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ilovetoshop2 · Sep 17th, 2009, 08:56 PM

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, and I am just so confused. BTW, we are in a LDR. I really have no trust in him what so ever. I constantly doubt what he tells me, Idk why. We've had "problems" in the past and I thought I was over that but sometimes I just can't get it out my head. My BF is such a sweet guy and I know he truly loves me. A lot of times i end up thinking that he cheats on me, but at the same time I dont think he would do that. Sometimes i think about breaking up with him but I just can't do it, I love him too much. I hate being so in love with him because it gets me paranoid sometimes. I am overly jealous, I'll admit. I get mad when i see him talking to other girls. I constantly check his web history (i have his ps), I call him in the middle of the night on weekends to make sure he's not out anywhere. It kills me inside bcuz i suffer so much bcuz of this. IDK what to do anymore. :(

Litigatrix · Sep 17th, 2009, 09:12 PM

Can you elaborate on the "problems" that were had in the past?

lvuittonaddict · Sep 17th, 2009, 09:31 PM

OMFG!!!!!!! i could have written this myself. my bf and i had a LOOOONG talk about our relationship, my trust issues-and where they stem from, and how we wanted to resolve our problems. there is no question that i love him dearly, it came down to whether i wanted to, or thought i would be able to ever trust him again. for us there were basically 3 options(obviously there are always like 1000 more)

Option A: Go on and accept that the past is past. This meant realizing that he had done things, but i was willing to forgive him then and there.....

Option B: Take a "break".....this meant that we would still be together and not on an official break, but we would take things slower and i could learn to forgive and trust him again with time

Option C: we are completely done.....self explanatory

I chose B. Its taking time and he is slowly gaining my trust. I think options A & C would have been too irrational and spur of the moment- for us, that is.....

I also realized that while i had valid reasons for being suspicious, checking his phone/internet history, questioning his every move, etc was being counterproductive to our relationship. no one likes being babysat, especially when 2 people are supposed to be equals

Green Zebra · Sep 17th, 2009, 09:33 PM

I think the constant jealousy and mistrust (if he has not done anything to deserve it) is a problem.

Have you been this way with others? Or just him?

amymaria · Sep 17th, 2009, 09:37 PM

I think you need to determine where your insecurities come from. Is it something he's done wrong in the past or is it something that you have always been? Are you a jealous person? Do your insecurities and acting upon them have validity or are they irrational?

Is something about your relationship bothering you? Is the LDR too much too handle?

nycfashionlvr · Sep 17th, 2009, 10:24 PM

Although I'm not in a LDR I've been in your place as far as trust issues and suspicions on cheating and this is my advice to you: 1st off.... ALWAYS trust your intuition because 99% of the time it is right no matter what your significant other may tell you, 2nd.... COMMUNICATE....tell him how you feel and see what he says I'm not saying he will tell you the truth or he will lie to you but let him know you are insecure and see what kind of vibe you're getting from him, 3rd... you CAN get past this and trust again but it only comes with time it will definitely not happen over night and it may never be 100% trust (isn't with me till this day) but it does get better. 4th.. if after all of this you are still not happy and you see that the bad outweighs the good in your relationship, as hard as it is be strong and move on because you will only resent it in the future .

juneping · Sep 17th, 2009, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by amymaria

I think you need to determine where your insecurities come from. Is it something he's done wrong in the past or is it something that you have always been? Are you a jealous person? Do your insecurities and acting upon them have validity or are they irrational?

Is something about your relationship bothering you? Is the LDR too much too handle?

i agree with this poster.
you have to ask yourself where does those insecurity come from. his behaviour or your own paranoia....what did he do btw?

karmenzsofia · Sep 18th, 2009, 12:52 AM

No trust = no relationship. IMO, you need to get to the bottom of this lack of trust and jealousy. How much of it is due to your jealous nature? How much of it could be a reaction to something he's doing or not doing? If you tend to be jealous and paranoid in your relationships, you would benefit from some counseling. I've seen sooo many relationships go down the drain because of jealousy issues...

ShimmaPuff · Sep 18th, 2009, 12:57 AM

If you don't trust him, throw him back and obtain one that you do trust.

