[PrincessMe]

Originally Posted by juneping

princessme - i think there's alot going on in her head and mentally b/c of her job. whatever she said to hurt you maybe was trying to make herself feel better, to justify of what she does as a living. maybe you were just asking "how r u?"...she might think you tried to find out her business or maybe she was afraid you've heard something about where she works...KWIM??
you don't have to disassocate w/ her like she is virus...if she calls you for help, just do what you can. if she choose to live her life the way it is, you already offered help. maybe she's said so many hurtful things..don't you think you are in a much better place. feel better.

thank you so much foor this insight june.i really appreciate it esp bc i love her so much and have been personally very hurt how she could treat me the way she has when all i have done is love her. but i had not thought of what you wrote and its so true and poignant

shimma, zophie & twinkle you guys really got to the point of it all, bc that is what i really am so mad about and hurt about although i do not want this for her..believe me, its craziness shes involved in, not what you might imagine, this is no escort "glamour" place, shes not even like the her friends ive met from there, who are these hard core kind of girls.

maybe thats why she acts so mean bc shes trying to act like them...she was horribly abused by her family and i have always tried to take care of her and thought of her in my mind as my own child even though i am only a few years older..

she acts like this b*tch now, but in my mind, i see her rocking back and forth, this poor sad dirty little abused baby.. and now yes she really is at this horrible place, and tells me these crazy stories, all not making sense..her looking worse & worse

but yes she does act rude and nasty and tries to mak me feel like shes better than me..but ur right, i cant do anything for her so ive got to let go...and yes your all right bc its not whats she involved in which makes me want to pull away
if she wasnt abusive, i would hope for her safety but of course still we could be together, as friends and family

its really like you guys pointed out, the sh*tty treamtent, the put downs, the telling me how "gross" & "disgusting" I am for my choice of bf's and now dh ..thats what it is..thats what im sick of .. for example this is how alot of our conversations would go

"ewww how can you even kiss ur dh? hes so disgusting??eeeww i cant even hear about him! im going to throw up. i could never even kiss someone!!your so disgusting!!"


nonstop hypocrasy


this is what ive been listening to & much more for the past 6 years!

so im just sick of it and im just going to let go. ive realized since i started this thread, im lucky to be healthy there are horrible things in the world i should be grateful for the good in my life and not waste my good luck by worrying and crying over this
ive mentioned this before but i think i also have survivors guilt but ill just have to move on..i really didnt want to give away too many details so please excuse alot of vagueness in this thread but i have been thu alot more with this situation and there is alot i left out bc its too much
thank you so much everyone

[caitlin1214]

The way she treats you should be more of a problem than the fact that she may or may not be working in a brothel.

[bayoucitygal]

Wow, that is crazy.. I would have to stay away from her. She doesn't need to be treating you like that, you work hard for your money.

It's weird you bring this up. I have a cousin that is a stripper, no one in my family knows she is a stripper. A friend of my dh said he had seen her there. Well about a month ago she went to jail because she was working at a "whore house." The place she worked at got raided and she was taken to jail. I saw her mug shot on the internet, next to it, it said she was charged with sexually oriented business charge. Idk, what that is exactly.

The weird thing is that my dh and his cousin were chatting online and he sent him a link saying look at these stupid girls that got caught. I was so embarrassed for her. I'm not really close to her but I kept my mouth shut, it's not my place to tell family members.

I would always wonder how she would pay for things, because she would tell people that she did hair in her house. In a year she bought a custom built home, a new sports car, and had expensive clothes and purses. She is not married or has kids. I always knew something was fishy.

[ShimmaPuff]

Originally Posted by PrincessMe

...she was horribly abused...

And there we have the essence inside the essence. While we can all recount stories of abuse victims who single-handedly and all by themselves overcame and repaired the damage done to them, those are basically "George Washington Carver" stories, that are so moving and inspiring precisely because they are about people of such extraordinary and exceptional abilities.

Just as most of us are not scientific geniuses, neither are most people able to heal the horrific wounds of abuse all by themselves.

She needs help, but she would have to be the one to recognize that, and get the help, and the actual "overcoming," the actual healing, she does have to do herself, but doing something yourself and doing it all alone, without help from anybody else are two very different things.

The most, the best, that you could possibly do for her is suggest that she consider talking to somebody, and as for the best you can do for yourself, I stand by my previous recommendation that you spend time with other people.

