Survivors of Mental &/OR Physical ABUSE from Spouse

[misschbby]

going back and forth as to whether i wanted to contribute to this post cause there are days i still feel so ashamed
1. Was your abuser Mentally abusive, Physically abusive, or Both?

both
2. What was your Mental abuse?

put me down all the time about my physical appearance ability to be a mother clean the house etc etc .left me to have my babies by myself as he was sure i would embarrass him in front of the doctor , had affairs .

3. How did you remove/get out of the relationship? Include planning, details, or even the event that "topped the cake". Or did you simply say, enough is enough- I'm OUT come hell or high water! (LIKE ME- the poster of this thread, but it hasn't been EASY!!)

jan this year coming home from a party he was drunk i was sober he was being very abusive i told him to shut up . He hit me with a wine bottle on the side of my face . broke my nose fractured my cheekbone and busted my lips . as he was beating me he was screaming he was gonna kill me . i remember thinking that my kids would have to see me in the morgue and know there dad had done this . i managed to get out the car and was sick . i sat for about an hour covered in blood at the side of the road . when i got back into the car he was asleep . i managed to drive to the police station . A female officer that night told me that if i didnt leave him he would kill me . that was it i was done so done .

4. Did you have to go to other drastic measures beyond just leaving such as Restraining Orders, shelter home, move out of state, or even totally change your identity?

i have finally accepted the truth that there is no reasoning with him i have a barring order against him he cannot come 100 feet near me . i still let him see the kids as they still our entitled to love their dad.

5. HOW DID YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS REACT?

they were alll at first devastated and or really mad . they have all been amazing and without their love i dont think i would be happy now.


as a postscript to this i am still here some people get cancer, some people die young in the grand scheme of things i have a lot to be grateful for . dont get me wrong i still have scars ( mental) and i doubt i will ever let myself fall in love again but hey i have my kids and my family and my friends so i am blessed .he still maintains that i am the love of his life i KNOW that i could never do that to someone i loved ever ever.If this helps anyone then i am happy to have done this .

[chov]

1. Was your abuser Mentally abusive, Physically abusive, or Both?
Both - he was an alcoholic and would go into weird "trances" when he was drunk where he was in his own world - his eyes would glaze over, he'd talk to himself, throw punches at imaginary people and act out what were apparently his rape fantasies.
2. What was your Mental abuse?
He'd tell me I couldn't do any better, and no one else would ever want me because I was old (30 at the time - yeah, right I was "old.")
3. How did you remove/get out of the relationship? Include planning, details, or even the event that "topped the cake". Or did you simply say, enough is enough- I'm OUT come hell or high water! (LIKE ME- the poster of this thread, but it hasn't been EASY!!)
I came home after a night away to find my apartment ransacked, and he was drunk (of course - at the end he was drunk every day). That was it. I broke up with him and never saw him again.
4. Did you have to go to other drastic measures beyond just leaving such as Restraining Orders, shelter home, move out of state, or even totally change your identity?
No, fortunately he left me alone after a couple of middle-of-the-night drunken calls. Occasionally he'd drive by my apartment and yell "slut" or something, but that was it.
5. HOW DID YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS REACT?
I never really told anyone what he was like, and he was so anti-social my friends never really knew him. There was a collective shrug when it was over and done with.

[bernz84]

I'm not sure if I went through an emotionally abusive relationship...but after reading these, it kinda makes me wonder...

[PurseAddict79]

^^ Emotional abuse doesn't have a TRUE definition with definitive characteristics... it varies. Its all based on power and control. But basically, anything involving rejection, degrading, terrorizing, isolating, exploitation and denial of emotional responsiveness (failing to provide care and compassion in sensitive matters) are all forms of emotional abuse...

[bernz84]

^^^Well, I guess based on your description, I guess I did. No wonder it took me so long to gain my self-worth and my sanity back.

[boxermom]

I admire your bravery and strength, Legsie. Your posting this thread will help so many others, and I hope it helps you also.

Hugs and very best wishes for a happy future.

[laureenthemean]

This is extremely hard for me to talk about, but if it will help someone, it will be worth it. I have not been in an abusive relationship (and I am very thankful for that), but I grew up in one; my father abused my mother. For those who are staying in it for the kids, I want them to know that if you are staying in an abusive relationship, you are screwing up your kids.

1. Was your abuser Mentally abusive, Physically abusive, or Both?
Both. I remember seeing my dad pull my mom out of bed by her hair, spit in her face, and a myriad of other horrible images I'd rather not try to dredge up.

2. What was your Mental abuse?
I'm not really sure because my mom didn't tell me all the details and they spoke a different language (I only understood bits and pieces), but from what my mom told me, he didn't like for her to go out without him, made comments about things she wore, and called her stupid. There were really a ton of other things.

3. How did you remove/get out of the relationship?
He was cheating on her, and then served her with divorce papers. She was devastated, and never got over it. Sixteen years later, she is still bitter about all of it. It is understandable, of course, but it took a toll on her and us, her kids. I have sustained a LOT of emotional and mental abuse from her. She would always say the worst things possible about my father and made us tell her constantly that we didn't love him. We went through a lot of financial hardship, as well as the torture of being liaisons for our parents to each other. As soon as I was on my own, I cut off contact with both of them as much as possible, save for visiting a couple of times a year (and they never go well).

4. Did you have to go to other drastic measures beyond just leaving such as Restraining Orders, shelter home, move out of state, or even totally change your identity?
No. My parents did their best to hide everything from the other person after the divorce--finances, work location, home location. My mom would try her hardest to find out where my dad worked or lived so she could drive by and look.

5. HOW DID YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS REACT?
They disliked my dad from the beginning, and they sided with my mom of course, but I don't really know what else.

[yvalenz]

Legsie hun...."future ex-spouse" just brought tears to my eyes. I am so thankful that you are taking steps to secure a happy future for yourself (and your son), and end the emotional turmoil that you've been dealing with.

You're brave beyond words - for moving out and moving forward, and posting this thread for others to share as well. I'm sure you'll find that many other women have shared your experiences (and worse), and find inspiration through their stories.

Ladies - thank you for sharing, and caring enough about yourself to make a change.

[ibezj]

for everyone who's ever experienced mental or physical abuse. Your bravery and courage in leaving your abusers are truly admirable.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by laureenthemean

For those who are staying in it for the kids, I want them to know that if you are staying in an abusive relationship, you are screwing up your kids. .

I cannot stress that enough. Yes, it is maybe harder and more complicated when you have kids, but staying for the kids is the biggest BS excuse I have ever heard. If you truly care about your kids, you will provide them with better than that.

[legsieloveslamb]

I've been here, ladies. I've just been reading everyone elses' posts. I'm having some "mental days" which is just leaving me very quiet- more like- I don't have anything much to say, very fustrated, so I chose to just sit back and sigh. If I'm not making sense- blame it on my "mental days", when I tend to not make much sense for all the rubish and crap floating around in my head.

[misschbby]

^^^ i know believe me

[Odette]

Inspiring posts ladies - thanks OP for starting this thread.

[legsieloveslamb]

Originally Posted by ImASadGiraffe

Inspiring posts ladies - thanks OP for starting this thread.

You are very welcome, just as all the others are.

[legsieloveslamb]

It's very hard to get people to understand how complex a person's mind can become after being in such bad situations. In my life it affects me in so many ways that I can't even think of them all right now. Paranoia tops the list- fear that someone is upset with me or will be, fear that I can't do anything right either. Fighting/arguing with ANYONE- I can't stand ANY aspect of it because fighting has been the most unpleasant/frequent thing in my life. I'm ultra sensitive, too. I was never ever this bad!!