So I met this guy...

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 16th, 2008, 10:00 AM

I went to a birthday party on Saturday night with my sister. This guy approached me on the dance floor and charmed his way into dancing with me. We chatted a bit during the night, and he asked me if i'd have dinner with him the next day. I had plans so declined but gave him my number anyway. We had a nice conversation over the phone last night and he seems like a really nice guy, he's 33 no kids, never married and a manager.
The thing is I don't find him physically attractive at all, he's just not my type. He's not at all handsome, I feel kinda bad saying that but its true IMO.

The thing is I said that I wasn't going to bother talking to guys if I didn't see that it could possibly go somewhere. And this is because I know that when a guy is taking a girl out its not because he wants to be her friend you know? Also I don't want to keep going out with a guy knowing that there is something about him thats gonna be a hangup for me, and then having to give him that "I just wanna be friends" talk . I don't feel its fair to him. Am I over thinking this? Should I just hang out with him and be carefree or should I stick to my guns and not let it go any further?

BTBF · Jun 16th, 2008, 10:43 AM

I think you should hang out with him and be carefree. You will never know, most people I know...started out not attractive to their SO.

ChristyR143 · Jun 16th, 2008, 10:55 AM

Well, it seems to me that you obviously found something about him you liked, or else you wouldn't have given him your number, so I say have one dinner with him and see what happens. I will say though, that I would be a little concerned about the fact that he's in his 30's and never been married. In my experience, men that age who've never been married (or at the very least REALLY close to marriage) have some issues.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 16th, 2008, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChristyR143

Well, it seems to me that you obviously found something about him you liked, or else you wouldn't have given him your number, so I say have one dinner with him and see what happens. I will say though, that I would be a little concerned about the fact that he's in his 30's and never been married. In my experience, men that age who've never been married (or at the very least REALLY close to marriage) have some issues.

REALLY!!! This would probably cross my mind if he were in his fourties most people have just gotten themselves together in their early 30's.
But I hear you, one dinner won't hurt I just hope he doesn't turn out like that last crazy caller I went out with!

ChristyR143 · Jun 16th, 2008, 11:02 AM

I'm definitely not saying every dude that's never been married in his 30's has issues, just that the ones I've met have, lol! Of course, these days people are waiting later to marry (which is a good thing.) I guess I just mention it so that you can be on the lookout!

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 16th, 2008, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChristyR143

I'm definitely not saying every dude that's never been married in his 30's has issues, just that the ones I've met have, lol! Of course, these days people are waiting later to marry (which is a good thing.) I guess I just mention it so that you can be on the lookout!

Oh I definitely am! I pay good attention to what men say, i'm not one of those women who will ignore the little signs or red flags because a guy has a six pack

Jahpson · Jun 16th, 2008, 11:19 AM

If he is great at conversations, definitely hang out with him.

LadyLinda · Jun 16th, 2008, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChristyR143

I will say though, that I would be a little concerned about the fact that he's in his 30's and never been married. In my experience, men that age who've never been married (or at the very least REALLY close to marriage) have some issues.

It all depends on why he is still single. Some people are very focused on education and building their careers, and haven't been ready to settle down until a bit later. I have a son like that, now 32, who went to get a Masters in Engineering, then an MBA, and in just now settled in after starting, then selling, his first company. He's been close to marriage a couple times, but moves and careers intervened. It's more difficult finding mates on the same page today than it used to be!

Fabulousity, definitely give this guy a chance. You liked something about him. He may yet sweep you off your feet with intelligence or charm. I know a lot of women, myself included, who weren't initially attracted physically to a man only to find themselves more attracted (sometimes lots more) as they got to know him. Now, if something about him totally turns you OFF, that's a different matter.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 16th, 2008, 11:55 AM

^^^ He made me laugh a lot when I met him, he's funny and charming so far which is why I gave him my number...

pisdapisda79 · Jun 16th, 2008, 11:59 AM

I say at least go out with him once & see how it goes

KristyDarling · Jun 16th, 2008, 01:31 PM

I personally don't think that a single man in his 30s is all that unusual. *Most* men in my city (San Francisco) are still single in their early 30s...everyone is getting married later these days. Anyway, I'm a HUGE proponent of giving guys a chance or two, even if you're not initially attracted to them physically. When I was 23, I was introduced to a guy whose "type" I totally wasn't into: pale, nerdy, bad dresser, socially awkward. But at the urging of my friends, I went on a date with him...more out of boredom than real interest. Fast forward 11 years: we are married with two kids. You just never know if a guy is going to sweep you off his feet with his good heart, or his sincerity, or intelligence, or sense of humor...or whatever. That often translates to physical attraction. You just have to give it a chance and some time to develop.

If you go on a date with him, you can just make it very clear that you're just interested in getting to know him on a casual, friendly basis. (and if it develops into something deeper, it'll be a pleasant surprise for both of you!)

Just my two cents!

merrazu · Jun 16th, 2008, 01:55 PM

I would totally give him a shot. I know when i met my last boyfriend I was not attracted to him at all at first - I thought he was a total geek! But I learned that you can find people attractive after getting to know who they are as a person. After I while, I thought my ex was adorable. So it can happen.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 16th, 2008, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KristyDarling

I personally don't think that a single man in his 30s is all that unusual. *Most* men in my city (San Francisco) are still single in their early 30s...everyone is getting married later these days. Anyway, I'm a HUGE proponent of giving guys a chance or two, even if you're not initially attracted to them physically. When I was 23, I was introduced to a guy whose "type" I totally wasn't into: pale, nerdy, bad dresser, socially awkward. But at the urging of my friends, I went on a date with him...more out of boredom than real interest. Fast forward 11 years: we are married with two kids. You just never know if a guy is going to sweep you off his feet with his good heart, or his sincerity, or intelligence, or sense of humor...or whatever. That often translates to physical attraction. You just have to give it a chance and some time to develop.

