Ugh...what to do when they won't stop calling

Fendi84NJ · Jun 9th, 2008, 09:37 PM

Ugh...

Sometimes when I am single in the winter, I like to post on some dating sites. I don't really like to go out to bars as much in the winter and I have met cool people online before, even my ex who I dated for a year and a half.

On the last dating site I was on, right before I turned it off for summer...I gave this guy my number.

He seemed cool at first, but he was being too pushy about meeting up and also lied about his age, so I decided to cold turkey stop talking to him.

Well, I never call him back, but he calls at least twice a day...and sometimes even sends a text. This has been going on for over 2 weeks.

My guy friends are 50/50 on what I should do...a lot of them say any respectable person should just stop calling a chick who doesn't answer. The other half say I should answer, and ask him to stop, and then if he doesn't I can ask the police for help if I needed to (not that I think I need to).

I really don't want to change my number...I have done it b4 and it is a hassle.

Should I just keep not answering and hope it stops soon??

SonyaPhi · Jun 9th, 2008, 09:46 PM

Well, that sucks! If he continues for about a month then tell him to stop calling you. Even though 2 weeks is along time, it may not be enough time for him to feel like giving up. Maybe he usually gets what he wants and isn't used to rejection. Do you have call block? BLock his calls that's an option.

artich0ke · Jun 9th, 2008, 09:47 PM

I would definitely block his number. If he calls under another number, "kindly" ask him to stop calling. If he doesn't stop calling, it's harassment, and, in extreme cases, stalking, so if you wanted to get the police involved at that point you could.

cheburashka · Jun 9th, 2008, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fendi84NJ

Ugh...

Sometimes when I am single in the winter, I like to post on some dating sites. I don't really like to go out to bars as much in the winter and I have met cool people online before, even my ex who I dated for a year and a half.

On the last dating site I was on, right before I turned it off for summer...I gave this guy my number.

He seemed cool at first, but he was being too pushy about meeting up and also lied about his age, so I decided to cold turkey stop talking to him.

Well, I never call him back, but he calls at least twice a day...and sometimes even sends a text. This has been going on for over 2 weeks.

My guy friends are 50/50 on what I should do...a lot of them say any respectable person should just stop calling a chick who doesn't answer. The other half say I should answer, and ask him to stop, and then if he doesn't I can ask the police for help if I needed to (not that I think I need to).

I really don't want to change my number...I have done it b4 and it is a hassle.

Should I just keep not answering and hope it stops soon??

Why not just simply ask him to stop calling you in the firm tone of voice ? Or maybe just send a text message ? That way there is no more guessing for him, and it clear you want nothing to do with him. I wouldn't worry about changing your number or calling police quite yet, I would first make sure I get my message across and then,if he persists, do something about it.

VPT · Jun 9th, 2008, 09:55 PM

Block his number and avoid his calls. He's definitely harassing you and you should be wary since he lied about his age. Don't take dishonesty lightly - if he can lie before he's dating you, he will certainly be lying about other things. Remember safety first and do the right thing :)

If you think you've had enough and are tempted to answer the phone, get a guy to answer his call on the pretext of a wrong number.

scarlett_2005 · Jun 9th, 2008, 10:10 PM

Tell him you wish to no longer have any contact with him. If he keeps calling after that call your phone company and tell them to block his #.

ShimmaPuff · Jun 9th, 2008, 10:12 PM

OK, I am going to wrap duct tape around the fingers that are genetically programmed to dump just a short 7500 words or so on the subject of "dating sites," since that is not what you asked about, and I do not think it is likely that even 750,000 words would change your mind.

Nor am I going to insult you with any prim little mottoes about dogs and fleas.

Which leaves me with one remaining non-ductaped pinky finger to suggest that you invest in an additional cell phone line to be used exclusively for that purpose, as many people do who sell on eBay a lot, or who work for themselves in some other "home business" or "independent" capacity.

I have even known people who got an additional line when they put their house on the market.

While that does not exactly answer your question, which is all about manners and shoulds, because all of those manners and shoulds have to do with the behavior of other people, which you cannot control, instead of even talking about any of that, I will just make a practical suggestion that at least brings it back around to something you CAN control, which is whether and to what extent your "real" voice mail, inbox, etc, needs to share its space with messages from people on online dating sites, many of whom may not share with you the same ideas about what is and is not polite with regards to phone calls and text messages sent to individuals who have indicated that they have no wish to receive them.