Cheetah7 · Sep 18th, 2009, 01:28 AM

Originally Posted by ilovetoshop2

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, and I am just so confused. BTW, we are in a LDR. I really have no trust in him what so ever. I constantly doubt what he tells me, Idk why. We've had "problems" in the past and I thought I was over that but sometimes I just can't get it out my head. My BF is such a sweet guy and I know he truly loves me. A lot of times i end up thinking that he cheats on me, but at the same time I dont think he would do that. Sometimes i think about breaking up with him but I just can't do it, I love him too much. I hate being so in love with him because it gets me paranoid sometimes. I am overly jealous, I'll admit. I get mad when i see him talking to other girls. I constantly check his web history (i have his ps), I call him in the middle of the night on weekends to make sure he's not out anywhere. It kills me inside bcuz i suffer so much bcuz of this. IDK what to do anymore. :(

Correct me if I'm wrong but you haven't indicated anywhere in your post why you would think your bf is cheating on you. I know you said you're in a LDR and you've had "problems" in the past but you haven't elaborated what those problems were. If you have been checking on his activities, web history, emails...etc and haven't found anything suspicious then why do you continue to suspect he's doing something, especially since you don't have solid proof? Maybe the problem is with you and until you figure out where the trust issues are stemming from, your relationship could not possibly work out.

zoeyjoey · Sep 18th, 2009, 09:31 AM

It is really hard to hold a relationship together without trust. Maybe these issues are a sign that you aren't totally compatible.

Angelfangs · Sep 18th, 2009, 10:45 AM

I have the gift of CLARVOUYANCY....even though I can never spell it correctly.... It is a gift but also one of my dragons...(to slay) When the gift kicks in and "moves" me into action it it ALWAYS correct. There have been many times I try to "sugar-coat" the outcomes, making excuses for bad behavior....doing this only hurts me. IMO if you are making yourself crazy with jealousy and suspicion, it may be time to move on......?

NLVOEWITHLV · Sep 18th, 2009, 11:10 AM

I wholeheartedly agree with this poster. If you can't trust him you have NOTHING!!! If you're constantly wondering about his every move your own jealous tendencies and insecurities will destroy you. There are men out there that you can FULLY trust, you just have to find them... it might be hard but it can happen.

Originally Posted by ShimmaPuff

If you don't trust him, throw him back and obtain one that you do trust.

PurseAddict79 · Sep 18th, 2009, 11:13 AM

OP, I can totally relate. I'm in an LDR too, and have insecurity and trust issues of my own... and they stem from my past. From how others treated me, not how my dbf treats me.

But your situation is different in that he betrayed your trust. Once someone does that, it's hard to move forward. Have you two thought about counseling?

Have you asked yourself if you believe you will eventually be able to truly forgive him? Take love out of the picture, because you can love him to death and not trust him and then you're both miserably in love. Do you think you can forgive him?? Trust him again??

ilovetoshop2 · Sep 18th, 2009, 12:11 PM

The problems we had in the past were:

1. about 3months after we started dating, I caught him flirting wit some girl online. After that, my trust in him just completely changed. I tlked to him about it and he said sorry and tht he wasn't used to being in a serious relationship. He also promised to not do that again.

2. My BF had a good friend (girl) , she always flirted with him whenever they tlked, and tht started to really bother me. Also, he used to like her a few months before we started dating. So, I told him I did not want him tlking to that girl anymore, he said he would stop. But then, a month ago, I saw he sent her a message telling her tht he missed her and didn't want to lose contact with her. But, in the message he also said that he wasn't tlking to her anymore bcuz I didn't want him to and tht he didn't want to lose me because of her. But even though, after i saw that, thts when my trust just got even worst. Once again, I told him about it and he promised he wouldnt talk to her anymore.

I never been this jealous with other guys. I guess its because I never really liked anyone as much as i love my bf.

I am very , very insecure. He tells me theres nobody he would rather be with than me, and I believe that but I always think "what if he finds somebody else?" or meets a girl he finds prettier than me.

Being in a LDR is really hard for me but Im trying to make it work because my BF says he should be able to move to where I live by the end of the year. (he lives about 10hrs away).

Sometimes I think tht he cheats on me because my BF is really good looking and can pretty much get any girl he wants, so I end up wandering about wat he does when Im not around. Especially when sometimes he "disappears". He'll go hours without even sending me a text nd when we're finally able to talk, theres always an excuse as to wat happened.

I feel really bad not trusting him because he has so much trust in me. More than I probably deserve. When he goes out without me, he always asks me first. Everything he does, he makes sure its okay with me first. He does everything he can to make me happy, and always listens to me. I'm very dominant and he was too, but he changed.