If you go on a date with him, you can just make it very clear that you're just interested in getting to know him on a casual, friendly basis. (and if it develops into something deeper, it'll be a pleasant surprise for both of you!)

Just my two cents!

This seems to be the problem, I tell guys this and yet they still come on way too strong too early, I hate that! I guess to give him a few pointers i'll mention that this has happened in the past and hope that he gets the point.

KristyDarling · Jun 16th, 2008, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

This seems to be the problem, I tell guys this and yet they still come on way too strong too early, I hate that! I guess to give him a few pointers i'll mention that this has happened in the past and hope that he gets the point.

Yeah, a lot of guys don't seem to "get" that message. Hormones, I tell ya.

Maybe you can tell him, "I'm dating guys casually right now. Well actually, 'dating' might even be too strong of a word. I'm just trying to keep things platonic and pressure-free. I'm mainly interested in getting to know people on a friendly basis, while keeping an open mind that anything can happen."

Hopefully he'll get the message that this one date does not equate a monogamous relationship.

~Fabulousity~ · Jun 16th, 2008, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KristyDarling

Yeah, a lot of guys don't seem to "get" that message. Hormones, I tell ya.

Maybe you can tell him, "I'm dating guys casually right now. Well actually, 'dating' might even be too strong of a word. I'm just trying to keep things platonic and pressure-free. I'm mainly interested in getting to know people on a friendly basis, while keeping an open mind that anything can happen."

Hopefully he'll get the message that this one date does not equate a monogamous relationship.

I like that

and yes I had happen before where I went out with a guy once and he thought it ok to call me several times a day everyday!

Jun 16th, 2008, 10:00 AM	#1
~Fabulousity~ ...is rebooting	So I met this guy... I went to a birthday party on Saturday night with my sister. This guy approached me on the dance floor and charmed his way into dancing with me. We chatted a bit during the night, and he asked me if i'd have dinner with him the next day. I had plans so declined but gave him my number anyway. We had a nice conversation over the phone last night and he seems like a really nice guy, he's 33 no kids, never married and a manager. The thing is I don't find him physically attractive at all, he's just not my type. He's not at all handsome, I feel kinda bad saying that but its true IMO. The thing is I said that I wasn't going to bother talking to guys if I didn't see that it could possibly go somewhere. And this is because I know that when a guy is taking a girl out its not because he wants to be her friend you know? Also I don't want to keep going out with a guy knowing that there is something about him thats gonna be a hangup for me, and then having to give him that "I just wanna be friends" talk . I don't feel its fair to him. Am I over thinking this? Should I just hang out with him and be carefree or should I stick to my guns and not let it go any further? __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

Jun 16th, 2008, 10:55 AM	#3
ChristyR143 But it was on sale!! Location: Texas	Well, it seems to me that you obviously found something about him you liked, or else you wouldn't have given him your number, so I say have one dinner with him and see what happens. I will say though, that I would be a little concerned about the fact that he's in his 30's and never been married. In my experience, men that age who've never been married (or at the very least REALLY close to marriage) have some issues. __________________

Jun 16th, 2008, 11:02 AM	#5
ChristyR143 But it was on sale!! Location: Texas	I'm definitely not saying every dude that's never been married in his 30's has issues, just that the ones I've met have, lol! Of course, these days people are waiting later to marry (which is a good thing.) I guess I just mention it so that you can be on the lookout! __________________

Jun 16th, 2008, 11:19 AM	#7
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	If he is great at conversations, definitely hang out with him. __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 16th, 2008, 11:55 AM	#9
~Fabulousity~ ...is rebooting	^^^ He made me laugh a lot when I met him, he's funny and charming so far which is why I gave him my number... __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

Jun 16th, 2008, 10:43 AM	#2
BTBF Member	I think you should hang out with him and be carefree. You will never know, most people I know...started out not attractive to their SO.

Jun 16th, 2008, 11:59 AM	#10
pisdapisda79 Member Location: Canada	I say at least go out with him once & see how it goes

Jun 16th, 2008, 01:31 PM	#11
KristyDarling Member	I personally don't think that a single man in his 30s is all that unusual. Most men in my city (San Francisco) are still single in their early 30s...everyone is getting married later these days. Anyway, I'm a HUGE proponent of giving guys a chance or two, even if you're not initially attracted to them physically. When I was 23, I was introduced to a guy whose "type" I totally wasn't into: pale, nerdy, bad dresser, socially awkward. But at the urging of my friends, I went on a date with him...more out of boredom than real interest. Fast forward 11 years: we are married with two kids. You just never know if a guy is going to sweep you off his feet with his good heart, or his sincerity, or intelligence, or sense of humor...or whatever. That often translates to physical attraction. You just have to give it a chance and some time to develop. If you go on a date with him, you can just make it very clear that you're just interested in getting to know him on a casual, friendly basis. (and if it develops into something deeper, it'll be a pleasant surprise for both of you!) Just my two cents!

Jun 16th, 2008, 01:55 PM	#12
merrazu Merrazu	I would totally give him a shot. I know when i met my last boyfriend I was not attracted to him at all at first - I thought he was a total geek! But I learned that you can find people attractive after getting to know who they are as a person. After I while, I thought my ex was adorable. So it can happen.