This break-up is killing me

cerealacid · Jun 8th, 2008, 07:54 AM

My boyfriend and I moved in together a year ago.
To make a long story short, we broke-up 2 month ago.

The problem is I will always love him. The other problem we're still living together. He is in the living room and I am in the bedroom.

I always thought that we are getting married and that was the reason for my break-up. He didn't asked me and he won't.

We were together for 6 years and now he is just so mean to me.

I found my picture in the garbage which he had for years in his wallet.
I really don't understand why he is doing this to me. I can't stop crying.

barcreperie · Jun 8th, 2008, 08:19 AM

I'm not sure if I interpreted your post correctly - are you saying that you want to get married, and your boyfriend never wants to get married? And that's the reason you broke up? If so, it's probably not a good idea to keep living together. If it has turned out that your long range goals are different and incompatible, it's probably time for one of you to move out and get on with your lives without each other. It must be horrible for you to live day-to-day with this hostility.

cerealacid · Jun 8th, 2008, 08:27 AM

Yes, sorry for that. I am totally confused.
I always thought that we are going to marry one day. But this is not going to happen anymore.

He is looking for a new apartment, but that's not very easy in Hamburg.

barcreperie · Jun 8th, 2008, 08:36 AM

I think it'll be easier for you once you don't have to face him every day in a living together situation. This is especially true if he's being mean to you. And I have to say that if he's being mean to you under these circumstances, he's probably doing you a favor by giving you a taste of how you'd be treated in rough spots in a marriage. I would think that if he is staunchly anti-marriage, knowing that he'd hurt you in this way would make him sympathetic and kind during the breakup. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

Was he mean to you when you had problems before the marriage issue came up?

Wentworth-Roth · Jun 8th, 2008, 08:50 AM

I am so sorry your relationship fell apart after all those years.

Does either of you have family or good friends in Hamburg? If so, one of you should move to them for the time being... best if he did it.

cerealacid · Jun 8th, 2008, 08:51 AM

No never.
We were a really good couple. I mean, we had a relationship for 6 years. It was really good.

I know that break-ups are always awful but we had a really good time. And I only broke-up because I am 29 and I didn't want to waste my time anymore with questions if he is asking me or not.

As I saw my picture in the garbage that was ... that was really heartbreaking.

Lululovebags · Jun 8th, 2008, 09:17 AM

oh my, i'm not sure if we're getting the whole story..i mean, there must be something that triggered this break-up..either a huge fight or maybe something else that you've left out in your post?

whatever it is, no matter how much you love him, you cannot really force him to recirpocate your feelings if he's bent on leaving. throwing away your photo in a place that he knows you will see meant something..i hope you feel better and make a right decision about whether to continue staying apart or not..

ShimmaPuff · Jun 8th, 2008, 11:12 AM

I am very sorry this has happened to you.

The first thing you need to do is make an immediate change in your physical location.

Make arrangements to stay with a friend while you put yourself back together emotionally and work out a new living situation for yourself.

Take care of yourself in the same way you would do had you been horribly injured in a car wreck.

Grieving is a natural and necessary first step in the healing process, and grief itself has several phases.

Let your loved ones take care of you, that is part of taking care of yourself. You are going through what is one of the most horrible and painful experiences in human existence, and sadly, one of the most common. Almost every one of us has been through it, and I know that is absolutely no comfort to you, and I am sorry.

The only thing that will come the closest to making you feel any better is getting out of there. Now. You may not believe that, but it is true. It is what you need more than you need anything else right now, and you cannot begin that process that will get you out of that pain, away from that pain, until you are somewhere else. Anywhere will be better than where you are.

elizat · Jun 8th, 2008, 11:17 AM

I'm sorry you are hurting. But, I agree. Someone has got to leave, preferably him, if he's looking for a new place already. Can't he go to a short term rental or even a motel kind of place that is an efficiency? I can't imagine it will get easier if you see him daily. What happens when he decides he's ready to date again? I'm not trying to be harsh, but eventually that will happen. How are you going to react when that time comes, esp. if he still lives with you?

Cristina · Jun 8th, 2008, 11:31 AM

Agreed 100 percent. I went through the breakup of a six year relationship earlier this year, and this is exactly what I did. It was difficult, and sometimes still is. But taking steps to heal yourself, moving out of where you are and slowly but surely making small changes to better yourself and your life will contribute immensely to you being able to move on.

