Trust..

[Mar.]

I'm 20 and junior in college. The last two and a half years have been the most miserable in my life...

I had a very bad "relationship" that was a little over two years. This was the first guy I've been with or done ANYTHING with.

It was..emotionally abusive to say the least.

How do I move on to a brighter future? He was so MEAN and CRUEL to me that I can't trust ANYONE. All my friends are gone because I push people away. I honestly can not bring myself to trust anyone new.

I go to a university so I talk to a lot of people - I just can never let them get close to me. Im extremely lonely. I have tons of people that I talk to. Lots of aquaintinces. Just no "friends".

I'm suffering.

Every time someone tells me "my boyfriend got this for me!" I feel like crying. Not because I miss my ex, just because its hard being alone..and not being able to trust anyone.

Maybe someone with more experience can shed some light on my situation..

[juneping]

i don't have experience in dealing with abusive bfs....but i know a lot of ladies would love to help and give you more useful info.
i would say stop talking to him. get in touch with your old friends who you think are more compassionate. just make friends and not into dating...and this can slowly build your confidence and open your heart to trust ppl around you. we all have friends that don't live up to our expectations...when you open up, just remember you open up to the bad and good of people.
so does your univ have counseling? i know mine had that service...it's a good place to start. GL!!

[talexs]

I wouldn't say that my experience is an exact mirror of yours by any means, but maybe somewhat similar. Right before I turned 20 I started dating this guy who was much older than me and at the time I did not realize it was an emotionally abusive relationship, but 5 years later I see that it was; he always thought he was right (for no reason other than the fact he was older than me) belittled me for letting my parents pay for my education and rent, and pretty much told me that I would always take the easy way out of things. I kind of did/ do what you do, I don't know if it is directly related to my bad relationshsip, but I have a tendency to not open up and be very private and this behavior is often considered standoffish and aloof and then these people that I talk to kinda disappear bc I wasn't giving them as much as they were giving me--if that makes any sense.

For me it has been a slow process and the lonely part can be hard. I have a few very dear friends but they all live very far away from me. The best thing seems to be that you realize what you are doing, bc then at least you can try to stop. If I were you I would keep chatting with people at school, let these acquaintances possibly turn into friends. It is hard bc in the back of your hard it's almost like you can;t help but wonder if these people are going to let you down. But it will get better and you will be able to trust people again, for some reason I kind of woke up one day and decided I wanted to go back to being optimistic and seeing the best in people as opposed to thinking of how things wouldn;t work. I work on this every single day and I like to think I am doing a good job fixing this for myself.

Oh, and definitely check out all of the other tpf forums, it sounds kind of lame but the ladies on here are so nice and insightful and it is always fun to read their thoughts on different topics.

[Mar.]

Originally Posted by talexs

I have a tendency to not open up and be very private and this behavior is often considered standoffish and aloof and then these people that I talk to kinda disappear bc I wasn't giving them as much as they were giving me--if that makes any sense.

I think that's exactly how people percieve me..
Some think I'm "stuck up" because I am only friends with a select few. And I don't give to others the same attention they give to me sometimes because I just want to move on and not get close.
You took the words right out of my mouth.

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone in this

[Mar.]

Originally Posted by juneping

we all have friends that don't live up to our expectations...when you open up, just remember you open up to the bad and good of people.

Thank you for replying This was what I needed to hear. It's so true..

[boxermom]

You sound a lot like I was when younger--at first I let myself be open and was hurt, then I went the other direction and was alone a lot because then I wouldn't be hurt again. You are doing better than I did though--you are talking to people and that's a start. I was so serious and quiet that people thought I was unfriendly.

Let yourself heal. I hope your university has a counseling service or your insurance would cover some therapy nearby. It could put things in perspective for you and give you some coping tools.

People often disappoint us. But if we don't let anyone in to really know us, the result is worse. Isolation isn't a good way to live and you miss out on some possibly wonderful friends. There are better guys out there. When you are ready to date again, you will be smarter about the type of person you want to be with.

Hugs :-)

[Swanky Mama Of Three]

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