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shoegal27 · Sep 12th, 2009, 06:57 AM

My friend has been dating this guy for 3 months, and they have yet to be intimate. She has told him that before she could be intimate with him that she would like the both of them to be tested for std's. She knows that she is clean, but she said she would test if she wanted him to. Now, he isn't being compliant, in fact he told he "maybe", but hasn't done anything about it. I can't blame her for wanting to test him, I feel it is responsible and a safe thing to do, especially in this day and age. He told her that he feels offended by her request. She is withholding intimacy from him until he does this for her...
Do you think she is being unfair to him? What do you think of his answer to her?

Immi · Sep 12th, 2009, 07:41 AM

I don't think she's unfair... isn't it courtesy to get yourself checked so you can tell your new partner that you've been checked and you're totally clean? I wouldn't expect any less from a new partner and I'd do the same for them. After that point you should be able to trust eachother to not have any STIs because you're only sleeping with eachother.

Saying he's offended is a bit silly... messing up and getting an STI doesn't make you a bad person and it would be good for him to be able to say to her he's been tested and is clean. Personally, I need the person I date to have a realistic and practical attitude toward sexual health.

wordpast · Sep 12th, 2009, 07:45 AM

Do I think she is being unfair? Hell no. I've done this before (and so have my friends). I feel like adults should be able to have a mature discussion about stds and testing. Is it uncomfortable? It can be to some. But it's also smart. I don't see what the big deal is. But then again, I've always been one of those matter-of-fact, talk about everything (even difficult and uncomfortable) sort of person.

shoegal27 · Sep 12th, 2009, 07:54 AM

I totally agree. I am a bit worried that he is making an issue out of this.

Jeneen · Sep 12th, 2009, 10:07 AM

Makes me wonder if he is hiding something?

exotikittenx · Sep 12th, 2009, 10:23 AM

If he is an intelligent person with nothing to hide, he should understand the need in this day and age for STD testing, and have no problems doing it. If he can't comply, then she needs to find someone better. She is not being unreasonable; she is being smart.

shoegal27 · Sep 12th, 2009, 10:25 AM

He says that he feels offended, that she doesn't trust him, and that bothers him. Then he said he hates when blood is drawn, then he said, "maybe", when hes ready, he'll do it. I don't know. I think its a very responsible thing to do, and very adult of her to want that before she is intimate with him.

shoegal27 · Sep 12th, 2009, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by exotikittenx

If he is an intelligent person with nothing to hide, he should understand the need in this day and age for STD testing, and have no problems doing it. If he can't comply, then she needs to find someone better. She is not being unreasonable; she is being smart.

I totally agree..
she was telling me that he actually tried to make her feel bad, by turning the tables on her, saying that she doesn't trust him, and thats a problem for him!

she needs to run!

exotikittenx · Sep 12th, 2009, 10:35 AM

Wow... can you imagine how this guy will deal with things when a larger issue comes up, if he can't handle this small one? How old is he? He sounds very immature. I would say good-bye to this guy, he doesn't sound like a catch to me. It's only 3 months in, too!

juneping · Sep 12th, 2009, 11:54 AM

He should get tested. It's not about trust it's about health. My bf offered to get the test....I really appreciated it.

hambisyosa · Sep 12th, 2009, 11:59 AM

I dont think it's unfair , if your bf love you i guess he wouldn't thnik twice bout gettin tested.

omgsweet · Sep 12th, 2009, 12:00 PM

I made my husband do the same thing and he didn't argue at all. I have asked guys to do this and had them argue. I think its so silly to argue.

illinirdhd · Sep 12th, 2009, 12:01 PM

Sounds like he's not ready for a commitment to me. I don't think your friend is wrong at all in her request - I'd do the same! But my gut feeling is that he thinks she's trying to get him to commit more than he's ready to, and if that's the case, he's probably not ready to be monogamous, which makes one test sort of meaningless. He might test clean and pick something up next week, kwim? I'd probably find a new love interest, if I were her...

elizat · Sep 12th, 2009, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by exotikittenx

Wow... can you imagine how this guy will deal with things when a larger issue comes up, if he can't handle this small one? How old is he? He sounds very immature. I would say good-bye to this guy, he doesn't sound like a catch to me. It's only 3 months in, too!

I agree. I'd be done with it after how he handled the issue.

Charles · Sep 12th, 2009, 01:08 PM

I don't see an issue with her request. She's being smart and safe. If I cared about a girl, I'd definitely take a test for her peace of mind.

