[loveMandieLee]

I have a great relationship with my parents now that I've gone off to college. We rarely fight anymore like we did when I was a teenager. I'm currently 20 by the way. I'll spend hours on the phone with either of them when I come home.

However, there are two things in my life that my parents have no clue about.

1. My credit card debt. My dad has lectured me and lectured me about how I should not get one. He knew that I would abuse it, and it turned out he was right. I currently have about $6,000 in credit card debt. Definitely could be higher, and I am paying it off now. I'm not charging anymore to any cards. I have thought it would be better to just keep this information to myself. They're not co-signed on any card, so it's only affecting my credit score.

2. My grades. I'm currently on academic probation. I can't get out of my terrible habits though. I procrastinate way too much, and skip classes. This turns into a vicious cycle. My parents have no idea my current grade situation. I've lied to them in the past since they have no access to my records so they would not worry about me. However, I'm worried that I could flunk my way out of college right now. I can't stop skipping classes, and by the time I try to turn my life around I can't catch up enough. Either that, or I have huge papers/projects due and I don't finish, so I skip class to not deal with the public humiliation of being the only one without a completed assignment. I don't know why I've become so lazy, and why I can't stop. Trust me I've tried, and I know it's a mind set. I realize that I've brought the entire grade situation on myself. I'm currently paying for my own tuition with financial aid and loans. If they were paying for my school, I would feel obligated to share this information with them.

Basically, should my parents know about these issues? I know it would cause HUGE problems between us. We would fight constantly, and my dad is already stressed enough with the economy. I really don't want him stressing out over me.,

[Laurie8504]

1. I think as long as you have this under control and recognize it's a BIG problem, then no, you don't need to tell them as it does not directly affect them. Although, it may depend on what you spent all this money on. You do have to recognize also that they have much more financial experience than you, so it may be worth it to tell them so they can help you out with managing and budgeting your money. However I'm assuming you're paying this off with money you're earning and not any from your parents. If they're helping you pay off debt, they deserve to know.

2. Are they paying for your college? Living expenses? Anything? If so, then I believe you owe it to them to inform them of your grades. Especially if you've had to lie to them about it already. If you're completely self-sufficient then I see no reason to, but if that were the case I don't think you'd be asking about it here. Maybe it would be best for you to just take some time off from college. Some people aren't completely prepared to go straight out of high school, but feel pressured to by their parents or because it's "normal". It's much better to take time off now and figure out what you want to do, then to throw away thousands of dollars because you just think you're supposed to be there.

It seems as though your relationship with your parents has matured a bit since you started college, so if you do decide to share these things with them, hopefully they can see that. Best of luck!

[loveMandieLee]

1. Nope, all of the money going towards this debt is mine from working. I don't ask my parents for money anymore. I've asked for a short $100 loan in the past before a paycheck comes in, but I always pay them right back. I used this for food, clothing, purses and other items I really don't need. I can't return anything, it's already been used.

2. They're not paying for anything. All of my living expenses come from my excess loan money, and from working. I have truly thought about taking some time off. However, the fact is I'd start right back where I left with these terrible grades. Everyone has told me the slate won't wipe clean. How can I end up going to possibly community for basics again for a year, and then transfer to a new college? I won't be able to retake all of the classes I've done poorly in, can I? I really do need to just take some time away, but I feel like my parents would have a hard time dealing with that. Also, it means I would have to start paying back my student loans, unless I went into community right away.

[Laurie8504]

1. Well first, kudos for doing everything on your own, that's not easy (and for not returning used things!). It sounds like you are mature enough to handle your debt and pull yourself out of it.


2. It would be better to start back with bad grades than to keep accumulating more. Can you just take one class (maybe even online at your cc) to keep deferring the loans? It does sound like you're burnt out (been there), and that it's just not the right time for you to be going to school. I think a completely different college, yes you can retake the classes. But many colleges allow you to retake anything with a D or lower. Some will then average the two, others will replace the grade. Definitely see a school advisor and find out the policy on this. Trust me, I know how stressful college is and I've been in scenarios that really do feel like "the end", but these things are always fixable. Just don't get discouraged and really utilize the resources (people mainly!) that your college offers.

If your parents have a hard time understanding why you need to take time off, then maybe you do need to bring this up to them. They can't force you to go, esp when you're paying your own way, but I think when they realize that you've arrived at your decision in a mature manner, they will agree. And who knows, you might be surprised at how supportive they are.

[loveMandieLee]

I think I'll bring it up in 2 weeks over fall break. I know at my college you can replace 4 courses with new grades. However, I have way too many D or lower grades where I would need more. It really would depend college to college I would think. I don't know how a college would look at my current academic transcript and then see the classes I plan to retake in community.

[Zophie]

If you are that unmotivated to go to school, maybe you just need to figure something else out, at least for the time being. My brother is brilliant but completely failed out of college. He just didn't want to go and cut most of his classes and had like a .6 GPA. He then joined the Navy for four years and came out and got some computer certifications and found that he really does well with computers. He never got his degree but he's very good at what he does.

I see no reason to tell your parents about your debt other than maybe if you want to mention you are paying off your card or something. When I had a lot of debt my parents knew, but not how much. Some things parents just don't need to know.

