Ugh, why does he do this to me?

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:17 PM

Ok, so my DH does this from time to time and it drives me BONKERS!

Tonight I have long-standing plans to hang out with an old-coworker this evening after work - just last week she broke off her engagement so she really needs a friend.

Yesterday, my DH and I received an invitation to go out tonight and have drinks and watch fireworks on a friend's boat for the 4th with a bunch of people. It's kind of a yacht so it's a large group. My DH accepted for both of us without checking to see if I was busy (which I was, and he knew about the plans). Now he's giving me a guilt-trip because I can't go and I'm not cancelling my plans. He told me to just bring her along - but she's not up for partying on a boat.

I told him to have fun and I would see him when he got back, and he's just being all weird about it. Do we HAVE to do everything together?

This happens when we do things apart sometimes and I just don't get it. Drives me nuts!

Veelyn · Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:31 PM

Aww I'm sorry hun!

~Fabulousity~ · Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:33 PM

Its a little inconsiderate of him to ok the both of you knowing that you have a friend who is in need right now. Although i'm sure he didn't mean any harm...
Kudos to you for not canceling on your friend.

lovinalotofbags · Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:11 PM

He really should have said, "let me ask my wife." Tough on him, go with your friend. It is only a party. That will teach him to take advantage of you. What if you did that to him.

guccimamma · Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:14 PM

i'm sure he will be just fine on the yacht without you...

boxermom · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:10 PM

My dh and I have an agreement never to make plans without checking with the other first. I NEVER break it; he does sometimes and he has to deal with the fallout. If I have something else to do, he's on his own.

I applaud you for sticking with your friend. Boo to guilt trips.

lv-lover · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:17 PM

Don't fall for his guilt trip, he knew you had plans. I would never put a man above a girlfriend.

wordbox · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:23 PM

He'll get over it.

Tell him you don't appreciate his guilt trip, and that he can survive an evening without you. Tell him you made plans that he knew about it, and it's not your fault that he tried to doublebook you. If he continues the guilt trip, just ignore him. He's a big boy and will get over it.

illinirdhd · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:29 PM

Hmmm - I don't know. My DH asks me about almost anything before he plans it. Who knows, that might change after we've been married a while. Sometimes I think he just likes having someone to check with, since he was 37 when we got married. He even asks me if I mind if he plays golf on Sundays. Heck no, I don't mind - I'll have a few hours to do girl stuff!

Irishgal · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:32 PM

My DH and I had this problem so this is how we resolved it. He will say "I will be there, let me check and see if the wife can make it too". This way, he can go but does not have to say "let me check with the wife" which makes him sound whipped. (it's a man thing, just go with it). Then he asks me and I usually say no because it is usually something tedious so I am off the hook.
In your situation, tell him to go have a great time and you will see him later.

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:39 PM

It's not so much that he confirmed without asking me first, it's that he's giving me a guilt trip about it and he does this everytime he wants me to do something and I either (a) already have plans or (b) don't have an interest in doing something. In this case, I legitimately have plans, so why can't he just get over it?

wordbox · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:48 PM

^ Maybe because he knows it's getting to you? Let it be his problem, not yours.

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wordbox

^ Maybe because he knows it's getting to you? Let it be his problem, not yours.

Yeah I gotta let it go. Grrr, men!

artjen · Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:59 PM

I agree he should have checked with you first.

twin53 · Jul 3rd, 2008, 04:12 PM

not your fault you already had plans and he didn't check with you. maybe next time he'll check with you beforehand.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 12:17 PM	#1
ImASadGiraffe Twilight 11/21/08 Joined: Aug 2007 Location: IL Posts: 2,754	Ugh, why does he do this to me? Ok, so my DH does this from time to time and it drives me BONKERS! Tonight I have long-standing plans to hang out with an old-coworker this evening after work - just last week she broke off her engagement so she really needs a friend. Yesterday, my DH and I received an invitation to go out tonight and have drinks and watch fireworks on a friend's boat for the 4th with a bunch of people. It's kind of a yacht so it's a large group. My DH accepted for both of us without checking to see if I was busy (which I was, and he knew about the plans). Now he's giving me a guilt-trip because I can't go and I'm not cancelling my plans. He told me to just bring her along - but she's not up for partying on a boat. I told him to have fun and I would see him when he got back, and he's just being all weird about it. Do we HAVE to do everything together? This happens when we do things apart sometimes and I just don't get it. Drives me nuts! __________________ "If you want to be loved, be loving." - Ovid

Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:31 PM	#2
Veelyn Its Not That Serious Joined: Oct 2007 Location: You can find me in the CELEB section or in RAOKville! Posts: 5,158	Aww I'm sorry hun! __________________ Saving up for Chanel!

