Should a taken guy have female friends

PetiteChaton · Jun 28th, 2008, 05:43 AM

Does your SO have female friends he stays regularly in touch with and does that bother you at all?

I thought id do a quizz.. My boyfriend does have female friends at work which he only sees at work.. but he also has 2-3 girlfriends which he sometimes sees at clubs which he goes to.. on one occasion..it was suppose to be him these 3 girls and one other guy hanging out and the other guy didnt come..and it was just him and these 3 girls..now in theory it seems that this is wrong, but strangely i was ok with it

Also.. how would you feel if your boyfriend was friends with an ex who hes known for a very long time and shared a long friendship/relationship with? (Mine isnt, but just curious lol)

QueenOfDa702 · Jun 28th, 2008, 05:47 AM

My SO does. Hes been friends with them since before me. Who am I to say he cant keep his friends

. Its not a big deal, they are FRIENDS. I wouldnt tell him he has to stop talking to a Male friend, I see no difference with a Female friend.

nataliam1976 · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:27 AM

Maybe not should, nothing wrong if he doesnt. But nothing wrong if he does, as long as he doesnt poke her with his stick.

helium · Jun 28th, 2008, 08:56 AM

Why the hell not?

Seriously, if we fell in love with every person of the opposite sex which is what women seem to think when it comes to their boyfriends having female friends, why are there so many single people again?

guancia · Jun 28th, 2008, 10:09 AM

My DF has several female friends, some that I haven't really met yet. One is single, most are in a relationship. None of them are exes though. He has a few exes on facebook, and he asked me if it was okay. I don't really care. I'm not a jealous person and he has never given me any reason not to trust him, so I have no problem with him hanging out with other females.

twigski · Jun 28th, 2008, 10:27 AM

90% of SO's friends are females & I have no problems. He's known them for years, way before i met him. I figure if he ever had interest in them or vice versa, he would have dated them already.....but he chose to be with ME

. The majority of the gals have been super sweet & we always go out in groups as couples.To be honest there were a few friends who tried to cause problems. He made it perfectly clear to them that if they wanted to keep a friendship with him, they better treat me with respect & kindness because he knew that I was making an effort to be nice to everyone & the catty attitude originated from jealousy.

GirlFriday · Jun 28th, 2008, 10:44 AM

I think it's okay for taken guys to have female friends. It's almost unavoidable anyway, so as long as you trust him, it's good. I think married people need to be more careful about close friendships with the opposite sex, because I've seen friendships like that turn into something more. If you're sharing more with a guy friend than you are with your husband, I don't think that's a good thing. It's not the same as having an affair by any means, but I just don't think it's cool to share super personal stuff about your relationship with other friends or family, especially when your SO thinks nothing is wrong. And when you get really close, there is that potential for stronger feelings to develop.

I agree with helium when she says that some women think that every woman is going to fall in love with their SO. I've had women look at me suspiciously just because I'm an acquaintance of their husband...which I just want to say, "seriously, you have absolutely nothing to worry about!"

Lululovebags · Jun 28th, 2008, 12:37 PM

my bf has tonnes of female friends, most of whom are colleagues and he is pretty close with them.and i'm ok with it because i don't wanna be cramping on his style.

BUT, i'm personally not comfortable with the idea of having his ex to be so close to him. it's not that i'm paranoid or anything, but the thought is just icky..maybe it's just me!

lolitakali · Jun 28th, 2008, 12:48 PM

DH used to have a fan club of cheering girls when he is in college and had always been asked out by all his GF.

BUT... he is never into the "club" scene (only does that with me) and likes hanging out with his buddies/brothers mainly men.

If he starts to hang out with some woman/women (other than relatives).... then I'll have cause to worry because it was so totally not his "thing".

LaurelLee123 · Jun 28th, 2008, 02:13 PM

I don't forbid my husband to have close female friends. However, in the course of our relationship and marriage, he has slowly drifted away from all his female friends. Everything he got from these friends (like a female's perspective, or a sympathetic ear) he now gets from me. I am all the woman that he needs or wants. I mean what does he need with all his female friends - shopping buddies? someone to go see Sex in the City with? mani/pedi companions?

What he doesn't get from me is what he needs GUY friends for. People to watch shoot em up movies with, people to shoot hoops with, people to play football video games with.

So I don't know if he SHOULD have female friends, he just doesn't have any.

sammydoll · Jun 28th, 2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaurelLee123

Everything he got from these friends (like a female's perspective, or a sympathetic ear) he now gets from me. I am all the woman that he needs or wants. I mean what does he need with all his female friends - shopping buddies? someone to go see Sex in the City with? mani/pedi companions?

I'm sorry, but this is kind of insulting. I think there's more to gender than stereotypes, some people do have a unique personality all their own.

