Should a taken guy have female friends

i<3bags · Jun 28th, 2008, 04:09 PM

DF has female friends and I have no problem with it- it all comes down to trust. And who am I to tell him who to be friends with or not.

As far as EX's go, I talk to mine off and on and he's not crazy about it and he once in a while talks to his which I am not crazy about.

Now, for example, if he was going out to a nice dinner with his office assistant, I would have a problem.

Virgo · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:08 PM

My DH has always had girl friends. I am usually okay with it and am friendly with most of them as well. None of them are exes though. The one girl I have an issue with is a girl that I just don't really care for. I don't worry about him falling in love with any of them, I know I am in his heart

shallow-ish · Jun 28th, 2008, 06:57 PM

This is an issue I'm kind of worried about. My best/closest friend is male, and we've been close for years and years. We even took a trip around Europe together (joking the whole time since we hit up most of the 'romantic' cities, but were totally not romantically involved).

I am concerned that when he gets into a serious relationship, his SO might have an issue with it, and it would cause us to drift apart. I think it's just the whole attitude of 'now that he's got ME, why does he need any other girls?' (not ME, but from a potential SO's perspective).

I'm glad to see that the majority on this thread have no issue with their SOs having friendships with females and recognize them for what they are - FRIENDSHIPS.

And we do watch horror films and shoot 'em ups and read each other's comics - but I have yet to get into the whole video game thing

helium · Jun 28th, 2008, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shallow-ish

This is an issue I'm kind of worried about. My best/closest friend is male, and we've been close for years and years. We even took a trip around Europe together (joking the whole time since we hit up most of the 'romantic' cities, but were totally not romantically involved).

I am concerned that when he gets into a serious relationship, his SO might have an issue with it, and it would cause us to drift apart. I think it's just the whole attitude of 'now that he's got ME, why does he need any other girls?' (not ME, but from a potential SO's perspective).

I'm glad to see that the majority on this thread have no issue with their SOs having friendships with females and recognize them for what they are - FRIENDSHIPS.

And we do watch horror films and shoot 'em ups and read each other's comics - but I have yet to get into the whole video game thing

Ohhh my god, i'm so screwed. I never thought of it like that, and I pretty much only have men for good friends!

But I can tell her what he needs me for: a good humbling in Halo! Bahaha! (Sorry, I know you don't do the video game thing but I so do).

shallow-ish · Jun 28th, 2008, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helium

But I can tell her what he needs me for: a good humbling in Halo! Bahaha! (Sorry, I know you don't do the video game thing but I so do).

PetiteChaton · Jun 28th, 2008, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shallow-ish

This is an issue I'm kind of worried about. My best/closest friend is male, and we've been close for years and years. We even took a trip around Europe together (joking the whole time since we hit up most of the 'romantic' cities, but were totally not romantically involved).

I am concerned that when he gets into a serious relationship, his SO might have an issue with it, and it would cause us to drift apart. I think it's just the whole attitude of 'now that he's got ME, why does he need any other girls?' (not ME, but from a potential SO's perspective).

I'm glad to see that the majority on this thread have no issue with their SOs having friendships with females and recognize them for what they are - FRIENDSHIPS.

And we do watch horror films and shoot 'em ups and read each other's comics - but I have yet to get into the whole video game thing

Yeah i am worried about this happening with my current boyfriend..hes been in my life as a friend before a boyfriend..and i would hate it if when we broke up some girl had an issue with us still being friends

PetiteChaton · Jun 28th, 2008, 09:43 PM

However i must admit..Its ok to have girlfriends (if you're a taken guy)..but i wish deep down my SO had more guy friends as well as the girls.. it felt a little strange when we went to the club and all his friends there were females... they also drove him home as i had to leave early.. fair enough.. but yeah..It felt a bit..i dunno.. funny?

lovinalotofbags · Jun 28th, 2008, 09:46 PM

Yep, my SO has female friends at work but do not hang with them, not his style.

VPT · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:58 AM

I think it's healthier for a person to have friends from both sexes rather than one so long as he/she knows where to draw the line.

Mustlovedogs · Jun 29th, 2008, 01:07 PM

I don't have a problem with it at all. But the door swings both ways! Every guy I've ever dated has a huge problem with my guy friends!! I'm a hairstylist/gym rat/social butterfly so as you can imagine I have many guy friends who are clients, friends from the gym, etc............but my philosophy is this (and so it should be considered when your man has female friends) If I wanted to be with those people I would have done it A LONG TIME AGO!! Right? Keep in mind, those female friends are only FRIENDS for a reason!

