Ugh.. it makes the world go round.

meggiew00t · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:02 PM

I have a dilemma that I need advice on. I don't know if I'm being greedy or just knowing that there is something wrong with the situation.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We moved in together after 4 months of dating because we were very compatible. At the time that we moved in together, I was (and still am) in college, and he had dropped out but had a decently paying job. It was about twice as much as I made. Still, to this day, he makes about $20,000 a year more than I do. He works only during the summers, and gets paid throughout the year for his work. I work full time, and go to college full time, and still make $20,000 less. So, we end up splitting all the rent, bills, and everything, switching off on food, and everything, which eats a lot of my money. He never wants to go grocery shopping either, so we can't curb back on the food. He also makes me pay power and cable which he later writes off as a work expense on taxes because he works from home.

Here's my problem: He insists that we split everything evenly, even if that does mean that I come close to not having anything left over, while he still has lots of money. He insists that we go tit for tat on dinner, even though he buys the 20$ entree, and I get the $8. He uses my car for everything, and doesn't put any gas in it and gets offended when I ask him to at least contribute. It just doesn't seem like the relationship should be an investment for him where he makes profit off of it. I tried to talk to him, but he doesn't seem to see anything wrong with the situation.

This is going to have to come to a head eventually. My contract work that I do is up for renewal in March, and if I don't get it, I'm trying to decide whether I can financially survive this relationship. If I lose my contract, I'll be making about $800 a month instead of the amount I currently make because I'll have to work part time. The job I have now is great in that I work part time, but make about 3x as much as I used to. What can I say to make it appear that I'm not greedy, but to not accuse him of being greedy as well?

shasha17a · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:07 PM

I think it should be split up depending on how much you make esp if you're living together. And hes the guy so IMO he should be paying for more anyways. When I go out with my Bf he pays for most of the stuff and he too makes about twice what I make. But I totally take him out to dinner and movies too.

meggiew00t · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:11 PM

Yeah that's what I think, too. But to him, equality is paying equal amounts, where as my view is equity.. or equal percentages.

bellafleur · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:16 PM

That would make me nervous that he is so regimented with money. Not that I am in the position to give relationship advice (see my other thread), but I think it should either be proportional to income, or you guys shouldn't pay so much attention to who pays for what. That's the one thing that's going well with my marriage now, is that my husband makes about $30k more a year than I do, and he pays for the mortgage, utilities, vacations, etc. I pay for my own car & student loan payments, groceries, and any other necessities for the house. I'm the one who likes shopping anyway, and it feels more discretionary to me. I certainly don't think it's fair that he makes you pay for half of everything when you have nothing left over to have fun with.

shasha17a · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:16 PM

I think the gas thing sucks, esp since he uses YOUR car. If he wants to split everything evenly, you should insist that he should at the very least pay for half the gas.

bellafleur · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:17 PM

^ It makes me wonder if he is taking advantage of you in other ways too...

paintednightsky · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:18 PM

He's being wayyy cheap!!! If he wants to split it even, he should not be MAKING money off of you like that (with you paying cable, etc. and him getting the money back for himself!) and splitting bills where he buys the more expensive plate!!! It is totally UNEQUAL and he is making off with a lot more and he's being so greedy!

If it was truely half and half as him paying his portion of the meal and you paying yours and paying half the bills down equally, I'd have no problem with that but the fact that he is making more money off you is sooo wrong! And not putting in gas!?! Sorry but I'd be dumping him to the CURB! Could you live with him knowing he will be mooching off of you for the rest of your life together with him!? You could do sooo much better.

meggiew00t · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bellafleur

That would make me nervous that he is so regimented with money. Not that I am in the position to give relationship advice (see my other thread), but I think it should either be proportional to income, or you guys shouldn't pay so much attention to who pays for what. That's the one thing that's going well with my marriage now, is that my husband makes about $30k more a year than I do, and he pays for the mortgage, utilities, vacations, etc. I pay for my own car & student loan payments, groceries, and any other necessities for the house. I'm the one who likes shopping anyway, and it feels more discretionary to me. I certainly don't think it's fair that he makes you pay for half of everything when you have nothing left over to have fun with.

I wish I didn't have to.. but with the lease coming up, and my contract work coming to renewal or being let go, it's like.. I have to think about my income and how I spend it. That's when I realized that this isn't fair. I wish that he would be more like your husband, but it's ALWAYS this for that. Or, hey I got it last time, you get it this time. Even though his meal is so much more expensive. It's just frustrating.

dusty paws · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:19 PM

If he's not willing to pay for gas for your car, then tell him to invest in a bus pass or a bike.

