Tactless and troublemaker SIL

beauty k addict · Jan 4th, 2008, 02:21 PM

I have this sil from DH side of the family.. she's DH older bro's second wife and just a year younger than both DH and I.. she seems nice and all but when she opens her mouth it's all blah without even realizing it! i don't know if i should just drop her in the middle of our conversation or something.. for every few exchanged words she'd make a tactless comment that's totally uncalled for that'd lead into trouble.. there was an incident that happened years ago between all the sils in DH family.. i knew things that she's not supposed to know but then she confided in me and i felt sorry for her and i ended up blabbing all the stuff out.. i wasn't being gossipy.. believe me that wasn't my motive..
i was being sympathetic and tried to console her and then she turned up on me.. i also didn't realize that she's been ratting me out the whole time and only discovered about it when it was really late.. she badly wanted to be a huge part of DH family and will do whatever she can to suck up like a leech to them.. and according to miss tactless-know-it-all i'm too scared (of what?) to meet up w/ DH family and that it's funny and unbearable! those were her exact words.. (well who didn't turn up when i invited DH family on DH birthday dinner? all of them except tactless sil here who only showed up for a few minutes to snoop and that's when the party was about to wrap up!) our conversation was going so well until she replied back with this line.. i innocently asked if someone else will be at their house in case my kids and i decided to stop by or if she asked me a tricked question.. i so badly wanted to tell her off but i figured i'm older (and wiser??) so i'll be the bigger person.. DH never liked her to begin with so he warned me not to be all friendly with her.. and now i invited her to come over tonight w/ her DH and stepdaughter but i'm having second thoughts.. i'm leaning towards uninviting her but what excuse should i give her? we're only exchanging conversations at this online social community (that i can't reveal in case she stumbles here on tPF and find out about this thread. there'll be drama. believe me!) and she told me twice already to call her but i was never up to calling her that's why i only talk to her there.. i think she actually wanted to talk to me so it's official that i'm inviting them over.. i know pick up the phone and just dial the number right? but i never felt like it at all with her.. don't let me get started on the presents she gives my family on special occasion because that's another story!

beauty k addict · Jan 4th, 2008, 09:10 PM

mods feel free to delete this thread! thanks!

merika · Jan 4th, 2008, 09:46 PM

Sorry. It all sounds very convoluted and unclear. Paragraphs, maybe?

heartnaspade · Jan 4th, 2008, 10:03 PM

^^^ I am a little confused as well

cjj · Jan 5th, 2008, 12:47 AM

The post is a bit confusing, but the bottom line is, it takes two. Either state your opinion to her, in private or play her game and the problem will continue. You and her really have no relationship as she is the wife of your BIL. I don't know the exact name for it, but your BIL will ALWAYS be your BIL unless you divorce your husband. She is in the family only as long as she is married to the man; does that make sense?

Pick your battles and then plan your course for it. HTH

merde111 · Jan 5th, 2008, 12:51 AM

I'd say just keep her at arm's length since she obviously can't be trusted. Because she's family, be polite...but you don't have to be friendly. If she makes a rude comment, just laugh and say, "Yeah...whatever!" and turn away. She'll hate it, but she won't be able to do anything.

If someone says she was talking about you behind your back, just say something like, "yes, she's completely crazy, always trying to stir up trouble!"

Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

lolitakali · Jan 5th, 2008, 01:28 AM

Out of sight, out of mind.

That is how I would treat people I do not want to be close to... just ignore them and have as little as possible contact with them.

omgsweet · Jan 5th, 2008, 01:32 AM

If you want to un-invite her, call her up and tell her that one of your kids is throwing up. She won't want her kids to get sick, so she won't come over.

Don't gossip with her anymore. When you must see her, just be nice. She won't have anything bad to say about you this way.

PrincessMe · Jan 5th, 2008, 02:03 AM

ita with everyone else...now what about these presents she gives??

Pursegrrl · Jan 5th, 2008, 02:09 AM

I'm sorry, I would like to post a comment or two but I can't follow the thread just yet other than the OP is extremely frustrated with SIL.

