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BittyMonkey · Sep 13th, 2009, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by shoegal27

He says that he feels offended, that she doesn't trust him, and that bothers him. Then he said he hates when blood is drawn, then he said, "maybe", when hes ready, he'll do it. I don't know. I think its a very responsible thing to do, and very adult of her to want that before she is intimate with him.

WTFever. This dude ponies up the blood or he doesn't get any waka waka.

If he won't do it for her, not only is it unfair, but if it were me he'd be dumped already. Next he'll be whining about condoms or something.

sweetdreamer16 · Sep 13th, 2009, 05:35 PM

she has every right to ask for one! it is her body and if something happens she will have to live with it forever! i think he is hidding something, i mean if i was clean i wouldn't care about taking the test!

Hopefully things work out for your firend!

schadenfreude · Sep 13th, 2009, 05:45 PM

Everything that has been said is all fine and good, but I think people put too much emphasis on "negative tests". As someone mentioned before, there is no test for men for HPV, which is more likely to affect you than chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HIV. Also, herpes is pretty ubiquitous, and the blood tests for that aren't particularly reliable, in that type I (oral -- cold sores, etc.) often cross reacts with type II (genital) on the usual tests. Plus, you can get type I on your genitals and type II on your mouth, so what difference does a positive or negative test make anyway, given that the majority of the population has cold sores and will test positive for type I?

I guess it's fine to ask him to get the standard tests for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV, but you absolutely MUST remember that those negative tests do not guarantee that a person does not have other infections. The only way to completely avoid exposing oneself to STDs is to completely abstain from all sexual activity! Condoms aren't 100%. Oral sex carries risks. It's just a risk you accept when you become sexually active.

shoegal27 · Sep 13th, 2009, 05:56 PM

^^^exactly^^^ and that is really scary!

Miss Socialite · Sep 13th, 2009, 06:43 PM

Nope, not being unfair. I told my FI that STD tests were a must before we slept together and he was more than okay with that. He actually thought it was a great ideal because no woman had ever asked him to do that. So, in reality, he knew that I was serious about being with him and I didn't think of him as a 'play thing' or just another one night stand... if that makes sense?

juneping · Sep 13th, 2009, 06:47 PM

also asked bf and he said the guy refused to take the test just didn't know where he is...meaning nowadays STD/AIDS are so common and it's better safe than sorry.
we just don't understand why the guy would take it so personally. this guy sounds like a trip.

jackie100 · Sep 13th, 2009, 09:55 PM

I think it is a reasonable request and I think a good bf should have no problem with this request. However, some men will take offense to this. I know from personal experience.

I asked one of my exes (not my abusive ex whom I talked about on here but the one before that) for a std test because he actually went to prison (don't ask) and I wanted to make sure he was clean since I read that guys in prison have a much higher rate of HIV than the rest of the population. They also have a higher rate of other std's. Some guy's get raped in prison. My ex got a tattoo while in there and I didn't know if it was a clean needle or not (he reassured me it was clean). Frankly, I just did not trust him so I asked for a test. He refused and said it was "disrespectful" of me to ask him that and he made it seem like I was out of line. I was 25 at the time and not as strong mentally and desperate to keep him so I didn't want to upset him. I was worried and wanted him to get tested but I felt like there was no way I could make him do it because he refused and made me feel stupid.

I was young and stupid and ended up having unprotected sex anyways. Luckily I never got anything afterwards (I got tested), but I would never let a guy brush off my request for a test like that anymore in the future.

moi et mes sacs · Sep 14th, 2009, 06:36 PM

Of course your friend is not unreasonable. STIs are widespread these days and she has to look after herself.

PurseAddict79 · Sep 14th, 2009, 06:43 PM

Seriously, if I had a bf who acted like this when asked to get tested, I'd drop him. At the very least, I'd insist on being abstinent until he got tested... if that doesn't motivate him, NOTHING will.

I'd never have unprotected sex with someone who hadn't been tested prior to us ditching the rain jackets. Never ever... ever. Too risky.

PurseAddict79 · Sep 14th, 2009, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by BittyMonkey

WTFever. This dude ponies up the blood or he doesn't get any waka waka.

If he won't do it for her, not only is it unfair, but if it were me he'd be dumped already. Next he'll be whining about condoms or something.

I

you for this

Waka waka

BittyMonkey · Sep 14th, 2009, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by PurseAddict79

I

you for this

Waka waka

lvuittonaddict · Sep 15th, 2009, 05:41 AM

hell no its not unfair. that is just being smart and having common sense. nowadays, i dont care who the person is......you cant trust anyone when it comes to stds...

~Fabulousity~ · Sep 15th, 2009, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by shoegal27

My friend has been dating this guy for 3 months, and they have yet to be intimate. She has told him that before she could be intimate with him that she would like the both of them to be tested for std's. She knows that she is clean, but she said she would test if she wanted him to. Now, he isn't being compliant, in fact he told he "maybe", but hasn't done anything about it. I can't blame her for wanting to test him, I feel it is responsible and a safe thing to do, especially in this day and age. He told her that he feels offended by her request. She is withholding intimacy from him until he does this for her...
Do you think she is being unfair to him? What do you think of his answer to her?

If a guy responded this way to me about std testing i'd be lacing up my sneakers to run. Since when is being tested "offensive" or a bad thing to do. I think its a very responsible thing to do and I hope she doesnt allow him to sweet talk her into not seeing him tested.

~Fabulousity~ · Sep 15th, 2009, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by BittyMonkey

WTFever. This dude ponies up the blood or he doesn't get any waka waka.

