Welcome to The Purse Forum.

legsieloveslamb · Aug 14th, 2009, 04:54 PM

Originally Posted by ampeefyed

you could always call a helpline if you wanted to talk to someone & get things off your chest. i know it's better to talk to someone you know but sometimes talking to a complete stranger is cathartic.
call the guy friend you mentioned. he sounds like a good person and probably doesn't begrudge you for pushing him away.

Yes, I did get ahold of him. No he's not upset at me at all.

legsieloveslamb · Aug 14th, 2009, 04:55 PM

Something that I haven't done in a while: taking others' advice and doing something just for me, that I want to do. And that involves just getting away for a while. No one will know where I am but my mom and of course me.

rainrowan · Aug 14th, 2009, 06:02 PM

^that's a good idea. When I left the relationship to be on my own... it was painful to be "lonely" at the beginning. But then I started to enjoy my own company and the things I was able to do freely and the "lonely" went to simply being "alone" and it's perfectly wonderful. When you get to that point where your heart and mind feels happy, you will know precisely that from that moment forward, you are going to be OKAY.

legsieloveslamb · Aug 17th, 2009, 02:33 PM

Gentle- "BUMP"

I did what I said I was going to do over the weekend. It was GREAT! But now since the weekend is over....... back to reality and facing the "demons" in my head.

nataliam1976 · Aug 17th, 2009, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by legsieloveslamb

Gentle- "BUMP"

I did what I said I was going to do over the weekend. It was GREAT! But now since the weekend is over....... back to reality and facing the "demons" in my head.

I am so glad you did that and that it was worth it. Face the demons and fight them, it wont be easy, but its better than giving up, you know? It is always dark before the sunrise

legsieloveslamb · Aug 17th, 2009, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

I am so glad you did that and that it was worth it. Face the demons and fight them, it wont be easy, but its better than giving up, you know? It is always dark before the sunrise

So am I!! If I could hit "replay" I'd do it all over again! I dream of more days like that to come my way. So much gloom- it just needs to go away and stay away. I've been talking to so many people and some even know exactly what I'm going through even though their situation isn't quite the same. It makes me feel better, not so alone, even though there are people here, too, it really helps to have some people right there by me. I love being here, venting, and whatnot- but I CRAVE the physical presense of human beings who understand also. I'm still a social-bug even with everything I have been through and feeling so "controlled" for 13 years- it's like I'm breaking out of an egg!

rainrowan · Aug 17th, 2009, 04:39 PM

You can't do it overnight... you can just take it a day at a time. It took me a couple of years to feel okay. During that time, I never pushed myself to get over it. If I needed a break at work, I would take it. Thankfully my workload didn't suffer. I focused intensely on work but I could never repress my emotions for too long. I let it all out in the restroom. Hardest was the trip home from work - nowhere to run! It gets easier.... you're lucky in that you are able to seek out and receive support, it will help you get through it better.

katran26 · Aug 17th, 2009, 04:56 PM

wow, these stories of everything you ladies went through - all of you are the bravest, strongest, most courageous women I know.

legsieloveslamb · Aug 18th, 2009, 05:55 AM

^^Thank you personally from me.

katran26 · Aug 18th, 2009, 07:18 AM

Originally Posted by legsieloveslamb

^^Thank you personally from me.

You're very welcome. Reading some of the stories, I was amazed at everyone's bravery. You are the true heroes out there. People don't realize how difficult and what kind of an effort it takes to extricate yourself from bad situation, but these stories provide so much hope and really do show how strong we can all be.

nataliam1976 · Aug 18th, 2009, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by legsieloveslamb

So am I!! If I could hit "replay" I'd do it all over again! I dream of more days like that to come my way. So much gloom- it just needs to go away and stay away. I've been talking to so many people and some even know exactly what I'm going through even though their situation isn't quite the same. It makes me feel better, not so alone, even though there are people here, too, it really helps to have some people right there by me. I love being here, venting, and whatnot- but I CRAVE the physical presense of human beings who understand also. I'm still a social-bug even with everything I have been through and feeling so "controlled" for 13 years- it's like I'm breaking out of an egg!

Yes you are! You made through the most crucial part- making up your mind and going ahead with such hard, yet very important changes in your life hun. It will take a lot of time to have more of those better days but you will get there - I believe in you and I know you will.

Also how about some support groups where you are? this will give you the physical presence you need and understanding from women who share your experience.

