[chelsae]

I just started my freshman year of college in the fall, and I'm living in the dorms with a girl that I had met at orientation. The girls very nice, and we don't have any problems except for her wearing my clothes, without my permission, without asking me. I'll explain in detail, my boyfriend goes to the same college as me, and has an apartment there, so on the weekends I ususally just go and stay with him all weekend. Well, while I'm not there, I found out that my roommate has been wearing my clothes and then after she's done she just puts them back into my closet. I didn't find this out, until I saw pictures on Facebook (multiple times) of her in my clothes. She goes to parties in them, and I'm worried about how they're treated at these gatherings. I never wear certain clothes (pricey-er) ones to parties, because they're just going to get beer, etc. spilled on them, and end up smelling like smoke. She has also worn my shoes, and has messed up 2 pairs of them. One pair of flats, somehow, she managed to get the whole bottom of the shoe to come apart? Another pair, she has scuffed up the sides of them so bad, that I won't even wear them again. But here's the catch. (I know this sounds crazy becuase it has nothing to do with her wearing my clothes...) I feel bad saying anything to her about it, because her mom has a brain tumor and only has a few months left to live. As expected, she's having a rough time with it, so I always try to be as nice as possible to her. It just seems like a petty thing to bring up and complain about, but I'm picky about my clothes. I don't know how to approach and talk to her about the subject of her wearing my clothes nicely. I don't want to fight or anything, I have to live with the girl.Do you girls think I should say anything, and what? Help!

[PinkSuadeSoho]

I am sorry she is going thru this horrible situation with her Mom. However, you don't owe her a favour by allowing her to wear your clothes. I would tell her that she is not allowed to borrow under any condition. You don't share your clothes. I would either find a new mate, or lock up my items. There isn't an excuse and you don't need to feel bad about confronting her.

[chelsae]

I'm not sure what to say to her about it a nice manner, and it's possible to buy a lock to lock the closet, but I thought that might be a "rude" thing to do. What can I say to her?

[devoted]

if she asked you nicely to borrow your clothes, you would have probably said yes...for her to just sneak behind your back and ruin your things is unforgivable. Just tell her to ASK you first, if the items she wants to borrow aren't too pricey or delicate then you won't mind. If she doesn't care and continues taking your stuff, start borrowing and ruining her things. LOL

[ImASadGiraffe]

I had this problem in college - seriously, just put the lock on the door. She'll get the hint and you won't have to worry about your clothes. My roommate didn't even say anything when I started putting the lock on there, and our relationship was fine after that.

[Asma_]

Her mother having a tumor doesn't excuse the fact that she's "borrowing" your clothes. I would either tell her to stop "borrowing" your clothes, or put a lock on your door/closet. Either way, she should get the point. Best of luck!

[mundodabolsa]

a college roommate of mine did this too, she'd borrow my jeans and ended up destroying them during a drunken night out, the knees got all ripped up and her blood got on them and everything.

If you would let her borrow if she asked, then talk to her about asking first. But if you don't want her wearing stuff either way (I wouldn't), I completely agree that you should just lock up your stuff.

[rainrowan]

Put a lock or get a chest with a lock on it. But be sure you know who you're dealing with. Your roommate could be apologetic and respect your wishes, or she might turn it into a vindictive sort and really make your life miserable.

This happened to me at my first apartment, the roommate kept eating me out of all my food and when approached, she decided to go on the warpath and make my life a living hell.... yeeeeeesh.

[gillianna]

What type of closet do you have? I would think you have your own. I would put a deadbolt lock on it and put anything you don't want her touching in the closet. Some people just think they can do what they want. Her mother being sick is not a excuse nor a reason to let her get away with her bad behavior. I really don't know if this is the type of room mate you want to spend the whole year with??? Can you get your room changed? I hated when my sister used to take my things without permission but to have a stranger wearing my stuff--UGH. She is costing you money destroying your things. Will it be a $$ designer purse next?

[CEC.LV4eva]

ughhh.... her mom has a brain tumor AND SHE IS GOING OUT PARTYING?!?!?!
Maybe I didn't understand properly, but that's went through my head first thing... which kinda shows her character.
Anyway, if I were you right now, I would
1. tell her nicely, if she doesn't listen...
2. hide all your stuff, put locks on everything
3. get another roomate and move out ASAP

[wordpast]

Originally Posted by chelsae

but I thought that might be a "rude" thing to do.

What's rude is her borrowing (and RUINING) your things without your permission!!!! It's sad and unfortunate what's she going through with her mom, but that does NOT excuse her behavior.

I say lock your stuff up. If you HAVE to say something, say:

"Hey, I noticed that you've borrowed a couple of my things. There are some things I don't mind sharing, but there are other things I don't want to lend out. And I would never touch your things without your permission, so I just ask you would do the same for me"

Or something like that. And that was me being as nice as possible considering her mom. Just have a nice cool tone and demeanor. And it should go fine.

I didn't stay on campus when I was in school, so I have no idea how it works. But can you request a different roommate next year?

[paintednightsky]

Majority rules. Lock it up! I wouldn't say ANYTHING unless she asks and then you could explain it in a nice manner why you did so. I wouldn't want anyone in my clothes unless they asked!

[Sudy]

I think it's great that you're being nice about it but if I was you, I would be screeching mad. As others said, it's one thing to ask and another to just go behind your back. Just because you guys are roommates, I don't think it entitles her to feel like you guys are suddenly close and closet raiding is ok.

Try to think of it this way, she takes your clothes without asking and doesn't tell you what she's worn...and then what? What if you didn't know an item was worn already and you end up wearing it. That's bad hygiene and it's disgusting that she's doing that to you. What I would do is put a lock on the closet if it's possible. I wouldn't confront her because it can lead to nasty places if things are miscommunicated. And if she ever does ask why you have your closet locked, say that it makes you feel safer since you're dorming etc and anyone can come into your room. And maybe from there, if she feels the need to borrow, she'll now have to ask and it's up to you to allow it or not.

I think you're really nice about this situation but please, don't let your kindness to be taken advantage of like this. Her mother being sick is irrelevant to this situation and i'm sure she has her own clothes. A girls just gotta learn to appreciate her own clothes. For me, clothing is personal because I take time to find pieces that are me and my appearance is evoked through it and I work hard to pay for everything. I wouldn't want anyone mooching off my belongings in such a disrespectful and sneaky way.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by wordpast

What's rude is her borrowing (and RUINING) your things without your permission!!!! It's sad and unfortunate what's she going through with her mom, but that does NOT excuse her behavior.

ITA

[forever21]

First of all, definitely not acceptable no matter what is going on in her family. You should talk with her and ask her to ask you for permission before borrowing your clothes.

Second, if she's doing that to your clothes, can you imagine what she could doing with your other stuff?