If he wants to go tit for tat on food, then tell him that you're going to pay your share - none of this splitting it evenly - why should you have to pick up the extra tab becacuse he chose to order the ribs and you got a smaller plate?

Have you tried talking with him about this? BF makes 15K more than I do, but we still each take turns paying for dinners and events.

Sternchen · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:20 PM

I also agree that you should split the expenses based on how much money you make. Money is one of those things that can make relationships tough...

I'd voice your concerns to your SO and let him know that you're unsure about your (hopefully short-term) financial future and that you don't think that you'd be able to make the same contributions that you are making now...and that you think that it would be more fair for the both of you that you be making contributions to the house hold based upon how much money you make.

It's not fair to you

meggiew00t · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dusty paws

If he's not willing to pay for gas for your car, then tell him to invest in a bus pass or a bike.

If he wants to go tit for tat on food, then tell him that you're going to pay your share - none of this splitting it evenly - why should you have to pick up the extra tab becacuse he chose to order the ribs and you got a smaller plate?

Have you tried talking with him about this? BF makes 15K more than I do, but we still each take turns paying for dinners and events.

I do, but he calls me greedy. Whenever I used to make way less, about 1/2 as much he paid for like 60%. Now we both make twice as much as we used to but with the same ratio.

meggiew00t · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lamiastella

I also agree that you should split the expenses based on how much money you make. Money is one of those things that can make relationships tough...

I'd voice your concerns to your SO and let him know that you're unsure about your (hopefully short-term) financial future and that you don't think that you'd be able to make the same contributions that you are making now...and that you think that it would be more fair for the both of you that you be making contributions to the house hold based upon how much money you make.

It's not fair to you

I tried to, but he calls me greedy.

Sternchen · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meggiew00t

I tried to, but he calls me greedy.

Then I think it's time for you to get stern with this guy and let him know that you are not being greedy, you are just asking for fairness. I'm the type who would get drastic on him. Don't let him use your car or anything of yours that costs money to maintain. Pay for your own food, give him a certain percentage of utility & rent...nothing more.

lolitakali · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:33 PM

I'm sorry but I would never have consider "living" with him if I were you. Definitely a "no" to if he ever propose. When you share "a" life, it is supposed to be a whats mine is yours and at certain points in life when you need to take that 100% and him 0% or vice versa out you are capable of it. Not 50%/50% all detailed through... how is that a 100% in love?

Maryanne007 · Dec 27th, 2007, 03:46 PM

Maybe you should tell him he's being greedy! I mean it, its ridiculous how he is treating you!! Tell him if he wants everything to be equal then fine you pay for your stuff and he'll pay for his, what is up with using your car, and making you pay half of his entree!?! That is absurd, stand up for yourself. If he gets mad, quite frankly, I dont think he is very mature or resepctful of you, and you should tell him that and reevaluate.

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:02 PM	#1
meggiew00t Member Location: Austin, Texas	Ugh.. it makes the world go round. I have a dilemma that I need advice on. I don't know if I'm being greedy or just knowing that there is something wrong with the situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. We moved in together after 4 months of dating because we were very compatible. At the time that we moved in together, I was (and still am) in college, and he had dropped out but had a decently paying job. It was about twice as much as I made. Still, to this day, he makes about $20,000 a year more than I do. He works only during the summers, and gets paid throughout the year for his work. I work full time, and go to college full time, and still make $20,000 less. So, we end up splitting all the rent, bills, and everything, switching off on food, and everything, which eats a lot of my money. He never wants to go grocery shopping either, so we can't curb back on the food. He also makes me pay power and cable which he later writes off as a work expense on taxes because he works from home. Here's my problem: He insists that we split everything evenly, even if that does mean that I come close to not having anything left over, while he still has lots of money. He insists that we go tit for tat on dinner, even though he buys the 20$ entree, and I get the $8. He uses my car for everything, and doesn't put any gas in it and gets offended when I ask him to at least contribute. It just doesn't seem like the relationship should be an investment for him where he makes profit off of it. I tried to talk to him, but he doesn't seem to see anything wrong with the situation. This is going to have to come to a head eventually. My contract work that I do is up for renewal in March, and if I don't get it, I'm trying to decide whether I can financially survive this relationship. If I lose my contract, I'll be making about $800 a month instead of the amount I currently make because I'll have to work part time. The job I have now is great in that I work part time, but make about 3x as much as I used to. What can I say to make it appear that I'm not greedy, but to not accuse him of being greedy as well? __________________ Got her! Calcaire first!! Already on the prowl... probably a black first or city coming next!! Last edited by meggiew00t; Dec 27th, 2007 at 03:04 PM.