I would suggest keeping your distance whenever possible meanwhile!

beauty k addict · Jan 5th, 2008, 02:13 AM

thanks for the response everyone! see the thing w/ her is she looks at our conversations as normal conversations so when she goes to visit the the other in-laws and they ask about my family, she ends up spilling everything to them even the ones she's not supposed to. let's say i'll make a comment about another in-law that is obvious i'll tell her ahead of time to not say anything and then she'll laugh it off. what the crap does that mean?? i don't think this woman takes me seriously!

dallas · Jan 5th, 2008, 02:27 AM

If she is repeating things that you don't want repeated, the solution is a simple one... stop gossiping to her.

beauty k addict · Jan 5th, 2008, 02:27 AM

i'm sorry if i confused everyone but i have a lot of problems with her that's why i'd rather speak to her at this online community. we'll have a nice flowing conversation and then all of a sudden she'll say something dumb that has something to do w/ our other in-laws. i'll end up firing back like a mad woman and next thing you knew all the in-laws couldn't wait to hang me. kwim?

omgsweet · Jan 5th, 2008, 03:11 AM

^^Don't fire back at her anymore. Just smile and nod.

lv_forever · Jan 5th, 2008, 04:15 AM

Yes, I agree with everyone else.
I'd be EXTREMELY careful with what I say in front of someone that I know who likes to gossip. It is IMPOSSIBLE to have a thoughtful, meaningful conversation with someone who's just fishing for things to rat on you later.

Seems like she is bringing up other in-laws in her conversation (with you) on purpose. She WANTS you to say things that may very well be innocent but can be interpreted as malicious. She ENJOYS it, believe me!

If she brings up other in-laws in your convo, ignore it. Even if it might seem rude, change the subject. Trying to be polite is not worth it when your reputation in your DH is being completely tarnished.

Jan 4th, 2008, 02:21 PM	#1
beauty k addict Flickr Photographer Location: Cowtown Canada	Tactless and troublemaker SIL I have this sil from DH side of the family.. she's DH older bro's second wife and just a year younger than both DH and I.. she seems nice and all but when she opens her mouth it's all blah without even realizing it! i don't know if i should just drop her in the middle of our conversation or something.. for every few exchanged words she'd make a tactless comment that's totally uncalled for that'd lead into trouble.. there was an incident that happened years ago between all the sils in DH family.. i knew things that she's not supposed to know but then she confided in me and i felt sorry for her and i ended up blabbing all the stuff out.. i wasn't being gossipy.. believe me that wasn't my motive.. i was being sympathetic and tried to console her and then she turned up on me.. i also didn't realize that she's been ratting me out the whole time and only discovered about it when it was really late.. she badly wanted to be a huge part of DH family and will do whatever she can to suck up like a leech to them.. and according to miss tactless-know-it-all i'm too scared (of what?) to meet up w/ DH family and that it's funny and unbearable! those were her exact words.. (well who didn't turn up when i invited DH family on DH birthday dinner? all of them except tactless sil here who only showed up for a few minutes to snoop and that's when the party was about to wrap up!) our conversation was going so well until she replied back with this line.. i innocently asked if someone else will be at their house in case my kids and i decided to stop by or if she asked me a tricked question.. i so badly wanted to tell her off but i figured i'm older (and wiser??) so i'll be the bigger person.. DH never liked her to begin with so he warned me not to be all friendly with her.. and now i invited her to come over tonight w/ her DH and stepdaughter but i'm having second thoughts.. i'm leaning towards uninviting her but what excuse should i give her? we're only exchanging conversations at this online social community (that i can't reveal in case she stumbles here on tPF and find out about this thread. there'll be drama. believe me!) and she told me twice already to call her but i was never up to calling her that's why i only talk to her there.. i think she actually wanted to talk to me so it's official that i'm inviting them over.. i know pick up the phone and just dial the number right? but i never felt like it at all with her.. don't let me get started on the presents she gives my family on special occasion because that's another story! __________________ "I'm still one stomach flu away from reaching my goal weight!" --Emily (The Devil Wears Prada)

Jan 4th, 2008, 09:10 PM	#2
beauty k addict Flickr Photographer Location: Cowtown Canada	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL mods feel free to delete this thread! thanks!