Sep 12th, 2009, 06:57 AM	#1
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	Unfair to ask for STD test? My friend has been dating this guy for 3 months, and they have yet to be intimate. She has told him that before she could be intimate with him that she would like the both of them to be tested for std's. She knows that she is clean, but she said she would test if she wanted him to. Now, he isn't being compliant, in fact he told he "maybe", but hasn't done anything about it. I can't blame her for wanting to test him, I feel it is responsible and a safe thing to do, especially in this day and age. He told her that he feels offended by her request. She is withholding intimacy from him until he does this for her... Do you think she is being unfair to him? What do you think of his answer to her?
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Sep 12th, 2009, 07:41 AM	#2
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	I don't think she's unfair... isn't it courtesy to get yourself checked so you can tell your new partner that you've been checked and you're totally clean? I wouldn't expect any less from a new partner and I'd do the same for them. After that point you should be able to trust eachother to not have any STIs because you're only sleeping with eachother. Saying he's offended is a bit silly... messing up and getting an STI doesn't make you a bad person and it would be good for him to be able to say to her he's been tested and is clean. Personally, I need the person I date to have a realistic and practical attitude toward sexual health.
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271

Sep 12th, 2009, 07:45 AM	#3
wordpast Member Joined: Oct 2006 Location: Never Never Land Posts: 6,271	Do I think she is being unfair? Hell no. I've done this before (and so have my friends). I feel like adults should be able to have a mature discussion about stds and testing. Is it uncomfortable? It can be to some. But it's also smart. I don't see what the big deal is. But then again, I've always been one of those matter-of-fact, talk about everything (even difficult and uncomfortable) sort of person.
	__________________

Sep 12th, 2009, 07:54 AM	#4
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	I totally agree. I am a bit worried that he is making an issue out of this.
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Sep 12th, 2009, 10:07 AM	#5
Jeneen Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: up in the gym workin on my fitness Posts: 2,752	Makes me wonder if he is hiding something?
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Sep 12th, 2009, 10:23 AM	#6
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 6,102	If he is an intelligent person with nothing to hide, he should understand the need in this day and age for STD testing, and have no problems doing it. If he can't comply, then she needs to find someone better. She is not being unreasonable; she is being smart.
	__________________ Check out my new and UPDATED collection!!!

Sep 12th, 2009, 10:25 AM	#7
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	He says that he feels offended, that she doesn't trust him, and that bothers him. Then he said he hates when blood is drawn, then he said, "maybe", when hes ready, he'll do it. I don't know. I think its a very responsible thing to do, and very adult of her to want that before she is intimate with him.
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Sep 12th, 2009, 10:35 AM	#9
exotikittenx Ooh la la! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: The City of Plain 'n Proper Posts: 6,102	Wow... can you imagine how this guy will deal with things when a larger issue comes up, if he can't handle this small one? How old is he? He sounds very immature. I would say good-bye to this guy, he doesn't sound like a catch to me. It's only 3 months in, too!
	__________________ Check out my new and UPDATED collection!!!

Sep 12th, 2009, 11:54 AM	#10
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,342	He should get tested. It's not about trust it's about health. My bf offered to get the test....I really appreciated it.
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Sep 12th, 2009, 11:59 AM	#11
hambisyosa Member Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 232	I dont think it's unfair , if your bf love you i guess he wouldn't thnik twice bout gettin tested.
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Sep 12th, 2009, 12:00 PM	#12
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Joined: Apr 2007 Location: Scottsdale, Az Posts: 2,967	I made my husband do the same thing and he didn't argue at all. I have asked guys to do this and had them argue. I think its so silly to argue.
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Sep 12th, 2009, 12:01 PM	#13
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: New to the Philadelphia area! Posts: 5,738	Sounds like he's not ready for a commitment to me. I don't think your friend is wrong at all in her request - I'd do the same! But my gut feeling is that he thinks she's trying to get him to commit more than he's ready to, and if that's the case, he's probably not ready to be monogamous, which makes one test sort of meaningless. He might test clean and pick something up next week, kwim? I'd probably find a new love interest, if I were her...
	__________________ Our baby boy was born on August 21!

Sep 12th, 2009, 01:08 PM	#15
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,191	I don't see an issue with her request. She's being smart and safe. If I cared about a girl, I'd definitely take a test for her peace of mind.
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