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:07 PM	#2
shasha17a Now its a necklace.. Location: Hermosa Beach	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. I think it should be split up depending on how much you make esp if you're living together. And hes the guy so IMO he should be paying for more anyways. When I go out with my Bf he pays for most of the stuff and he too makes about twice what I make. But I totally take him out to dinner and movies too.

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:11 PM	#3
meggiew00t Member Location: Austin, Texas	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. Yeah that's what I think, too. But to him, equality is paying equal amounts, where as my view is equity.. or equal percentages. __________________ Got her! Calcaire first!! Already on the prowl... probably a black first or city coming next!!

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:16 PM	#4
bellafleur Member	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. That would make me nervous that he is so regimented with money. Not that I am in the position to give relationship advice (see my other thread), but I think it should either be proportional to income, or you guys shouldn't pay so much attention to who pays for what. That's the one thing that's going well with my marriage now, is that my husband makes about $30k more a year than I do, and he pays for the mortgage, utilities, vacations, etc. I pay for my own car & student loan payments, groceries, and any other necessities for the house. I'm the one who likes shopping anyway, and it feels more discretionary to me. I certainly don't think it's fair that he makes you pay for half of everything when you have nothing left over to have fun with.

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:16 PM	#5
shasha17a Now its a necklace.. Location: Hermosa Beach	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. I think the gas thing sucks, esp since he uses YOUR car. If he wants to split everything evenly, you should insist that he should at the very least pay for half the gas.

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:17 PM	#6
bellafleur Member	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. ^ It makes me wonder if he is taking advantage of you in other ways too...

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:18 PM	#7
paintednightsky Member	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. He's being wayyy cheap!!! If he wants to split it even, he should not be MAKING money off of you like that (with you paying cable, etc. and him getting the money back for himself!) and splitting bills where he buys the more expensive plate!!! It is totally UNEQUAL and he is making off with a lot more and he's being so greedy! If it was truely half and half as him paying his portion of the meal and you paying yours and paying half the bills down equally, I'd have no problem with that but the fact that he is making more money off you is sooo wrong! And not putting in gas!?! Sorry but I'd be dumping him to the CURB! Could you live with him knowing he will be mooching off of you for the rest of your life together with him!? You could do sooo much better.

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:19 PM	#9
dusty paws Vuitton on the brain Location: RAOKville!	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. If he's not willing to pay for gas for your car, then tell him to invest in a bus pass or a bike. If he wants to go tit for tat on food, then tell him that you're going to pay your share - none of this splitting it evenly - why should you have to pick up the extra tab becacuse he chose to order the ribs and you got a smaller plate? Have you tried talking with him about this? BF makes 15K more than I do, but we still each take turns paying for dinners and events. __________________ laura's teeny wishlist: [] mono french purse [] trevi pm [] seleya pm [] mono cles Laura and my babies: http://www.dustypaws.com My blog: http://makeupandpearls.blogspot.com/

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:20 PM	#10
Sternchen We're having a boy!! Location: Beauty RAOK	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. I also agree that you should split the expenses based on how much money you make. Money is one of those things that can make relationships tough... I'd voice your concerns to your SO and let him know that you're unsure about your (hopefully short-term) financial future and that you don't think that you'd be able to make the same contributions that you are making now...and that you think that it would be more fair for the both of you that you be making contributions to the house hold based upon how much money you make. It's not fair to you __________________ My 2 wonderful girls, Nicole (5) and Julia (1) will be big sisters soon! My pregnancy blog

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:33 PM	#14
lolitakali Mira Location: Maryland	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. I'm sorry but I would never have consider "living" with him if I were you. Definitely a "no" to if he ever propose. When you share "a" life, it is supposed to be a whats mine is yours and at certain points in life when you need to take that 100% and him 0% or vice versa out you are capable of it. Not 50%/50% all detailed through... how is that a 100% in love?

Dec 27th, 2007, 03:46 PM	#15
Maryanne007 Member	Re: Ugh.. it makes the world go round. Maybe you should tell him he's being greedy! I mean it, its ridiculous how he is treating you!! Tell him if he wants everything to be equal then fine you pay for your stuff and he'll pay for his, what is up with using your car, and making you pay half of his entree!?! That is absurd, stand up for yourself. If he gets mad, quite frankly, I dont think he is very mature or resepctful of you, and you should tell him that and reevaluate.