Jan 4th, 2008, 09:46 PM	#3
merika Just me Location: In front of a computer	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL Sorry. It all sounds very convoluted and unclear. Paragraphs, maybe? __________________ I will also gladly authenticate your chocolates for you.

Jan 4th, 2008, 10:03 PM	#4
heartnaspade Ali Location: back in NYC	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL ^^^ I am a little confused as well

Jan 5th, 2008, 12:47 AM	#5
cjj Member	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL The post is a bit confusing, but the bottom line is, it takes two. Either state your opinion to her, in private or play her game and the problem will continue. You and her really have no relationship as she is the wife of your BIL. I don't know the exact name for it, but your BIL will ALWAYS be your BIL unless you divorce your husband. She is in the family only as long as she is married to the man; does that make sense? Pick your battles and then plan your course for it. HTH

Jan 5th, 2008, 12:51 AM	#6
merde111 Member Location: Forth Worth, TX	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL I'd say just keep her at arm's length since she obviously can't be trusted. Because she's family, be polite...but you don't have to be friendly. If she makes a rude comment, just laugh and say, "Yeah...whatever!" and turn away. She'll hate it, but she won't be able to do anything. If someone says she was talking about you behind your back, just say something like, "yes, she's completely crazy, always trying to stir up trouble!" Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

Jan 5th, 2008, 01:28 AM	#7
lolitakali Mira Location: Maryland	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL Out of sight, out of mind. That is how I would treat people I do not want to be close to... just ignore them and have as little as possible contact with them.

Jan 5th, 2008, 01:32 AM	#8
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Location: Scottsdale, Az	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL If you want to un-invite her, call her up and tell her that one of your kids is throwing up. She won't want her kids to get sick, so she won't come over. Don't gossip with her anymore. When you must see her, just be nice. She won't have anything bad to say about you this way.

Jan 5th, 2008, 02:03 AM	#9
PrincessMe La Fabuleuse Location: In the Fab Lane	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL ita with everyone else...now what about these presents she gives?? __________________ www.theadventuresofmee.blogspot.com Dream Bag: Mirage Griet

Jan 5th, 2008, 02:09 AM	#10
Pursegrrl Oh! That Joe! Location: Seattle	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL I'm sorry, I would like to post a comment or two but I can't follow the thread just yet other than the OP is extremely frustrated with SIL. I would suggest keeping your distance whenever possible meanwhile! __________________

Jan 5th, 2008, 02:13 AM	#11
beauty k addict Flickr Photographer Location: Cowtown Canada	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL thanks for the response everyone! see the thing w/ her is she looks at our conversations as normal conversations so when she goes to visit the the other in-laws and they ask about my family, she ends up spilling everything to them even the ones she's not supposed to. let's say i'll make a comment about another in-law that is obvious i'll tell her ahead of time to not say anything and then she'll laugh it off. what the crap does that mean?? i don't think this woman takes me seriously!

Jan 5th, 2008, 02:27 AM	#12
dallas Ya anno	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL If she is repeating things that you don't want repeated, the solution is a simple one... stop gossiping to her. __________________

Jan 5th, 2008, 03:11 AM	#14
omgsweet omg...cute bag!! Location: Scottsdale, Az	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL ^^Don't fire back at her anymore. Just smile and nod.

Jan 5th, 2008, 04:15 AM	#15
lv_forever Member	Re: Tactless and troublemaker SIL Yes, I agree with everyone else. I'd be EXTREMELY careful with what I say in front of someone that I know who likes to gossip. It is IMPOSSIBLE to have a thoughtful, meaningful conversation with someone who's just fishing for things to rat on you later. Seems like she is bringing up other in-laws in her conversation (with you) on purpose. She WANTS you to say things that may very well be innocent but can be interpreted as malicious. She ENJOYS it, believe me! If she brings up other in-laws in your convo, ignore it. Even if it might seem rude, change the subject. Trying to be polite is not worth it when your reputation in your DH is being completely tarnished.