And i say if he had female friends before- then yes, he should still have them? As long as they're not ex-girlfriends i don't see why it would cause any drama.

nooch · Jun 28th, 2008, 02:24 PM

I would be uncomfortable with an ex as a friend, and I would be uncomfortable with anyone who I knew had a 'thing' for him. My fiance has drifted apart from his former closest female friend because she told me "Dave will never love you as much as he loves me" and it turned him off a lot. They still talk, but he hasn't been able to look at her the same way since.

Overall, women are people too. Why shouldn't he be friends with them? As long as the relationships are actually friendships I don't see a problem.

rainrowan · Jun 28th, 2008, 02:48 PM

I'm comfortable as long as GFs show me some respect when I answer the phone or run into them.

I lived with someone and this female friend would call around for him and always slam the phone down when I told her bf wasn't around, like I was just some expendible answering service! I wouldn't like my dh hanging around with women that had issues dealing with me.

My dh is close to a female coworker and I often refer to her as his "office wife".

LaurelLee123 · Jun 28th, 2008, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammydoll

I'm sorry, but this is kind of insulting. I think there's more to gender than stereotypes, some people do have a unique personality all their own.

And i say if he had female friends before- then yes, he should still have them? As long as they're not ex-girlfriends i don't see why it would cause any drama.

It is a little stereotypy - I agree with you. It is just what has happened over the years. I don't even care if he is friends' with his exes because I trust my husband. But over the years, everything that he used to do with his female friends, he now does with me. And things I am not interested in doing, are things he likes to do with his male friends. I suppose if he had a female friend that loves video games, violent movies and tinkering with car engines - he is welcome to be friends with her.

chloe777 · Jun 28th, 2008, 03:07 PM

When I met DH he was a loner with NO female friends and very few male friends. Since he has started working at his job he has met females and is kinda friends with them but mainly stays away because these females like to flirt and ask him to do favors for them like. " Can you put music on my ipod and can I come over so I can see what you have and learn how to put music on it." The weird thing is there will be no music on it and DH just put music on it a few weeks ago. There was also a girl who was texting him and asking if he wanted to hook up well that stopped ASAP when I answered his phone one day.That girl knew he was married and was dating a guy that worked with them but didn't care because she always cheated on her guy. So yes I would not want him to be friends with any of the little girls he works with. Now he is friends with his best friends wife's but that's ok because we are all friends and I don't have to worry about them.

Jun 28th, 2008, 05:43 AM	#1
PetiteChaton Tres chic Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 61	Does your SO have female friends he stays regularly in touch with and does that bother you at all? I thought id do a quizz.. My boyfriend does have female friends at work which he only sees at work.. but he also has 2-3 girlfriends which he sometimes sees at clubs which he goes to.. on one occasion..it was suppose to be him these 3 girls and one other guy hanging out and the other guy didnt come..and it was just him and these 3 girls..now in theory it seems that this is wrong, but strangely i was ok with it Also.. how would you feel if your boyfriend was friends with an ex who hes known for a very long time and shared a long friendship/relationship with? (Mine isnt, but just curious lol) Last edited by PetiteChaton; Jun 28th, 2008 at 05:52 AM.

Jun 28th, 2008, 05:47 AM	#2
QueenOfDa702 Misunderestimated. Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Vegas where we let it all hang out. Your Vegas is showing! Posts: 5,339	My SO does. Hes been friends with them since before me. Who am I to say he cant keep his friends. Its not a big deal, they are FRIENDS. I wouldnt tell him he has to stop talking to a Male friend, I see no difference with a Female friend. __________________ Valeen ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Click HERE to visit my MySpace

Jun 28th, 2008, 06:27 AM	#3
nataliam1976 Hmmmph Joined: Nov 2006 Location: all around Europe Posts: 8,334	Maybe not should, nothing wrong if he doesnt. But nothing wrong if he does, as long as he doesnt poke her with his stick. __________________ "Buy me, Lady" said the frock, "and I will make you into a BEAUTIFUL and WHOLE and COMPLETE human being". "Do not be SILLY", said the Man, " for a frock alone cannot do that". "TRUE" said the Lady. " I shall have the Shoes and the Bag as well".

Jun 28th, 2008, 10:09 AM	#5
guancia Newly engaged!!! Joined: Sep 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 929	My DF has several female friends, some that I haven't really met yet. One is single, most are in a relationship. None of them are exes though. He has a few exes on facebook, and he asked me if it was okay. I don't really care. I'm not a jealous person and he has never given me any reason not to trust him, so I have no problem with him hanging out with other females. __________________

Jun 28th, 2008, 12:37 PM	#8
Lululovebags LV + Tiffany = LOVE Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Earth Posts: 2,179	my bf has tonnes of female friends, most of whom are colleagues and he is pretty close with them.and i'm ok with it because i don't wanna be cramping on his style. BUT, i'm personally not comfortable with the idea of having his ex to be so close to him. it's not that i'm paranoid or anything, but the thought is just icky..maybe it's just me! __________________

Jun 28th, 2008, 08:56 AM	#4
helium Member Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,528	Why the hell not? Seriously, if we fell in love with every person of the opposite sex which is what women seem to think when it comes to their boyfriends having female friends, why are there so many single people again?

