[ebayBAGS]

They can give you good advice on your financial issues as they have much more experience.
The school probation is something you have to take care of on your own and get out of without their opinions especially if it causes more stress for you.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by oo0ehxtahcee0oo

p.s.

shoo, your link isnt working on your siggy!! :[

uh oh.

[elle tee]

Originally Posted by loveMandieLee

Elle-Thanks for sharing your story. My parents would be completely supportive of me. However, it's just such a hard thing to be such a disappointment to my own parents. The people who would give me anything. Worse, I'm such a disappointment to myself.

I know how you feel. Honestly though, step one is to admit that you can and should be doing better, now you need to get support, get a plan, and make it happen! Do all the research you can, talk to who ever you can, think think think and decide what the best course is for you. Maybe it's to withdraw from classes for the semester or take a leave of absence, so you can stop the spiralling feeling and get yourself sorted out. Then you can go back to school with a fresh start and a better attitude. I also had a hard time choosing a major, the first couple I considered/studied were not right for me and I was not happy. Finally I sat down and thought about which classes I liked best. For me, it was French class, so that became my major and it was 110% the right choice. I know you'll find something that's right for you. Good luck.

Bagnshoo as usual you are so right.

[nooch]

I started college thinking I was going to be a political science major. I hated it. I thought I was going to be a history major. I hated the department. I majored in sociology and I loved loved loved it (although I am currently not a sociologist).

Find what you love and do that - don't let anyone tell you you'll be a failure if you major in X or Y. Blah blah what will you do with it, kiss my ass naysayers! Someone's sig on here is "find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life" and it's true! If you are not happy in your program (truly happy, not majoring in something parent-pleasing) you will never be happy in college.

[loveMandieLee]

I think that I'm going to try and get my schedule all worked out for next week, so I can get a fresh start. I'll use my weekend to catch up on work, and try to get ahead for next week.

I feel like if I go to a counselor and they diagnose me with a sort of minor depression, maybe it will help me in these classes. I've already missed a lot of classes, so my grade won't be very high even if I'm able to pull off all this work for the rest of the semester. I would need to have a medical excused reason. I'm not saying I need an excuse. I'm just saying that in order for me to even attempt to do well the rest of the semester, I need to do this.

[Laurie8504]

Originally Posted by loveMandieLee

The thing is I don't see how a counselor is going to help me get motivated. If I know what I need to do, but just am not putting it into action. I don't see how they're going to give me any new information than what I already have.

Counselors help you to see yourself more clearly and help you understand what is going on behind your behavior. I do think it would benefit you to go to one, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

[IntlSet]

Originally Posted by loveMandieLee

Elle-Thanks for sharing your story. My parents would be completely supportive of me. However, it's just such a hard thing to be such a disappointment to my own parents. The people who would give me anything. Worse, I'm such a disappointment to myself.

loveMandieLee, I know just how you feel. In this world, I pretty much ONLY have my parents, so we've always felt extra close to one another and are frankly emotionally incestuous. Each of us has three times the worry because we end up taking up one another's troubles and fretting over them as if they're our own. I've learned that this really psychologically damaging for all of us, and I resolve never to tell them anything that will cause them undue worry. I mean, what can they do, you know what I mean?

Have faith in yourself first. You CAN get yourself out of this mess, and 15 years from now it will not look so terrible a situation as you may currently think it is. You don't need to tell Mom and Dad in order to turn things around.

Let's not talking about "finding the right major" or "doing what feels right" and a whole lot of jargon meant to make people feel okay about failing at a task. Get your GEs in order if you can't figure out a major, study 12 hours a day if you have to, and freeze your credit cards in cups of water. You haven't done anything so bad that can't be undone.

I really feel for you because I can sense that you're close to your parents, and I am very, very close to mine. My greatest fear is disappointing them. So I really do feel for you. Keep us updated.

[loveMandieLee]

Thanks. I have other family like aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I've never been very close to any of them. We always lived 8+ hours away, so it's not like we saw them more than twice in a year.

I'm an only child, so I'm very close with my parents. My mom never finished college, and my dad did, but he said he never had a great GPA. He won't tell me what it was until after I graduate. I know they'll understand, but it's just hard. Hopefully this weekend, I can clear my head.

I stopped carrying my credit cards with me. They're now sitting in a drawer. I won't cut them up, only in case I need it for an emergency. Actual, not fashion or something. Plus, I use them online mostly, and I could just as easily get one of those identity protector numbers for your account.

[guccimamma]

i was in your situation, not so much the debt...but i was an academic flake.

looking back, i did everything wrong...i kept my issues to myself, and became depressed...which made me cling to the wrong guy out of hopelessness

i got my butt in gear, but had to come clean with everyone...and the useless toad dumped me (thank goodness!) i seriously wanted to marry that guy!

is there a counselor you can see...although you think you are alone, this is a story as old as the hills...and there should be somebody on campus who can help you work your way out of this.

good luck! take a small step every day, you may not be able to salvage everything...but you can at least make a great effort.

[lovinalotofbags]

I see no need to mention the CC debt to your parents.

