his goals should be easy. The finanaces will need to be discussed.

I don't think he's going off on a tangent, I think he's exploring what he can do with his life. Has it ever occured to you maybe he doesn't want to be a "site supervisor"? or be in the construction industry etc?

I think I am in a situation somewhere in between you and you bf. I don't want ot discuss my plans for my career on a public forum though but you can PM me. I have very similar transitions.

I live in Canada too. (Toronto)
The entertainment industry is acutally not bad at all here...............have you done any research?

LeeMiller · Oct 27th, 2009, 12:27 AM

Honesty, I would be annoyed if my BF couldn't pay a cell phone bill. I'd wonder why they didn't do some temp work or something. OP sounds very hardworking. Her BF maybe a little lazy + being a dreamer. Its fine to pursue your dreams, but many people do that while not running down savings. Especially since I'm not really sure what "dream" he is pursuing - some pie in the sky business venture? Maybe being a hair dresser? I don't know, sounds like a nice guy from other things, but personally I would wonder about the future.

Firefly32 · Oct 28th, 2009, 09:15 AM

I agree with you Charles, you are so right if the roles were reversed it would be be ok for the woman and the guy would be the ass!!

Originally Posted by Charles

I can't help but wonder what the advice would be if the roles were reversed and you were posting cause your bf was getting mad at you for having to pay for dinner and not having a steady job cause you're wanting to pursue your dreams. I'm betting they'd be slightly different.
It seems that men are still looked down upon for not being the breadwinner for any period of time. Here's how I see it. It's been 3 months since he's had a steady job, and you're already thinking the way you're thinking. When you truly love someone, you try to be supportive. I don't think you are. You're not living together, so he's not really shirking his responsibilities of the household, and so far, all you've had to pay for is dinner. Oh no!!! In that case, dump the lazy bum!!

Do you think you might have a bit of resentment cause you're mad that you're having to work and he's not?
From what I can gather, it sounds like he's young and really considering what he wants to do with life, and for now, as long as you're not having to support him, then let the guy figure it out. Trust me, working a job you hate sucks. Tell the guy you're sorry, and butt out. If he starts asking you to pay all of his bills, then it might be time for a talk.

lingbo105 · Oct 29th, 2009, 01:23 PM

well, there is nothing wrong with you two. You are just too good. You are one of the best kids who start to plan their future at young age. You know, most people are not that perfect like you.
for you, being the adult in the relationship is hard, but your bf may think you are hard to pleased.
Maybe he is not good enough for you.

NLVOEWITHLV · Oct 29th, 2009, 04:16 PM

I think in a situation like this (when based on you making more money you feel like you're wearing the pants) you still have to make your BF feel like a man. If you strip him of his masculinity by belittling him he may start to resent you and the relationship will not work. DH basically supported me from 16 until we married when I was like 19. Then out of the blue he decided he wanted to quit his full time job (where he made good money) to finish his degree (this meant that I would have to work and we would have to cut back on our spending). I made the choice to withdraw from school, put off my law school aspirations, and work part time to help out with bills so I could support my DH full time as he pursued his "dream"... It was very hard and trying (this was our first year of marriage)... DH finished his degree a year or so later and now makes TRIPLE what I thought was a "good" before, we bought our first house and things are going so well!!! In December or January I will resign from my job and return to school and hopefully pursue law, DH is my biggest supporter!!! Relationships are ALL about sacrifice... if you marry your BF and he is crippled (GOD FORBID) in a horrible accident and can never work again would you just give up on your marriage? Plenty of times one spouse has to shoulder the burden of the other, you do this through love and when you overcome you do so TOGETHER. This makes your relationship stronger.

