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candice19 · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:41 PM

I have a situation that I'm not sure what should do. One of my bankers (I have 4 that I assist), is getting married in November. He requests a RSVP by this week, and I've been sitting on it, unsure what to do.

This wedding seems like a "banker's budget" wedding - extravagent, IMO. Ceremony in a church, then reception at a castle (shuttle transporation provided).

My problem is... we would have to drive and then park in NYC for at least 10 hours, and we'd enter mid afternoon, so rates would probably be really high. Also, it's a Black Tie even - neither me, nor my guest, own proper black tie attire. I'd have to purchase a dress, he'd purchase or rent a tux.

One on hand, I'm so happy my banker would want me to be in attendance (not to mention I did help him with his mailing list lol). Other bankers I work with were also invited.

On the other hand, I simply cannot afford to dress for the occasion. I at least definitely plan on getting him a gift from the registry (omg the prices some places charge...). It'd probably cost more than he gives me at the end of the year lol

Would I look weird if his own assistant didn't attend? I appreciate any opinions and advice!

karmenzsofia · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:43 PM

Of course not! An invitation is just that, an invitation that you can accept or reject. Clearly, you don't want to go (for whatever reasons). Then why force yourself? Do what you want to do (a) because you have a right to choose, and (b) because they won't even care...they're waaay to involved in their wedding plans, etc., to care if you show up or not.

candice19 · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:51 PM

Well, I'd like to attend, but I just can't justify spending what would be required lol.

LOL good to know that they won't care if I'm there or not

I'd like to look at it that way - it's an invitation to accept or decline.

Any other opinions?

karmenzsofia · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:01 PM

LOL! It's just that usually people are sooo stressed with their weddings, they don't even know what's what, KWIM? If you rather not spend the money on it, then it's still a matter of not wanting to go---that's what I meant.

Laurie8504 · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:17 PM

Can you borrow a dress from a friend or get one second-hand? If you really want to go, it seems a shame to miss out just for that reason. Everyone will be looking at the bride anyway, don't worry so much about what you are wearing.

Maybe you could go in on a gift with someone else to help relieve some cost there as well.

Beenie · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:19 PM

Do you know anyone that could possibly loan you a dress and/or drive you to the place so not to have to park (or maybe even a taxi or something if cheap enough)? This is assuming you DO want to go and that it is all about the affordability. I understand that as the assistant you want to go and that it would be nice of you to be there, but also, I am sure he knows, at least somewhat, of your financial situation, since he is your boss so don't kill yourself over a gift (I mean get something nice, but not to your detriment). If people really want you there, the gift doesn't matter as much as the thought put into said gift, you know?

Roo · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:20 PM

Don't go if you cannot afford it- instead, spend a fraction of the money on a really nice gift. I would also consider telling a teensy white lie and explain that a family member's baby is being baptised/christened that day and you are unable to attend for that reason.

domlee · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:22 PM

It sounds like a very fabulous event.

With that said, no matter what...if you cannot go (for any reason), you can politely decline. You never have to say why you can't attend, but of course thank him graciously for including you on the list as that means a lot to you.

juneping · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by candice19

Well, I'd like to attend, but I just can't justify spending what would be required lol.

LOL good to know that they won't care if I'm there or not

I'd like to look at it that way - it's an invitation to accept or decline.

Any other opinions?

it can be expensive in terms of parking...where is the location in NYC??
you can park in east village....9th street and below between 1st and 3rd avenues...on the streets...sometimes there's free parking. but you need luck to find one. and take a cab to where the location is.
as for the dress....i think something nice would be enough...do you really have to go all out? i know jcrew have some very nice dress and for less than 200 bucks.
i'd go if i were you. just for the experience.

Pursegrrl · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:33 PM

I almost hate to throw this into the mix, but how is the 'political' climate with your boss and the other bankers? Meaning, it might be good to have 'face time' and be there at the wedding, along with your congratulations and good wishes to the couple, of course! And you can perhaps borrow a dress and/or go in on a gift with other co-workers to cut down on costs...and get a lift somehow from a friend so you wouldn't have to pay parking?

On the other hand, if it's too much a stretch for your time and money, you can always politely decline.

bagaholic85 · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:38 PM

if u really, really wanted to go, you could figure out a way to afford it. if your really see-sawing as much as it seems from your post, i dont think you really, really want to go. i say save the travel/outfit expense, opt for a nice gift, a nice card, and as roo brought up, a little white lie that you have other family obligations.