Jahpson · Jun 29th, 2008, 01:59 PM

Its just me, but I dont like when my current SO are still friends with his ex. If and only if he was friends with her before they started to get romantic.

I'm not bothered with him having female friends. I would like to meet them just so i can see how they interact with each other. Thats important.

My SO has a couple of female friends. I have met most of them. The main one is really nice and we get along great! Anytime his female friends want to chill, he always brings me along. otherwise he doesnt hang out with them like that

Veelyn · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:08 PM

MY DBF does not have female friends. He has female co-workers that he talks to AT WORK and jokes with AT WORK, but that's it. He had "friends" before we met which were "FWB" if you KWIM, but not anymore since we've been together for 2 yrs. Plus, it's not his style to hang out with other girls, he only has his few close buddies.

Japster · Jun 29th, 2008, 02:37 PM

The guidelines for opposite sex friendship are going to be different for each relationship. Some men are really flirtatious and this would make an opposite sex friendship uncomfortable for the girlfriend or wife.

I've been married for 8+ years, my husband has many female friends and I completely trust that his intentions are good. I also have a male bestfriend that has been my friend since childhood and my husband trusts me completely.

We are also friendly with his first wife (no kids) and his girlfriend from College.

candy2100 · Jun 29th, 2008, 04:11 PM

Japster, that's amazing and very evolved of you to be friends with his first wife. I don't think I could do that.

{--amazement icon.

Right or wrong, for me I can't handle it. I know on an intellectual level that nothing untoward is happening, but emotionally I would not like it for my DH to have female friends outside of work. It's not something I want to work on, so the solution is just that he doesn't have girl friends. I don't have guy friends except from my old job, and we only see them socializing as couples.

Our joke is that I wholeheartedly trust DH. It's the ladies I don't trust.

maddog · Jun 29th, 2008, 07:13 PM

To me, it has to do with their interactions and history together. Also I would expect to be included in the plans automatically. If not, then I'd wonder why not? (one of my guy friends who "secretly" likes me always insists that I see him alone so I push for a group get together which he accepts grudgingly in the end, I'm not so naive to think that a girl wouldn't try to pull the same thing). I have no problem as long as there's no signs of flirtation/mirroring body language/more eye contact than normal.

The problem is I see these things even when it's unlikely. I tried to show myself that he's interacting the same way with everyone, but haven't been successful. It's a huge problem that I'm still trying to get pass, but it's not like it happens with every female he's friends with. Some days I'm successful but other days it engulfs me like waves.

bf is friends with his ex and I have some trouble with it. He's not talked as much to her cuz of me and I honestly feel bad about it, but it's weird to me, they were friends before and I felt like they never finished the honeymoon phase, so there could still be some attraction and that the timing was just bad. And it's ridiculous cuz she's married and on the other coast, but I don't understand who would call their ex long distance while at work for "no reason", but this girl does and he thinks it's normal.

Jun 28th, 2008, 06:08 PM	#17
Virgo Member	My DH has always had girl friends. I am usually okay with it and am friendly with most of them as well. None of them are exes though. The one girl I have an issue with is a girl that I just don't really care for. I don't worry about him falling in love with any of them, I know I am in his heart __________________ Virgo

Jun 28th, 2008, 09:46 PM	#23
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	Yep, my SO has female friends at work but do not hang with them, not his style. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:58 AM	#24
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Location: Singapore / Vancouver	I think it's healthier for a person to have friends from both sexes rather than one so long as he/she knows where to draw the line. __________________

Jun 29th, 2008, 01:07 PM	#25
Mustlovedogs The Cut N Curl Girl Location: Lost Wages......babeeey!	I don't have a problem with it at all. But the door swings both ways! Every guy I've ever dated has a huge problem with my guy friends!! I'm a hairstylist/gym rat/social butterfly so as you can imagine I have many guy friends who are clients, friends from the gym, etc............but my philosophy is this (and so it should be considered when your man has female friends) If I wanted to be with those people I would have done it A LONG TIME AGO!! Right? Keep in mind, those female friends are only FRIENDS for a reason! __________________ "I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in." "Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic!"

Jun 29th, 2008, 01:59 PM	#26
Jahpson Member Location: The Playground	Its just me, but I dont like when my current SO are still friends with his ex. If and only if he was friends with her before they started to get romantic. I'm not bothered with him having female friends. I would like to meet them just so i can see how they interact with each other. Thats important. My SO has a couple of female friends. I have met most of them. The main one is really nice and we get along great! Anytime his female friends want to chill, he always brings me along. otherwise he doesnt hang out with them like that __________________ Amazingly Sophisticated Happy Holidays to all my TPF friends!