Hessefan · Oct 29th, 2009, 04:27 PM

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

I think in a situation like this (when based on you making more money you feel like you're wearing the pants) you still have to make your BF feel like a man. If you strip him of his masculinity by belittling him he may start to resent you and the relationship will not work. DH basically supported me from 16 until we married when I was like 19. Then out of the blue he decided he wanted to quit his full time job (where he made good money) to finish his degree (this meant that I would have to work and we would have to cut back on our spending). I made the choice to withdraw from school, put off my law school aspirations, and work part time to help out with bills so I could support my DH full time as he pursued his "dream"... It was very hard and trying (this was our first year of marriage)... DH finished his degree a year or so later and now makes TRIPLE what I thought was a "good" before, we bought our first house and things are going so well!!! In December or January I will resign from my job and return to school and hopefully pursue law, DH is my biggest supporter!!! Relationships are ALL about sacrifice... if you marry your BF and he is crippled (GOD FORBID) in a horrible accident and can never work again would you just give up on your marriage? Plenty of times one spouse has to shoulder the burden of the other, you do this through love and when you overcome you do so TOGETHER. This makes your relationship stronger.

Excellent post!!!

MissLianne · Oct 29th, 2009, 07:48 PM

Thanks ladies for all your replies. I will try to get back to you.

*update*
So the business fell through on Monday. Leaving my boyfriend with *drumroll* $0. He now has no more savings, but I guess its not that bad considering he's not in debt now. I didn't scold him or nothing...took your advice and tried to be supportive. Gave him a hug, picked him up his fave meal.... A big mac lol and let him play video games with his best friend while he sulked.

Tuesday- I let him be some more

Wed- he drops the bomb. He was sooo sure of this business going through that he booked us our annual winter trip.... 3 days in South Beach Miami (yet to be paid... But booked)... $1100 in non refundable airplane tickets... And paid a deposit on a cruise! ON HIS SAVINGS! I knoww its a very very very sweet gesture. And he booked a cruise I'm dyinggg to go on! But he's not working right now! And we leave at the end of Feb!

Wednesday- His cell phone provider cut him off. No cell phone! He didn't ask me to pay for it.... He says his buddy owes him $200.00. No mention of looking for a job.

Thursday (today)
I looked into cancelling the plane tickets (what the costs would be). Let's face it... I have NO problems footing the bill (we go 50/50) on trips. I just think he was being irresponsible? There's still an $890 remaining on the cruise to be paid.... $800 in hotel rooms....+++spending money we will need for 1 week! It's not easy to find a job.... Who knows if my bf will have one by them (especially since he's considering school?) So today, I told him I just got off the phone with the airline to cancel the tickets and they will only give me a credit. He FLIPPED! Telling me to stop talking about this trip! Don't worry! Its months away! (4 mos to be exact). I told him why not just wait until things are better OR we'll use the airline credit for a quick getaway and save the remaining for another time. He wouldn't have it.

So as I was finishing work for the day I flipped through my agenda and made a note to myself a while ago that this really good hairdressing school is having an "open house" tomorrow (Friday). As I drove home from work dbf called.... (He calmed down now) and I mentioned to him about the open house and said we should make it a date tomorrow nt! I mentioned a little hole in the way sushi place that's near the school that I would treat him to afterwards. He said he had to still "think" about school... WTF??? Its an open house! Just go take a look! I mentioned how maybe he should try it part time... So he can work during the day (after all... He has bills to pay). He said for me to "get off his back!".
*arghhhh*

Then he was telling me how his step-brother left his cheque on the kitchen table. And how he makes $1700 a week... I said "babe! He's only 2 years older then you! That could be you!" (His db is a plumber). My dbf responds " He has 5 yrs experience! If I started I would only make $14/hr" I told him again that you have to start somewhere....WTFF!!!! I'm only working my first *real* decent paying job! I had to work my way up! How are you any different. He then told me to stop worrying he'll find a job. How? He hasn't put out ONE resume since August. He made a point to tell me that.. I said "look at what your saying! ...since August! That was over 2 months ago!"