Mininana · Sep 30th, 2009, 03:49 PM

OMG I'd totally just get a simple dress on sale somewhere, you can just get a black long dress, or check ZARA, they have TONS of cheap dresses that will do. Add a shawl, a clutch, and fabulous shoes and you're good to go!!

I agree with parking elsewhere and taking a cab to where the wedding is... :) I would totally go and enjoy an upscale wedding

And if anything go alone, so that ur SO doesn't have to spend on a suit for himself.

Aslan · Sep 30th, 2009, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

Don't go if you cannot afford it- instead, spend a fraction of the money on a really nice gift. I would also consider telling a teensy white lie and explain that a family member's baby is being baptised/christened that day and you are unable to attend for that reason.

Great suggestion. I would get a gift and a card, apologize for the conflict (whatever scenario you can invent) and call it a day.

floridasun8 · Sep 30th, 2009, 04:02 PM

I agree with the poster who asked about how political your office is. While not right, it does happen in that people who attend social events, make it seem as if they are a team player (even for personal events) are usually the ones to get promoted, get raises, etc. If your office is in anyway political, I would suck it up and go if possible. Use some of the recommendations here for expenses and try to make the best out of it.
If you really cannot attend, just tell them there is a conflict in your schedule, wish them the best and provide a gift. By just turning down the invitation, they may see you as an outcast and it may affect you in the future, particularly since these are bosses we are talking about and not just co-workers.

Mininana · Sep 30th, 2009, 04:09 PM

^ exactly my point. If you need dress suggestions I can give you some very low end dresses as suggestions and you can pair up with whatever shoes and bags you have already.

Also, nobody will care what you wear as long as it's appropriate, it's not the Oscars, just a formal wedding.

And leaving the SO out (can't stress this enough) will be less expenses for u should he rent a suit. But I'm sure he has a suit somewhere?

doesn't have to be a tux!!

Just be there, and it's ok to not look as good as the bankers, they are your bosses, they'd think they pay you too much if you dress better than them anyway.

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:41 PM	#1
candice19 OP Member Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 871	Should I attend my banker (boss) wedding? I have a situation that I'm not sure what should do. One of my bankers (I have 4 that I assist), is getting married in November. He requests a RSVP by this week, and I've been sitting on it, unsure what to do. This wedding seems like a "banker's budget" wedding - extravagent, IMO. Ceremony in a church, then reception at a castle (shuttle transporation provided). My problem is... we would have to drive and then park in NYC for at least 10 hours, and we'd enter mid afternoon, so rates would probably be really high. Also, it's a Black Tie even - neither me, nor my guest, own proper black tie attire. I'd have to purchase a dress, he'd purchase or rent a tux. One on hand, I'm so happy my banker would want me to be in attendance (not to mention I did help him with his mailing list lol). Other bankers I work with were also invited. On the other hand, I simply cannot afford to dress for the occasion. I at least definitely plan on getting him a gift from the registry (omg the prices some places charge...). It'd probably cost more than he gives me at the end of the year lol Would I look weird if his own assistant didn't attend? I appreciate any opinions and advice!
candice19 OP Member Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 871	__________________ Currently itching for: MJ HUDSON - chili or chestnut, FULLY leather lined GUCCI - black patent Hysteria (at a price I can afford please ) A Black bag! Can't you believe I don't own one?!

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:43 PM	#2
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,888	Of course not! An invitation is just that, an invitation that you can accept or reject. Clearly, you don't want to go (for whatever reasons). Then why force yourself? Do what you want to do (a) because you have a right to choose, and (b) because they won't even care...they're waaay to involved in their wedding plans, etc., to care if you show up or not.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:51 PM	#3
candice19 OP Member Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 871	Well, I'd like to attend, but I just can't justify spending what would be required lol. LOL good to know that they won't care if I'm there or not I'd like to look at it that way - it's an invitation to accept or decline. Any other opinions?
candice19 OP Member Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 871	__________________ Currently itching for: MJ HUDSON - chili or chestnut, FULLY leather lined GUCCI - black patent Hysteria (at a price I can afford please ) A Black bag! Can't you believe I don't own one?!