Jul 3rd, 2008, 01:33 PM	#3
~Fabulousity~ Yes we can! Joined: Jan 2006 Location: Creating my life... Posts: 4,818	Its a little inconsiderate of him to ok the both of you knowing that you have a friend who is in need right now. Although i'm sure he didn't mean any harm... Kudos to you for not canceling on your friend. __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:11 PM	#4
lovinalotofbags Member Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,377	He really should have said, "let me ask my wife." Tough on him, go with your friend. It is only a party. That will teach him to take advantage of you. What if you did that to him. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:17 PM	#7
lv-lover Member Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 5,655	Don't fall for his guilt trip, he knew you had plans. I would never put a man above a girlfriend. __________________ "On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux"

Jul 3rd, 2008, 02:14 PM	#5
guccimamma guccimamma Joined: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,673	i'm sure he will be just fine on the yacht without you...

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:10 PM	#6
boxermom Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 9,213	My dh and I have an agreement never to make plans without checking with the other first. I NEVER break it; he does sometimes and he has to deal with the fallout. If I have something else to do, he's on his own. I applaud you for sticking with your friend. Boo to guilt trips.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:23 PM	#8
wordbox spay, neuter, adopt! Joined: Feb 2007 Location: The North Pole Posts: 3,815	He'll get over it. Tell him you don't appreciate his guilt trip, and that he can survive an evening without you. Tell him you made plans that he knew about it, and it's not your fault that he tried to doublebook you. If he continues the guilt trip, just ignore him. He's a big boy and will get over it. __________________ "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." Wish List: * Tano Boogie Bucket in truffle * Rebecca Minkoff Matinee * Rebecca Minkoff MAM * Marc Jacobs large multipocket * Marc Jacobs Zip Clutch * Marc Jacobs Stella * Marc Jacobs Venetia * and most importantly... a new job!

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:29 PM	#9
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Joined: Dec 2007 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 3,650	Hmmm - I don't know. My DH asks me about almost anything before he plans it. Who knows, that might change after we've been married a while. Sometimes I think he just likes having someone to check with, since he was 37 when we got married. He even asks me if I mind if he plays golf on Sundays. Heck no, I don't mind - I'll have a few hours to do girl stuff! __________________

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:32 PM	#10
Irishgal I run with scissors Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Treasure Island Posts: 6,659	My DH and I had this problem so this is how we resolved it. He will say "I will be there, let me check and see if the wife can make it too". This way, he can go but does not have to say "let me check with the wife" which makes him sound whipped. (it's a man thing, just go with it). Then he asks me and I usually say no because it is usually something tedious so I am off the hook. In your situation, tell him to go have a great time and you will see him later. __________________ Ten thousand blessings to all of our furry friends who are in need of prayers. May they be comfortable, healthy, and blessed with joy and companionship. May their eyes shine brightly and may they know that they are loved.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:39 PM	#11
ImASadGiraffe Twilight 11/21/08 Joined: Aug 2007 Location: IL Posts: 2,754	It's not so much that he confirmed without asking me first, it's that he's giving me a guilt trip about it and he does this everytime he wants me to do something and I either (a) already have plans or (b) don't have an interest in doing something. In this case, I legitimately have plans, so why can't he just get over it? __________________ "If you want to be loved, be loving." - Ovid

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:48 PM	#12
wordbox spay, neuter, adopt! Joined: Feb 2007 Location: The North Pole Posts: 3,815	^ Maybe because he knows it's getting to you? Let it be his problem, not yours. __________________ "This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time." Wish List: * Tano Boogie Bucket in truffle * Rebecca Minkoff Matinee * Rebecca Minkoff MAM * Marc Jacobs large multipocket * Marc Jacobs Zip Clutch * Marc Jacobs Stella * Marc Jacobs Venetia * and most importantly... a new job!

Jul 3rd, 2008, 03:59 PM	#14
artjen Young @ Art Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Arizona Posts: 669	I agree he should have checked with you first.

Jul 3rd, 2008, 04:12 PM	#15
twin53 Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Georgia Posts: 2,264	not your fault you already had plans and he didn't check with you. maybe next time he'll check with you beforehand.