Should a taken guy have female friends

ilovepinkhearts · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:28 PM

i guess it would depend on the kind of relationship it was. i have some trust issues. if they are only friends then rock on. and being friends with an ex...that is iffy. but again...the trust issues fall into place here...

illinirdhd · Jun 30th, 2008, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

Maybe not should, nothing wrong if he doesnt. But nothing wrong if he does, as long as he doesnt poke her with his stick.

Haha, I agree!

I think it's fine for ALL men to have female friends. But the men who can't be trusted with their female "friends" should not have a significant other!

karman · Jun 30th, 2008, 09:18 PM

I don't see the problem as long as he knows what the limits are.
If my BF were to go out with a bunch of girls, I wouldn't be very worried; I know that I can trust him.

Similarly, I hang out with quite a few guys and I talk about them in front of my BF quite often. I'm not super close to any of them, but enough to hang out once in awhile and chat on the phone. BF doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

nooch · Jun 30th, 2008, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

I think it's fine for ALL men to have female friends. But the men who can't be trusted with their female "friends" should not have a significant other!

Exactly! Perfectly put

Lvbabydoll · Jul 1st, 2008, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chloe777

When I met DH he was a loner with NO female friends and very few male friends. Since he has started working at his job he has met females and is kinda friends with them but mainly stays away because these females like to flirt and ask him to do favors for them like. " Can you put music on my ipod and can I come over so I can see what you have and learn how to put music on it." The weird thing is there will be no music on it and DH just put music on it a few weeks ago. There was also a girl who was texting him and asking if he wanted to hook up well that stopped ASAP when I answered his phone one day.

Sounds like my sort of SO (we're hard to define right now). We met 7 years ago and he had lots of guy friends but few girl friends so I never had to worry.
Though now, he's friends with some guy who's popular on myspace (his cousin dated him) and the entourage of girls that fall all over this guy (i.e. visiting him at work, "accidentally" going where he goes to see him). Anyway now he has TONS of girl friends, most I don't worry about, but then there are those few that just hang all over him...like when I call him and they're all hanging out and this one certain girl always is saying, "who is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit????? Oh my gosh, get off the phoooooooone" in this whiny, annoying voice in the background. It grates on my nerves like nothing else.

Jenglory · Jul 1st, 2008, 01:57 AM

I agree with the other posters - if it's just friendship, why not?

My fiance has plenty of female friends. I know right away upon meeting them which ones are just friends and which ones want him for something more. The former are very happy to meet me and we get along great. I have gained friends this way myself! The latter... well, they don't seem to hang around any more.

And that's okay with me!

Lec8504 · Jul 1st, 2008, 04:25 AM

personally I wouldn't feel comfortable if my SO has TONS of female friends, that just seems weird to me. All of my guy friends are close to their boys, and they know other girls but they hardly hang out with their girl friends by themselves. I think the only time that we hang out is in social situation, which I think is usually suitable especially if you are in a relationship. I'm the same way, I have a lot acquaintances who are guy friends but the people who are closest to me are my girl friends and only one best guy friend.

It's also a turn off to me when a guy has way more female friends than guy friends, somehow it feminize them in my eyes :/

aquablueness · Jul 1st, 2008, 04:32 AM

My SO has some pretty close girlfriends that he calls them "sisters", they're PRETTY too! Well, i never really had any disagreeable feelings towards that because his personality is not the cheating type nor the suspecting type. Also i guess another thing to consider is that they've been pretty close friends way before me and my SO have been dating. So, it was something i guess i had to accept. Well, it makes it much easier to accept the closeness of their relationships. I mean, if he became pretty close to somebody now that's the opposite sex and not within the family, i think i'd be a little... lol, yeah.

There are many variables when it comes to your question. It could depend on how long the couple has been dating, how the couple compromises or gets along, their level of trust with each other. Get my gist?

But on my behalf, i don't feel like there's anything wrong that my SO has female friends b/c i'm pretty secure with the relationship.

aquablueness · Jul 1st, 2008, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lvbabydoll

Sounds like my sort of SO (we're hard to define right now). We met 7 years ago and he had lots of guy friends but few girl friends so I never had to worry.
Though now, he's friends with some guy who's popular on myspace (his cousin dated him) and the entourage of girls that fall all over this guy (i.e. visiting him at work, "accidentally" going where he goes to see him). Anyway now he has TONS of girl friends, most I don't worry about, but then there are those few that just hang all over him...like when I call him and they're all hanging out and this one certain girl always is saying, "who is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit????? Oh my gosh, get off the phoooooooone" in this whiny, annoying voice in the background. It grates on my nerves like nothing else.

wow, i feel terribly sorry for you. It sounds like that sometimes you don't even know who those girls might be.