I ended up just flipping out. I started to cry and told him he doesn't understand the strain/toll he's been putting on our relationship. I'm trying to help/trying to encourage him but its never the right time to talk. I put pressure on him bc I don't like seeing him down and out... He doesn't deserve this. I want to see him aspire to something, to prosper and be happy. Its been 4 days since your "plan A" didn't work! Time for plan B dbf!

*vent complete*
Again, feel free to tell me if I'm being a bitch. Thanks.

bagnshoofetish · Oct 29th, 2009, 08:53 PM

you are not being a bitch - you just need to step back a little and stop trying to control the situation. I know its hard when you can see what needs to be done clearly but that doesn't matter - HE needs to see things clearly and falling apart about his situation is only going to add fuel to the fire. As long as you keep "nagging" him (and I use that term loosely for lack of a better term) he is going to use that as an excuse not to do anything because you are "stressing him out" or "making him feel inadequate" or "like a loser". Let him solve his own problems. Tell him you are going to step back. But tell him you know he can step up to the plate and do the right thing but that its hard for you to watch in the meantime. He has to respect the way its making you feel but you also have to respect him even if it doesn't make sense to you. You can't control him or do what needs to be done for him. He has to fall on his face and go through what he needs to go through to kick himself in the pants.
If things get too stressful, take a time-out if you need to. The consequences of his inactions are whats going to show him what he stands to lose if he doesn't get his crap together.

dallas · Oct 29th, 2009, 09:05 PM

He has asked you to get off his back and if I were you, I would do so. You're not getting through to him, he's not listening, so please, step back and stop making yourself crazy over this. It is not your problem, it's his.

juneping · Oct 29th, 2009, 09:17 PM

agree with shoo and dallas...let him handle his problem, you can't solve it for him and he doesn't want u to as well.
i understand you want the two of you move forward on the same pace but it's not working out as you wish....let him handle this on his own.
may be you guys can eat in (cooking) instead of keep telling him you'll take him out and treat him....men's fragile ego..(my eyes are rolling)..

ZippyWho · Oct 30th, 2009, 03:02 AM

Like others have said, let him solve his problem.
Do not take control of his problem.
Give him some time to see the "light". You see it but he hasn't. Give him time. Do not push him looking for a job. Again, give him time.

You are still going at your pace. Like june said, do more home cooking to be supportive while saving money. There needs to be some adjustment. Can't still continue on "the lifestyle" while bringing attention that you will be paying. Try to go at his pace.

keya · Oct 30th, 2009, 09:28 AM

It seems to me that your bf is a bit irresponsible when it comes to money (booking a trip when he doesn't have the $), but he means well. If I were you I wouldn't try to help. If he's booked a trip he can't pay for, on his own card/account, let him deal with it, unless he asks for your assistance. My best advice to you right now would be to get off his case. You're clearly not getting through to him, and in the meantime you're stressing yourself out. He clearly wants and needs to solve this on his own, in his own time.

plain jane doe · Oct 30th, 2009, 09:59 AM

Four days is not very long to get over an idea he was very invested in. To you it always sounded like a pipe dream, but obviously he thought it was a sure thing and it is an emotional blow to him. When you try to help him, he is feeling pressured, precisely because of the way you react when things don't go as you want. I think the only way you are going to get him to listen to you and the most positive way to make suggestions is for you to establish a pattern of offering help or advice that is genuinely in his best interest and letting him make his own decisions without reacting badly when they are not in your best interest. Otherwise he will always see your input as pressure to make the choices you want and he will push back.

Kansashalo · Oct 30th, 2009, 10:36 AM

I agree with the last few posts. Leave him alone about it and let the consequences of his actions be the "kick in the rear" to get him going and motivated. I'm sure that de feels like you are nagging/mothering him by trying to solve all his problems. You seem like myself - you believe in fixing issues and doing your best not to cause them. Not everyone is like that and as hard as it is, you've got to step back and let him learn on his own.

Good luck !

