Should I attend my banker (boss) wedding?

[karmenzsofia]

I strongly disagree with deciding to go or not to go based on office politics.

[bagaholic85]

^^i feel the same, but to be honest, in this economy...office politics is something to strongly consider

[alliemia]

oh a NY wedding in a castle....GO! really, it'll be wonderful. a feast of food, drink, dancing. A nice wedding favor. Enjoy yourself!

The logistics, you can make it work. Rent a dress, go vintage from a thrift store, or borrow one. Also, all the sales that are going on, get a clearance rack dress even. If your date can't afford a tux, just go without him, you'll be with co-workers, it'll be fun! But most tux places, you can find a reasonably priced tux.

As for driving, there are options...can you take the railroad into Penn Station, then either a cab or subway?
Or park in Queens, like Jewel Avenue and take the subway from there.
Get a ride, price out a cab...or find a low priced parking garage, they do exist in some parts of NYC, and then take a cab to the place, or subway.

I wouldn't want to miss a lavish wedding, just for the food and dancing alone!

[Pursegrrl]

Yeah, I hate to be a Debbie Downer bringing up the politics facet of this, but sometimes it's the 800 lb gorilla in the room.

OP, this may not be the case at all for you, as none of us knows your office climate. I've worked places where this wasn't an unwritten rule, but at my most recent job you bet for darn sure it was "expected" to be at off the clock events where co-workers and leadership were going to be.

[Mininana]

As an employer myself I think it really shows the employee's committment to his job and leadership when you show up to those places :)

Plus how can you miss such a dream wedding in a castle? I'd totally try to catch the train to penn station and ask my SO to come pick me up later or see if I can catch a ride with a coworker, even split expenses, get 3 others to do the same with you.

You can just wear a cocktail dress, doesn't have to be a long gown, and you can get those for $50 or less anywhere :)

[SPOILEDkiwi]

I would try to go if you can, you will probably earn bonus points for going plus it sounds like a fabulous wedding. If everything on his registry is expensive, don't feel obligated to buy something from it. He will not expect something so expensive from his assistant. Find something nice but not costly and you'll probably have extra to spend on your attire. You can find a plain long black dress for cheap almost anywhere.

[Cheetah7]

You don't have to spend a ton on your outfit to look appropriate. You could wear a simple, evening floor length dress and spruce it up with accessories and/or jewelry and an evening clutch. You could find these types of dresses at most department stores without breaking the bank. For your partner, maybe he can rent a tux or get one second hand. Consider getting a cab or if the cost is prohibitive, have a friend drop you off and maybe take the cab home. Of course this is "if" you really want to go but have to cut corners to do it. On the other hand, if you feel it's way too much trouble, you can just spend on the gift and politely decline.

[vhdos]

Just FYI, I know others have mentioned wearing/buying a floor-length dress, but today's definition of black tie has less to do with the length of the hem line and more to do with the formality of the dress. This means that knee-length dresses can be appropriate for black-tie events, especially if the wedding is during the day/afternoon.
I don't think it's too much to stress over. Go if you think you can swing it financially or politely decline and send a gift. I agree that office politics should play a role so weigh everything out when making your decision.

[meganfm]

I think your idea of declining but giving a gift is a very good gesture. And some kind of family conflict always helps :P

[Bella]

I'd feel obligated to go if I received an invite. I'd also be willing to bet dollars to donuts that he probably felt obligated to invite you. Not that you're not a wonderful person, I'm sure you are.. it's just, weddings are funny this way.. and that's a nice way of putting it.

I've always said when IF I ever get married, I will maybe have a handful of guests.


I would probably decline having a previous commitment , but only fairly soon after receiving the invite. It's usually appreciated sooner than later because the longer you wait chances are you've already been paid for, so to speak.

[QueenCoco]

Originally Posted by juneping

it can be expensive in terms of parking...where is the location in NYC?? you can park in east village....9th street and below between 1st and 3rd avenues...on the streets...sometimes there's free parking. but you need luck to find one. and take a cab to where the location is. as for the dress....i think something nice would be enough...do you really have to go all out? i know jcrew have some very nice dress and for less than 200 bucks. i'd go if i were you. just for the experience.

If thats the case she could also park in an outer borough and take the train...which would be WAY less....

I have a black tie wedding to attend as well and was in the same boat about being concerned about wasting the money on a one night affair...I purchased a floor length satin gown for $65....I'm not sure where you live, however if you are parking in NYC I am assuming you live close by, which means you have a ZILLION store options which would probably be within your budget...PM me if you want suggestions.....

[juneping]

^^oh..that would be too many transfers. i like to keep it simple especially she's all dressed up and in heels. weekends to use public transportation is very frustrating in or trying to get into NYC.

[juneping]

Originally Posted by vhdos

Just FYI, I know others have mentioned wearing/buying a floor-length dress, but today's definition of black tie has less to do with the length of the hem line and more to do with the formality of the dress. This means that knee-length dresses can be appropriate for black-tie events, especially if the wedding is during the day/afternoon. I don't think it's too much to stress over. Go if you think you can swing it financially or politely decline and send a gift. I agree that office politics should play a role so weigh everything out when making your decision.

two years ago i was invited to a black tie event some designer ball award function. some ladies were in in dresses...but some (quite a lot) were in knee lenght dress..pick nice fabric (satin, chefon..). as long as you look chic, stylish..you'll be fine. ppl focus on the bride anyway.

[Roo]

Wealthy bankers having lavish weddings in castles in the middle of the worst economic downturn since the great depression, when banks just got billions in bailout money? Meanwhile their support staff are stressing about how to pay for attire and parking? Things that make you go "hmmm" and yes, I will shut up now

[Bella]

Amen sister!!!