[PrincessMe]

^^ Thank you so much for your words Shimma, they mean so much to me. esp that you understand the situation and still think its best for me to move on..bc i thought you'd write that i should keep trying after i wrote more of the history behind this...but really i guess this really is the best thing for me to move
its not right to treat me or others this way

Originally Posted by bayoucitygal

Wow, that is crazy.. I would have to stay away from her. She doesn't need to be treating you like that, you work hard for your money.

Thank you for writng this bayou, i really appreciate it. thats what got me so mad the last time i saw her, she knows how hard i work and yet the last time i saw her ( & rite after she asked me to buy her a $600 bday present & I did! like a fool)

she started bragging again about her & her friends and it was just like "how about giving me some credit" instead of acting like ur friends are so much better than me and the crazy part is they're not bc, like i said earlier , its all just lies on my relative's part...just made up stories to just try to put me down! thats what so fustrating, none of it makes sense

[e_serendipity]

If you want closure, I suggest talking to her. The things she does and says sound really mean and hurtful, and you shouldn´t have to put up with that. I can tell you really care about her, so it might be worth it to try talk to her. Have you tried telling her how you feel? If you haven't, just give it a last try before letting her go. If it is too difficult, send her an email or something.

You could tell her what you think she does for a job, and also explain how it makes you feel when she says things about you and your DH. Then it will be her choice to either not comment anything or try and patch things up with you. I worry that if you don't try this, you might not be able to get over this situation. If you tell her how you feel, she can either ignore it or try and work things out. Then you will know whether she was just embarrassed and confused, or if she really doesn't want to be friends with you.

This kind of confrontation is never easy, so do what feels right for you. It just seems that the situation is really difficult for you, so it might help to get it over with once and for all.

[Purses]

Originally Posted by juneping

princessme - i think there's alot going on in her head and mentally b/c of her job. whatever she said to hurt you maybe was trying to make herself feel better, to justify of what she does as a living. maybe you were just asking "how r u?"...she might think you tried to find out her business or maybe she was afraid you've heard something about where she works...KWIM??
you don't have to disassocate w/ her like she is virus...if she calls you for help, just do what you can. if she choose to live her life the way it is, you already offered help. maybe she's said so many hurtful things..don't you think you are in a much better place. feel better.

I agree with you on this also, juneping!

[helium]

I'd like to give a little 'other side' to this story. Nothing too extreme but here goes.

I had a friend who loved clubs (not the 'best friend who flashed the taxi driver' in case people were wondering), and is one of those 'you're only young once, so get drunk and do nothing until you're old' type of person. She loved clubs and getting drunk and she just has no direction in life whatsoever. She believes that you only think about that after you're 25. I definitely don't believe that since i'm sort of married to uni.

The point is, to her, she thought I was wasting my life (funny, I think she's wasting hers), and she always came out to 'save' me by trying to get me to go out or trying to force me to drink. At first I just declined, but then she started to say i'm really boring, or i'm completely wrong in my life, and so on so forth. I was very angry about that so I really lashed out at her telling her she's the one who was wasting her life and we had a large argument, and never spoke again. The point is though, I can see where she is coming from even though I think it's wrong, she thinks i'll never be able to live my 20's again and it's passing me by and i'm not drinking! I guess to her it's a desperate situation to hurry up and get me to live that life before it goes by.

My point is, the help that you've offered her and the blatant resentment you have for her job has probably made her resent you. While she's definitely acting the wrong way, if you keep dropping signs that she and the job she has chosen is wrong, she's probably just going to lash out at you more. And the fact that you're trying to help her probably comes across to her like you're telling her you're better than her and she doesn't want that help.

So I would simply cut off all contact, but if she asks for help i'd help her. It'll save you a lot of emotional pain and it'll probably make her feel better too. She is not worth the worry.

[PrincessMe]

Originally Posted by e_serendipity

If you want closure, I suggest talking to her. The things she does and says sound really mean and hurtful, and you shouldn´t have to put up with that. I can tell you really care about her, so it might be worth it to try talk to her. Have you tried telling her how you feel? If you haven't, just give it a last try before letting her go. If it is too difficult, send her an email or something.