Jun 28th, 2008, 04:09 PM	#16
i<3bags Member	DF has female friends and I have no problem with it- it all comes down to trust. And who am I to tell him who to be friends with or not. As far as EX's go, I talk to mine off and on and he's not crazy about it and he once in a while talks to his which I am not crazy about. Now, for example, if he was going out to a nice dinner with his office assistant, I would have a problem.

Jun 28th, 2008, 06:57 PM	#18
shallow-ish Member Location: Sunny SoCal	This is an issue I'm kind of worried about. My best/closest friend is male, and we've been close for years and years. We even took a trip around Europe together (joking the whole time since we hit up most of the 'romantic' cities, but were totally not romantically involved). I am concerned that when he gets into a serious relationship, his SO might have an issue with it, and it would cause us to drift apart. I think it's just the whole attitude of 'now that he's got ME, why does he need any other girls?' (not ME, but from a potential SO's perspective). I'm glad to see that the majority on this thread have no issue with their SOs having friendships with females and recognize them for what they are - FRIENDSHIPS. And we do watch horror films and shoot 'em ups and read each other's comics - but I have yet to get into the whole video game thing

Jun 28th, 2008, 09:43 PM	#22
PetiteChaton Tres chic	However i must admit..Its ok to have girlfriends (if you're a taken guy)..but i wish deep down my SO had more guy friends as well as the girls.. it felt a little strange when we went to the club and all his friends there were females... they also drove him home as i had to leave early.. fair enough.. but yeah..It felt a bit..i dunno.. funny?

Jun 29th, 2008, 02:08 PM	#27
Veelyn ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Location: The Zou!	MY DBF does not have female friends. He has female co-workers that he talks to AT WORK and jokes with AT WORK, but that's it. He had "friends" before we met which were "FWB" if you KWIM, but not anymore since we've been together for 2 yrs. Plus, it's not his style to hang out with other girls, he only has his few close buddies. __________________ ANIMAL CRUELTY IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE!! *PLEASE HELP GET JUSTICE FOR KARLEY!* *SIGN THE PETITION TODAY!* http://justice4karley.com/upcoming_events_3.html

Jun 29th, 2008, 02:37 PM	#28
Japster RAOK Mama Location: WI	The guidelines for opposite sex friendship are going to be different for each relationship. Some men are really flirtatious and this would make an opposite sex friendship uncomfortable for the girlfriend or wife. I've been married for 8+ years, my husband has many female friends and I completely trust that his intentions are good. I also have a male bestfriend that has been my friend since childhood and my husband trusts me completely. We are also friendly with his first wife (no kids) and his girlfriend from College. __________________ BLACK FRIDAY SALE: 40% off all Jewelry with code: BF2008, sale ends 12/4

Jun 29th, 2008, 04:11 PM	#29
candy2100 Member Location: Fantasyland	Japster, that's amazing and very evolved of you to be friends with his first wife. I don't think I could do that. {--amazement icon. Right or wrong, for me I can't handle it. I know on an intellectual level that nothing untoward is happening, but emotionally I would not like it for my DH to have female friends outside of work. It's not something I want to work on, so the solution is just that he doesn't have girl friends. I don't have guy friends except from my old job, and we only see them socializing as couples. Our joke is that I wholeheartedly trust DH. It's the ladies I don't trust. __________________

Jun 29th, 2008, 07:13 PM	#30
maddog Mmmkay	To me, it has to do with their interactions and history together. Also I would expect to be included in the plans automatically. If not, then I'd wonder why not? (one of my guy friends who "secretly" likes me always insists that I see him alone so I push for a group get together which he accepts grudgingly in the end, I'm not so naive to think that a girl wouldn't try to pull the same thing). I have no problem as long as there's no signs of flirtation/mirroring body language/more eye contact than normal. The problem is I see these things even when it's unlikely. I tried to show myself that he's interacting the same way with everyone, but haven't been successful. It's a huge problem that I'm still trying to get pass, but it's not like it happens with every female he's friends with. Some days I'm successful but other days it engulfs me like waves. bf is friends with his ex and I have some trouble with it. He's not talked as much to her cuz of me and I honestly feel bad about it, but it's weird to me, they were friends before and I felt like they never finished the honeymoon phase, so there could still be some attraction and that the timing was just bad. And it's ridiculous cuz she's married and on the other coast, but I don't understand who would call their ex long distance while at work for "no reason", but this girl does and he thinks it's normal.