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sarasmith3269 · Sep 23rd, 2009, 10:36 AM

My brother just had a baby with his gf...and she already has a kid from a previous relationship...they basically live in a shack...but still both only work barely part-time...and this is just recently, before they were either BOTH unemployed or only one worked pt. They depend on handouts from everyone, and well, they get them. Today my brother was texting me about vacations and how he wants to go overseas and all these places and I was inquiring about how he was going to afford all this. His response, "im saving". And for whatever reason, that really Pi$$ed me right off. There are a gazillion things I would LOVE to save for if everyone was giving me handouts for all the REAL things i needed (food, clothing, shelter). And i really makes me MAD that they are getting SO much free stuff that they have enough money to save for leisure, but of course not pay for anything REAL.

Another thing...my gram just bought a new car so that she could give her older (maybe 5 years) car, to my aunt. My aunt is great, but c'mon...she only and has only worked part time and never tries to get ahead.

Its just frustrating that everyone can slack off and get the things that i bust my butt for, for practically nothing.

Just a vent. thank you.

juneping · Sep 23rd, 2009, 10:43 AM

well, life is different for everyone.
about the people you mentioned...they don't want to get ahead..and they are happy with the min materials in life.
would you want to live like that? if not...let them be.
i do understand where you are coming from, i feel the same....but it's better to focus on yourself.

sarasmith3269 · Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:00 AM

Ah i know...you're right...its frustrating. Because there are times when I could use a little help, but there is always someone worse off than me, even if it is their own fault.

I see my family with my dad now (who makes considerably more than them but also work 60+hour work weeks, and really busts his butt) always when we go on vacation or dinner or anywhere, they always say under their breath or whatever, "let uncle ____ pick up the tab, he's loaded"...and i want to be like, "you know what, you greedy, selfish lazy family, why dont you try working your a$$ off every day and then see how it feels to be expected to hand it over to everyone who is too lazy to get it for themselves."

UGH!

caxe · Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:17 AM

Well, when people spend their money and buy things, like your grandmother and her original car, for example, they're well within their rights to give it to anyone they want when they're finished with it. Don't stress out too much over things like that, as they're out of your control. And also, just because YOU might think someone doesn't deserve something doesn't mean they really don't deserve it. You may have only a limited knowledge of the situation and you might not know all the details, which makes you a bit less compassionate. Again, try not to let it bother you.

Roo · Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:27 AM

What you may view as a "handout" may be viewed by others as a well deserved gift. Best focus on what you are doing vs. what others are doing, since that's all you can control

There will always be someone else in this world who you will perceive is getting a better break that you.... it's just life, I guess.

ami kio · Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:34 AM

I hear ya. It's frustrating to see people mooching off others what you OTOH have to work hard to get.

That said, dwelling on it will make you miserable/bitter but won't affect them a bit. Why ruin your mental/physical health over them? Studiously ignore them.

Immi · Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:39 AM

I agree with juneping, focus on yourself, otherwise you will be p'd off all the time. You'll probably get more out of your life than they will if they don't take challenges and work hard. I guess everyone has a different attitude towards life.

Kansashalo · Sep 23rd, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by ami kio

I hear ya. It's frustrating to see people mooching off others what you OTOH have to work hard to get.

That said, dwelling on it will make you miserable/bitter but won't affect them a bit. Why ruin your mental/physical health over them? Studiously ignore them.

I agree!

OP, some people are allergic to hardwork or to actually have to earn things. Granted this doesn't apply to all situations, but I have ran across my fair share of people that expect others to help them because its NEVER their fault for being in whatever situation they are in.

Aslan · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by caxe

Well, when people spend their money and buy things, like your grandmother and her original car, for example, they're well within their rights to give it to anyone they want when they're finished with it. Don't stress out too much over things like that, as they're out of your control. And also, just because YOU might think someone doesn't deserve something doesn't mean they really don't deserve it. You may have only a limited knowledge of the situation and you might not know all the details, which makes you a bit less compassionate. Again, try not to let it bother you.

I totally agree. Don't waste your energy, OP.

leslieluu · Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:52 PM

I totally understand where you're coming from but you should try to not let it get to you too much. They choose to be nobodies and to stay behind in life, in the future when they have no one to mooch off of they will suffer because they won't have anything for themeselves. So as much as I understand where you're coming from leave it to time and don't waste your energy getting upset.

~Fabulousity~ · Sep 23rd, 2009, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by Kansashalo

I agree!

OP, some people are allergic to hardwork or to actually have to earn things. Granted this doesn't apply to all situations, but I have ran across my fair share of people that expect others to help them because its NEVER their fault for being in whatever situation they are in.

Agreed and I know the type...as long as they don't ask me for anything I don't care anymore.

olialm1 · Sep 23rd, 2009, 04:57 PM

IMO you're wasting too much energy on getting frustrated over this. Focus on yourself, wish them the best and don't spend too much time analyzing what's going on with them.