~Fabulousity~ · Jul 1st, 2008, 12:00 PM

I would never be comfy with my SO having female friends that he hangs out with or talks to everyday, reason being every guy that i've ever talked to about this told me that guys can be friends with girls but if opportunity ever presented itself they'd sleep with the girl. Now i'm sure this does not apply to everyone, but its just not something i'm comfortable with.

maddog · Jul 1st, 2008, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lvbabydoll

...like when I call him and they're all hanging out and this one certain girl always is saying, "who is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit????? Oh my gosh, get off the phoooooooone" in this whiny, annoying voice in the background. It grates on my nerves like nothing else.

That girl would SO piss me off. Yes yes, I'll fully admit I'm the jealous type, but why would he hang out with only girls? What do they have in common? Discussions about the SATC movie? Shoes? Discussions about "that guy last night was so hot and totally wanted me"?? I don't get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Fabulousity~

I would never be comfy with my SO having female friends that he hangs out with or talks to everyday, reason being every guy that i've ever talked to about this told me that guys can be friends with girls but if opportunity ever presented itself they'd sleep with the girl. Now i'm sure this does not apply to everyone, but its just not something i'm comfortable with.

My bf said the same thing. Not that he's the cheating type either, but he's very honest about how men's brains work. He also said just cuz it may be on his mind, that he's responsible for whether he acts on it or not.

guccimamma · Jul 1st, 2008, 03:11 PM

as long as they are ugly, and don't call past 8pm

D1M3C · Jul 1st, 2008, 04:06 PM

I'm gonna respond from the other side, as a girl who was BEST FRIENDS with her ex until his latest GF decided he wasn't allowed to talk to me.

My ex and I dated off and on for about two years throughout high school, but then things fell apart. We stopped talking for most of Jr. and Sr. year with a few conversations here and there, but I had found a new beau to be serious with. After graduation, we became really close friends. I told him everything, he helped me get through the break up with my BF who turned psycho crazy on me. I ended up going to a MIL ball with him at his college freshman year, and we talked all the time about current events, the sports I played, all that good stuff. He got a girlfriend around Xmas time 2007, which didn't bother me, I had already been with current BF for a year and a few months. I had been trying to help him find the right girl for him so was glad he found a new girl. THEN she fought him over EVERYTHING regarding me. If I called him, she flipped, if I texted him or wrote on his FB she flipped and they fought all the time over it. I thought it was absurd. Well, after my father passed away, I suddenly lost my best friend too. She told him that he could not talk to me at all, and he stopped. It's absolutely devasting to me because he was my confidant, other than my father.

Thus, the moral of the story, males and females should be allowed to be friends as long as it's just that. A girl should trust her guy and if he gives her reason not to, well then clearly the relationship isn't perfect!

I still miss my best friend!

cosmogrl5 · Jul 1st, 2008, 06:12 PM

^ Aw. I'm so sorry.

I have male friends, so I wouldn't expect my SO to give up his female friends.

It did bother me when one of my exes from college always hung out with his female friends though because he wouldn't invite me when they'd go out and they apparently didn't like me for whatever reason. It got to the point where he spent more time with them than me. It wasn't why I broke up with him, but it was on my looooong list of reasons why I didn't want to be with him.

LaurelLee123 · Jul 1st, 2008, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maddog

That girl would SO piss me off. Yes yes, I'll fully admit I'm the jealous type, but why would he hang out with only girls? What do they have in common? Discussions about the SATC movie? Shoes? Discussions about "that guy last night was so hot and totally wanted me"?? I don't get it.

My bf said the same thing. Not that he's the cheating type either, but he's very honest about how men's brains work. He also said just cuz it may be on his mind, that he's responsible for whether he acts on it or not.

I tend to agree with that. Maybe it is a little different when people are just boyfriend/girlfriend - then you would still have a best friend that could be of the opposite gender. But now that I have been married - my DH is my very best friend and vice versa. I am the only one he bares his soul to. Sure, he has female friends that he chats with at work. But they don't hang out outside of work by themselves and they don't talk on the phone once he leaves work about personal stuff. Our lives are busy enough that we spend most our free time with each other. He doesn't have time to gab on the phone all night with a female friend.

I guess when I was younger, I had plenty of male friends and the guys I dated had female friends. But now that I am older and most the guys I used to be close friends with are married and have kids, that is where they should be devoting all their free time. Sure, we chat if we run into one another and sometimes we update each other on our lives via emails - but whereas I used to pour my heart out to some of these male friends of mine - the only person I am emotionally intimate with now is my husband.