Oct 26th, 2009, 03:06 PM	#31
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 952	A friend of mine...she does amazing stuff w/ her hair. Knows how to manage it in all types of weather climates, etc. She ALWAYS wanted to be a hair dresser...but said she feels like she'll be putting her education (in accounting) to waste. It is important to be a realist in situations. But we all have dreams. Some of us have regrets. I know I still ask myself "What If" all the time. And I'll probably do so forever...(and I'll be trying little things here and there forever too). I'd also like to point out that just because we do something for a part of our lives, doesn't mean that we'll do it forever. Lots of people end up doing things that are different from their college degree.
	Last edited by domlee; Oct 26th, 2009 at 03:18 PM.

Oct 26th, 2009, 04:14 PM	#32
amymaria I is Hello Kitty? Joined: Jan 2009 Location: Toronto Posts: 1,134	I'm the same age as you guys (24) and I make pretty decent money at my job now. I am also in the construction business. I think the first issue that pops into my head is that you base the success and happiness of your relationship on things that "are supposed to happen". You should NEVER be in a relationship "for the future goals". You should enjoy it as it is, despite where it may lead you. The important thing is to remember that you are both a team. There is only you and him in that team, you rely on each other for support. He's young and wishes to pursue other things. What is your rush to owning a home? Getting married? etc? You need to answer those questions for yourself. Do you need that committment to be able to be happy with him? Do you HAVE to own a home in the very near future? What will happen if you don't? You should realize that life is going to be FULL of these unplanned, unexpected turn of events. You should know that while we do control our own decisions, we don't control the decisions of others.... If you love him, as you say you do, being supportive of his goals should be easy. The finanaces will need to be discussed. I don't think he's going off on a tangent, I think he's exploring what he can do with his life. Has it ever occured to you maybe he doesn't want to be a "site supervisor"? or be in the construction industry etc? I think I am in a situation somewhere in between you and you bf. I don't want ot discuss my plans for my career on a public forum though but you can PM me. I have very similar transitions. I live in Canada too. (Toronto) The entertainment industry is acutally not bad at all here...............have you done any research?
	__________________ Blog + Twitter www.kittypinkpaisley.com Sarcasm, Love to Hate and Hello Kitty http://twitter.com/amc_kpp

Oct 27th, 2009, 12:27 AM	#33
LeeMiller Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,317	Honesty, I would be annoyed if my BF couldn't pay a cell phone bill. I'd wonder why they didn't do some temp work or something. OP sounds very hardworking. Her BF maybe a little lazy + being a dreamer. Its fine to pursue your dreams, but many people do that while not running down savings. Especially since I'm not really sure what "dream" he is pursuing - some pie in the sky business venture? Maybe being a hair dresser? I don't know, sounds like a nice guy from other things, but personally I would wonder about the future.
LeeMiller Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,317	__________________

Oct 29th, 2009, 01:23 PM	#35
lingbo105 Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 155	well, there is nothing wrong with you two. You are just too good. You are one of the best kids who start to plan their future at young age. You know, most people are not that perfect like you. for you, being the adult in the relationship is hard, but your bf may think you are hard to pleased. Maybe he is not good enough for you.
lingbo105 Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 155	Last edited by lingbo105; Oct 29th, 2009 at 01:32 PM.

Oct 29th, 2009, 04:16 PM	#36
NLVOEWITHLV Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: Houston Posts: 742	I think in a situation like this (when based on you making more money you feel like you're wearing the pants) you still have to make your BF feel like a man. If you strip him of his masculinity by belittling him he may start to resent you and the relationship will not work. DH basically supported me from 16 until we married when I was like 19. Then out of the blue he decided he wanted to quit his full time job (where he made good money) to finish his degree (this meant that I would have to work and we would have to cut back on our spending). I made the choice to withdraw from school, put off my law school aspirations, and work part time to help out with bills so I could support my DH full time as he pursued his "dream"... It was very hard and trying (this was our first year of marriage)... DH finished his degree a year or so later and now makes TRIPLE what I thought was a "good" before, we bought our first house and things are going so well!!! In December or January I will resign from my job and return to school and hopefully pursue law, DH is my biggest supporter!!! Relationships are ALL about sacrifice... if you marry your BF and he is crippled (GOD FORBID) in a horrible accident and can never work again would you just give up on your marriage? Plenty of times one spouse has to shoulder the burden of the other, you do this through love and when you overcome you do so TOGETHER. This makes your relationship stronger.
	__________________ "Marriage is like a roller coaster- at first you have butterflies or may be scared, at times you may wonder what you've gotten yourself into and if you can handle it, but once the ride begins its amazing and you would DEFINITELY do it all over again!!!!"