Good luck

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShimmaPuff

I am very sorry this has happened to you.

The first thing you need to do is make an immediate change in your physical location.

Make arrangements to stay with a friend while you put yourself back together emotionally and work out a new living situation for yourself.

Take care of yourself in the same way you would do had you been horribly injured in a car wreck.

Grieving is a natural and necessary first step in the healing process, and grief itself has several phases.

Let your loved ones take care of you, that is part of taking care of yourself. You are going through what is one of the most horrible and painful experiences in human existence, and sadly, one of the most common. Almost every one of us has been through it, and I know that is absolutely no comfort to you, and I am sorry.

The only thing that will come the closest to making you feel any better is getting out of there. Now. You may not believe that, but it is true. It is what you need more than you need anything else right now, and you cannot begin that process that will get you out of that pain, away from that pain, until you are somewhere else. Anywhere will be better than where you are.

cerealacid · Jun 8th, 2008, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elizat

What happens when he decides he's ready to date again? I'm not trying to be harsh, but eventually that will happen. How are you going to react when that time comes, esp. if he still lives with you?

I don't know. I hope he's not doing this to me. He is very bullheaded and he told me that he doesn't want a new relationship.

He needs to be alone.

So do I

I really don't know what to do but it helps me that you guys are talking to me and it's good for me to exchange views.

illinirdhd · Jun 8th, 2008, 02:07 PM

Sounds like he's punishing you for the break up. I think you're doing the right thing. You're 29 and you want to get married. You've been with a guy for 6 years who doesn't plan to marry you. Time to find someone who does want to marry you. And definitely time for him to move out.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Definitely a hard decision, but I think it's one you'll be glad you've made.

maddog · Jun 8th, 2008, 02:20 PM

I agree with everyone else. Very sorry this happened to you. I hope he moves out soon or you find a place of your own.

I've had friends who broke up with their bfs and lived together while BOTH sides datied other people only weeks after breaking up. It's always so awkward and became almost like a competition. IMHO It's not worth the anguish.

I personally think you need to start looking for a place of your own as well. It's hard to start over again when your place is a constant reminder of your old life with your ex.

cerealacid · Jun 8th, 2008, 02:43 PM

Thank you girls...
It is really heartbreaking that the love of your life can punish you so much.
It's just heartbreaking.

LV Luvr · Jun 8th, 2008, 02:57 PM

You all have got to get separate places. I was onc ein your situation and vowed NEVER to live with someone after that situation. You won't fully heal until after you both are on your own and don't see each other. **Hugs** to you.

Jun 8th, 2008, 07:54 AM	#1
cerealacid Member Location: Hamburg/Germany	This break-up is killing me My boyfriend and I moved in together a year ago. To make a long story short, we broke-up 2 month ago. The problem is I will always love him. The other problem we're still living together. He is in the living room and I am in the bedroom. I always thought that we are getting married and that was the reason for my break-up. He didn't asked me and he won't. We were together for 6 years and now he is just so mean to me. I found my picture in the garbage which he had for years in his wallet. I really don't understand why he is doing this to me. I can't stop crying. Last edited by cerealacid; Jun 8th, 2008 at 08:03 AM.

Jun 8th, 2008, 09:17 AM	#7
Lululovebags Member Location: Earth	oh my, i'm not sure if we're getting the whole story..i mean, there must be something that triggered this break-up..either a huge fight or maybe something else that you've left out in your post? whatever it is, no matter how much you love him, you cannot really force him to recirpocate your feelings if he's bent on leaving. throwing away your photo in a place that he knows you will see meant something..i hope you feel better and make a right decision about whether to continue staying apart or not.. __________________ "keep your head up high. there are ppl that would kill to see you fall".

