successful interfaith marriages?

[HauteMama]

I am an atheist and DH is Christian, although he is mostly non-practicing. We were both aware of each other's beliefs before we were married and he knew that I would be home with the kids when we had them and that I would be honest about my beliefs as he is about his. We have no issue when it comes to religion.

I would definitely have an issue raising children with someone who was very religious and practicing and wanted to raise the children strictly in their own faith, though. As long as the future, children and holidays are discussed and agreed upon before marriage or long-term committment, then things ought to work out fine.

[Elara]

A very good friend of mine is Christian (not sure which church he grew up with) and his wife is Jewish. The kids go to a Jewish Community Center for daycare, and usually attend Synagogue, but they've agreed that they will be allowed to choose which they want when older.

[lara0112]

I should add that we never had the problem of being of different faiths but that one faith is a choice and another is by birth, thus children would be born into one faith. since belief is an important issue for us we discussed prior to even getting involved, because neither wanted to find out that some time down the line this would lead us to being separated. so I agree that whatever your situation, you should address these up front so that everybody is clear on the situation. that way, there is still a choice of 'getting out' before it gets too complicated, kwim?

[sputnik]

i think it can work as long as neither partner is very religious. i'm catholic, in theory, but really more of an agnostic. but really i don't practice and i wasn't raised in a religious household at all. and i've had boyfriends that were jewish, catholic, protestant, etc... the one thing we had in common was that neither was very fanatic about our religion or even really practiced it, even though we shared a belief in 'something'. to be honest, i would have major reservations about dating a very religious and practising man. it would just lead to too many issues down the road - how to raise children, outlook on life, agreements/disagreements on social issues like abortion and gay marriage, etc... i mean, just one example of the sort of thing that would make me think twice about marrying someone with vastly different religous beliefs: imagine what would happen if you have a kid who's gay? how could you deal with having a kid with someone that thinks homosexuality is a sin?
i've also dated atheists. and that's fine as long as they're not the militant kind that insist on being patronising of anyone that has a religious belief.
the fact that your bf is atheist might make the kid thing easier though, since he doesn't have a religion. where things get complicated is when you get two very religious and practising people together and they have to decide which religion they will teach their children.

[amanda]

i had many friends in high school that came from mixed-faith backgrounds because so many people had relocated from the north (larger catholic and jewish populations) to Atlanta (lots of baptists and lutherans because of the Southern location). Even though they're both christians, two denominations like Southern Baptists (different than regular ones) and Catholics have wildly different belief systems, but i never had any friends that complained about it. if the two partners are able to be respectful of each other and agree on how they want to raise the children, then i wouldn't anticipate an issue.

[Luva Pug]

Well, my Mum who was brought up strict Catholic ( my grandfather came over to the UK from Ireland), ended up marrying a evangelical afro-carribean man. (aka my step dad lol) When she met him my grand-father kicked her out of the house when she was 19 (my age).
This is turn, made her go against her religion, she said she saw the other side of it.
I think that interfaith marriages are just like normal, with regards to the couple in question, its the wider family that cause the problems!
Thats my experience anyway!

[siworae]

i am not religious at all... i was raised Christian, although my parents originally converted from Buddhism. personally, religion has never been an issue with the men i have dated... most of the guys were of a different faith, but they weren't very devout either.

i can see how it be an issue, though. it may work for some, but not for others.

[chouchou]

I think it comes down to how important religion is to you. If you are 100% into a religion and feel that anyone outside of it is doing things the wrong way then I don't think an interfaith relationship would work.
But if you are of the view that many religions can be right, that its the person not the doctrine that makes them who they are then with mutual respect, I doubt there'd be a problem.

[dusty paws]

I'm Catholic and my BF is Jewish. When we do decide to take the big plunge and get married, we want both a priest and a rabbi there. Also, our children will be raised in both religions, although there might be a larger emphasis on the Jewish part -- and I'm okay with that. We'll be one of the families with a Christmas tree and a Menorah lit.

The only thing that I am somewhat worried about is baptism - my mom always asks me what to do about that.

[wantmore]

Although DH is not an atheist, he is agnostic and I'm Catholic. We argue sometimes about it, but it never goes overboard and it never caused us to want to leave one another b/c of religion. We have lots of discussions about our religious beliefs or lack of. We just try to be mindful of each other's up bringing and try to understand each other's point of views so that our discussions don't turn into fights.

I'm happy to say that we've been together 17 1/2 years and been married 12 1/2 years. You can definitely make it work despite of what everyone around you says.

[lilpicotin]

Originally Posted by Leah411

Hmmm..I don't quite understand the "interfaith" part of this. You say your BF is atheist, so he doesn't have a faith. You're not attempting to combine two religions in a relationship....you're talking about one person who believes in G-d and one who doesn't.

i guess i see atheism as a type of "faith", since you believe there is no God, even though technically you can't prove it. he grew up catholic, and i think his parents might want a priest at the wedding, even though neither of us feels comfortable with that.

i worry about details like how to get married... a lot of pastors won't marry a couple unless they both profess the same faith as the pastor. plus, there seems to be a little bit of a judgmental attitude by other church people that i must not be that serious a christian if i'm dating a non-christian. not that it matters so much, but it's frustrating.

[PinkSuadeSoho]

I’ve been married for over 8 years. Our different belief system has never been an issue, for either one of us. I think it is more the person, and how they handle the situation. We also have kids.

When I was growing up my family was very religious. They were against me dating people who were not of the same faith. When I moved away, I did what I felt was right in my heart. I’ve never been happier!

[purseinsanity]

I think it really depends on the two people (and maybe their families too) who are involved. How religious someone is and how important religion is in your daily life can make a huge difference. I am Hindu and my husband is Episcopalian. We're different races and religions and from totally different cultures, but where we are similar is that we respect each other's point of view and don't put down the other. My family is much more religious than my husband's, and although I'm sure they would have preferred I marry a Hindu, ultimately what was most important to them was I marry someone who loved me and someone who was a good, moral person. My husband's family is as WASP-y as you can get, but they too never thought I was a "heathen" and instead welcomed me with open arms and used our relationship as an opportunity to educate themselves about other cultures. I can see where even if two people are tolerant and their families put up a fuss, it can make it very difficult. Luckily, I married someone who, like his family, doesn't think people who aren't just like him aren't good enough. We've been married almost 7 1/2 years and have been together for 11. Not bad considering!

[chipmunk-pnw]

As long as you are both comfy with each other having a different faith and both are not too staunch, you'd do fine. Problems arise when both are staunch in their respective faiths, try to convert each other, and when they have children who may need to be put through certain rites of faith much to the dissatisfaction of one parent.