I think you need to step back and take some time, talk to your parents about your education and decide what it is that you truly would love to do. What is it that you get excite about? Not everyone is cut out to go straight from high school to college and not everyone knows what they want to do. You need to talk to someone who will understand your situation and how you are feeling about school. I know you will find what it is that you are meant to be doing. Good luck.

[UrbanFabulous]

I would mention the debt to the counselor when you talk to them. It helps illustrate what you're going through and that you need help.

[loveMandieLee]

I've decided to head over to meet with someone tomorrow afternoon after work. I'll report back afterwards.

[Fashionista_Gal]

Originally Posted by loveMandieLee

I think that I'm going to try and get my schedule all worked out for next week, so I can get a fresh start. I'll use my weekend to catch up on work, and try to get ahead for next week.

I feel like if I go to a counselor and they diagnose me with a sort of minor depression, maybe it will help me in these classes. I've already missed a lot of classes, so my grade won't be very high even if I'm able to pull off all this work for the rest of the semester. I would need to have a medical excused reason. I'm not saying I need an excuse. I'm just saying that in order for me to even attempt to do well the rest of the semester, I need to do this.

I was just going to ask you if you think you might have some deeper issues going on, like depression. Being in debt and flunking school are definitely pretty major stressors and could cause some sort of depression. I do just want to say one thing though, don't TRY to get diagnosed with depression if you know you don't actually have it just so you can use it as an excuse. Let's say you go to the doctor and do actually get diagnosed with depression, that's not enough to get slack for failing your classes. I know you are not saying that you are going to fake it, but just be careful (this is coming from someone who is working on their Ph.D. in psychology).

I say all of this because my brother is going through the same experience, except, he really does have depression and anxiety AND attention deficit disorder. He had to be checked into a mental hospital last year. He has failed the past 4 semesters of college and has a lot of trouble getting to his classes. It is very frustrating for him. He has had to go to many meetings with the Dean and also had to file for disability. Now that he has filed for disability, he may get some slack with his classes, but until he did that, it was up to his teachers to cut him slack, and quite frankly, many professors don't do that if you can't even make the effort to go to their class. In other words, just getting a diagnosis isn't necessarily enough to get some slack, my brother had to jump through a lot of hoops to get some slack including regular meetings with the dean and a lot of paperwork. Sorry if this is kind of harsh, I am just being honest with you because I have watched my brother deal with it for a while now.

If you don't think you really have depression, you might want to check and see if your school offers any other kinds of resources. At my school, they offer life counseling for students to help them get organized with classes.

The bottom line is that you have obviously dug yourself into a pretty deep hole. I definitely recommend going to a counselor at your school. If you go to a counselor at your school, then they more than likely have had other students with similar problems and may be able to offer you some help! Good luck!

[loveMandieLee]

I honestly don't know, part of the reason why I'm going. I felt more depressed last semester where all I did was basically sleep, eat and watch TV. I never went to classes, work or did homework. I thought I was fine, but I feel like I'm slipping right back into that place. I don't know if it's because I am seriously lazy or I do have a form of depression. The thing is that I don't see how I could be this lazy to not even attempt to go to the classes that I loved in the beginning of the year. The teacher, the students, now it's not like that.

I would never be intentionally diagnosed with depression, I'm just hoping that there is something that's causing this. A reason besides the fact that I'm a lazy bum screwing up my entire future in college.

My meeting tomorrow is to figure out where I should go next. They determine if you should meet with a specific person, do group therapy, meet with an off campus person etc.

I just don't know how I'm going to be able to fix this semester that I'm already in. In one of my classes, the highest grade I can get is like a 70, and that's with straight A's. There's no way that I'm going to be getting those with the homework I've already missed.

[calzz]

Hey,

I'm 20 years old and I'm on my own in college too...actually I do have some scholarship money helping me along the way..but i totally understand the pressure...here are some of the things I've learned of my experiences that maybe can help you.

1. I fully believe that your grades are more enduring than the money issues- people gain and loose money all the time, and the economy falls comes back up - you just have to ride it out. And start making better choices.

2. Every day you don't go to school that is a definitive choice. Every time you buy something you don't need that is a choice you make. My freshman year of college my money got cut off for a month, but instead of going out and maxxing a credicard...i pretty much literally starved and lived of of 50 dollars for all my expenses. but do you know what? I'm debt free? :( i know its pathetic but you have to stay strong.

3. About your grades; not all people are meant to be students. I know plenty of people who are chefs, financial advisers, and business owners who have never been to college. If you think a depression is getting in your way of your grades, you can get it fixed with counseling/meds. However, if it's something more,,,maybe you need to find out what you want from life...something you ENJOY doing if you dont like school, ya know?

4. My freshman year in college I spent my calculus final exam which was at 8:00 am passed out soaking wet on the edge of my friend's pool...totally drunk! I had bad influences(party friends) in my life that i had to cut out...so i became sort of antisocial the next semester and studied my but off and retook calculus. In highschool I was never a studier...i got 3.0's but now I'm on the Dean's List of my college :)

Basically my point is...you can turn it around IF YOU WANT TO ...life is full of choices and you have to find what makes you happy in order to be fully enriched and also effective in college and work

I hope this helps and i hope you can find the courage to ask your family for advice if you need it...

<3