[heat97]

it sounds like she is just jealous that she does not have a life like yours. She is overcompensating and trying to make you jealous of her spending sprees at lv (calling your dh ugly) - i mean come on who says that? I feel sorry for someone who needs to brag and put you down to make themselves feel better.

Sending you Hugs!

[~Fabulousity~]

Originally Posted by merika

Well, it's her life and her choices as boxermom said. I'm sorry you feel upset but she's a grown woman and there is little you can do.

I agree...

[Purses]

Originally Posted by Zophie

Just because she works in a strip club with a lot of extras doesn't mean she is doing them herself. Or maybe she is. Honestly, if a friend of mine wanted to do that, so be it. It sounds like she might be somewhat insecure if she is always bragging about her money. She's probably uncomfortable telling people what she does and hopes it will make you accept her.

I totally agree with you on that. There was one point where I was really desperate to get a job and I did apply at those places. If I got the job, I would not tell anyone about it, but this one friend. She was supportive, but couldn't believe that life was getting that bad for me. I don't know what it is like in the States, but here, they give you a test to write and if hired, they submit it to the government. The test consist some basic legal issues for that type of environment.

I met one dancer after her shift....I just dropped off my resume and was walking back to my car and I parked in the employee section. Anyway, I approached her and she was a bit nervous and wondering who I was, which was totally understandable. She said that she is going to U of T and she is new to Canada. She felt no shame, because back home, nudity is pretty much open compared to North America. She said the income is very good and she is getting by. She said that it is very important that you don't experiment with drugs and stay focused with your studies. I noted that she was driving a brand new spanking Lexus car and in her trunk was her school books. She said that her regular routine help her stay focused on school and always took a shower after work.
She said that there is another dancer who lost her job and became a single parent. She knew she looked good and got into dancing and supports her children until she can get her child support all sorted out, then she plans to work longer there to earn extra money and look for a full-time job.

It is a bit degrading to do that type of job, but if it will help you finish school or help care for your children, then it is not so bad. They would have to budget also and make sure that they stay focused with their goal.

And just to let you know, strip dancers is a form of prostitution.

[lovinalotofbags]

ITA. She is an adult and this is the life she wants for herself. Why would you want to be around someone who clearly does not care about you or your feelings. Saying those things about your husband is just mean. You need to distance yourself from her and realize this is her choice. Try not to dwell on her or what she does.

[guccimamma]

so those lv's are from selling her p***y

nice wholesome girl, keep her away from your home.

sorry.

tell her you know the truth about that place, and if she'd ever like to be honest...you'll be happy to listen to her.

[PrincessMe]

^^gucci thats exactly what i feel like doing bc you guys have no idea how she talks to me, like im an idiot and i think when i talk to her again and she starts bragging and talking to me like sh*t, i really might have to let it out, i think i will feel better..idk

guys she has lied so much. i didnt want to give to many details but this girl doesnt even work in a strip club, as i found out now, its a cheap disgusting brothel. closet sized rooms where people go for very cheap sex.

My relative and her friends, yes they are in their mid twenties, but they are so out of shape and sorry to say, completely fug. thats why the pieces never made sense either...i mean they definitely 100% do not look like strippers....but now its all makes sense unfortunately..

and they have nothing even to show for what there doing..they have no LV accept for a pouchette here and there ( that even they told me some guy brings to the club for sale so its probably not even real) but like Virgo said, i dont know why i even wondered, shes a liar so thats why the stories about trips to 5th...

oh and i forgot i realized that she asked me to work there a few times as a "hostess"!! so thats another reason why she probably tells me she makes all this money..shes been asking me for years but i never even really paid attention, shes been trying to recruit me

please know that i would never judge anyone , esp not those who have children or no options but that is not the case. and its not the case that shes a stripper working like a regular job. shes in a very, very shady place im sure theres drugs involved, its illegal, im sorry but imo this is not a safe place for her. its not even a strip club.
i should have clarified more in my first post.

Thanks you so much again for everyones advice ..ITA lovinalot & heat i dont know what was wrong with me still being around her after how shes treated me, i dont want to give too many details but i just loved her so much and idk i felt for a long time like i had to help her..its been going on for about 5 years now..ive been so worried, but theres nothing i can do...i just felt like when that man told dh the lowdown, i just felt like OK now you know point blank, the cold hard facts...
thanks again everyone

[illinirdhd]

I honestly don't know why you're so upset by this. Sure, it sucks that she's lying to you and being mean to you. So stop putting yourself in situations where she can lie and be mean. Stop calling her. Stop seeing her. Stop asking her questions. Every time you ask her a question, she probably thinks you're prying and judging, and she's probably embarassed by what she's doing to make money. She's lying to you to make herself feel better, and probably to justify to you and to herself what she's doing. But it's not your problem, is it? She's an adult, right? Your life is different from hers. And maybe she's doing things that you don't agree with, but that's not really your business. If I were you, I would concentrate on your own life and stay out of hers. If she's living in your house, kick her out before she takes you down with her. But otherwise, leave her alone. I know that's harsh, but really, what are you hoping to gain by dwelling on this? You've tried to extend your hand to help her -- she hasn't taken the help. You've tried to talk to her, get her to open up to you -- she hasn't done that either. So leave her alone. If she's really selling her body, she'll need you one of these days when she gets arrested or beat up by her pimp or hooked on coke. Be there for her then if you want, but for now, leave her alone and let her learn her own lessons. It sounds like you're just spinning your wheels and hurting yourself (and probably annoying your husband) with worrying about this girl. Pray for her if you want to, but leave it at that.

