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talexs · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:14 PM

SB good idea, keep looking at that list when things get tough.

HG2008 not to get all I am woman hear me roar, but he sucks and you deserve better. I am sorry he couldn't even respond to your mssg, you're right it isn't that hard to respond and well I guess we will just never know why some people act the way they do. Of course it's hard to let go, but just keep thinking that there is something better out there. (I know I'm one to talk and should take my own advice.)

On a different silly stupid note the guy I dated after my ex and I ended things the first time texted me and asked me if I wanted to grab a drink next time I am in town. It's a bad idea, but I may just do it. (I'm almost positive it won't happen bc we both work very different schedules.) I need to kind of throw myself into something--even if it just a drink--bc if not I know me and I will be sad for a very long time.

spoiled_brat · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:26 PM

HappyGrl2008, I love that! Yes, don't waste the pretty

My sister gave me a Happy Bunny card for my birthday last year that said "I'm too pretty to care!" Wish I could scan it or something.

spoiled_brat · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by talexs

On a different silly stupid note the guy I dated after my ex and I ended things the first time texted me and asked me if I wanted to grab a drink next time I am in town. It's a bad idea, but I may just do it. (I'm almost positive it won't happen bc we both work very different schedules.) I need to kind of throw myself into something--even if it just a drink--bc if not I know me and I will be sad for a very long time.

Why is it a bad idea? And why will you be sad for a very long time? Did you officially end things with your guy? Sorry if I missed that.

talexs · Nov 5th, 2009, 09:51 PM

^^The guy I dated in between is one of those guys that just charms the hell out of you and then I discovered he has a bit of a lying problem. After he and I stopped dating the girl he was dating went through his phone, called me, and told me she was going to kill me if she found out that I ever got in touch with "her man." Apparently she found texts that he had sent to me and well didn't care to notice that I never responded, and I guess he just brings some stupid drama.

The sad for a long time is just well, who thinks they would get a 2nd chance to finally do something right and then have the same things come up again. The odd thing is we get along, share the same interests, all the good stuff, honestly there really aren't bad times. But being the stupid super private people that we are we just let it go to hell and never let the other one know what we really wanted and now it is pretty much at the point of beyond fixable. I don't think you could say it is officially over, but may as well be. We barely talk--which isn't completely out of the norm for us--and right now I guess all I can say is that the ball is in his court.

How is everyone doing this evening?

lostnexposed · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:02 AM

while we're on the topic of communication and texting and phone calls, is it bad if the girl is the one to normally initiate contact first(as in like "hey what's up") that sorta thing..the conversations flow smoothly after that..but I was starting to wonder if it was the same as compared to always being the one to ask a guy out.

CoffeeAddict · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:10 AM

I'm probably not the best person to answer that since I have a hard enough time figuring out my own communication with MIA guy, but personally I think that it depends on other factors as well. Like how he behaves otherwise and how one sided it really is. 50%? 70%? More?

So if that's the only issue, maybe it's not such a big deal, but if there's other things that make you go "hmmmm" then maybe it IS a big deal...

talexs · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:30 AM

Completely agree with CoffeeAddict seems to me that is just one of a few things to consider. Maybe the guy is shy and can't work up the nerve to text the girl, but when she calls or texts him he then feels a little better about the situation and gains some confidence.

PA Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, hope everything with J went well

spoiled_brat · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:57 AM

I don't know, I think the communication should ideally be initiated roughly 50/50. If one person is always doing all the initiating, something is not right.

PurseAddict79, also thinking of you.

PurseAddict79 · Nov 6th, 2009, 10:52 AM

Happy friday beautiful ladies,

Things went ok with J last night... as ok as could be expected. I think about 10min went by before I could even make eye contact with him. We talked... a lot. Cried... a lot. He said he'd work on changing things little by little... not for me, but for himself. Because he can't imagine his life without me. I told him I'd continue to work on my issues. We agreed to take a break from contact for a while just so we can both sort things out. He must have said I Love You twenty times last night... and I said it back every time. Because I do. Which is why this is so hard.

He left about midnight and I cried myself to sleep. Its so hard having to let go of someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with but I know right now it's for the best. I don't know what the future holds... but if nothing else, I hope he and I can be friends.

I'm looking forward to seeing Airplane Guy tomorrow night... excited, and a little nervous.

HappyGrl2008 · Nov 6th, 2009, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by spoiled_brat

I don't know, I think the communication should ideally be initiated roughly 50/50. If one person is always doing all the initiating, something is not right.

ITA. I believe in balance. It's all about balance. Mutual respect.

PurseAddict I admire your strenght. Enjoy your time tomorrow with Airplane Guy!

