[damienmomma]

So this is a little long...
My good friend got married on 2/14/08 and didn't invite me well she did and then never sent me an invitation or returned any of my calls!! I went with her to look for a wedding dress and went with her shopping and so on! Let me give you a little background. We met in 7th grade she was the tough tomboy and I was the girly girl. Freshmen year of high school she decided school was not for her and took her GED test. She ran away from home lived on the streets and through all of this I was always there for her. On my 17th birthday her brother and her came to my party. Well her brother and I ended up getting together even though he was in the Navy. We made our long distance relationship work for several months. We ended up breaking up, he got married and now has 2 kids. Well my friend was on the fence about inviting me because her brother and his wifer were going to be there and she didn't want the wife to be uncomfortable! To begin with this was a silly high school relationship!! Her family only knows me as her friend not her brother's ex... In the end she invited me and she said that I was her BFF and that is all that nattered. So a week before the wedding she called me at around 11:30 am on a Saturday to inform that she was having a bachlorette party that night. I informed her that I already had made plans with my sister in law but that if I could I would try to make it. I couldn't make it I was too drunk to drive anywhere. I called her that Monday and she was very short with me and told me she would call me back. So I tried calling her back several times and she completely ignored my calls. I felt bad that I didn't go to her party but she never gave me a chance to explain things to her. I don't know I want to call her but feel like I didn't do anything wrong. Please help!

[damienmomma]

Anyone?????

[IntlSet]

I know how important childhoood friends are, sorry to hear about your trouble. It sounds like she's holding a grudge because you missed her bachelorette party. I agree, however, that she gave you very short notice. I'm confused as to why this is such a big deal... to the point of not inviting you to the wedding? That's just odd.

[damienmomma]

Originally Posted by IntlSet

I know how important childhoood friends are, sorry to hear about your trouble. It sounds like she's holding a grudge because you missed her bachelorette party. I agree, however, that she gave you very short notice. I'm confused as to why this is such a big deal... to the point of not inviting you to the wedding? That's just odd.

That's what i don't understand either. I even asked for the day off from work. It's just so weird! I want to call her but feell ike she should call me.

[IntlSet]

^^^
She SHOULD call you, but be the bigger person. You obviously want the save the friendship. Just give her a call to see what's going on. Very little is worth losing such a long friendship over, right?

[Nishi621]

Sounds like she is mad because you didn't make it to her party. but, that is extremely short notice-she sounds a bit immature to me.

[merde111]

Awww, I'm so sorry! Many women can be very touchy about events surrounding their weddings, it seems. I had a similar situation with a friend I'd known all through high school, who asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was very young at that time, just out of college, and ended up not having enough money to buy all the things they expected me to buy (my friend didn't understand because her family had money, and she's never worked for her living--her bf/husband and family have always supported her); I also lost my job and was involved in a car accident (lost my car) at that time, too.

She never forgave me for bowing out of the wedding party; I was sad but also kind of angry because she clearly had no understanding of how difficult it was for me at that time, and how the last thing on my mind was trying to get $1000 together to pay for a dress and shoes at her wedding! Friendship should work both ways; sometimes, when it doesn't, we just need to bow out gracefully.

[damienmomma]

Thank you to all of you. I am going to call my friend and tell her how I feel. If things work out goo and if they don't oh well at least I tried right? My motto has always been Sh%@ Happens.

[illinirdhd]

Originally Posted by merde111

Awww, I'm so sorry! Many women can be very touchy about events surrounding their weddings, it seems. I had a similar situation with a friend I'd known all through high school, who asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was very young at that time, just out of college, and ended up not having enough money to buy all the things they expected me to buy (my friend didn't understand because her family had money, and she's never worked for her living--her bf/husband and family have always supported her); I also lost my job and was involved in a car accident (lost my car) at that time, too.

She never forgave me for bowing out of the wedding party; I was sad but also kind of angry because she clearly had no understanding of how difficult it was for me at that time, and how the last thing on my mind was trying to get $1000 together to pay for a dress and shoes at her wedding! Friendship should work both ways; sometimes, when it doesn't, we just need to bow out gracefully.

That's what I was going to say too. Many brides are self-absorbed pains in the butt with any and all events surrounding their wedding days. Try to understand that she might have had a temporary lapse into being queen of the inconsiderate b*tches, and hopefully now she's back to normal. I'm sure she's upset that you missed the bachelorette party - she doesn't care that it was short notice because the wedding stuff was about HER and your previous plans probably didn't really factor into her mind.

As for her wondering if your presence would make her SIL uncomfortable, I guess maybe it's understandable. Silly, yes. But if her SIL is the jealous type and her brother has told his wife that he dated you, she might have been afraid her SIL would make a scene. No one wants to worry about that on their wedding day. It was immature of her to handle it the way she did, but guest lists and family stuff can be pretty odd sometimes.

Call her and tell her you're sorry you weren't able to make the party, that you're sad you missed the wedding, you're sure she was a beautiful bride, etc. If you get her voicemail, say that and that you're looking forward to seeing her wedding and/or honeymoon pictures, etc etc etc. Or send her a note saying that (mail, not email). If she responds, that's great. And if not, then as merde said, you might need to bow out gracefully.

[LV Rawks]

I can understand her being upset that you were not there (because she would have wanted you to be), but she called you that day to tell you about it? Not many people would be sitting around waiting for that call that *might* come, KWIM? I hope that you ane your friend can work this out.

[Bubble Girl]

It seems strange that she only called you the day of the Bachelorette Party to tell you about it? If you guys were so close and you went wedding dress shopping, then I imagine you would also be involved in planning the Bachelorette Party no? She was obviously upset that you didn't attend, but then didn't even call you back so that you could attend her wedding?

This all seems confusing to me. She must have been a Bridezilla of a bride to not put the petty crap aside and have you at her wedding.

I would call her and see her reaction. If she continues this behaviour though, then maybe the friendship will have to have a break.

[damienmomma]

Originally Posted by Bubble Girl

It seems strange that she only called you the day of the Bachelorette Party to tell you about it? If you guys were so close and you went wedding dress shopping, then I imagine you would also be involved in planning the Bachelorette Party no? She was obviously upset that you didn't attend, but then didn't even call you back so that you could attend her wedding?

This all seems confusing to me. She must have been a Bridezilla of a bride to not put the petty crap aside and have you at her wedding.

I would call her and see her reaction. If she continues this behaviour though, then maybe the friendship will have to have a break.

^^ Well one of her other friends was the one planning it and she supposebly left me and other people messages about the party, but I never received a mesage. So in that part I blame the other friend. I did call her and she acted like nothing happen. She told me her wedding was horrible and then she told me she would call me back. That was yesterday afternoon. I'll see what happens. Thanks everyone!

[illinirdhd]

Too bad that her wedding was horrible - no wedding should be horrible. I hope the two of you are able to patch things up. Might be easier for both of you if you can just move past it, rather than having to discuss what you think she did and what she thinks you did. Hopefully she'll call you soon and you'll have your friend back.

[risingsun]

Although she gave you very short notice, you had a choice not to get so drunk that you couldn't at least stop in at her party. You need to decide if you want to continue with the friendship and so does she.

[Veelyn]

You have done your part. I would let her contact you.