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lightdays · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:03 AM

I get frustrated at myself for wanting reassurance almost all the time. Right now it's a prime example. :/ I get jealous really of other people who are engaged or married and my boyfriend's. It's because they used to be engaged, but me and my boyfriend's relationship is stronger. One of my friends said I'm lucky and the other one said I really have no reason to be jealous. It's because me and my boyfriend have big plans for next year which are: getting ourselves an apartment and moving out, me volunteering or working prior and after moving out while I go to school, and him working full time. I do have the money to move out which is the SSI money that's why I can plan to move out, but it'll be tight eventually because it's not enough as most regular paying jobs give that's why I need to be working. Oh he's planning on proposing to me next year after we move out. Probably at the end of the year. He said he wants to get me a nice ring, but it can't be too expensive because he might not be able to afford it. We're both college students. He tells me he loves me every single day and that I'm the love of his life and that he loves me with all his heart. He wants to make it to marriage with me and him getting engaged to me next year. He reassures me that we're going to make it with our plans. I love him so much. I really want it to work and I will make damn sure it will. I'm not letting anybody or any obstacles get in my way or I'll tell them to $&#% off and continue on what I'm doing. I shouldn't be jealous. Am I lucky??? Can someone tell me that I'm lucky or unlucky?

Edit: Sorry for sounding unreasonable. I have a problem of asking for reassurance. Some of the stuff he has said makes me wonder, but yeah sorry if I bothered anybody here. :( I just needed to let this out. I'm a really big worrier. I worry A LOT.

nycfashionlvr · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:17 AM

Originally Posted by lightdays

I get frustrated at myself for wanting reassurance almost all the time. Right now it's a prime example. :/ I get jealous really of other people who are engaged or married and my boyfriend's. It's because they used to be engaged, but me and my boyfriend's relationship is stronger. One of my friends said I'm lucky and the other one said I really have no reason to be jealous. It's because me and my boyfriend have big plans for next year which are: getting ourselves an apartment and moving out, me volunteering or working prior and after moving out while I go to school, and him working full time. I do have the money to move out which is the SSI money that's why I can plan to move out, but it'll be tight eventually because it's not enough as most regular paying jobs give that's why I need to be working. Oh he's planning on proposing to me next year after we move out. Probably at the end of the year. He said he wants to get me a nice ring, but it can't be too expensive because he might not be able to afford it. We're both college students. He tells me he loves me every single day and that I'm the love of his life and that he loves me with all his heart. He wants to make it to marriage with me and him getting engaged to me next year. He reassures me that we're going to make it with our plans. I love him so much. I really want it to work and I will make damn sure it will. I'm not letting anybody or any obstacles get in my way or I'll tell them to $&#% off and continue on what I'm doing. I shouldn't be jealous. Am I lucky??? Can someone tell me that I'm lucky or unlucky?

Based on what you've said I think you can answer your own question. Just relax. No one can answer that for you , you have to feel it in your heart. All I can say is be thankful for what you have.

Junkenpo · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:20 AM

honestly, jealousy is a wasted emotion. You're the only one that suffers for it: the people you are envying will continue on with their own merry lives whether or not you seethe & bubble over with jealousy.

Instead of being jealous of others, concentrate on the good in your life. Like you stated: you have a BF who loves you who wants to marry you. You're in a position where you can better yourself through school & assert your independence by living on your own (or w/BF).

If you blame luck, either good or bad, for your successes and failures in your life, you ignore the fact that it is the CHOICES YOU MAKE about your life and the attitude toward life you have that bring the good or the bad into your world.

Charles · Sep 20th, 2009, 03:01 AM

Your post sounds like on huge run on stream of consciousness post.

Take a breath...doesn't that feel better?

turboflgrl · Sep 20th, 2009, 03:09 AM

To answer your question, yes you're very lucky. Not everyone in the world finds a partner that loves them the way you describe. A proposal, a ring, and a marriage are nothing if the person isn't the one who makes you feel like the most important person in the world - just remember that.

little LV lover · Sep 20th, 2009, 09:18 AM

Focus on your own plans and everything will fall into place. Feeling jealous is natural. It's part of human nature to feel (whether it be jealousy, anger, happiness, love)...if you didn't feel any of these emotions...your heart is probably made of stone...lol. Be thankful that you have a wonderful boyfriend who shares the same goals as you do...and who sees YOU in his future...as his wife.