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:01 PM	#4
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,888	LOL! It's just that usually people are sooo stressed with their weddings, they don't even know what's what, KWIM? If you rather not spend the money on it, then it's still a matter of not wanting to go---that's what I meant.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:17 PM	#5
Laurie8504 chocolate...where? Joined: Sep 2007 Location: US Posts: 1,935	Can you borrow a dress from a friend or get one second-hand? If you really want to go, it seems a shame to miss out just for that reason. Everyone will be looking at the bride anyway, don't worry so much about what you are wearing. Maybe you could go in on a gift with someone else to help relieve some cost there as well.
	__________________

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:19 PM	#6
Beenie is a Greedy Smurf Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Sunny Florida Posts: 643	Do you know anyone that could possibly loan you a dress and/or drive you to the place so not to have to park (or maybe even a taxi or something if cheap enough)? This is assuming you DO want to go and that it is all about the affordability. I understand that as the assistant you want to go and that it would be nice of you to be there, but also, I am sure he knows, at least somewhat, of your financial situation, since he is your boss so don't kill yourself over a gift (I mean get something nice, but not to your detriment). If people really want you there, the gift doesn't matter as much as the thought put into said gift, you know?

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:20 PM	#7
Roo au courant Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,705	Don't go if you cannot afford it- instead, spend a fraction of the money on a really nice gift. I would also consider telling a teensy white lie and explain that a family member's baby is being baptised/christened that day and you are unable to attend for that reason.
	__________________ When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. --Willie Nelson

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:22 PM	#8
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 950	It sounds like a very fabulous event. With that said, no matter what...if you cannot go (for any reason), you can politely decline. You never have to say why you can't attend, but of course thank him graciously for including you on the list as that means a lot to you.

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:33 PM	#10
Pursegrrl Oh no she di-int!! Joined: Jun 2006 Location: Seattle Posts: 19,304	I almost hate to throw this into the mix, but how is the 'political' climate with your boss and the other bankers? Meaning, it might be good to have 'face time' and be there at the wedding, along with your congratulations and good wishes to the couple, of course! And you can perhaps borrow a dress and/or go in on a gift with other co-workers to cut down on costs...and get a lift somehow from a friend so you wouldn't have to pay parking? On the other hand, if it's too much a stretch for your time and money, you can always politely decline.
	__________________ My Blog: five-nineteen.blogspot.com Tweet tweet: twitter.com/five19

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:38 PM	#11
bagaholic85 Member Joined: Sep 2007 Location: i <3 ny Posts: 5,086	if u really, really wanted to go, you could figure out a way to afford it. if your really see-sawing as much as it seems from your post, i dont think you really, really want to go. i say save the travel/outfit expense, opt for a nice gift, a nice card, and as roo brought up, a little white lie that you have other family obligations.

Sep 30th, 2009, 03:49 PM	#12
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764	OMG I'd totally just get a simple dress on sale somewhere, you can just get a black long dress, or check ZARA, they have TONS of cheap dresses that will do. Add a shawl, a clutch, and fabulous shoes and you're good to go!! I agree with parking elsewhere and taking a cab to where the wedding is... :) I would totally go and enjoy an upscale wedding And if anything go alone, so that ur SO doesn't have to spend on a suit for himself.
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764

Sep 30th, 2009, 04:02 PM	#14
floridasun8 Member Joined: Nov 2008 Location: Under a Palm Tree Posts: 1,882	I agree with the poster who asked about how political your office is. While not right, it does happen in that people who attend social events, make it seem as if they are a team player (even for personal events) are usually the ones to get promoted, get raises, etc. If your office is in anyway political, I would suck it up and go if possible. Use some of the recommendations here for expenses and try to make the best out of it. If you really cannot attend, just tell them there is a conflict in your schedule, wish them the best and provide a gift. By just turning down the invitation, they may see you as an outcast and it may affect you in the future, particularly since these are bosses we are talking about and not just co-workers.

Sep 30th, 2009, 04:09 PM	#15
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764	^ exactly my point. If you need dress suggestions I can give you some very low end dresses as suggestions and you can pair up with whatever shoes and bags you have already. Also, nobody will care what you wear as long as it's appropriate, it's not the Oscars, just a formal wedding. And leaving the SO out (can't stress this enough) will be less expenses for u should he rent a suit. But I'm sure he has a suit somewhere? doesn't have to be a tux!! Just be there, and it's ok to not look as good as the bankers, they are your bosses, they'd think they pay you too much if you dress better than them anyway.
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764

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