Jun 28th, 2008, 10:27 AM	#6
twigski Member Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 331	90% of SO's friends are females & I have no problems. He's known them for years, way before i met him. I figure if he ever had interest in them or vice versa, he would have dated them already.....but he chose to be with ME . The majority of the gals have been super sweet & we always go out in groups as couples.To be honest there were a few friends who tried to cause problems. He made it perfectly clear to them that if they wanted to keep a friendship with him, they better treat me with respect & kindness because he knew that I was making an effort to be nice to everyone & the catty attitude originated from jealousy.

Jun 28th, 2008, 10:44 AM	#7
GirlFriday Member Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 424	I think it's okay for taken guys to have female friends. It's almost unavoidable anyway, so as long as you trust him, it's good. I think married people need to be more careful about close friendships with the opposite sex, because I've seen friendships like that turn into something more. If you're sharing more with a guy friend than you are with your husband, I don't think that's a good thing. It's not the same as having an affair by any means, but I just don't think it's cool to share super personal stuff about your relationship with other friends or family, especially when your SO thinks nothing is wrong. And when you get really close, there is that potential for stronger feelings to develop. I agree with helium when she says that some women think that every woman is going to fall in love with their SO. I've had women look at me suspiciously just because I'm an acquaintance of their husband...which I just want to say, "seriously, you have absolutely nothing to worry about!"

Jun 28th, 2008, 12:48 PM	#9
lolitakali Mira Joined: Feb 2007 Location: Maryland Posts: 1,691	DH used to have a fan club of cheering girls when he is in college and had always been asked out by all his GF. BUT... he is never into the "club" scene (only does that with me) and likes hanging out with his buddies/brothers mainly men. If he starts to hang out with some woman/women (other than relatives).... then I'll have cause to worry because it was so totally not his "thing". __________________ *Best way to diet is to eat what you hate, not eat what you love.* *$$$$$ / GOLD = "my precious".* -ME to be a dragon hoarding gold-

Jun 28th, 2008, 02:13 PM	#10
LaurelLee123 Member Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 197	I don't forbid my husband to have close female friends. However, in the course of our relationship and marriage, he has slowly drifted away from all his female friends. Everything he got from these friends (like a female's perspective, or a sympathetic ear) he now gets from me. I am all the woman that he needs or wants. I mean what does he need with all his female friends - shopping buddies? someone to go see Sex in the City with? mani/pedi companions? What he doesn't get from me is what he needs GUY friends for. People to watch shoot em up movies with, people to shoot hoops with, people to play football video games with. So I don't know if he SHOULD have female friends, he just doesn't have any.

Jun 28th, 2008, 02:24 PM	#12
nooch Member Joined: Apr 2008 Location: new mexico via BROOKLYN NY Posts: 1,026	I would be uncomfortable with an ex as a friend, and I would be uncomfortable with anyone who I knew had a 'thing' for him. My fiance has drifted apart from his former closest female friend because she told me "Dave will never love you as much as he loves me" and it turned him off a lot. They still talk, but he hasn't been able to look at her the same way since. Overall, women are people too. Why shouldn't he be friends with them? As long as the relationships are actually friendships I don't see a problem. __________________ http://www.natreasures.com Authentic American Indian jewelry & crafts All orders ship free PM me for discount codes Support local artists & their work!

Jun 28th, 2008, 02:48 PM	#13
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,286	I'm comfortable as long as GFs show me some respect when I answer the phone or run into them. I lived with someone and this female friend would call around for him and always slam the phone down when I told her bf wasn't around, like I was just some expendible answering service! I wouldn't like my dh hanging around with women that had issues dealing with me. My dh is close to a female coworker and I often refer to her as his "office wife".

Jun 28th, 2008, 03:07 PM	#15
chloe777 Team Edward! Joined: Mar 2008 Location: LA the state Posts: 746	When I met DH he was a loner with NO female friends and very few male friends. Since he has started working at his job he has met females and is kinda friends with them but mainly stays away because these females like to flirt and ask him to do favors for them like. " Can you put music on my ipod and can I come over so I can see what you have and learn how to put music on it." The weird thing is there will be no music on it and DH just put music on it a few weeks ago. There was also a girl who was texting him and asking if he wanted to hook up well that stopped ASAP when I answered his phone one day.That girl knew he was married and was dating a guy that worked with them but didn't care because she always cheated on her guy. So yes I would not want him to be friends with any of the little girls he works with. Now he is friends with his best friends wife's but that's ok because we are all friends and I don't have to worry about them.