Immi · Sep 20th, 2009, 10:28 AM

I read your other thread btw. I'm going to be blunt here, because I used to be a bit like you - very sensitive and insecure (even rang my best friend up once for reassurance that she actually liked me, how insecure is that). You ARE lucky. You spelled it out. Many people have great trouble finding what you have with your boyfriend. Start saying "I'm lucky" rather than asking for reassurance... it should help. Even if you don't really feel it just say it, and eventually you will be able to accept it. It feels silly at first but it's worth a shot. The reassurance, does it ever actually help? I mean more than for just a few hours/days after you get your reassurance and sympathy. It's like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound imo. It won't fix the problem.

If you're like me the problem is the way you think about things. If people and common sense tell you you're lucky (ie about your relationship) then say "I'm lucky" and leave it at that. Because unlucky is being alone, hungry, and sick. There will always be plenty of people with worse luck than you, and of course plenty with better luck. Every day is a gift so try to stop worrying about something that does not need worrying about. Over a few years I have slowly changed the way I think and now I am so much stronger. A lot of confidence and strength can come from ACCEPTING that you are lucky and have a lot to be proud of and not downplaying it automatically.

I hope I didn't come across as rude or mean. I imagine you don't feel very good at the moment and you often put yourself through this kind of thing and it's hard not to. But with some work you might be able to improve things a bit, and stop beating yourself up so much. Going through your whole life not accepting any of your luck or achievements will be really difficult, so I hope things get better for you even if my advice is useless.

Also... there is also a bright side to being sensitive. You will be able to help other people who are unhappy and troubled, and sensitive people are often very nice.

mellecyn · Sep 20th, 2009, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by lightdays

I get frustrated at myself for wanting reassurance almost all the time. Right now it's a prime example. :/ I get jealous really of other people who are engaged or married and my boyfriend's. It's because they used to be engaged, but me and my boyfriend's relationship is stronger. One of my friends said I'm lucky and the other one said I really have no reason to be jealous. It's because me and my boyfriend have big plans for next year which are: getting ourselves an apartment and moving out, me volunteering or working prior and after moving out while I go to school, and him working full time. I do have the money to move out which is the SSI money that's why I can plan to move out, but it'll be tight eventually because it's not enough as most regular paying jobs give that's why I need to be working. Oh he's planning on proposing to me next year after we move out. Probably at the end of the year. He said he wants to get me a nice ring, but it can't be too expensive because he might not be able to afford it. We're both college students. He tells me he loves me every single day and that I'm the love of his life and that he loves me with all his heart. He wants to make it to marriage with me and him getting engaged to me next year. He reassures me that we're going to make it with our plans. I love him so much. I really want it to work and I will make damn sure it will. I'm not letting anybody or any obstacles get in my way or I'll tell them to $&#% off and continue on what I'm doing. I shouldn't be jealous. Am I lucky??? Can someone tell me that I'm lucky or unlucky?

Edit: Sorry for sounding unreasonable. I have a problem of asking for reassurance. Some of the stuff he has said makes me wonder, but yeah sorry if I bothered anybody here. :( I just needed to let this out. I'm a really big worrier. I worry A LOT.

That would be enough for me, you ARE lucky !!! I wish I had someone telling me that....

Charles · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:21 PM

I'm not understanding why you need us to tell you if you're lucky or not. Besides, making a relationship successful isn't about luck, it's about hard work. You get what you give, and it sounds to me like both of you are putting in a lot. You're not lucky, you're in love with a good guy, so stop worrying about other people's relationships and what other people say and just focus on you and your man and what it takes to make YOUR relationship work.

karmenzsofia · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by lightdays

I get frustrated at myself for wanting reassurance almost all the time. Right now it's a prime example. :/ I get jealous really of other people who are engaged or married and my boyfriend's. It's because they used to be engaged, but me and my boyfriend's relationship is stronger. (A) One of my friends said I'm lucky and the other one said I really have no reason to be jealous. It's because me and my boyfriend have big plans for next year which are: getting ourselves an apartment and moving out, me volunteering or working prior and after moving out while I go to school, and him working full time. I do have the money to move out which is the SSI money that's why I can plan to move out, but it'll be tight eventually because it's not enough as most regular paying jobs give that's why I need to be working. Oh he's planning on proposing to me next year after we move out. Probably at the end of the year. He said he wants to get me a nice ring, but it can't be too expensive because he might not be able to afford it. We're both college students. (B) He tells me he loves me every single day and that I'm the love of his life and that he loves me with all his heart. He wants to make it to marriage with me and him getting engaged to me next year. He reassures me that we're going to make it with our plans. I love him so much. I really want it to work and I will make damn sure it will. (C) I'm not letting anybody or any obstacles get in my way or I'll tell them to $&#% off and continue on what I'm doing. I shouldn't be jealous. (D) Am I lucky??? Can someone tell me that I'm lucky or unlucky?