BTW, he also gets very jealous sometimes and don't always let me do what I want but he gets over things faster, and doesn't get nearly as jealous as I do.

& I forgave him about several things in the past about different things but I still think about it to this day. I have a really hard time getting over things. I really hope I'm able to trust him again, but while we're long distance, I find that impossible.

Sep 17th, 2009, 08:56 PM	#1
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	trust issues My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now, and I am just so confused. BTW, we are in a LDR. I really have no trust in him what so ever. I constantly doubt what he tells me, Idk why. We've had "problems" in the past and I thought I was over that but sometimes I just can't get it out my head. My BF is such a sweet guy and I know he truly loves me. A lot of times i end up thinking that he cheats on me, but at the same time I dont think he would do that. Sometimes i think about breaking up with him but I just can't do it, I love him too much. I hate being so in love with him because it gets me paranoid sometimes. I am overly jealous, I'll admit. I get mad when i see him talking to other girls. I constantly check his web history (i have his ps), I call him in the middle of the night on weekends to make sure he's not out anywhere. It kills me inside bcuz i suffer so much bcuz of this. IDK what to do anymore. :(

Sep 17th, 2009, 09:12 PM	#2
Litigatrix bend and snap! Joined: Nov 2006 Location: DC Posts: 7,030	Can you elaborate on the "problems" that were had in the past?
	__________________ PLEASE do not PM me for authentications. My Collection: http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-showcase/litigatrixs-im-modest-collection-144948.html Also, check out the Authentic Spy Picture Reference & Drool! Yay! http://pics.livejournal.com/fendi_spy_list/

Sep 17th, 2009, 09:31 PM	#3
lvuittonaddict Avada Kadavra Joined: Sep 2007 Location: Bethesda, MD Posts: 3,648	OMFG!!!!!!! i could have written this myself. my bf and i had a LOOOONG talk about our relationship, my trust issues-and where they stem from, and how we wanted to resolve our problems. there is no question that i love him dearly, it came down to whether i wanted to, or thought i would be able to ever trust him again. for us there were basically 3 options(obviously there are always like 1000 more) Option A: Go on and accept that the past is past. This meant realizing that he had done things, but i was willing to forgive him then and there..... Option B: Take a "break".....this meant that we would still be together and not on an official break, but we would take things slower and i could learn to forgive and trust him again with time Option C: we are completely done.....self explanatory I chose B. Its taking time and he is slowly gaining my trust. I think options A & C would have been too irrational and spur of the moment- for us, that is..... I also realized that while i had valid reasons for being suspicious, checking his phone/internet history, questioning his every move, etc was being counterproductive to our relationship. no one likes being babysat, especially when 2 people are supposed to be equals
	__________________ Wishlist '05 Black City '05 Green Apple City '07 Anthracite City with GSH '08 Electric Blue City with GGH '09 Black Mid Day with GCH Last edited by lvuittonaddict; Sep 17th, 2009 at 09:34 PM.

Sep 17th, 2009, 09:37 PM	#5
amymaria I is Hello Kitty? Joined: Jan 2009 Location: Toronto Posts: 1,135	I think you need to determine where your insecurities come from. Is it something he's done wrong in the past or is it something that you have always been? Are you a jealous person? Do your insecurities and acting upon them have validity or are they irrational? Is something about your relationship bothering you? Is the LDR too much too handle?
	__________________ Blog + Twitter www.kittypinkpaisley.com Sarcasm, Love to Hate and Hello Kitty http://twitter.com/amc_kpp

Sep 18th, 2009, 12:52 AM	#8
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,888	No trust = no relationship. IMO, you need to get to the bottom of this lack of trust and jealousy. How much of it is due to your jealous nature? How much of it could be a reaction to something he's doing or not doing? If you tend to be jealous and paranoid in your relationships, you would benefit from some counseling. I've seen sooo many relationships go down the drain because of jealousy issues...
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 17th, 2009, 09:33 PM	#4
Green Zebra funemployed for now Joined: Oct 2008 Location: Second City Posts: 931	I think the constant jealousy and mistrust (if he has not done anything to deserve it) is a problem. Have you been this way with others? Or just him?

