the "no contact" rule

[missfunkenstein]

i am currently using this because my ex broke up with me about 2.5 weeks ago. we were dating for 4.5 months, and of course i didn't tell him i was using NCR, but it's certainly implied. i just wanted to know how you guys dealt with the "no contact rule," if you guys stuck to it, and if it really DOES work.

[twinkle.tink]

Interesting question.

I just urged my son to do this when he broke up with his girlfriend, about 3 weeks ago. She is (in my opinion) prone to far too much fake drama. I know he has slipped at least 2 times in the last 3 weeks. The last one was just a few days a go..I couldn't help but over hearing the arguing (over the phone)...I was proud of him when he hung up and went out...leaving his phone here on purpose. I heard her ring at least 10 times in the next few hours...sheesh!

I am interested to see what others have experienced.

[Pursegrrl]

Is this where you have no contact for a certain % of the time you were dating?

I don't think a set formula can work for everyone as each relationship is unique. But I do think it's healthy to have time apart to heal. I've had friends who tried to remain friends with their ex BFs right away and it was like re-opening a wound over and over.

I've used my version of a NCR and for me it did work. He and I are friends now, but we don't seek out eachother's company. But we do have a lot of friends in common and we hug hello and chit chat and it's no big deal when we do run into one another. The first few months after we broke up were really hard, though. He dumped me after about 8-9 months and I think I told him I wanted no contact for around 2-3 months as I was really hurting. And, thankfully he respected my wish, although he was very surprised when I asked for it.

I'm sorry about your breakup, MF, and hope you get through things however you need to.

[maybeiloveyou]

I don't know a set time, but yes it DOES work. It's hard to stick to it, especially in the beginning when you want to talk to the other person so much. Ultimately though, having this rule pays off. It helps a lot if you're "taking a break" or want to be friends after the breakup. There are too many emotions right after you cut things off, there needs to be time apart to heal and get yourself together.

[saccharine]

Yes. It does work because it gives you the space and time to heal and recover from your hurt. I've done it for a couple of months.

I got this advice from a book titled "It's called a break-up because it's broken." Cute, lighthearted book with lots of advice.

(I actually used the NCR with my current husband. Having no contact gave us the distance we needed to figure out how we wanted our relationship to be.)

[Luccibag]

Here is a great site all about the No Contact rule. My friend had to use the NC rule and told me she found a great site. You can read the readers postings as well and there are links with additional info.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/

[talexs]

I think the NCR works, but I have a very hard time with it. Maybe it is bc I have had some pretty ugly break ups and I always feel like there is more to say, or maybe I just have no willpower. When I finally do get it together and am able to have no contact it definitely does help you move on, not like I am one to talk, but when you stil have contact it is just so much harder to get over the other person. But that is just my personal experience.

[emmakins]

I absolutely think the NCR is necessary! From personal experience, it's impossible to get over someone when there is still interaction.

It is painful, but you'll get over him alot faster if you move on with your life without him.

[lolitablue]

Originally Posted by Luccibag

Here is a great site all about the No Contact rule. My friend had to use the NC rule and told me she found a great site. You can read the readers postings as well and there are links with additional info. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/

Thank you for posting this link!!! I am so excited to find that I am not the only one going through this!!! Definitely something that we need to look into when dating. Will share it with the single's community ladies if you don't mind.

Thank you, thank you!!

[hlfinn]

doing this right now. it's been 4 weeks. i've heard from him a few times but nothing major. it's HARD. and it HURTS. but i knew i couldn't continue on the way things were. i needed to do this for ME. (he was shocked, he thought we could still talk and be in each other's lives. no way pal.) if you need to just talk to someone pm me.

[madamefifi]

Well, considering he was never officially your "boyfriend", as you have said in another thread:

oh sorry for the confusion. i call him my "ex" just for posting and the idontfeellikeexplainingwhatwewenthrough purposes. in basic terms, we were never officially a couple. we've only dated. hope that clears everything up!

....the NCR definitely applies here. In fact any kind of contact would just make you look stalkerish and desperate, IMO. It sounds like you were way more into the "relationship" than he was. I'd forget about him and move on if I were you.

[flashy.stems]

i am the world's WORST NCR person. i can't do it.
if i like someone, i talk their freaking heads off whether they love it or hate it.
sigh. it really doesn't help anything at all.. hahaha. :P

[shy*violet]

I love the NCR.

For me there isn't an exact 'timeline' (i.e. x-amt of months or whatever % of the time you were together). I think the NCR needs to be set in place for as long as you need it.

When you are perfectly OK seeing him dating/marrying someone else, then at that point you can be friends b/c all feelings that you used to have for him are gone... but until then, it's NCR-City!