Edit: Sorry for sounding unreasonable. I have a problem of asking for reassurance. Some of the stuff he has said makes me wonder, but yeah sorry if I bothered anybody here. :( I just needed to let this out. I'm a really big worrier. I worry A LOT.

A) I think it would help you to work on learning to stop looking at others for reassurance or to define your relationship for you. Whether others think you're lucky or unlucky is irrelevant. What matters is how you and your boyfriend get along and treat each other--what you think and feel and not what others think and feel about your relationship. I'm a bit confused about the fixation on being lucky or unlucky--maybe it's a language thing. What difference does it make whether you found what you have because you're lucky or not?

B) I would be satisfied with this.

C) This is a contradiction because you just showed how much you care about what others--your friends, people here--think about your relationship and whether or not you're lucky.

D) Refer to (A)

I think it's wonderful that you and your boyfriend love each other the way you do. That's an awesome gift. Be thankful and enjoy every moment!

juneping · Sep 20th, 2009, 01:58 PM

somtimes people around you can see things clearer than you and sometimes they don't. if your gut tells you that you are doing fine...don't look else where for reassurance. bc ppl look at r/s differently.
i learned from experience...i let my parents + friends' opinions affect my feelings toward my bf. it can be tiring for the bf who already is trying and always feel the need to reassure you just bc someone else in your life tells you otherwise.
sometimes, a r/s is just meant for the two of you.

shy*violet · Sep 20th, 2009, 07:02 PM

So... who are you to judge someone else's relationship? You aren't them. You don't know how "strong" their relationship is vs. yours. You are spinning your wheels wasting your time & energy comparing your relationship vs. someone else's.

If you continue to be jealous over what other people do or don't have it might be a good idea to talk to someone about it and find out why that bothers you so much.

It doesn't seem healthy to constantly need reassurance all the time like that.

msshell · Sep 20th, 2009, 07:49 PM

Wow, this post actually makes me feel kind of sad for you. Lots of people would love to have what you describe.

It should not matter if other people think you are lucky. If we responded here that you were NOT lucky, what would that do to the way you view your relationship? Would it make you love your BF less or want something different, even though what you described was that you are happy?

It only matters what YOU think. It's not healthy to live your life to compare yourself and your situation to other peoples' situations, and to seek approval or admiration from others.

Also, you never know what is going on behind the scenes with other peoples relationships, engagements or marriages. If you are happy with what you have, that should be all that matters. Really.

Cheetah7 · Sep 21st, 2009, 04:40 AM

Originally Posted by lightdays

Can someone tell me that I'm lucky or unlucky?

Edit: Sorry for sounding unreasonable. I have a problem of asking for reassurance. Some of the stuff he has said makes me wonder, but yeah sorry if I bothered anybody here. :( I just needed to let this out. I'm a really big worrier. I worry A LOT.

No amount of reassurance from anyone is going to convince you that you're lucky unless you know it for yourself. You should not be comparing yourself to your friends and other people. You are not them and you are not living their lives and neither are they living yours. Instead, focus on your own and improve the things you think need improvement because in the end the only reassurance that counts is yours.

lightdays · Sep 21st, 2009, 08:15 AM

Thanks for the replies. I feel a bit dumb and embarrassed that I made that post. I am lucky in some ways and there are others who are 'unlucky' and 'lucky' than me. I have a problem of asking my boyfriend for reassurance almost all the time that he finally broke this down into pieces. He said he doesn't know yet if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Right now he wants to be with me, but he wants to wait for engagement until I get a job and move in with him. He said after he'll propose to me which is hopefully next year after all this. He's willing to wait patiently with me and of course be with me until I can do more 'adult' things in my life. He said he wants to reach to marriage with me in the future. I hope this still shows that he loves me and wants to be with me, right? If he didn't care about me or care to wait, he would've ended the relationships already? And also why am I still upset? It's because I have that doubt that the good stuff never happens to me. I have very low self-esteem after failed attempts in transferring or moving out. All of which never took place in the end. I have problems committing myself to big goals and plans and I want to fix that, but I find it very difficult to. I don't know how to have confidence that it'll work. I want to, but it's extremely difficult for me. He tells me every single day that he loves me more than 3 times and that he wants to go and try to reach it to marriage with me in the future. How do I commit myself in achieving my goals and improving myself while having confidence that it'll work out?