Oct 29th, 2009, 07:48 PM	#38
MissLianne OP Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 465	Thanks ladies for all your replies. I will try to get back to you. update So the business fell through on Monday. Leaving my boyfriend with drumroll $0. He now has no more savings, but I guess its not that bad considering he's not in debt now. I didn't scold him or nothing...took your advice and tried to be supportive. Gave him a hug, picked him up his fave meal.... A big mac lol and let him play video games with his best friend while he sulked. Tuesday- I let him be some more Wed- he drops the bomb. He was sooo sure of this business going through that he booked us our annual winter trip.... 3 days in South Beach Miami (yet to be paid... But booked)... $1100 in non refundable airplane tickets... And paid a deposit on a cruise! ON HIS SAVINGS! I knoww its a very very very sweet gesture. And he booked a cruise I'm dyinggg to go on! But he's not working right now! And we leave at the end of Feb! Wednesday- His cell phone provider cut him off. No cell phone! He didn't ask me to pay for it.... He says his buddy owes him $200.00. No mention of looking for a job. Thursday (today) I looked into cancelling the plane tickets (what the costs would be). Let's face it... I have NO problems footing the bill (we go 50/50) on trips. I just think he was being irresponsible? There's still an $890 remaining on the cruise to be paid.... $800 in hotel rooms....+++spending money we will need for 1 week! It's not easy to find a job.... Who knows if my bf will have one by them (especially since he's considering school?) So today, I told him I just got off the phone with the airline to cancel the tickets and they will only give me a credit. He FLIPPED! Telling me to stop talking about this trip! Don't worry! Its months away! (4 mos to be exact). I told him why not just wait until things are better OR we'll use the airline credit for a quick getaway and save the remaining for another time. He wouldn't have it. So as I was finishing work for the day I flipped through my agenda and made a note to myself a while ago that this really good hairdressing school is having an "open house" tomorrow (Friday). As I drove home from work dbf called.... (He calmed down now) and I mentioned to him about the open house and said we should make it a date tomorrow nt! I mentioned a little hole in the way sushi place that's near the school that I would treat him to afterwards. He said he had to still "think" about school... WTF??? Its an open house! Just go take a look! I mentioned how maybe he should try it part time... So he can work during the day (after all... He has bills to pay). He said for me to "get off his back!". arghhhh Then he was telling me how his step-brother left his cheque on the kitchen table. And how he makes $1700 a week... I said "babe! He's only 2 years older then you! That could be you!" (His db is a plumber). My dbf responds " He has 5 yrs experience! If I started I would only make $14/hr" I told him again that you have to start somewhere....WTFF!!!! I'm only working my first real decent paying job! I had to work my way up! How are you any different. He then told me to stop worrying he'll find a job. How? He hasn't put out ONE resume since August. He made a point to tell me that.. I said "look at what your saying! ...since August! That was over 2 months ago!" I ended up just flipping out. I started to cry and told him he doesn't understand the strain/toll he's been putting on our relationship. I'm trying to help/trying to encourage him but its never the right time to talk. I put pressure on him bc I don't like seeing him down and out... He doesn't deserve this. I want to see him aspire to something, to prosper and be happy. Its been 4 days since your "plan A" didn't work! Time for plan B dbf! vent complete Again, feel free to tell me if I'm being a bitch. Thanks.
MissLianne OP Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 465

