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Bag*Snob · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by Roo

Wealthy bankers having lavish weddings in castles in the middle of the worst economic downturn since the great depression, when banks just got billions in bailout money? Meanwhile their support staff are stressing about how to pay for attire and parking? Things that make you go "hmmm" and yes, I will shut up now

Oh how I agree - and to have a registry on top of that???? Tacky!!

kbela1 · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by Roo

Wealthy bankers having lavish weddings in castles in the middle of the worst economic downturn since the great depression, when banks just got billions in bailout money? Meanwhile their support staff are stressing about how to pay for attire and parking? Things that make you go "hmmm" and yes, I will shut up now

Love it.

For some people, even spending the $50-$100 on a "cheap" dress, plus parking, plus a gift will set them back. Even worse, it could make someone feel pressured to charge/spend $ they don't have. Personally, I wouldn't be able to afford it if I was invited. I'm sure every gift on that registry is expensive too.

NYCBelle · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:35 AM

if you can't afford it don't go. i work on wall street so knowing these people i'm sure they've spent tons of money. i called a castle in NJ once for my wedding and they told me it was $235 per plate!

and thats excluding taxes and gratuity.

if anything just decline and send them a gift. do you know if they have a registry? you can order something for them from there or give a gift card from the store.

try going to theknot.com or brides.com you can probably find it if they've registered somewhere. Just type in his name and it should pop up what stores they're registered at.

elizat · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by Bag*Snob

Oh how I agree - and to have a registry on top of that???? Tacky!!

I'm with both of you.

To the OP, if it is going to be a hardship/difficult, just buy a nice card and maybe a small gift or gift card. If they registered for expensive stuff, I don't think you are obligated to buy something that is $$$. If what they want is out of your price range and you feel you should buy something b/c it is your boss (which, I have issues with as is) do a nice vase/platter from someplace like TJ Maxx or somewhere where they have nice home items at a good price OR a gift card to one of the stores they registered at for an amount you can afford, whether it is $25, etc.

I think he probably felt obligated to invite you and that is not a jab. If you helped with the invites/list/wedding stuff as posted before and work with him, while he is talking about it, he may have thought it rude to NOT invite you and didn't want to hurt your feelings.

cocokitty · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:56 AM

I would go only because you said you've been sitting on it awhile. He's getting married in November. So, you knew about this for some time. Not to mention you helped him with the invites. More than enough time to politely get out of it. If you say something was planned or there's a reason you can't go, it might seem like you just don't want to go. On the other hand, if they do believe you really have something, they might also be in the mind of you're a flake or irresponsible. Flake if they think you forgot about a prior commitment. Irresponsible if they think the other thing came up after you got the invite, because you could have declined the other thing knowing you had a wedding to go to. Also, even the coolest people get funny about weddings. You don't want any resentment that you weren't there on his day. I'm assuming you're in NY. Can't you take cabs back and forth? That way no parking fees. I would go, but honestly, if I had as much time as it seemed you did, I would been tucking away money bit by bit so the cost wasn't too harsh when it came.

ShopGirl647 · Oct 1st, 2009, 11:57 AM

I would go especially since you mentioned you are one of his assistant? If you still have plenty of time before the wedding date, I am sure there are plenty of fancy dresses out there suitable for the occasion at a decent price or on sale without breaking the bank. In terms of the parking, it's just for one day right? Is it possible to just attend one of the wedding event? Say, you had a conflict with his day wedding plans but able to attend the reception. That might cut down the cost of parking if it is just for evening parking. I've done that before where I skip the church wedding and just went for the dinner. Good luck deciding!!!