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:03 AM	#1
lightdays OP Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 246	Should I be jealous? I get frustrated at myself for wanting reassurance almost all the time. Right now it's a prime example. :/ I get jealous really of other people who are engaged or married and my boyfriend's. It's because they used to be engaged, but me and my boyfriend's relationship is stronger. One of my friends said I'm lucky and the other one said I really have no reason to be jealous. It's because me and my boyfriend have big plans for next year which are: getting ourselves an apartment and moving out, me volunteering or working prior and after moving out while I go to school, and him working full time. I do have the money to move out which is the SSI money that's why I can plan to move out, but it'll be tight eventually because it's not enough as most regular paying jobs give that's why I need to be working. Oh he's planning on proposing to me next year after we move out. Probably at the end of the year. He said he wants to get me a nice ring, but it can't be too expensive because he might not be able to afford it. We're both college students. He tells me he loves me every single day and that I'm the love of his life and that he loves me with all his heart. He wants to make it to marriage with me and him getting engaged to me next year. He reassures me that we're going to make it with our plans. I love him so much. I really want it to work and I will make damn sure it will. I'm not letting anybody or any obstacles get in my way or I'll tell them to $&#% off and continue on what I'm doing. I shouldn't be jealous. Am I lucky??? Can someone tell me that I'm lucky or unlucky? Edit: Sorry for sounding unreasonable. I have a problem of asking for reassurance. Some of the stuff he has said makes me wonder, but yeah sorry if I bothered anybody here. :( I just needed to let this out. I'm a really big worrier. I worry A LOT.
	Last edited by lightdays; Sep 20th, 2009 at 01:27 AM.

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:20 AM	#3
Junkenpo LVoebird! Joined: Jan 2007 Location: 2500 miles from any continental landmass Posts: 3,054	honestly, jealousy is a wasted emotion. You're the only one that suffers for it: the people you are envying will continue on with their own merry lives whether or not you seethe & bubble over with jealousy. Instead of being jealous of others, concentrate on the good in your life. Like you stated: you have a BF who loves you who wants to marry you. You're in a position where you can better yourself through school & assert your independence by living on your own (or w/BF). If you blame luck, either good or bad, for your successes and failures in your life, you ignore the fact that it is the CHOICES YOU MAKE about your life and the attitude toward life you have that bring the good or the bad into your world.
	__________________

Sep 20th, 2009, 03:01 AM	#4
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,182	Your post sounds like on huge run on stream of consciousness post. Take a breath...doesn't that feel better?
	__________________

Sep 20th, 2009, 03:09 AM	#5
turboflgrl Sofa King Addicted Joined: Jun 2008 Location: The Beach! Posts: 448	To answer your question, yes you're very lucky. Not everyone in the world finds a partner that loves them the way you describe. A proposal, a ring, and a marriage are nothing if the person isn't the one who makes you feel like the most important person in the world - just remember that.
	__________________ ~Ashley~ "Unbanned and ready..." Wish List: Christian Louboutin Black Pigalle LV Ebony Damier Speedy 30 Hermes Cartouche Bracelet Love Quotes Scarves

Sep 20th, 2009, 10:28 AM	#7
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	I read your other thread btw. I'm going to be blunt here, because I used to be a bit like you - very sensitive and insecure (even rang my best friend up once for reassurance that she actually liked me, how insecure is that). You ARE lucky. You spelled it out. Many people have great trouble finding what you have with your boyfriend. Start saying "I'm lucky" rather than asking for reassurance... it should help. Even if you don't really feel it just say it, and eventually you will be able to accept it. It feels silly at first but it's worth a shot. The reassurance, does it ever actually help? I mean more than for just a few hours/days after you get your reassurance and sympathy. It's like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound imo. It won't fix the problem. If you're like me the problem is the way you think about things. If people and common sense tell you you're lucky (ie about your relationship) then say "I'm lucky" and leave it at that. Because unlucky is being alone, hungry, and sick. There will always be plenty of people with worse luck than you, and of course plenty with better luck. Every day is a gift so try to stop worrying about something that does not need worrying about. Over a few years I have slowly changed the way I think and now I am so much stronger. A lot of confidence and strength can come from ACCEPTING that you are lucky and have a lot to be proud of and not downplaying it automatically. I hope I didn't come across as rude or mean. I imagine you don't feel very good at the moment and you often put yourself through this kind of thing and it's hard not to. But with some work you might be able to improve things a bit, and stop beating yourself up so much. Going through your whole life not accepting any of your luck or achievements will be really difficult, so I hope things get better for you even if my advice is useless. Also... there is also a bright side to being sensitive. You will be able to help other people who are unhappy and troubled, and sensitive people are often very nice.
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	__________________ The best things in life are free. Apart from OPI, cars, and chocolate brazil nuts...