And if you move to Copenhagen, I will physically be there for you anytime!

misschbby · Aug 18th, 2009, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by katran26

You're very welcome. Reading some of the stories, I was amazed at everyone's bravery. You are the true heroes out there. People don't realize how difficult and what kind of an effort it takes to extricate yourself from bad situation, but these stories provide so much hope and really do show how strong we can all be.

thank you too i cannot speak for any one else but writing what i did was incredibly painful. the scars may last the rest of my life but at least he is not in my life to inflict more.

legsieloveslamb · Sep 15th, 2009, 03:42 AM

**Gentle Bump**
And update:

He and I had had an "incidence" that for me just "broke the camel's back" and with the help of the area PD- I had him leave the house afterall- I was financially keeping it going so why should I give it up?! I just could not take anymore!
I have filed for Divorce from him. He has yet to be served the papers and that should be by the end of this week, but I did tell him that I had filed. It has been a rollercoaster and he still isn't "accepting" it and keeps doing things (he's finally going to counseling) trying to "get me back". I've explained several times how I am so far "gone" from him. Can't do it anymore. Wall as thick as steel is up. I've been brief. I've been cold. But he is still hanging on!!! He's in DENIAL! And I am sick of repeating myself! Ugh!
I gave him "chances" in the past to do all these things that he is doing now. I also gave him tons of patience and forgiveness yet the emotional crap/abuse would still happen. It's a cycle that though may lay dormant for a while- it's still going to emerge once again because I strongly believe that this is how he is "programmed" and a product of his raising, which wasn't very good, and I cannot "fix" any of it nor can I take anymore of it. So that is why I did what I did. Only I could break this cycle for me and for my son so that he does not repeat this same crap when he has relationships. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! This town of mine has treated it seriously, but they couldn't charge him with anything during the incident that "broke the back". Yeah- I was quite fustrated over that!
It's not easy. I have a lot of people who support me and then there are some that should support me, but have seemingly just turned their backs on me. This "I don't want to get involved crap." kills me because it shouldn't matter- when a dear friend is in need and you are a true friend you should be there despite what is going on. Nor should you do or say anything to make any matters worse!

LinaFelina · Sep 15th, 2009, 01:43 PM

To all:

I had seen this thread before and was hesitant to write until now. I'm one of the handful of males on TPF and once dated a woman in the past who was physically and mentally abused. Having seen first hand what it does to a person, it is not enough for me to say I abhor these things. I remember seeing her waking up in the middle of the night screaming, to see that someone had hurt her so much, it is a vision I see clearly when I read through this thread.

I never know what else to say at this point. I never knew what to say to her but to hold her until the pain had quieted. To listen when she needed it. To make sure she knew that whatever turmoil it caused in her life, it was in no way her fault.

I hold those same thoughts for you all.

EMMY · Sep 16th, 2009, 01:53 PM

^Sweet post!

Aug 14th, 2009, 04:55 PM	#62
legsieloveslamb OP BaG jUnKiE! Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,107	Something that I haven't done in a while: taking others' advice and doing something just for me, that I want to do. And that involves just getting away for a while. No one will know where I am but my mom and of course me.
	__________________ My L.A.M.B.s- Love Capri Stone, Rocksteady Mocha, Jacquard Kerry, Bullseye Commodore, Edinburgh Geometric Irvine, and Ceylon Hawke Lapis L.A.M.B. WISH Bags: Tavernier Hobo in Nero & Etoile

Aug 14th, 2009, 06:02 PM	#63
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,934	^that's a good idea. When I left the relationship to be on my own... it was painful to be "lonely" at the beginning. But then I started to enjoy my own company and the things I was able to do freely and the "lonely" went to simply being "alone" and it's perfectly wonderful. When you get to that point where your heart and mind feels happy, you will know precisely that from that moment forward, you are going to be OKAY.
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,934

Aug 17th, 2009, 02:33 PM	#64
legsieloveslamb OP BaG jUnKiE! Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,107	Gentle- "BUMP" I did what I said I was going to do over the weekend. It was GREAT! But now since the weekend is over....... back to reality and facing the "demons" in my head.
	__________________ My L.A.M.B.s- Love Capri Stone, Rocksteady Mocha, Jacquard Kerry, Bullseye Commodore, Edinburgh Geometric Irvine, and Ceylon Hawke Lapis L.A.M.B. WISH Bags: Tavernier Hobo in Nero & Etoile

