Ugh, why does he do this to me?

ChristyR143 · Jul 3rd, 2008, 05:48 PM

It could be that he just had an absent-minded moment and forgot about your plans...but even still, I would just tell him that you cannot and will not break your plans with your friend because she needs you. Eventually he'll get over it.

boxermom · Jul 3rd, 2008, 09:27 PM

No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. As an earlier poster said, let it be his problem. He's a man, not a boy. Don't participate in this game. He'll get tired of playing it if he doesn't see you reacting to it.

cristalena56 · Jul 3rd, 2008, 10:28 PM

my husband answers for the both of us all the time and it bus me as well! pffft i remember one day when i had abad headache and was sick, his friend asked to come over, and he is like ok... i was pissed, i got an even biger headache when he came over because all i could hear is dumb videos and them laughing loudly hysterically *sigh*

compulsivepurse · Jul 4th, 2008, 12:14 AM

This is one of those things that I'm guessing happens all the time and it bothers you but isn't worth, say, anyone leaving over. My DH tries to pull this stuff, and I probably do the same on him (about other things), but, just like you, we ignore it for the most part. If it makes you feel any better the guilt trip is probably because he knows he won't have any fun without you there. BUT I wouldn't cancel on the girlfriend either. On the deeper level I'm sure he understands. My mom (and I, LOL, sadly) are really good at trying to make someone else feel guilty when we feel stupid about something. He probably feels stupid for forgetting that you were going out with your friend and now he's trying to make himself feel better by making you feel guilty (if that makes any sense. It's backwards but it's still human nature!!)

P.S. I always apologize to DH after that happens.

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 4th, 2008, 09:07 AM

Ok now I'm more mad - he didn't come home last night and he didn't call either. He was supposed to take the last train back from Chicago and I was supposed to pick him up at the train station when he called.

So I guess he was just fine without me...

barcreperie · Jul 4th, 2008, 10:36 AM

This type of passive-aggressive behavior isn't good. Unless he comes up with a valid excuse, he was punishing you for not going with him by leaving you hanging instead of giving you a call. If my husband pulled a stunt like that I'd definitely make him sorry he did it! That's just not fair.

Nymph · Jul 4th, 2008, 11:51 AM

^^ Yikes!

Because I'm not in your situation right now, it's easy for me to say this - give him the benefit of the doubt before you get mad at him. So many things could have happened that caused him to be late. Give him a chance to explain before you have his ass.

That's something I always tell myself to do, although I always end up getting all pissed off first, and sometimes for naught... So I hope you have a better temper than I do.

Either way, I hope everything works out hon!!

twinkle.tink · Jul 4th, 2008, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wordbox

^ Maybe because he knows it's getting to you? Let it be his problem, not yours.

This is a great tid-bit. I have this same problem and am always working on it...this is his problem, let it go...don't let it affect you.

ImASadGiraffe · Jul 4th, 2008, 02:55 PM

Ok gals - he was not being passive-aggressive, just irresponsible. After drinking with his work buddies last night he somehow lost his cell phone and called me this morning at about 9am and apologized for not calling. He stayed overnight in Chicago and took the train home.

I think I'm gonna chalk this up to a 20-something being a bit immature and irresponsible and just leave it at that.

Thanks for letting me vent about my sometimes mind-boggling DH.

maggie7 · Jul 4th, 2008, 10:41 PM

Sounds like he can't have any fun without you, LOL

Jul 3rd, 2008, 05:48 PM	#16
ChristyR143 But it was on sale!! Location: Texas	It could be that he just had an absent-minded moment and forgot about your plans...but even still, I would just tell him that you cannot and will not break your plans with your friend because she needs you. Eventually he'll get over it. __________________

Jul 3rd, 2008, 10:28 PM	#18
cristalena56 ~bethy-lame-o~ Location: phoenix,az	my husband answers for the both of us all the time and it bus me as well! pffft i remember one day when i had abad headache and was sick, his friend asked to come over, and he is like ok... i was pissed, i got an even biger headache when he came over because all i could hear is dumb videos and them laughing loudly hysterically sigh __________________ "A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, My CB Site MySpace But diamonds are a girl's best friend......" Wishlist My Little Collection

Jul 4th, 2008, 09:07 AM	#20
ImASadGiraffe Relax... Location: IL	Ok now I'm more mad - he didn't come home last night and he didn't call either. He was supposed to take the last train back from Chicago and I was supposed to pick him up at the train station when he called. So I guess he was just fine without me... __________________

Jul 4th, 2008, 11:51 AM	#22
Nymph Black WE please! Location: Singapore	^^ Yikes! Because I'm not in your situation right now, it's easy for me to say this - give him the benefit of the doubt before you get mad at him. So many things could have happened that caused him to be late. Give him a chance to explain before you have his ass. That's something I always tell myself to do, although I always end up getting all pissed off first, and sometimes for naught... So I hope you have a better temper than I do. Either way, I hope everything works out hon!! __________________ "If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning"

Jul 4th, 2008, 02:55 PM	#24
ImASadGiraffe Relax... Location: IL	Ok gals - he was not being passive-aggressive, just irresponsible. After drinking with his work buddies last night he somehow lost his cell phone and called me this morning at about 9am and apologized for not calling. He stayed overnight in Chicago and took the train home. I think I'm gonna chalk this up to a 20-something being a bit immature and irresponsible and just leave it at that. Thanks for letting me vent about my sometimes mind-boggling DH. __________________

Jul 3rd, 2008, 09:27 PM	#17
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. As an earlier poster said, let it be his problem. He's a man, not a boy. Don't participate in this game. He'll get tired of playing it if he doesn't see you reacting to it.

Jul 4th, 2008, 12:14 AM	#19
compulsivepurse Member	This is one of those things that I'm guessing happens all the time and it bothers you but isn't worth, say, anyone leaving over. My DH tries to pull this stuff, and I probably do the same on him (about other things), but, just like you, we ignore it for the most part. If it makes you feel any better the guilt trip is probably because he knows he won't have any fun without you there. BUT I wouldn't cancel on the girlfriend either. On the deeper level I'm sure he understands. My mom (and I, LOL, sadly) are really good at trying to make someone else feel guilty when we feel stupid about something. He probably feels stupid for forgetting that you were going out with your friend and now he's trying to make himself feel better by making you feel guilty (if that makes any sense. It's backwards but it's still human nature!!) P.S. I always apologize to DH after that happens.

Jul 4th, 2008, 10:36 AM	#21
barcreperie Member	This type of passive-aggressive behavior isn't good. Unless he comes up with a valid excuse, he was punishing you for not going with him by leaving you hanging instead of giving you a call. If my husband pulled a stunt like that I'd definitely make him sorry he did it! That's just not fair.

Jul 4th, 2008, 10:41 PM	#25
maggie7 Member Location: Australia	Sounds like he can't have any fun without you, LOL