You could tell her what you think she does for a job, and also explain how it makes you feel when she says things about you and your DH. Then it will be her choice to either not comment anything or try and patch things up with you. I worry that if you don't try this, you might not be able to get over this situation. If you tell her how you feel, she can either ignore it or try and work things out. Then you will know whether she was just embarrassed and confused, or if she really doesn't want to be friends with you.

This kind of confrontation is never easy, so do what feels right for you. It just seems that the situation is really difficult for you, so it might help to get it over with once and for all.

Thank you so much for understanding, e_serendipity
your right, it is so hard for me to let go. i wish i could get closure somehow but the last time i confronted her about an abusive thing she had did to me, she wouldnt talk to me for at least a year, maybe 2...

there are very sick things thats she has done to me, things to try and sabatoge my life..i know its sounds crazy but she would do these crazy things like once she was trying to break up me and dh...and one time at a restaurent, she asked me to go to the bathroom with her..when i did, her friend (who was also there & who i never even met b4 that nite) told him that i had told her that didnt want to be with him and she would love to & I knew about all it ( their convo)..totally untrue!! it was so sick..and theres more worse things.

i think, with this last sitaution, i have been trying to make myself finally acknowledge that, see shes a liar & try and make myself end this

i think its bc i love her so much, i dont know why, i guess bc i dont love alot of people and when i let someone into my heart, its so hard to let go of them. I really only truly loved her & dh and my dogs bc they're all i really had. i had so many dreams for us to be a family, that i would take care of her and i would be successful and buy her all the things she never had. but honestly i think she hates me on some level, or is jealous and i dont know why bc i have always shared everything with her.

maybe i think, in that world shes in, she shines or she gets attention form these customers and she feels like a star and its all make believe and being around me kind of bursts that bubble...err i just hope shes not on here and sees this!!

thanks so much truly, truly again bc youve all helped me so much. i see now im trying to get closure on the past & our relationship, and this and all of you have helped me so much

[PrincessMe]

Originally Posted by helium

The point is, to her, she thought I was wasting my life (funny, I think she's wasting hers), and she always came out to 'save' me by trying to get me to go out or trying to force me to drink. At first I just declined, but then she started to say i'm really boring, or i'm completely wrong in my life, and so on so forth. I was very angry about that so I really lashed out at her telling her she's the one who was wasting her life and we had a large argument, and never spoke again. The point is though, I can see where she is coming from even though I think it's wrong, she thinks i'll never be able to live my 20's again and it's passing me by and i'm not drinking! I guess to her it's a desperate situation to hurry up and get me to live that life before it goes by.

I think this is on point helium, bc i used to get the feeling often she thinks im a loser, by how she talks to me ect, so yes, this is probably whats she thinking & it helps alot to know that thanks!! it just makes me feel better to know why she treated & treats me that way..

i honestly never mad mouthed her job really, i really never said anything too much bc she'd flip out about anything but i guess i did say things here and there.. like when she would tell me these outrageous stories that terrified me for her safety..like once she told me they were going to blackmail this guy & i was just like okayyy...i would say you have to be careful, that type of person will kill u!!
u see whats ive been dealing with ( & believe me tons more!)..but yeah in her mind she was probbaly like whatever shes such a loser ..thats why i feel like i cant even talk to her anymore bc i dont want to hear this crazy nonsense

[xpurseloverx]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

I honestly don't know why you're so upset by this. Sure, it sucks that she's lying to you and being mean to you. So stop putting yourself in situations where she can lie and be mean. Stop calling her. Stop seeing her. Stop asking her questions. Every time you ask her a question, she probably thinks you're prying and judging, and she's probably embarassed by what she's doing to make money. She's lying to you to make herself feel better, and probably to justify to you and to herself what she's doing. But it's not your problem, is it? She's an adult, right? Your life is different from hers. And maybe she's doing things that you don't agree with, but that's not really your business. If I were you, I would concentrate on your own life and stay out of hers. If she's living in your house, kick her out before she takes you down with her. But otherwise, leave her alone. I know that's harsh, but really, what are you hoping to gain by dwelling on this? You've tried to extend your hand to help her -- she hasn't taken the help. You've tried to talk to her, get her to open up to you -- she hasn't done that either. So leave her alone. If she's really selling her body, she'll need you one of these days when she gets arrested or beat up by her pimp or hooked on coke. Be there for her then if you want, but for now, leave her alone and let her learn her own lessons. It sounds like you're just spinning your wheels and hurting yourself (and probably annoying your husband) with worrying about this girl. Pray for her if you want to, but leave it at that.

i agree

[Dallas_CaliGirl]

Originally Posted by PrincessMe

I am been, in my mind, so extremely close to a relative of mine since forever.

a few years ago, she started working at a club, a strip club but she told me she only worked at the door.
but then she started to tell me she was making thousands of dollars a nite and when i would ask how are you making so much money? she'd say that people tipped her for letting them in.

