[LissiSays]

This might sound silly to a few people out there but here is my story.

My brother passed away on November 23, 1998.
My grandmother passed away on February 14, 1999.
My grandfather passed away on January 13, 2005.

All of them have had some sort of cancer/tumor.

I placed an order for one of those yellow Livestrong wristbands right before my grandfather passed away in January of 2005. I couldn't find it at any store. I don't know why I really wanted to have one and the urgency to get one as fast as possible. My ordered never made it on time. I got my wristband about a week after he passed. I wore it in his memory (and for my brother and grandmother).

I have worn my Livestrong wristband on my right arm for almost 3 years. It would have been 3 years in January. I've always heard of people's wristbands breaking, snapping off, ripping, etc. I've never encountered someone that has had one for as long as me. I have ONLY EVER taken this bracelet off twice for a job interview... and I wasn't too happy about it. I usually take off all my jewelry when I shower, go to the beach and the pool but I would never take off my yellow wristband.

My mom would always tell me thinks like: "I can't believe you are going out to such a nice place and won't take that yellow thing off." She always ragged on me for going out, getting all dressed up, but having that bright yellow band on my wrist.

It has almost been 3 years... I took off my Livestrong wristband on Christmas Eve. I don't know why I took it off. At first, I didn't notice I was even taking it off. I caught myself and my eyes almost teared up. I had to hold it back because I wasn't alone. I played it off like if it were nothing.

Does this mean I'm letting go? Have I moved on? Have I healed? It's funny that I don't understand my own actions... how I don't understand the simple taking off of a wristband. And how taking something off, something so small, can have such an impact.

I put so much meaning into something so small. So I don't understand the meaning of that no longer being a part of me. I'm afraid to let go.

In reality, I guess I'm afraid to forget. Which is silly because I know I'll never forget. How could I?

Has this ever happened to anyone? Has anyone ever treasured something so small? Has anyone ever put so much meaning to something that is meaningless to others? And have you ever let go?

[Speedy]

Yup, I think you are starting to heal. This is good! You will NEVER forget honey... ever. As you get older, little things will pop up in your mind and remind you of a loved one you've lost. And you'll tear up again. It's normal and expected.

When I was still making custom jewelry and the like, I made a lot of memorial pieces for people. I really didn't understand the devotion people had for lost loved ones until I lost my beloved Uncle, Mother, Grandmother and Father all within a few years. While only two hit me really hard, I still keep mementos that mean nothing to anyone but me of them. But as time goes on, I find myself not needing my uncle's old baseball cap, or my father's old desk lamp.

I wear a gold medallion on a gold chain that belonged to my mother, turns out it also belonged to her mother, as well as her grandmother. It will be my daughter's when it's my time. When my mother gave it to me on her deathbed, I could not imagine ever taking it off... even when I had to take the chain in to have it shortened, I cried right in the jewelers' store because I had to take it off! (Granted, a 18 kt. gold medallion is a little more than a yellow plastic wristband, but the LOVE behind it is just as priceless!) Now, after what, almost 8 years, I can take it off without going too emotional.

You'll never forget them honey. Ever. Don't worry that you've removed a token of their memory from your body, you'll never remove them from your brain. Or your heart.

ETA: I kept the radiology mask they used on my Uncle to keep his head still during radiation treatments for 9 years after he died. So yes, people keep little things that mean nothing to anyone but themselves. I can see you putting this wristband in your private treasure box (and if you don't have one, or you use a jewelry box, that's cool.) and keeping it for longer than you've worn it. I know my kids like to look through this wooden box I have where I keep things like this... locks of the kid's hair, little trinkets and stuff, special things that mean nothing to anyone but me. They may have meaning for the kids when I go.

[Janos614]

One of my best friends passed in August 2006 and I have this bracelet that she gave me that I won't wear precisely because I'm afraid of over-wearing it, I love it so much. As Speedy said, it sounds like your pain has receded to the point where you don't need a physical reminder. I think you're well on your way to healing, but you won't forget- you can't. These experiences have only made you stronger, and there will always be some reminder that they were in this world. We weren't built to grieve indefinitely, so take this as evidence of your growth.

[Traci]

Well, I think that the reason this was different than say, wearing your grandmother's necklace or something like that is because the yellow bracelet signified you trying to "do" something about the people you lost.

It's like a crutch that you used to get you through the heartache of losing those three people that you loved.

You realized eventually that there isn't anything you can DO about this. That life is going to happen and you need to happen along with it.

You have probably accepted that fact that it happened, there's nothing you could have done to stop it, and that life does indeed go on. Time really does help to heal wounds.

I think it's wonderful that you felt the way you did and that you took it off. Now, you can wear something to remember them by and it will FEEL more like a remembrance to you.

It's very hard to loose people that we love and even harder to continue living without them. I don't think a person ever stops asking the question, "why?", but they can learn to live with that question. And I think you just did....

[brimack]

It does get a little easier with time. You'll never forget, but things will get easier. This November it was 9 years since my mom passed from pancreatic cancer. Most days I'm okay, but on holidays / birthdays I find myself feeling as if it just happened. What breaks my heart most is that she never got to see my children (my oldest is 7). I too have a bracelet I wore for my mom for about 4 years....I still have it, but have found that I don't have that "need" to wear it all the time now. On her birthday though, I do donate to the cancer society which makes me feel as if I'm doing something for her on that special day.

[dusty paws]

My grandpa passed away almost two weeks ago, and the wound is so fresh in my mind. Mom gave me a pendant of his that I asked for - I wore for a week straight because I missed him so much. I still do - I miss my grandpa and I feel empty inside. But, he was sick, and it was better than to see him suffering.

Christmas was the first day that I didn't wear his necklace - but I do always know exactly where it is. There will be days when I need to wear it because I miss him - such as holidays, birthdays, and I'm sure on my wedding day.

You will never forget your brother - I don't think anything could make you forget, but perhaps time is lessening the pain in your heart. *hugs*

[simpleplan]

I'm extremely sentimental and it's one of the qualities I like about myself and in others as well. Even if my heart never forgets, I like to have things tangible in remembrance of specific moments, events... I can't even throw a bottle of nail polish that my mom got me as a gift because she loved it even if I disliked it..I just remember that look in her face when she saw me open it. I can see it so clearly now..and I have saved every little petal and weed that my son has picked for me since he was 3 years old..he'd do that when I was down and give me a kiss..just stuff like that..it's a very beautiful and powerful thing our hearts and minds..what we are capable of, what we do to heal ourselves, to comfort ourselves..