Stuck???

[omgsweet]

I feel like when one cheats, the relationship will never be the same again.

I'm sorry you feel stuck.

If I were you, I'd get a job and save up!

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by ghall

i was romantically in love with him until a few years ago... right before i found out i was pregnant with my second child, i found out he was cheating on me.. for sure with at least one girl he met online. i confronted him- and he still denies it to this day. but the girl knew way too many intimate details about him and my daughter and my home. and since then i haven't felt the same. i haven't kissed him (like passionately /open mouthed) for at least 3 years. he used to treat me really badly. not abusive. but he was never very considerate of me always did what he wanted when he wanted not caring about what i wanted or needed. he's change a bit since then. he's more considerate. talks to me more about plans and what not. but i just don't care. i like it more now when he's gone. and when i'm gone- i don't miss him. i don't want him to do anything. i've come to grips that he is the way he is, he'll never change. i'll never change. and as great of a father he is- he is not the right one for me ... like i'd be better off alone. happier alone.

well this is all very important info that would have been good to have!
for me personally, physical cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I also would have a very hard time being intimate with my DH again if this happened to me.
you both could still benefit from seeing a marriage counselor though even if you already know you want to leave. they can help you both with the transition and help redefine your relationship for your kids sake.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by Hessefan

....You also don't sound like a naive person chasing rainbows or butterflies in your stomach.

for the record, I never implied the OP was "naive". just human.
sheesh I wish people would stop trying to attach connotations to my posts where they are not warranted.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by omgsweet

I feel like when one cheats, the relationship will never be the same again. I'm sorry you feel stuck. If I were you, I'd get a job and save up!

i agree with what you said. personally i have never dealt with a cheating husband but i see how my sister went thru it.
they got a divorce and they are now back together. she said the r/s is different now, she is more mature now and she honestly didn't expect too much from the marriage. i actually cannot understand what she meant.
but i believe if he's truly regret what he's done and i think everyone deserves a second chance.
not saying OP should stay in this marriage but i think there's more emotions were buried deep down inside. may be being independent for a while is a good idea so OP can truly find out how she feels and so will her DH. sometimes when the road is bumpy...a little break can put things back in perspective. along with professional help.
best of luck!!

[ahertz]

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

well this is all very important info that would have been good to have! for me personally, physical cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I also would have a very hard time being intimate with my DH again if this happened to me. you both could still benefit from seeing a marriage counselor though even if you already know you want to leave. they can help you both with the transition and help redefine your relationship for your kids sake.

+1 to everything shoo said.

[ghall]

Ive tried telling him before how his cheating has affectd me. But like i said. He still wont admit he did. And he still denies it. A few months ago i went on his blackberry to use the browser to google something. As soon as i opened it it was on craigslist in the erotic section. I confronted him and he said it was for his cousin. And i told him i didnt care if it was for him. But i started crying. He asked if i didnt care why was i crying. And i told him i was crying because i didnt have the money to leave. He said i was ridiculous and left for an hour.

I have wotked before. I know quickbooks. I was an executive assistant for yhe ceo of a weekly local newspaper. But i have been out of work since january. I have been sending out my resume every day since then with not even a single call back. :(

[yeliab]

Ghall, since you have secretarial experience - why don't you try Kelly's Temporary Services? They will send you out to different companies and the companies may even hire you!!

It also gives you the flexibility of a mother - you can accept/refuse jobs as they come in.

It's a good start...

Hang in there... once you start working and feeling more independent - you won't feel so stuck anymore... you'll have choices.

Let us know how things are progressing...

[NLVOEWITHLV]

OP I feel so bad for you... a partner cheating is never easy so it must be such a hard thing for you to go through... Like the others I would normally say go the counseling route, however, I feel you have made up your mind that you dont want to make it work. If this is the case why waste money or anymore of your valuble time? Life is short you DESERVE happiness!!! I would start by taking my manicure/hair/grocery and whatever other kind of extra money I could get my hands on and STASH IT!!! Be strong, you have a hard road ahead of you as a single mom, but you can do it. Some people think the weak stay in unhappy relationships out of comfort, I think it takes a strong person to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of others!!! GL!!!

[NLVOEWITHLV]

Hey bagnshoofetish!!! From previous post I think you are a wise woman who has been around the block, but I respectfully disagree with this statement

"some people never do and are constantly chasing that rainbow of feeling all goopy all the time. Its just not realistic."

I think it can be realistic, I'm always curious as to why some people think its not... care to enlighten me on your thoughts

[Hessefan]

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

for the record, I never implied the OP was "naive". just human. sheesh I wish people would stop trying to attach connotations to my posts where they are not warranted.

I didn't mean to suggest that you called her naive, just that she sounds as if she was already aware of all those issues, like the initial giddiness wearing off.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by ghall

Ive tried telling him before how his cheating has affectd me. But like i said. He still wont admit he did. And he still denies it. A few months ago i went on his blackberry to use the browser to google something. As soon as i opened it it was on craigslist in the erotic section. I confronted him and he said it was for his cousin. And i told him i didnt care if it was for him. But i started crying. He asked if i didnt care why was i crying. And i told him i was crying because i didnt have the money to leave. He said i was ridiculous and left for an hour. I have wotked before. I know quickbooks. I was an executive assistant for yhe ceo of a weekly local newspaper. But i have been out of work since january. I have been sending out my resume every day since then with not even a single call back. :(

ugh...i take back my comments about the second chance. first he's still in denial and second he seems still into whatever erotic fantasy land...so may be it's better to let him be.
the economy is rough now...r u in CA..i heard it's pretty bad there. someone mentioned a temp agency...as for now...try everything. i think it's easier to go thru an agency. it's better to stand on your feet for now.
i know you've tried...but talk to your mom again about his problem and you want to leave and you need their help. i think a lot of traditional asian family think it's okay as long as the men still sleeps at home and bring in the pay checks. but tell them it's not enough and you deserve better. ask them to help you out without understanding the situation and see how that goes....
i feel so bad for your situation.

[gacats]

Originally Posted by bagnshoofetish

well this is all very important info that would have been good to have! for me personally, physical cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I also would have a very hard time being intimate with my DH again if this happened to me. you both could still benefit from seeing a marriage counselor though even if you already know you want to leave. they can help you both with the transition and help redefine your relationship for your kids sake.

VERY well said bags, very well said.
I totally agree with the above. This way you can be assured that you have exhausted all avenues of saving the marriage and there will be no doubts in your mind or your husband's.
So sorry for your troubles.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by NLVOEWITHLV

Hey bagnshoofetish!!! From previous post I think you are a wise woman who has been around the block, but I respectfully disagree with this statement "some people never do and are constantly chasing that rainbow of feeling all goopy all the time. Its just not realistic." I think it can be realistic, I'm always curious as to why some people think its not... care to enlighten me on your thoughts

I'll PM ya so we don't hijack...

[petitechouchou]

OP, I'm sorry to hear what you've been going thru and hope you can find happiness soon

[vuittonamour]

Originally Posted by juneping

i agree with what you said. personally i have never dealt with a cheating husband but i see how my sister went thru it. they got a divorce and they are now back together. she said the r/s is different now, she is more mature now and she honestly didn't expect too much from the marriage. i actually cannot understand what she meant. but i believe if he's truly regret what he's done and i think everyone deserves a second chance. not saying OP should stay in this marriage but i think there's more emotions were buried deep down inside. may be being independent for a while is a good idea so OP can truly find out how she feels and so will her DH. sometimes when the road is bumpy...a little break can put things back in perspective. along with professional help. best of luck!!

he cant regret it if he can't even be honest with her and admit he did it. OP says he still denies it to this day.