Everytime i asked about any of this, she'd talk to me in the most condescending way, like i was an idiot and crazy for wondering about any of this. she acts like shes a virgin and mortified that id think anything "weird" was going on...

she brags about about how her and her friends from the club go to LV on 5th and all the SA's flip out bc they spend so much money. i could care less but its how shes bragging like they're better than me thats so irratating.
and strangely enough, whenever i asked her where are all of these bags? ive never seen them? she told me they lost them! whatever...

now tonite dh came home from golf and told me that someone he played with today was talking about how he goes to strip clubs..dh asked him "have u ever gone to ____(the name of club she works in)?" bc he knows of the situation ive been in w/ her lies...

and the man said " oh i dont go there for strippers, i go there for hookers! ITS A WHORE HOUSE!!"
he went on to say they have rooms that you go in and then a girl comes in and has sex with the men!!

I am so shocked and disgusted!! i know ive had suspicions but this is grosser than anything i ever imagined! and its so sad too bc i love my relative and wonder whats wrong with her to do this???

but then at the same time, shes been such a b*tc* to me,all the lies & treating me like dirt, idk..i dont know what to feel....

i am relieved though to know the truth now though bc this has been going on for years! and even just the other day i saw her and she was still bragging and still acting like a virgin and like im the gross one for, get this, bc she said dh is ugly & disgusting!!meanwhile he's not!!

its enough to make u feel like ur going crazy bc its all so out of touch with reality. i just dont get why anyone would act this way.

Im mad too bc i have offered her so many jobs working with me and she wont (basically bc she always acts like shes better than me) like im a loser for working..i feel like confronting her but then i dont want to bc i think she must be crazy to be doing this in the first place and i dont want to make it worse for her..idk, im scared bc i feel like she could die there..maybe i should say something...thanks for letting me vent. i'd appreciate any thoughts..

Hiya PrincessMe,
So I'm fairly new to this forum and was thinkin of posting something similar to your story to vent a little but I have a lot of people I know back hom (TX) that are into bags so didn't know if it'd be a good idea.
I feel your dilemma and your pain girl all the way around the world and back! I have a relative I practically grew up with and shared a lot of my own blessings with her. My DBF and I always included her in our group trips to try to help hook her up with one of our guy friends..I thought we were close as sisters but the drama she'd put on me and my DBF was too much. Even after about 25 yrs of "sisterhood" in my eyes she would still hurt me.
My conclusion of all her put downs (and thanks to my DBF's point of view) is really that she is all jealous because she wants my life, wants what I have (even though I think it's darn great she can make it on her own). Fact is, for whatever reason (and I don't brag or taunt her with my goodies either)-for whatever reason she's jealous and obsessed and I must ignore it for the plain fact that it hurts to much to face it. Although she's related, the fact is friendships don't last forever. It's the rare gems that stay with you throughout life. I've learned so much from all my friendships and especially movin on my own (away from friends and family) from Texas to be with my DBF (who'll hopefully one day be my DH). But the point is (I'm a geek I know it but I listen to Dr. Laura)-toxic relationships must go, no matter if it's your mother, father, sister, brother. We don't need negativity weighing us down.
I feel scared for you for such a manipulative woman trying to sabotage your life. I would keep her away as far as possible and start to just keep things very "casual", KWIM?
Well I'm sure you got plenty of advice, but good luck anyway and it was good to hear another person's story. I thought I was the only one goin through somethin of the same.

-Ashley

[sweetdreamer16]

thats awful =(

[laureenthemean]

This is such a sad story. PrincessMe, as everyone else has said, it sounds like you've done all you can, and it's time to let go. Let her know that you will be there if she decides to seek help, but other than that, wish her luck and tell her that you're sorry, but you can't do this anymore. I wish you all the best.

[buttercup08]

Personally, I wouldn't want to associate with somebody like her. I agree with everybody else, have a chat with her and if it doesn't work out, cut her out of your life.