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:28 PM	#31
ilovepinkhearts hi, i'm danielle Location: Texas	i guess it would depend on the kind of relationship it was. i have some trust issues. if they are only friends then rock on. and being friends with an ex...that is iffy. but again...the trust issues fall into place here... __________________

Jun 30th, 2008, 09:18 PM	#33
karman nail polish addict Location: Canada	I don't see the problem as long as he knows what the limits are. If my BF were to go out with a bunch of girls, I wouldn't be very worried; I know that I can trust him. Similarly, I hang out with quite a few guys and I talk about them in front of my BF quite often. I'm not super close to any of them, but enough to hang out once in awhile and chat on the phone. BF doesn't seem to have a problem with it. __________________ karman Louis Vuitton, Chanel & nail polish View my collection here

Jul 1st, 2008, 04:25 AM	#37
Lec8504 Member Location: Bay Area	personally I wouldn't feel comfortable if my SO has TONS of female friends, that just seems weird to me. All of my guy friends are close to their boys, and they know other girls but they hardly hang out with their girl friends by themselves. I think the only time that we hang out is in social situation, which I think is usually suitable especially if you are in a relationship. I'm the same way, I have a lot acquaintances who are guy friends but the people who are closest to me are my girl friends and only one best guy friend. It's also a turn off to me when a guy has way more female friends than guy friends, somehow it feminize them in my eyes :/ __________________ My HGs: Balenciaga - 04 Rose Twiggy & 05 Turq Work Louis Vuitton- Mirage Bordeaux Speedy 30 & Exotic Watercolor Speedy Chanel- 05 Valentine Rose Flap Hermes (ultimate HG)-35cm rose dragee swift palladium hardware kelly Last edited by Lec8504; Jul 1st, 2008 at 04:29 AM.

Jul 1st, 2008, 12:00 PM	#40
~Fabulousity~ ...is rebooting	I would never be comfy with my SO having female friends that he hangs out with or talks to everyday, reason being every guy that i've ever talked to about this told me that guys can be friends with girls but if opportunity ever presented itself they'd sleep with the girl. Now i'm sure this does not apply to everyone, but its just not something i'm comfortable with. __________________ Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit - Napoleon Hill

Jul 1st, 2008, 04:06 PM	#43
D1M3C Still a Daddy's Girl Location: Boston, MA	Different perspective I'm gonna respond from the other side, as a girl who was BEST FRIENDS with her ex until his latest GF decided he wasn't allowed to talk to me. My ex and I dated off and on for about two years throughout high school, but then things fell apart. We stopped talking for most of Jr. and Sr. year with a few conversations here and there, but I had found a new beau to be serious with. After graduation, we became really close friends. I told him everything, he helped me get through the break up with my BF who turned psycho crazy on me. I ended up going to a MIL ball with him at his college freshman year, and we talked all the time about current events, the sports I played, all that good stuff. He got a girlfriend around Xmas time 2007, which didn't bother me, I had already been with current BF for a year and a few months. I had been trying to help him find the right girl for him so was glad he found a new girl. THEN she fought him over EVERYTHING regarding me. If I called him, she flipped, if I texted him or wrote on his FB she flipped and they fought all the time over it. I thought it was absurd. Well, after my father passed away, I suddenly lost my best friend too. She told him that he could not talk to me at all, and he stopped. It's absolutely devasting to me because he was my confidant, other than my father. Thus, the moral of the story, males and females should be allowed to be friends as long as it's just that. A girl should trust her guy and if he gives her reason not to, well then clearly the relationship isn't perfect! I still miss my best friend! __________________ Danielle Marie Rip Daddy 09/07/59 -- 02/02/08 Always in my heart

Jul 1st, 2008, 01:57 AM	#36
Jenglory Member	I agree with the other posters - if it's just friendship, why not? My fiance has plenty of female friends. I know right away upon meeting them which ones are just friends and which ones want him for something more. The former are very happy to meet me and we get along great. I have gained friends this way myself! The latter... well, they don't seem to hang around any more. And that's okay with me!

Jul 1st, 2008, 04:32 AM	#38
aquablueness Whale Tail! Location: Bayarea, California	My SO has some pretty close girlfriends that he calls them "sisters", they're PRETTY too! Well, i never really had any disagreeable feelings towards that because his personality is not the cheating type nor the suspecting type. Also i guess another thing to consider is that they've been pretty close friends way before me and my SO have been dating. So, it was something i guess i had to accept. Well, it makes it much easier to accept the closeness of their relationships. I mean, if he became pretty close to somebody now that's the opposite sex and not within the family, i think i'd be a little... lol, yeah. There are many variables when it comes to your question. It could depend on how long the couple has been dating, how the couple compromises or gets along, their level of trust with each other. Get my gist? But on my behalf, i don't feel like there's anything wrong that my SO has female friends b/c i'm pretty secure with the relationship.

Jul 1st, 2008, 03:11 PM	#42
guccimamma guccimamma	as long as they are ugly, and don't call past 8pm

Jul 1st, 2008, 06:12 PM	#44
cosmogrl5 Member	^ Aw. I'm so sorry. I have male friends, so I wouldn't expect my SO to give up his female friends. It did bother me when one of my exes from college always hung out with his female friends though because he wouldn't invite me when they'd go out and they apparently didn't like me for whatever reason. It got to the point where he spent more time with them than me. It wasn't why I broke up with him, but it was on my looooong list of reasons why I didn't want to be with him. __________________ Last edited by cosmogrl5; Jul 1st, 2008 at 06:15 PM.