I remember I didn't go to ONE company Christmas party one particular year and I was hounded by majority of the managers and top exec afterward why I didn't go. I had a legitimate reason too, family related excuse. I'm in a job position where I interact a lot with the "big" ppl in the company and report to them on a monthly basis soooo lesson learned from that one...LOL

PurseAddict79 · Oct 1st, 2009, 12:11 PM

IMO, your presence is probably more "expected" than a gift. Instead of worrying about what gift to purchase, I'd put the money towards a dress and the cost of parking. At the end of the evening, your boss and coworkers will notice your presence more than the gift (or lack of).

NYCBelle · Oct 1st, 2009, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by cocokitty

I would go only because you said you've been sitting on it awhile. He's getting married in November. So, you knew about this for some time. Not to mention you helped him with the invites. More than enough time to politely get out of it. If you say something was planned or there's a reason you can't go, it might seem like you just don't want to go. On the other hand, if they do believe you really have something, they might also be in the mind of you're a flake or irresponsible. Flake if they think you forgot about a prior commitment. Irresponsible if they think the other thing came up after you got the invite, because you could have declined the other thing knowing you had a wedding to go to. Also, even the coolest people get funny about weddings. You don't want any resentment that you weren't there on his day. I'm assuming you're in NY. Can't you take cabs back and forth? That way no parking fees. I would go, but honestly, if I had as much time as it seemed you did, I would been tucking away money bit by bit so the cost wasn't too harsh when it came.

if it's at a castle i'm guessing its way out in Long Island or something way far out there. A yellow cab won't wait for her to get out of the wedding unless the meter is running lol or she does a livery cab. I lived in Brooklyn and my friends wedding was at a country club in Long Island and the livery cab quoted me $65 just to take me there. My aunt had to drive me and i hitched a ride back with a couple I met that also lived in Brooklyn.

cocokitty · Oct 1st, 2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by NYCBelle

if it's at a castle i'm guessing its way out in Long Island or something way far out there. A yellow cab won't wait for her to get out of the wedding unless the meter is running lol or she does a livery cab. I lived in Brooklyn and my friends wedding was at a country club in Long Island and the livery cab quoted me $65 just to take me there. My aunt had to drive me and i hitched a ride back with a couple I met that also lived in Brooklyn.

65, or about, 150 both ways isn't too bad. I know it's probably going to cost more than that to park all day in NYC. I'm confused, isn't she going to a church in NYC and they're being taken (via a shuttle?) to castle? A cab could work, you'd just have to call one back before boarding the shuttle I assume back to NYC.

NYCBelle · Oct 1st, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by cocokitty

65, or about, 150 both ways isn't too bad. I know it's probably going to cost more than that to park all day in NYC. I'm confused, isn't she going to a church in NYC and they're being taken (via a shuttle?) to castle? A cab could work, you'd just have to call one back before boarding the shuttle I assume back to NYC.

yeah with the shuttle maybe it won't be so bad...wow those people are loaded LOL i'm telling you weddings do not suffer during the recession. i'm getting married in May...it's ridiculous

make sure you park in a 24 hours lot some of them aren't...got locked out once!

Mininana · Oct 1st, 2009, 02:10 PM

u can buy this dress, it's so cheap it won't break the bank :) I assume you have shoes, and a bag and a shawl? then you're good to go!!

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp...6268213&Page=4
forever21.com/images/model/66268213-07.jpg

LeeMiller · Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

Wealthy bankers having lavish weddings in castles in the middle of the worst economic downturn since the great depression, when banks just got billions in bailout money? Meanwhile their support staff are stressing about how to pay for attire and parking? Things that make you go "hmmm" and yes, I will shut up now

? Isn't this an investment banker? Therefore probably has nothing to do with the bailouts of retail banks. They are two different types of entities, just both have "bank" in the name.

LeeMiller · Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:03 PM

I'd go for the face time if this is an organization that you want to get ahead in. Seeing people at personal/fun events is very valuable, people are more relaxed and they can get to know you in a different light.

candice19 · Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:09 PM

Wow, I totally appreciate all the opinions, suggestions, and ideas on how to get around this!! (And Roo's comment, LOL, you go girl!)