PurseAddict79 · Nov 6th, 2009, 11:39 AM

^^ Thank you, though I hardly view it as being strong. I keep thinking I should have been strong and stayed with him... and then I remind myself that sometimes it takes more strength to let go.

mymeimei02 · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:12 PM

^You're right PurseAddict it takes more strength to let go. Its hard to do the right thing sometimes. Hang in there.

PurseAddict79 · Nov 6th, 2009, 12:20 PM

^^ Thank you. Its especially hard when you aren't 100% sure it *is* the right thing. My mind knows it is, at least for now, but my heart won't listen.

The last few times we'd seen each other, including the 1wk we spent together in Mexico, I was distant. Dettached. Because the stripclub incident had just happened a week before vacation.... and that was basically the last straw in my head. I went from looking forward to a romantic vacation to more or less viewing it as the last attempt at making it work. When he broke down crying (drunk) the night before we left to go home about wanting children, I knew that it was time to let go...

But last night when I looked at him... every time I looked at him... I was reminded of all of the reasons I fell in love with him all over again. The way his eyes sparkle. His smile lines. The shape of his eyes. The contours of his body. His voice. His smell. His hugs (because yes, we did hug... and kiss... and hug... a lot). The way he looked at me. The way I Love You sounded... felt. The feel of his hand in mind. Everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I truly love this man.

And I just don't know how to get over that. How do I get over a relationship when I may never be over the guy?

Space might fix that. Airplane guy might make it easier... or, maybe not.

azhangie · Nov 6th, 2009, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by lostnexposed

while we're on the topic of communication and texting and phone calls, is it bad if the girl is the one to normally initiate contact first(as in like "hey what's up") that sorta thing..the conversations flow smoothly after that..but I was starting to wonder if it was the same as compared to always being the one to ask a guy out.

I'm wondering the same too. Kinda in that same situation! While he does intiate conversations here and there, for the last 2 weeks I've been the one to mostly intiate conversation. But he does the asking, if he wants to hang out. So I guess that makes up for it?

But I do know how you feel...i hate intiating the conversation. Sometimes I feel like he doesnt want to talk to me, so why am I trying to alk to him?!?! But then when the conversation gets going, things are good. And I'm left wondering...ok so either hes really good at conversation or he's shy? But I dont want to make excuses for any guy...so I ended up frustrated and kinda angry, when he doesnt intiate conversation the next few days. Hahaha...

Kansashalo · Nov 6th, 2009, 03:48 PM

PA, Did you notice that when you mentioned the things you loved about him, everything was a physical trait? There was no mention of how he made you feel, how he is a support system, etc. I'm not saying this to call you shallow (lol not at all

) but I'm saying this because although physical attraction is good, a relationship works based on trust - based on the feelings of security and being able to communicate and count on that person no matter what. Just something to think about...

...ok, so enough talk of the past....so does thinking about your date with Airplane guy give you the butterflies? lol If so, that's a good sign.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Nov 6th, 2009, 12:10 AM	#3816
CoffeeAddict Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 193	I'm probably not the best person to answer that since I have a hard enough time figuring out my own communication with MIA guy, but personally I think that it depends on other factors as well. Like how he behaves otherwise and how one sided it really is. 50%? 70%? More? So if that's the only issue, maybe it's not such a big deal, but if there's other things that make you go "hmmmm" then maybe it IS a big deal...
CoffeeAddict Member Joined: May 2007 Posts: 193

Nov 6th, 2009, 03:48 PM	#3825
Kansashalo Memories! Joined: Sep 2006 Location: USA Posts: 3,606	PA, Did you notice that when you mentioned the things you loved about him, everything was a physical trait? There was no mention of how he made you feel, how he is a support system, etc. I'm not saying this to call you shallow (lol not at all ) but I'm saying this because although physical attraction is good, a relationship works based on trust - based on the feelings of security and being able to communicate and count on that person no matter what. Just something to think about... ...ok, so enough talk of the past....so does thinking about your date with Airplane guy give you the butterflies? lol If so, that's a good sign. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
	__________________

Nov 5th, 2009, 09:14 PM	#3811
talexs I Love It!!!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: always in the office :( Posts: 1,499	SB good idea, keep looking at that list when things get tough. HG2008 not to get all I am woman hear me roar, but he sucks and you deserve better. I am sorry he couldn't even respond to your mssg, you're right it isn't that hard to respond and well I guess we will just never know why some people act the way they do. Of course it's hard to let go, but just keep thinking that there is something better out there. (I know I'm one to talk and should take my own advice.) On a different silly stupid note the guy I dated after my ex and I ended things the first time texted me and asked me if I wanted to grab a drink next time I am in town. It's a bad idea, but I may just do it. (I'm almost positive it won't happen bc we both work very different schedules.) I need to kind of throw myself into something--even if it just a drink--bc if not I know me and I will be sad for a very long time.