[Purses]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

I honestly don't know why you're so upset by this. Sure, it sucks that she's lying to you and being mean to you. So stop putting yourself in situations where she can lie and be mean. Stop calling her. Stop seeing her. Stop asking her questions. Every time you ask her a question, she probably thinks you're prying and judging, and she's probably embarassed by what she's doing to make money. She's lying to you to make herself feel better, and probably to justify to you and to herself what she's doing. But it's not your problem, is it? She's an adult, right? Your life is different from hers. And maybe she's doing things that you don't agree with, but that's not really your business. If I were you, I would concentrate on your own life and stay out of hers. If she's living in your house, kick her out before she takes you down with her. But otherwise, leave her alone. I know that's harsh, but really, what are you hoping to gain by dwelling on this? You've tried to extend your hand to help her -- she hasn't taken the help. You've tried to talk to her, get her to open up to you -- she hasn't done that either. So leave her alone. If she's really selling her body, she'll need you one of these days when she gets arrested or beat up by her pimp or hooked on coke. Be there for her then if you want, but for now, leave her alone and let her learn her own lessons. It sounds like you're just spinning your wheels and hurting yourself (and probably annoying your husband) with worrying about this girl. Pray for her if you want to, but leave it at that.

Yes, I agree to this.

[PrincessMe]

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

Stop calling her. Stop seeing her. Stop asking her questions.

you know i really needed to hear this bc this is what i feel like doing at this point but ive felt guilty like i'd be a bad person to not want anything to do with her anymore..but your right, im just spinning my heels, hurting myself thinking about this stuff

and i honestly dont want any of this in my life, i want a good life and im sick of playing nice with her just to keep her happy bc i was worried if i did or said anything to upset her she's wouldnt have me in her life and then i couldnt be there for her if she needs me..that was what i have been doing & thinking but its just stupid of me
believe me , i havent been prying or asking questions or anything..thats what made it hard for me too...ive just been trying to be supportive of her of her all this time but yeah its a total waste
thanks for helping me get this all out everyone
i really feel better now knowing this is the best thing for me to do, close the door and move on..thanks again

[ShimmaPuff]

Originally Posted by PrincessMe

...been such a b*tc* to me... treating me like dirt...

That sticks out at me as the issue, quite independently and regardless of her occupation.

My suggestion: Spend time with other people.

[twinkle.tink]

Originally Posted by ShimmaPuff

That sticks out at me as the issue, quite independently and regardless of her occupation.

My suggestion: Spend time with other people.

Exactly, I think we have hit on the real root of the problem.

You really have no proof that the club is a whorehouse....you have one man, whom you don't know very well saying so....that doesn't make it so. Even if that turns out true, you don't know she is hooker.

Why all the drama on what she may or may not be...she is a known liar, she is mean to you...and you don't care for her...end of story. Don't spend time with her.

Don't spread rumors or unfounded stories about her...just say we grew apart or don't have a lot in common and let it go.

[Purses]

Originally Posted by twinkle.tink

Exactly, I think we have hit on the real root of the problem.

You really have no proof that the club is a whorehouse....you have one man, whom you don't know very well saying so....that doesn't make it so. Even if that turns out true, you don't know she is hooker.

Why all the drama on what she may or may not be...she is a known liar, she is mean to you...and you don't care for her...end of story. Don't spend time with her.

Don't spread rumors or unfounded stories about her...just say we grew apart or don't have a lot in common and let it go.

That is the graceful way of dealing with this problem.

[juneping]

princessme - i think there's alot going on in her head and mentally b/c of her job. whatever she said to hurt you maybe was trying to make herself feel better, to justify of what she does as a living. maybe you were just asking "how r u?"...she might think you tried to find out her business or maybe she was afraid you've heard something about where she works...KWIM??
you don't have to disassocate w/ her like she is virus...if she calls you for help, just do what you can. if she choose to live her life the way it is, you already offered help. maybe she's said so many hurtful things..don't you think you are in a much better place. feel better.

[Zophie]

^^^^

I agree. I really wouldn't have a problem if a friend of mine was a hooker. I'd have a problem with the person treating me unkindly, which it sounds like she has done.

[imashopaholic]

Sure it's upsetting that she's lowering her standards and self worth to such a level but it's her life, she's a grown woman, it's her choice. If you don't like the way she's treating you, avoid her. Plain and simple.