I've thought for a long time on how to get around this. I could take a cab to the city from Queens - but that's about $45 each way, plus tip. I could take a subway - but coming back at midnight dressed in black tie outfits?

In terms of clothing, I do have dresses that aren't as "formal" - but unfortunately, I know all of the other bankers invited, and I know they will be dressed NICELY. I simply cannot compare (not that it's a competition, but I don't want to be "the" one who doesn't have a formal gown). Even renting a dress, and a suit would be $150. On top of transportation and gift, that's easily $350 total.

I'll never know if I was invited just because I'm his assistant, or if it it was because I worked on the invitations - but I'll also never know if he expected that I be there since he didn't make it emphatic. My office politics don't have much determination in this. Even if everyone wanted to go, there MUST be a group of people who have to stay behind and work. People will be traveling even if they had this in their calendar for years - unfortunately, work just comes first.

Considering everything, I've decided this morning that I have to decline :( I did want to attend (a castle, for crying out loud!), but it's not financially feasible. I will purchase something off his registry for him, and of course congratulate them. Everyone is in a different financial situation where "inexpensive" to one person can be a burdern to another, and I hope my banker can accept this.

I'll let you know if he fires me!!!

Mininana · Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:16 PM

aw hunnie I don't think he will fire you for this. I wanted u to go because it would be a GORGEOUS wedding and probably a nice one to attend to.

Taking the subway wouldn't be a big deal, u could go and then come back in a cab :) You could also take an oversized clutch and sneak in ballerinas or something u can RUN/walk fast in them.

And well, if you went alone that means no renting suit and are there any other coworkers going? that could mean sharing a ride

and well, the dress I recommended wouldn't be THAT bad if paired with nice shoes and a shawl. :) and u can easily do ur own hair and makeup.

either way, it is YOUR decision, and you have the right to say no.

Oct 1st, 2009, 11:35 AM	#33
NYCBelle Yahtzee anyone?? Joined: Oct 2006 Location: 57th & 5th Ave Posts: 5,531	if you can't afford it don't go. i work on wall street so knowing these people i'm sure they've spent tons of money. i called a castle in NJ once for my wedding and they told me it was $235 per plate! and thats excluding taxes and gratuity. if anything just decline and send them a gift. do you know if they have a registry? you can order something for them from there or give a gift card from the store. try going to theknot.com or brides.com you can probably find it if they've registered somewhere. Just type in his name and it should pop up what stores they're registered at.
	__________________ "Is there blood in my hair?" On a serious ban...Have a wedding to plan

Oct 1st, 2009, 11:56 AM	#35
cocokitty Sofa King Banned Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 443	I would go only because you said you've been sitting on it awhile. He's getting married in November. So, you knew about this for some time. Not to mention you helped him with the invites. More than enough time to politely get out of it. If you say something was planned or there's a reason you can't go, it might seem like you just don't want to go. On the other hand, if they do believe you really have something, they might also be in the mind of you're a flake or irresponsible. Flake if they think you forgot about a prior commitment. Irresponsible if they think the other thing came up after you got the invite, because you could have declined the other thing knowing you had a wedding to go to. Also, even the coolest people get funny about weddings. You don't want any resentment that you weren't there on his day. I'm assuming you're in NY. Can't you take cabs back and forth? That way no parking fees. I would go, but honestly, if I had as much time as it seemed you did, I would been tucking away money bit by bit so the cost wasn't too harsh when it came.
cocokitty Sofa King Banned Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 443