Nov 5th, 2009, 09:26 PM	#3812
spoiled_brat not spoiled enough Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 2,190	HappyGrl2008, I love that! Yes, don't waste the pretty My sister gave me a Happy Bunny card for my birthday last year that said "I'm too pretty to care!" Wish I could scan it or something.

Nov 5th, 2009, 09:51 PM	#3814
talexs I Love It!!!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: always in the office :( Posts: 1,499	^^The guy I dated in between is one of those guys that just charms the hell out of you and then I discovered he has a bit of a lying problem. After he and I stopped dating the girl he was dating went through his phone, called me, and told me she was going to kill me if she found out that I ever got in touch with "her man." Apparently she found texts that he had sent to me and well didn't care to notice that I never responded, and I guess he just brings some stupid drama. The sad for a long time is just well, who thinks they would get a 2nd chance to finally do something right and then have the same things come up again. The odd thing is we get along, share the same interests, all the good stuff, honestly there really aren't bad times. But being the stupid super private people that we are we just let it go to hell and never let the other one know what we really wanted and now it is pretty much at the point of beyond fixable. I don't think you could say it is officially over, but may as well be. We barely talk--which isn't completely out of the norm for us--and right now I guess all I can say is that the ball is in his court. How is everyone doing this evening?

Nov 6th, 2009, 12:02 AM	#3815
lostnexposed Member Joined: Sep 2006 Location: Flippin Tables Posts: 5,507	while we're on the topic of communication and texting and phone calls, is it bad if the girl is the one to normally initiate contact first(as in like "hey what's up") that sorta thing..the conversations flow smoothly after that..but I was starting to wonder if it was the same as compared to always being the one to ask a guy out.

Nov 6th, 2009, 12:30 AM	#3817
talexs I Love It!!!!! Joined: Jun 2008 Location: always in the office :( Posts: 1,499	Completely agree with CoffeeAddict seems to me that is just one of a few things to consider. Maybe the guy is shy and can't work up the nerve to text the girl, but when she calls or texts him he then feels a little better about the situation and gains some confidence. PA Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, hope everything with J went well

Nov 6th, 2009, 12:57 AM	#3818
spoiled_brat not spoiled enough Joined: Oct 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 2,190	I don't know, I think the communication should ideally be initiated roughly 50/50. If one person is always doing all the initiating, something is not right. PurseAddict79, also thinking of you.

Nov 6th, 2009, 10:52 AM	#3819
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,234	Happy friday beautiful ladies, Things went ok with J last night... as ok as could be expected. I think about 10min went by before I could even make eye contact with him. We talked... a lot. Cried... a lot. He said he'd work on changing things little by little... not for me, but for himself. Because he can't imagine his life without me. I told him I'd continue to work on my issues. We agreed to take a break from contact for a while just so we can both sort things out. He must have said I Love You twenty times last night... and I said it back every time. Because I do. Which is why this is so hard. He left about midnight and I cried myself to sleep. Its so hard having to let go of someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with but I know right now it's for the best. I don't know what the future holds... but if nothing else, I hope he and I can be friends. I'm looking forward to seeing Airplane Guy tomorrow night... excited, and a little nervous.

Nov 6th, 2009, 11:39 AM	#3821
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,234	^^ Thank you, though I hardly view it as being strong. I keep thinking I should have been strong and stayed with him... and then I remind myself that sometimes it takes more strength to let go.

Nov 6th, 2009, 12:12 PM	#3822
mymeimei02 Member Joined: Apr 2008 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 562	^You're right PurseAddict it takes more strength to let go. Its hard to do the right thing sometimes. Hang in there.

Nov 6th, 2009, 12:20 PM	#3823
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,234	^^ Thank you. Its especially hard when you aren't 100% sure it is the right thing. My mind knows it is, at least for now, but my heart won't listen. The last few times we'd seen each other, including the 1wk we spent together in Mexico, I was distant. Dettached. Because the stripclub incident had just happened a week before vacation.... and that was basically the last straw in my head. I went from looking forward to a romantic vacation to more or less viewing it as the last attempt at making it work. When he broke down crying (drunk) the night before we left to go home about wanting children, I knew that it was time to let go... But last night when I looked at him... every time I looked at him... I was reminded of all of the reasons I fell in love with him all over again. The way his eyes sparkle. His smile lines. The shape of his eyes. The contours of his body. His voice. His smell. His hugs (because yes, we did hug... and kiss... and hug... a lot). The way he looked at me. The way I Love You sounded... felt. The feel of his hand in mind. Everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I truly love this man. And I just don't know how to get over that. How do I get over a relationship when I may never be over the guy? Space might fix that. Airplane guy might make it easier... or, maybe not.

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