If he won't do it for her, not only is it unfair, but if it were me he'd be dumped already. Next he'll be whining about condoms or something.

nikkipeps · Sep 15th, 2009, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by PurseAddict79

Seriously, if I had a bf who acted like this when asked to get tested, I'd drop him. At the very least, I'd insist on being abstinent until he got tested... if that doesn't motivate him, NOTHING will.

I'd never have unprotected sex with someone who hadn't been tested prior to us ditching the rain jackets. Never ever... ever. Too risky.

I concur with this whole-heartedly. Don't need to be dragged into any "moment of impulse, hefty boo-boo only to have to pay for one's whole lifetime with tons of regret" -predicament as it'll be too utterly taxing to live with.

Celibacy reigns supreme.

Sep 13th, 2009, 05:35 PM	#47
sweetdreamer16 Member Joined: May 2008 Location: Vancouver Posts: 2,035	she has every right to ask for one! it is her body and if something happens she will have to live with it forever! i think he is hidding something, i mean if i was clean i wouldn't care about taking the test! Hopefully things work out for your firend!
	__________________ Visit my blog, for featured amazing giveaways!! Updated daily!! http://thegiveawaydiva.blogspot.com/ Giving away an amazing Karmin G3 Salon Pro Hair Styling Iron!! A value of $140!!Click here to enter!!! Win an amazing charm bracelet with eight charms of your choice valued at $130! Click here to enter!!!

Sep 13th, 2009, 05:45 PM	#48
schadenfreude yes please Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,575	Everything that has been said is all fine and good, but I think people put too much emphasis on "negative tests". As someone mentioned before, there is no test for men for HPV, which is more likely to affect you than chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HIV. Also, herpes is pretty ubiquitous, and the blood tests for that aren't particularly reliable, in that type I (oral -- cold sores, etc.) often cross reacts with type II (genital) on the usual tests. Plus, you can get type I on your genitals and type II on your mouth, so what difference does a positive or negative test make anyway, given that the majority of the population has cold sores and will test positive for type I? I guess it's fine to ask him to get the standard tests for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV, but you absolutely MUST remember that those negative tests do not guarantee that a person does not have other infections. The only way to completely avoid exposing oneself to STDs is to completely abstain from all sexual activity! Condoms aren't 100%. Oral sex carries risks. It's just a risk you accept when you become sexually active.
schadenfreude yes please Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,575

Sep 13th, 2009, 05:56 PM	#49
shoegal27 OP shoe addict Joined: Sep 2007 Location: In my own world Posts: 2,764	^^^exactly^^^ and that is really scary!
	__________________ Tori "The fact is sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes, that's why we need really special ones every now and then to make the walk a little more fun. ~Carrie Bradshaw~"

Sep 13th, 2009, 06:43 PM	#50
Miss Socialite Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 239	Nope, not being unfair. I told my FI that STD tests were a must before we slept together and he was more than okay with that. He actually thought it was a great ideal because no woman had ever asked him to do that. So, in reality, he knew that I was serious about being with him and I didn't think of him as a 'play thing' or just another one night stand... if that makes sense?
Miss Socialite Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 239	__________________

Sep 13th, 2009, 06:47 PM	#51
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,327	also asked bf and he said the guy refused to take the test just didn't know where he is...meaning nowadays STD/AIDS are so common and it's better safe than sorry. we just don't understand why the guy would take it so personally. this guy sounds like a trip.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 13th, 2009, 09:55 PM	#52
jackie100 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 754	I think it is a reasonable request and I think a good bf should have no problem with this request. However, some men will take offense to this. I know from personal experience. I asked one of my exes (not my abusive ex whom I talked about on here but the one before that) for a std test because he actually went to prison (don't ask) and I wanted to make sure he was clean since I read that guys in prison have a much higher rate of HIV than the rest of the population. They also have a higher rate of other std's. Some guy's get raped in prison. My ex got a tattoo while in there and I didn't know if it was a clean needle or not (he reassured me it was clean). Frankly, I just did not trust him so I asked for a test. He refused and said it was "disrespectful" of me to ask him that and he made it seem like I was out of line. I was 25 at the time and not as strong mentally and desperate to keep him so I didn't want to upset him. I was worried and wanted him to get tested but I felt like there was no way I could make him do it because he refused and made me feel stupid. I was young and stupid and ended up having unprotected sex anyways. Luckily I never got anything afterwards (I got tested), but I would never let a guy brush off my request for a test like that anymore in the future.
jackie100 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 754

Sep 14th, 2009, 06:36 PM	#53
moi et mes sacs Science Geek! Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 5,858	Of course your friend is not unreasonable. STIs are widespread these days and she has to look after herself.
	__________________ By learning you will teach; by teaching you will learn. Latin proverb

Sep 14th, 2009, 06:43 PM	#54
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,226	Seriously, if I had a bf who acted like this when asked to get tested, I'd drop him. At the very least, I'd insist on being abstinent until he got tested... if that doesn't motivate him, NOTHING will. I'd never have unprotected sex with someone who hadn't been tested prior to us ditching the rain jackets. Never ever... ever. Too risky.

Sep 15th, 2009, 05:41 AM	#57
lvuittonaddict Avada Kadavra Joined: Sep 2007 Location: Bethesda, MD Posts: 3,644	hell no its not unfair. that is just being smart and having common sense. nowadays, i dont care who the person is......you cant trust anyone when it comes to stds...
	__________________ Wishlist '05 Black City '05 Green Apple City '07 Anthracite City with GSH '08 Electric Blue City with GGH '09 Black Mid Day with GCH

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