Oct 1st, 2009, 11:57 AM	#36
ShopGirl647 Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,201	I would go especially since you mentioned you are one of his assistant? If you still have plenty of time before the wedding date, I am sure there are plenty of fancy dresses out there suitable for the occasion at a decent price or on sale without breaking the bank. In terms of the parking, it's just for one day right? Is it possible to just attend one of the wedding event? Say, you had a conflict with his day wedding plans but able to attend the reception. That might cut down the cost of parking if it is just for evening parking. I've done that before where I skip the church wedding and just went for the dinner. Good luck deciding!!! I remember I didn't go to ONE company Christmas party one particular year and I was hounded by majority of the managers and top exec afterward why I didn't go. I had a legitimate reason too, family related excuse. I'm in a job position where I interact a lot with the "big" ppl in the company and report to them on a monthly basis soooo lesson learned from that one...LOL
ShopGirl647 Member Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 1,201	__________________ RANDOM TWEET/BLOG http://twitter.com/mzshopgirl Last edited by ShopGirl647; Oct 1st, 2009 at 12:02 PM.

Oct 1st, 2009, 02:10 PM	#41
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764	u can buy this dress, it's so cheap it won't break the bank :) I assume you have shoes, and a bag and a shawl? then you're good to go!! http://www.forever21.com/product.asp...6268213&Page=4 forever21.com/images/model/66268213-07.jpg
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764

Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:03 PM	#43
LeeMiller Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,305	I'd go for the face time if this is an organization that you want to get ahead in. Seeing people at personal/fun events is very valuable, people are more relaxed and they can get to know you in a different light.
LeeMiller Member Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 3,305	__________________

Oct 1st, 2009, 12:11 PM	#37
PurseAddict79 PerpetuallyPenniless Joined: Sep 2008 Location: The Mall Posts: 1,226	IMO, your presence is probably more "expected" than a gift. Instead of worrying about what gift to purchase, I'd put the money towards a dress and the cost of parking. At the end of the evening, your boss and coworkers will notice your presence more than the gift (or lack of).

Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:09 PM	#44
candice19 OP Member Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 871	Wow, I totally appreciate all the opinions, suggestions, and ideas on how to get around this!! (And Roo's comment, LOL, you go girl!) I've thought for a long time on how to get around this. I could take a cab to the city from Queens - but that's about $45 each way, plus tip. I could take a subway - but coming back at midnight dressed in black tie outfits? In terms of clothing, I do have dresses that aren't as "formal" - but unfortunately, I know all of the other bankers invited, and I know they will be dressed NICELY. I simply cannot compare (not that it's a competition, but I don't want to be "the" one who doesn't have a formal gown). Even renting a dress, and a suit would be $150. On top of transportation and gift, that's easily $350 total. I'll never know if I was invited just because I'm his assistant, or if it it was because I worked on the invitations - but I'll also never know if he expected that I be there since he didn't make it emphatic. My office politics don't have much determination in this. Even if everyone wanted to go, there MUST be a group of people who have to stay behind and work. People will be traveling even if they had this in their calendar for years - unfortunately, work just comes first. Considering everything, I've decided this morning that I have to decline :( I did want to attend (a castle, for crying out loud!), but it's not financially feasible. I will purchase something off his registry for him, and of course congratulate them. Everyone is in a different financial situation where "inexpensive" to one person can be a burdern to another, and I hope my banker can accept this. I'll let you know if he fires me!!!
candice19 OP Member Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 871	__________________ Currently itching for: MJ HUDSON - chili or chestnut, FULLY leather lined GUCCI - black patent Hysteria (at a price I can afford please ) A Black bag! Can't you believe I don't own one?!

Oct 2nd, 2009, 03:16 PM	#45
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764	aw hunnie I don't think he will fire you for this. I wanted u to go because it would be a GORGEOUS wedding and probably a nice one to attend to. Taking the subway wouldn't be a big deal, u could go and then come back in a cab :) You could also take an oversized clutch and sneak in ballerinas or something u can RUN/walk fast in them. And well, if you went alone that means no renting suit and are there any other coworkers going? that could mean sharing a ride and well, the dress I recommended wouldn't be THAT bad if paired with nice shoes and a shawl. :) and u can easily do ur own hair and makeup. either way, it is YOUR decision, and you have the right to say no.
Mininana Member Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 764

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