Oct 29th, 2009, 08:53 PM	#39
bagnshoofetish keep smiling.... Joined: Feb 2006 Posts: 20,383	you are not being a bitch - you just need to step back a little and stop trying to control the situation. I know its hard when you can see what needs to be done clearly but that doesn't matter - HE needs to see things clearly and falling apart about his situation is only going to add fuel to the fire. As long as you keep "nagging" him (and I use that term loosely for lack of a better term) he is going to use that as an excuse not to do anything because you are "stressing him out" or "making him feel inadequate" or "like a loser". Let him solve his own problems. Tell him you are going to step back. But tell him you know he can step up to the plate and do the right thing but that its hard for you to watch in the meantime. He has to respect the way its making you feel but you also have to respect him even if it doesn't make sense to you. You can't control him or do what needs to be done for him. He has to fall on his face and go through what he needs to go through to kick himself in the pants. If things get too stressful, take a time-out if you need to. The consequences of his inactions are whats going to show him what he stands to lose if he doesn't get his crap together.
	__________________ Last edited by bagnshoofetish; Oct 29th, 2009 at 09:14 PM.

Oct 29th, 2009, 09:05 PM	#40
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	He has asked you to get off his back and if I were you, I would do so. You're not getting through to him, he's not listening, so please, step back and stop making yourself crazy over this. It is not your problem, it's his.
dallas Yeah ano Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 4,272	__________________ Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Oct 29th, 2009, 09:17 PM	#41
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,352	agree with shoo and dallas...let him handle his problem, you can't solve it for him and he doesn't want u to as well. i understand you want the two of you move forward on the same pace but it's not working out as you wish....let him handle this on his own. may be you guys can eat in (cooking) instead of keep telling him you'll take him out and treat him....men's fragile ego..(my eyes are rolling)..
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Oct 30th, 2009, 03:02 AM	#42
ZippyWho Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 337	Like others have said, let him solve his problem. Do not take control of his problem. Give him some time to see the "light". You see it but he hasn't. Give him time. Do not push him looking for a job. Again, give him time. You are still going at your pace. Like june said, do more home cooking to be supportive while saving money. There needs to be some adjustment. Can't still continue on "the lifestyle" while bringing attention that you will be paying. Try to go at his pace.
ZippyWho Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 337

Oct 30th, 2009, 09:28 AM	#43
keya Member Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,906	It seems to me that your bf is a bit irresponsible when it comes to money (booking a trip when he doesn't have the $), but he means well. If I were you I wouldn't try to help. If he's booked a trip he can't pay for, on his own card/account, let him deal with it, unless he asks for your assistance. My best advice to you right now would be to get off his case. You're clearly not getting through to him, and in the meantime you're stressing yourself out. He clearly wants and needs to solve this on his own, in his own time.
keya Member Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 3,906	__________________ No more shoes for me this year. Checking in to CCLO as of right now

Oct 30th, 2009, 09:59 AM	#44
plain jane doe Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,573	Four days is not very long to get over an idea he was very invested in. To you it always sounded like a pipe dream, but obviously he thought it was a sure thing and it is an emotional blow to him. When you try to help him, he is feeling pressured, precisely because of the way you react when things don't go as you want. I think the only way you are going to get him to listen to you and the most positive way to make suggestions is for you to establish a pattern of offering help or advice that is genuinely in his best interest and letting him make his own decisions without reacting badly when they are not in your best interest. Otherwise he will always see your input as pressure to make the choices you want and he will push back.
plain jane doe Member Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,573

Oct 30th, 2009, 10:36 AM	#45
Kansashalo Memories! Joined: Sep 2006 Location: USA Posts: 3,604	I agree with the last few posts. Leave him alone about it and let the consequences of his actions be the "kick in the rear" to get him going and motivated. I'm sure that de feels like you are nagging/mothering him by trying to solve all his problems. You seem like myself - you believe in fixing issues and doing your best not to cause them. Not everyone is like that and as hard as it is, you've got to step back and let him learn on his own. Good luck !
	__________________

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