Sep 17th, 2009, 10:24 PM	#6
nycfashionlvr Member Joined: Apr 2009 Location: New York City Posts: 420	Although I'm not in a LDR I've been in your place as far as trust issues and suspicions on cheating and this is my advice to you: 1st off.... ALWAYS trust your intuition because 99% of the time it is right no matter what your significant other may tell you, 2nd.... COMMUNICATE....tell him how you feel and see what he says I'm not saying he will tell you the truth or he will lie to you but let him know you are insecure and see what kind of vibe you're getting from him, 3rd... you CAN get past this and trust again but it only comes with time it will definitely not happen over night and it may never be 100% trust (isn't with me till this day) but it does get better. 4th.. if after all of this you are still not happy and you see that the bad outweighs the good in your relationship, as hard as it is be strong and move on because you will only resent it in the future .

Sep 18th, 2009, 12:57 AM	#9
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Joined: Oct 2006 Location: Earth Posts: 9,634	If you don't trust him, throw him back and obtain one that you do trust.
	__________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.commongroundrelief.org http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride! Experimental Blog Follow Me on Twitter

Sep 18th, 2009, 09:31 AM	#11
zoeyjoey Member Joined: Jun 2009 Location: East Coast Posts: 255	It is really hard to hold a relationship together without trust. Maybe these issues are a sign that you aren't totally compatible.

Sep 18th, 2009, 10:45 AM	#12
Angelfangs Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 65	I have the gift of CLARVOUYANCY....even though I can never spell it correctly.... It is a gift but also one of my dragons...(to slay) When the gift kicks in and "moves" me into action it it ALWAYS correct. There have been many times I try to "sugar-coat" the outcomes, making excuses for bad behavior....doing this only hurts me. IMO if you are making yourself crazy with jealousy and suspicion, it may be time to move on......?
Angelfangs Member Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 65

Sep 18th, 2009, 11:13 AM	#14
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,234	OP, I can totally relate. I'm in an LDR too, and have insecurity and trust issues of my own... and they stem from my past. From how others treated me, not how my dbf treats me. But your situation is different in that he betrayed your trust. Once someone does that, it's hard to move forward. Have you two thought about counseling? Have you asked yourself if you believe you will eventually be able to truly forgive him? Take love out of the picture, because you can love him to death and not trust him and then you're both miserably in love. Do you think you can forgive him?? Trust him again??

Sep 18th, 2009, 12:11 PM	#15
ilovetoshop2 OP Member Joined: Jun 2007 Location: Brazil Posts: 37	The problems we had in the past were: 1. about 3months after we started dating, I caught him flirting wit some girl online. After that, my trust in him just completely changed. I tlked to him about it and he said sorry and tht he wasn't used to being in a serious relationship. He also promised to not do that again. 2. My BF had a good friend (girl) , she always flirted with him whenever they tlked, and tht started to really bother me. Also, he used to like her a few months before we started dating. So, I told him I did not want him tlking to that girl anymore, he said he would stop. But then, a month ago, I saw he sent her a message telling her tht he missed her and didn't want to lose contact with her. But, in the message he also said that he wasn't tlking to her anymore bcuz I didn't want him to and tht he didn't want to lose me because of her. But even though, after i saw that, thts when my trust just got even worst. Once again, I told him about it and he promised he wouldnt talk to her anymore. I never been this jealous with other guys. I guess its because I never really liked anyone as much as i love my bf. I am very , very insecure. He tells me theres nobody he would rather be with than me, and I believe that but I always think "what if he finds somebody else?" or meets a girl he finds prettier than me. Being in a LDR is really hard for me but Im trying to make it work because my BF says he should be able to move to where I live by the end of the year. (he lives about 10hrs away). Sometimes I think tht he cheats on me because my BF is really good looking and can pretty much get any girl he wants, so I end up wandering about wat he does when Im not around. Especially when sometimes he "disappears". He'll go hours without even sending me a text nd when we're finally able to talk, theres always an excuse as to wat happened. I feel really bad not trusting him because he has so much trust in me. More than I probably deserve. When he goes out without me, he always asks me first. Everything he does, he makes sure its okay with me first. He does everything he can to make me happy, and always listens to me. I'm very dominant and he was too, but he changed. BTW, he also gets very jealous sometimes and don't always let me do what I want but he gets over things faster, and doesn't get nearly as jealous as I do. & I forgave him about several things in the past about different things but I still think about it to this day. I have a really hard time getting over things. I really hope I'm able to trust him again, but while we're long distance, I find that impossible.

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