Fendi84NJ · Jun 9th, 2008, 10:15 PM

How do I block a number? When one of my ex boyfriends was annoying me...Verizon told me there was no way to do so.

cheburashka · Jun 9th, 2008, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fendi84NJ

How do I block a number? When one of my ex boyfriends was annoying me...Verizon told me there was no way to do so.

Isn't it just simplier to send him a text asking to stop calling you ?

Fendi84NJ · Jun 9th, 2008, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheburashka

Isn't it just simplier to send him a text asking to stop calling you ?

Probably, yes...

but part of me is afraid to engage him with any interaction.

I don't know why so many guys get so obsessive. When a guy tries to ditch me or stops calling me, I brush it off as it wasn't meant to be and move on.

But whenever I try to ditch a guy, there always has to be drama. Guys who I have gone on mulitple dates with have ditched me and I just moved on because it's the normal thing to do. This guy has never even met me...so I am not sure why he won't give it up, definately makes me think he's a little nutty.

claireZk · Jun 10th, 2008, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheburashka

Why not just simply ask him to stop calling you in the firm tone of voice ? Or maybe just send a text message ? That way there is no more guessing for him, and it clear you want nothing to do with him. I wouldn't worry about changing your number or calling police quite yet, I would first make sure I get my message across and then,if he persists, do something about it.

Yes, I agree

Answer and say "I'M NOT INTERESTED. LEAVE ME ALONE." It may sound really bitchy and mean, but with obsessive guys you cannot be nice. You need to just be completely direct. If he doesn't stop, change the number and then take it from there.

madamefifi · Jun 10th, 2008, 03:08 AM

The "polite" thing to do would be to answer the phone and tell him nicely but firmly that you are not interested and to please stop calling. The problem with that is that you will be talking "live" and who knows how it could go. It's a bit cowardly to just not answer the phone until he finally gets the unspoken message but let's face it, it's also easier. This has happened to me many times and sometimes it has taken months before the person wises up and stops calling. The thing is, if you don't take the bull by the horns and tell him to his face, so to speak, then you don't really have any business complaining about his calls. Count yourself lucky that he only calls twice a day.

ShimmaPuff · Jun 10th, 2008, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fendi84NJ

...when I am single in the winter..

This is totally the first line of a poem!

It stayed with me all day. Could you please write the rest?

Kimm992 · Jun 10th, 2008, 11:35 AM

I don't see the dilemma here.

Answer the phone and tell him firmly to STOP CALLING. It's not rocket science really...

Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth.

LadyLinda · Jun 10th, 2008, 12:35 PM

So sorry to hear you have to deal with this. For what it's worth, I think you've gotten good advice from others. Unsavory as it might be for you, it's best to simply answer and tell him flat out you don't want to get any more calls from him. If that doesn't work, well... you may need to change your phone number again, if that makes you more comfortable.

I had an ex-husband who continued to call me after our divorce. It took years for him to give up the ghost. He only stopped calling after I remarried, ten years later. Anyway, they DO eventually get the message. This man who is pestering you doesn't even have the excuse of a prior relationship. He sounds like a vile pest, and you understandably simply want him to go away. Some men look for (and manage to find) women they can bully into seeing them. He could be one of them, trying his luck. Once you've made your stand clear, resolve to outlast him. Best of luck!

Jun 9th, 2008, 09:37 PM	#1
Fendi84NJ Tano & RM Addict Location: NEW JERSEY	Ugh...what to do when they won't stop calling Ugh... Sometimes when I am single in the winter, I like to post on some dating sites. I don't really like to go out to bars as much in the winter and I have met cool people online before, even my ex who I dated for a year and a half. On the last dating site I was on, right before I turned it off for summer...I gave this guy my number. He seemed cool at first, but he was being too pushy about meeting up and also lied about his age, so I decided to cold turkey stop talking to him. Well, I never call him back, but he calls at least twice a day...and sometimes even sends a text. This has been going on for over 2 weeks. My guy friends are 50/50 on what I should do...a lot of them say any respectable person should just stop calling a chick who doesn't answer. The other half say I should answer, and ask him to stop, and then if he doesn't I can ask the police for help if I needed to (not that I think I need to). I really don't want to change my number...I have done it b4 and it is a hassle. Should I just keep not answering and hope it stops soon?? __________________ Currently in total love and lust with my LRC in Ruby Dreaming of: The perfect grey bag at an awesome price

Jun 9th, 2008, 09:46 PM	#2
SonyaPhi Member Location: Texas	Well, that sucks! If he continues for about a month then tell him to stop calling you. Even though 2 weeks is along time, it may not be enough time for him to feel like giving up. Maybe he usually gets what he wants and isn't used to rejection. Do you have call block? BLock his calls that's an option. __________________ "May your troubles be less, your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. " Sonya