[GirlFriday]

I was totally where you were when I was your age. I dropped out of college, and planned on starting again the next semester, but I knew I was just going to be wasting my time. I just wasn't ready for college. I ended up joining the Air Force, and did something else for awhile. I used my GI bill to graduate college when I was 28. I don't recommend you do this necessarily, but if there's some time that you can take away from college and go back to it later, more mature and motivated, then it'll make all the difference.

If you decide that you DO want to stay in school, it's not too late. Try and get your butt in gear for the classes you have this semester and pull your grades up and try to retake the classes that you have Ds or Fs in.

As for the credit card debt, I don't think this is necessarily your parents problem, so you don't need to tell them about it. It looks like you've gotten it under control before $6,000 became $10,000 or $20,000 which is good, so I think you can get that straightened out fairly easily. Good luck!

[bagnshoofetish]

Part of becoming an adult is taking sole responsibility for your actions. If your parents were paying for school or your credit card they would absolutely have a right to know. Being that these are problems you have created, they are your burden alone. I would examine my motive for wanting to tell my folks. There could only be a few reasons why you want to do so:

• you are close to them and share everything with them. they are good listeners and can offer you good advice that you will heed.

• you want them to offer to bail you out of your credit card debt.

• you want them to fix everything for you - maybe tell you to come home so you can use that excuse to drop out of school.

You really don't need to share anything with them. These are your problems. You could very well cause them needless concern for you especially if they have problems of their own. Bottom line is, deal with your own dilemmas, you are an adult now, and talk to them AFTER you have come up with your own solutions. They will be proud of you knowing that you can fess up to your mistakes but address them and fix them on your own. That is a parents greatest reward, to know that you can take care of yourself.

[loveMandieLee]

I would never ask my parents to bail me out of credit card debt. They have bills of their own to pay.

I just feel like I should tell them because if they find out later, they will be more upset I never told them. They always say when I keep things from them that they wish I had told them earlier.

[nooch]

As far as the credit cards go, you are handling it and they don't need to know. No matter how you phrased it, it would look like you were asking them to pay it.

As far as school goes, I was in this situation in college a couple of separate times. This might sound like bad advice but just go back to class. Decide, today is going to be the day that I get my shit together. And then do it.

You can do it, you know. And (this may be colored by my own bad relationship with my mother) I wouldn't tell the parents. Again, no matter how it's phrased it's going to look like you are fishing for a bailout even if you aren't. Also, I personally am not a believer in time off because everyone I know who has ever done that has never gone back and is now working a terrible job and living off Mommy and Daddy.

[loveMandieLee]

I would go back. Just because some of your friends now live at home mooching off mom and dad doesn't mean everyone will. My parents would never let me just sit in their house, eating their food and doing nothing.

[Bagpuss]

I read in your blog, I think it was July of this year, that you had $2300 in credit card debt this year. If this is the case and it has already ballooned to $6,000 in a little over two months time then I would be very concerned. I also think that skipping classes and assignments is symptomatic of depression and you are crying out for help. Part of me also feels that you want us to tell you to tell your parents about both of these things because you are scared and part of you thinks that the only way to stop this snowball of going faster downhill is to apply the parental brakes. In reading your blog it sounds like you have been trying to turn this around for awhile and it is not happening. It's hard to tell which came first chicken or egg? Are you spending out of stress for flunking classes or skipping class because you are depressed about your spending.
I can only tell you that I was in your situation and chose the way that got me out of the mess on my own- I flunked out and didn't tell my mother- when I returned 5 years later I had to start out with my GPA of 1.00 and spend three years dragging it up like a ball and chain to 3.00 when I ran out of time and had to graduate without the honors that I know I could have acheived. Looking back I wish I had come clean and asked for help. My mother died without getting to see me graduate and turn my life around.

[keya]

I wouldn't tell the parents. You're an adult now, you'll have to sort out your own messes so there's really no need to tell them (unless you want to for their emotional support, which it sounds like you don't want/need/would get if you told them)

[amber11]

if your supporting yourself on your own i don't think you owe it to them to tell them, however if you would like the advice from them and you know they wouldn't completely freak out i would tell them, probably not so much the credit card debt since your dad already warned you not too that might just piss it off and it sounds like you have that one under control, but the grades i probably would- have you talked to an advisor at school they can sometimes give you good advice on how to schedule classes or take a lighter load or also just different habits to get you in the right direction

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by Bagpuss

I read in your blog, I think it was July of this year, that you had $2300 in credit card debt this year. If this is the case and it has already ballooned to $6,000 in a little over two months time then I would be very concerned. I also think that skipping classes and assignments is symptomatic of depression and you are crying out for help. Part of me also feels that you want us to tell you to tell your parents about both of these things because you are scared and part of you thinks that the only way to stop this snowball of going faster downhill is to apply the parental brakes. In reading your blog it sounds like you have been trying to turn this around for awhile and it is not happening. It's hard to tell which came first chicken or egg? Are you spending out of stress for flunking classes or skipping class because you are depressed about your spending.

My first response before I read Bagpuss's post would be not to tell them because you're a grown-up and you should manage your own life and your own problems. Part of being a grown up is understanding the value of reticence.

However, I now completely agree with Bagpuss. Something bigger does seem to be going on here, and I think some parental brakes are probably in order.

All the best to you, okay? Keep us updated.