successful interfaith marriages?

[lilpicotin]

mods, if this violates a no-religious-discussion rule, then please feel free to close. but what i'm hoping to hear from people is whether, regardless of their faith/non-faith, they've succeeded in a relationship with someone with different beliefs.

ok, so, i've always been told that i shouldn't date non-christians (since i'm christian). my boyfriend is staunchly atheist and i don't want to change him. he supports my faith, attends church with me, and we have interesting discussions on the topic of God. we want to get married, but i hesitate because everyone has always advised against it, saying it just causes problems down the road. what do you guys think? are you in an "interfaith" marriage/relationship?

[article3]

Sounds like you two can make it work- who cares what people say if you and your boyfriend are happy? It seems like you're both respectful of each other's views and are able to have intelligent discussions about your differences without letting them get out of hand.

[Zophie]

My friend is Episcopalian and her husband is Buddhist. They have been together for years, but I've lost track of how many. They've been married at least ten. It's never been a problem for them at all.

[lara0112]

for us it was not possible, although we share the belief in God. but it was just too complicated when kids came into the equation, so we made amends to share the same belief. we are an inter-faith family though because the wider families haven't changed. no problem with that.

[sarahcantiik]

Wow, this is the one thing that cannot be.. how to say.. doesn't leave room for bargaining with my parents. They always said, you can marry anyone as long as he has the same religion. I, myself thinks that all religion teaches good but when I think about kids down the line, I know it can be complicated and that's when I know I should marry someone from the same religion.

I have know a few examples of interfaith marriages that are okay though. They have a high degree of toleration and let the kids choose the religions as they wish.

[Bambie]

I don't see what the big deal is. You just have to make an extra effort to avoid talk about religious or political issues that may hurt or offend the other... but that should be common practice regardless of whether your mariage is interfaith or not. My parents married 30 years ago and still going strong. They raised me in both faiths and I made my personal choice when I became an adult.

[Baby Boo]

i think that it is and isnt a problem.. its all on case by case basis..

im marrying someone not of my faith and to my father it was a blow as he was VERY unhappy abou tit... i do worry down the line what would happen but we are both moderate belivers so i would imagine it shouldnt be a problem, im sure if you come to a set of guidelines all should be ok

i know alot of ppl interfaith married nad it has worked and hasnt.. so depends from couple to couple really

[lulilu]

I used to think it didn't matter. Now I question that.

For those who have children with someone of a different faith, do your children go to church/synagogue/temple etc? On a regular basis? Or have religious education? I am wondering if having parents of different faiths means that the children don't get a true, serious, religious upbringing because the parents don't want to "hurt" one another?

I am not casting aspersions at all. I am just curious. I feel that is one area I failed my children because their dad and I are of different faiths.

[Bambie]

Originally Posted by lulilu

I used to think it didn't matter. Now I question that. For those who have children with someone of a different faith, do your children go to church/synagogue/temple etc? On a regular basis? Or have religious education? I am wondering if having parents of different faiths means that the children don't get a true, serious, religious upbringing because the parents don't want to "hurt" one another? I am not casting aspersions at all. I am just curious. I feel that is one area I failed my children because their dad and I are of different faiths.

My experience is you go to BOTH. Many of my friends were mixed, too and they did the same. I think I only saw it happen twice that because one of the parents was an atheist, the kid was not allowed to celebrate their First Holly Communion or Bar Miztvah... no big deal, kids get over that and once they're an adult they can choose which religion they want to follow etc. The only problem about interfaith / interrace children is we are not really welcome in more orthodox circles -you always get the "you're too X to be Y" from Y people and "you're to Y to be X" from X people.

I respectfully disagree with your comment on your interfaith children. Imo, the whole thing will but teach them to be open minded and respect others. Also a lot of people discover their faith when they are adults, just because you didn't raise them as ____ doesn't mean they will feel the call when they are older.

[bl2k4]

we are different religious, but never argue about this in 21 years of marriage. I respect his as mine.

[Zophie]

I think my friend takes her kids to church but they also practice some buddhism. Her and her husband really don't argue about it. They just sort of mix the two together.

[dearmissie]

I am Buddhist and my Fiance is Catholic. When we first started talking about marriage, religion it came up for a split second when it came to our future kids. I practice Buddhism a lot and he's Catholic because, "I was born one". He doesn't practice it much, and doesn't go to church aside from Christmas. We both support each other and never tried to change each other's religion. We have decided to continue to live our live the same when we have kids. Once I go to temple more, it's obvious that the kids and him will join. And when it is Christmas time we will go to Church. As long as we teach them to be good people (which in my opinion is all that matters and what religions teach people) then I believe they can grow up and chose as they like.

I think it really depends on the couple. Some couples cannot understand nor tolerate a partner being of a different religion. Others can. So if your BF and you have been able to do it so far, I think you two can do it in marriage! Just be mindful and respect each other. Don't down one another's religion. (I'm sure youve had no problem yet though!) Best of luck to you!

[goldfishnyc]

My parents are different religions, and my fiance and I are different religions. I don't think it really matters.

[Leah411]

Originally Posted by BlueGenes

mods, if this violates a no-religious-discussion rule, then please feel free to close. but what i'm hoping to hear from people is whether, regardless of their faith/non-faith, they've succeeded in a relationship with someone with different beliefs. ok, so, i've always been told that i shouldn't date non-christians (since i'm christian). my boyfriend is staunchly atheist and i don't want to change him. he supports my faith, attends church with me, and we have interesting discussions on the topic of God. we want to get married, but i hesitate because everyone has always advised against it, saying it just causes problems down the road. what do you guys think? are you in an "interfaith" marriage/relationship?

Hmmm..I don't quite understand the "interfaith" part of this.

You say your BF is atheist, so he doesn't have a faith. You're not attempting to combine two religions in a relationship....you're talking about one person who believes in G-d and one who doesn't.

It sounds like your BF is very supportive and respectful of your beliefs. Are you okay with the fact that he doesn't believe in G-d? Do you think it will bother you at some point in the future?

As long as you are both supportive and respectful of each other....I actually think it's often easier to have a successful relationship where one person is a "believer" and the other is a "non-believer" than it is to try to have a relationship with very different beliefs.

But it sounds like you both have good heads on your shoulders and are approaching this issue in a thoughtful, caring way.

[IntlSet]

The coupling of a Jewish man and an Asian girl are so common (in big cities, it seems, especially San Francisco and NYC) because although there may be religious differences, many core values are still the same: emphasis on education, family, the common immigrant experience, etc. So it can definitely work out.