Aug 17th, 2009, 04:39 PM	#67
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,934	You can't do it overnight... you can just take it a day at a time. It took me a couple of years to feel okay. During that time, I never pushed myself to get over it. If I needed a break at work, I would take it. Thankfully my workload didn't suffer. I focused intensely on work but I could never repress my emotions for too long. I let it all out in the restroom. Hardest was the trip home from work - nowhere to run! It gets easier.... you're lucky in that you are able to seek out and receive support, it will help you get through it better.
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 3,934

Aug 17th, 2009, 04:56 PM	#68
katran26 Member Joined: Aug 2008 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 650	wow, these stories of everything you ladies went through - all of you are the bravest, strongest, most courageous women I know.
	__________________ *Vist my blog on Christian Louboutin - Louboutin Love*

Aug 18th, 2009, 05:55 AM	#69
legsieloveslamb OP BaG jUnKiE! Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,107	^^Thank you personally from me.
	__________________ My L.A.M.B.s- Love Capri Stone, Rocksteady Mocha, Jacquard Kerry, Bullseye Commodore, Edinburgh Geometric Irvine, and Ceylon Hawke Lapis L.A.M.B. WISH Bags: Tavernier Hobo in Nero & Etoile

Sep 15th, 2009, 03:42 AM	#73
legsieloveslamb OP BaG jUnKiE! Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 4,107	Gentle Bump And update: He and I had had an "incidence" that for me just "broke the camel's back" and with the help of the area PD- I had him leave the house afterall- I was financially keeping it going so why should I give it up?! I just could not take anymore! I have filed for Divorce from him. He has yet to be served the papers and that should be by the end of this week, but I did tell him that I had filed. It has been a rollercoaster and he still isn't "accepting" it and keeps doing things (he's finally going to counseling) trying to "get me back". I've explained several times how I am so far "gone" from him. Can't do it anymore. Wall as thick as steel is up. I've been brief. I've been cold. But he is still hanging on!!! He's in DENIAL! And I am sick of repeating myself! Ugh! I gave him "chances" in the past to do all these things that he is doing now. I also gave him tons of patience and forgiveness yet the emotional crap/abuse would still happen. It's a cycle that though may lay dormant for a while- it's still going to emerge once again because I strongly believe that this is how he is "programmed" and a product of his raising, which wasn't very good, and I cannot "fix" any of it nor can I take anymore of it. So that is why I did what I did. Only I could break this cycle for me and for my son so that he does not repeat this same crap when he has relationships. EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! This town of mine has treated it seriously, but they couldn't charge him with anything during the incident that "broke the back". Yeah- I was quite fustrated over that! It's not easy. I have a lot of people who support me and then there are some that should support me, but have seemingly just turned their backs on me. This "I don't want to get involved crap." kills me because it shouldn't matter- when a dear friend is in need and you are a true friend you should be there despite what is going on. Nor should you do or say anything to make any matters worse!
	__________________ My L.A.M.B.s- Love Capri Stone, Rocksteady Mocha, Jacquard Kerry, Bullseye Commodore, Edinburgh Geometric Irvine, and Ceylon Hawke Lapis L.A.M.B. WISH Bags: Tavernier Hobo in Nero & Etoile

Sep 15th, 2009, 01:43 PM	#74
LinaFelina AKA Paul Joined: Jun 2009 Location: CT Posts: 219	To all: I had seen this thread before and was hesitant to write until now. I'm one of the handful of males on TPF and once dated a woman in the past who was physically and mentally abused. Having seen first hand what it does to a person, it is not enough for me to say I abhor these things. I remember seeing her waking up in the middle of the night screaming, to see that someone had hurt her so much, it is a vision I see clearly when I read through this thread. I never know what else to say at this point. I never knew what to say to her but to hold her until the pain had quieted. To listen when she needed it. To make sure she knew that whatever turmoil it caused in her life, it was in no way her fault. I hold those same thoughts for you all.
	__________________ I rubbed a lamp and a genie popped out. She said, "I will grant you three wishes, you may ask for anything but more wishes, and it will be done." I asked for more genies.

Sep 16th, 2009, 01:53 PM	#75
EMMY Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: Syracuse , New York Posts: 6,753	^Sweet post!
	__________________ Emmy

Welcome to The Purse Forum.

Our Purse Forum, or TPF, is the #1 online social network for everything designer handbag related. Join over 200,000 enthusiastic members in this friendly community and start engaging in the discussion today.