Jun 9th, 2008, 09:47 PM	#3
artich0ke Member Location: down the Cape	I would definitely block his number. If he calls under another number, "kindly" ask him to stop calling. If he doesn't stop calling, it's harassment, and, in extreme cases, stalking, so if you wanted to get the police involved at that point you could. __________________ artich0ke

Jun 9th, 2008, 09:55 PM	#5
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Location: Singapore / Vancouver	Block his number and avoid his calls. He's definitely harassing you and you should be wary since he lied about his age. Don't take dishonesty lightly - if he can lie before he's dating you, he will certainly be lying about other things. Remember safety first and do the right thing :) If you think you've had enough and are tempted to answer the phone, get a guy to answer his call on the pretext of a wrong number. __________________

Jun 9th, 2008, 10:10 PM	#6
scarlett_2005 Crazy 4 LV Location: USA	Tell him you wish to no longer have any contact with him. If he keeps calling after that call your phone company and tell them to block his #. __________________ I did it, I lost all my baby weight!

Jun 9th, 2008, 10:12 PM	#7
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Location: Earth	OK, I am going to wrap duct tape around the fingers that are genetically programmed to dump just a short 7500 words or so on the subject of "dating sites," since that is not what you asked about, and I do not think it is likely that even 750,000 words would change your mind. Nor am I going to insult you with any prim little mottoes about dogs and fleas. Which leaves me with one remaining non-ductaped pinky finger to suggest that you invest in an additional cell phone line to be used exclusively for that purpose, as many people do who sell on eBay a lot, or who work for themselves in some other "home business" or "independent" capacity. I have even known people who got an additional line when they put their house on the market. While that does not exactly answer your question, which is all about manners and shoulds, because all of those manners and shoulds have to do with the behavior of other people, which you cannot control, instead of even talking about any of that, I will just make a practical suggestion that at least brings it back around to something you CAN control, which is whether and to what extent your "real" voice mail, inbox, etc, needs to share its space with messages from people on online dating sites, many of whom may not share with you the same ideas about what is and is not polite with regards to phone calls and text messages sent to individuals who have indicated that they have no wish to receive them. __________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.commongroundrelief.org http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride! http://mangonocturna.blogspot.com/

Jun 9th, 2008, 10:15 PM	#8
Fendi84NJ Tano & RM Addict Location: NEW JERSEY	How do I block a number? When one of my ex boyfriends was annoying me...Verizon told me there was no way to do so. __________________ Currently in total love and lust with my LRC in Ruby Dreaming of: The perfect grey bag at an awesome price

Jun 10th, 2008, 03:08 AM	#12
madamefifi cat hoarder Location: virginia	The "polite" thing to do would be to answer the phone and tell him nicely but firmly that you are not interested and to please stop calling. The problem with that is that you will be talking "live" and who knows how it could go. It's a bit cowardly to just not answer the phone until he finally gets the unspoken message but let's face it, it's also easier. This has happened to me many times and sometimes it has taken months before the person wises up and stops calling. The thing is, if you don't take the bull by the horns and tell him to his face, so to speak, then you don't really have any business complaining about his calls. Count yourself lucky that he only calls twice a day. __________________ Happiness is a home with at least one cat. On a complete EVERYTHING ban until after Christmas!!!! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/c...faces?siteId=3

Jun 10th, 2008, 11:35 AM	#14
Kimm992 Member Location: Toronto, Canada	I don't see the dilemma here. Answer the phone and tell him firmly to STOP CALLING. It's not rocket science really... Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth. __________________ ~Kimmy~

Jun 10th, 2008, 12:35 PM	#15
LadyLinda Member Location: Philadelphia	So sorry to hear you have to deal with this. For what it's worth, I think you've gotten good advice from others. Unsavory as it might be for you, it's best to simply answer and tell him flat out you don't want to get any more calls from him. If that doesn't work, well... you may need to change your phone number again, if that makes you more comfortable. I had an ex-husband who continued to call me after our divorce. It took years for him to give up the ghost. He only stopped calling after I remarried, ten years later. Anyway, they DO eventually get the message. This man who is pestering you doesn't even have the excuse of a prior relationship. He sounds like a vile pest, and you understandably simply want him to go away. Some men look for (and manage to find) women they can bully into seeing them. He could be one of them, trying his luck. Once you've made your stand clear, resolve to outlast him. Best of luck!