Jun 8th, 2008, 11:12 AM	#8
ShimmaPuff Sentient Post Whore Location: Earth	I am very sorry this has happened to you. The first thing you need to do is make an immediate change in your physical location. Make arrangements to stay with a friend while you put yourself back together emotionally and work out a new living situation for yourself. Take care of yourself in the same way you would do had you been horribly injured in a car wreck. Grieving is a natural and necessary first step in the healing process, and grief itself has several phases. Let your loved ones take care of you, that is part of taking care of yourself. You are going through what is one of the most horrible and painful experiences in human existence, and sadly, one of the most common. Almost every one of us has been through it, and I know that is absolutely no comfort to you, and I am sorry. The only thing that will come the closest to making you feel any better is getting out of there. Now. You may not believe that, but it is true. It is what you need more than you need anything else right now, and you cannot begin that process that will get you out of that pain, away from that pain, until you are somewhere else. Anywhere will be better than where you are. __________________ http://www.tzuchi.org/ http://www.commongroundrelief.org http://www.oxfamunwrapped.com/chooseagift.aspx Your Friendly Resident Poor Person Embrace Inspired Pride! http://mangonocturna.blogspot.com/

Jun 8th, 2008, 02:07 PM	#12
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	Sounds like he's punishing you for the break up. I think you're doing the right thing. You're 29 and you want to get married. You've been with a guy for 6 years who doesn't plan to marry you. Time to find someone who does want to marry you. And definitely time for him to move out. I'm sorry you're going through this. Definitely a hard decision, but I think it's one you'll be glad you've made. __________________

Jun 8th, 2008, 02:57 PM	#15
LV Luvr Member	You all have got to get separate places. I was onc ein your situation and vowed NEVER to live with someone after that situation. You won't fully heal until after you both are on your own and don't see each other. Hugs to you. __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Gucci Diaper Bag - Got it! Juicy Earrings - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Red Epi Lockit Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!

Jun 8th, 2008, 08:19 AM	#2
barcreperie Member	I'm not sure if I interpreted your post correctly - are you saying that you want to get married, and your boyfriend never wants to get married? And that's the reason you broke up? If so, it's probably not a good idea to keep living together. If it has turned out that your long range goals are different and incompatible, it's probably time for one of you to move out and get on with your lives without each other. It must be horrible for you to live day-to-day with this hostility.

Jun 8th, 2008, 08:27 AM	#3
cerealacid Member Location: Hamburg/Germany	Yes, sorry for that. I am totally confused. I always thought that we are going to marry one day. But this is not going to happen anymore. He is looking for a new apartment, but that's not very easy in Hamburg.

Jun 8th, 2008, 08:36 AM	#4
barcreperie Member	I think it'll be easier for you once you don't have to face him every day in a living together situation. This is especially true if he's being mean to you. And I have to say that if he's being mean to you under these circumstances, he's probably doing you a favor by giving you a taste of how you'd be treated in rough spots in a marriage. I would think that if he is staunchly anti-marriage, knowing that he'd hurt you in this way would make him sympathetic and kind during the breakup. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Was he mean to you when you had problems before the marriage issue came up?

Jun 8th, 2008, 08:50 AM	#5
Wentworth-Roth Oldtime member	I am so sorry your relationship fell apart after all those years. Does either of you have family or good friends in Hamburg? If so, one of you should move to them for the time being... best if he did it.

Jun 8th, 2008, 08:51 AM	#6
cerealacid Member Location: Hamburg/Germany	No never. We were a really good couple. I mean, we had a relationship for 6 years. It was really good. I know that break-ups are always awful but we had a really good time. And I only broke-up because I am 29 and I didn't want to waste my time anymore with questions if he is asking me or not. As I saw my picture in the garbage that was ... that was really heartbreaking.

Jun 8th, 2008, 11:17 AM	#9
elizat Member	I'm sorry you are hurting. But, I agree. Someone has got to leave, preferably him, if he's looking for a new place already. Can't he go to a short term rental or even a motel kind of place that is an efficiency? I can't imagine it will get easier if you see him daily. What happens when he decides he's ready to date again? I'm not trying to be harsh, but eventually that will happen. How are you going to react when that time comes, esp. if he still lives with you?

Jun 8th, 2008, 02:20 PM	#13
maddog Mmmkay	I agree with everyone else. Very sorry this happened to you. I hope he moves out soon or you find a place of your own. I've had friends who broke up with their bfs and lived together while BOTH sides datied other people only weeks after breaking up. It's always so awkward and became almost like a competition. IMHO It's not worth the anguish. I personally think you need to start looking for a place of your own as well. It's hard to start over again when your place is a constant reminder of your old life with your ex.

Jun 8th, 2008, 02:43 PM	#14
cerealacid Member Location: Hamburg/Germany	Thank you girls... It is really heartbreaking that the love of your life can punish you so much. It's just heartbreaking.