Sep 20th, 2009, 09:18 AM	#6
little LV lover Because I can... Joined: Apr 2007 Location: Where do you live? Posts: 1,339	Focus on your own plans and everything will fall into place. Feeling jealous is natural. It's part of human nature to feel (whether it be jealousy, anger, happiness, love)...if you didn't feel any of these emotions...your heart is probably made of stone...lol. Be thankful that you have a wonderful boyfriend who shares the same goals as you do...and who sees YOU in his future...as his wife.

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:21 PM	#9
Charles Sucks at budgeting Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Fl Posts: 6,182	I'm not understanding why you need us to tell you if you're lucky or not. Besides, making a relationship successful isn't about luck, it's about hard work. You get what you give, and it sounds to me like both of you are putting in a lot. You're not lucky, you're in love with a good guy, so stop worrying about other people's relationships and what other people say and just focus on you and your man and what it takes to make YOUR relationship work.
	__________________

Sep 20th, 2009, 01:58 PM	#11
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,314	somtimes people around you can see things clearer than you and sometimes they don't. if your gut tells you that you are doing fine...don't look else where for reassurance. bc ppl look at r/s differently. i learned from experience...i let my parents + friends' opinions affect my feelings toward my bf. it can be tiring for the bf who already is trying and always feel the need to reassure you just bc someone else in your life tells you otherwise. sometimes, a r/s is just meant for the two of you.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 20th, 2009, 07:02 PM	#12
shy*violet I heart PINK! Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,285	So... who are you to judge someone else's relationship? You aren't them. You don't know how "strong" their relationship is vs. yours. You are spinning your wheels wasting your time & energy comparing your relationship vs. someone else's. If you continue to be jealous over what other people do or don't have it might be a good idea to talk to someone about it and find out why that bothers you so much. It doesn't seem healthy to constantly need reassurance all the time like that.
shy*violet I heart PINK! Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,285	__________________ I want a teal bag, dangit!

Sep 20th, 2009, 07:49 PM	#13
msshell Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 82	Wow, this post actually makes me feel kind of sad for you. Lots of people would love to have what you describe. It should not matter if other people think you are lucky. If we responded here that you were NOT lucky, what would that do to the way you view your relationship? Would it make you love your BF less or want something different, even though what you described was that you are happy? It only matters what YOU think. It's not healthy to live your life to compare yourself and your situation to other peoples' situations, and to seek approval or admiration from others. Also, you never know what is going on behind the scenes with other peoples relationships, engagements or marriages. If you are happy with what you have, that should be all that matters. Really.
msshell Member Joined: Dec 2008 Posts: 82

Sep 21st, 2009, 08:15 AM	#15
lightdays OP Member Joined: Feb 2009 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 246	Thanks for the replies. I feel a bit dumb and embarrassed that I made that post. I am lucky in some ways and there are others who are 'unlucky' and 'lucky' than me. I have a problem of asking my boyfriend for reassurance almost all the time that he finally broke this down into pieces. He said he doesn't know yet if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Right now he wants to be with me, but he wants to wait for engagement until I get a job and move in with him. He said after he'll propose to me which is hopefully next year after all this. He's willing to wait patiently with me and of course be with me until I can do more 'adult' things in my life. He said he wants to reach to marriage with me in the future. I hope this still shows that he loves me and wants to be with me, right? If he didn't care about me or care to wait, he would've ended the relationships already? And also why am I still upset? It's because I have that doubt that the good stuff never happens to me. I have very low self-esteem after failed attempts in transferring or moving out. All of which never took place in the end. I have problems committing myself to big goals and plans and I want to fix that, but I find it very difficult to. I don't know how to have confidence that it'll work. I want to, but it's extremely difficult for me. He tells me every single day that he loves me more than 3 times and that he wants to go and try to reach it to marriage with me in the future. How do I commit myself in achieving my goals and improving myself while having confidence that it'll work out?

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