Rockysmom · Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:41 PM

don't feel bad. my brother got 100K to buy a house and I got nothing. I could be bitter but I feel proud that I bought my house on my own.

Cheetah7 · Sep 24th, 2009, 12:10 AM

Sounds like you and I have the same brother. It used to pissed me off that my older brother who happens to have a full time job, kept asking our dad for money because he had spent most of his own on stupid things. I try not to stress about it anymore because whether I like it or not, it's something I have no control over. Besides, my parents share the blame for enabling him to do this.

schadenfreude · Sep 24th, 2009, 12:13 AM

Don't even get me started... because this could quickly degenerate into a political discussion, which is not what we want.

As much as I respect the others' opinions, the previous comments have seemed a bit.... dismissive. I think the OP's frustration is very warranted and very real. I don't blame you at all. Unfortunately, I don't have any useful words of advice for you, because I can get pretty worked up about similar issues if I dwell on them.

Sep 23rd, 2009, 10:36 AM	#1
sarasmith3269 OP Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 688	Quick little rant/vent about people who undeservedly receive handouts My brother just had a baby with his gf...and she already has a kid from a previous relationship...they basically live in a shack...but still both only work barely part-time...and this is just recently, before they were either BOTH unemployed or only one worked pt. They depend on handouts from everyone, and well, they get them. Today my brother was texting me about vacations and how he wants to go overseas and all these places and I was inquiring about how he was going to afford all this. His response, "im saving". And for whatever reason, that really Pi$$ed me right off. There are a gazillion things I would LOVE to save for if everyone was giving me handouts for all the REAL things i needed (food, clothing, shelter). And i really makes me MAD that they are getting SO much free stuff that they have enough money to save for leisure, but of course not pay for anything REAL. Another thing...my gram just bought a new car so that she could give her older (maybe 5 years) car, to my aunt. My aunt is great, but c'mon...she only and has only worked part time and never tries to get ahead. Its just frustrating that everyone can slack off and get the things that i bust my butt for, for practically nothing. Just a vent. thank you.
sarasmith3269 OP Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 688

Sep 23rd, 2009, 10:43 AM	#2
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,352	well, life is different for everyone. about the people you mentioned...they don't want to get ahead..and they are happy with the min materials in life. would you want to live like that? if not...let them be. i do understand where you are coming from, i feel the same....but it's better to focus on yourself.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:00 AM	#3
sarasmith3269 OP Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 688	Ah i know...you're right...its frustrating. Because there are times when I could use a little help, but there is always someone worse off than me, even if it is their own fault. I see my family with my dad now (who makes considerably more than them but also work 60+hour work weeks, and really busts his butt) always when we go on vacation or dinner or anywhere, they always say under their breath or whatever, "let uncle ____ pick up the tab, he's loaded"...and i want to be like, "you know what, you greedy, selfish lazy family, why dont you try working your a$$ off every day and then see how it feels to be expected to hand it over to everyone who is too lazy to get it for themselves." UGH!
sarasmith3269 OP Member Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 688

Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:17 AM	#4
caxe Established 1976 Joined: Mar 2007 Location: The Southeast, US Posts: 4,963	Well, when people spend their money and buy things, like your grandmother and her original car, for example, they're well within their rights to give it to anyone they want when they're finished with it. Don't stress out too much over things like that, as they're out of your control. And also, just because YOU might think someone doesn't deserve something doesn't mean they really don't deserve it. You may have only a limited knowledge of the situation and you might not know all the details, which makes you a bit less compassionate. Again, try not to let it bother you.
	__________________ Let's get it on. It's time to get down!

Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:27 AM	#5
Roo au courant Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,713	What you may view as a "handout" may be viewed by others as a well deserved gift. Best focus on what you are doing vs. what others are doing, since that's all you can control There will always be someone else in this world who you will perceive is getting a better break that you.... it's just life, I guess.
	__________________ When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around. --Willie Nelson

Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:34 AM	#6
ami kio Member Joined: May 2006 Location: Down South Posts: 1,339	I hear ya. It's frustrating to see people mooching off others what you OTOH have to work hard to get. That said, dwelling on it will make you miserable/bitter but won't affect them a bit. Why ruin your mental/physical health over them? Studiously ignore them.
	__________________ On a ban... unless I find something that stops me in my tracks. twitter

Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:39 AM	#7
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	I agree with juneping, focus on yourself, otherwise you will be p'd off all the time. You'll probably get more out of your life than they will if they don't take challenges and work hard. I guess everyone has a different attitude towards life.
Immi <3s life Joined: Aug 2009 Posts: 271	__________________ The best things in life are free. Apart from OPI, cars, and chocolate brazil nuts...

Sep 23rd, 2009, 01:52 PM	#10
leslieluu Member Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 290	I totally understand where you're coming from but you should try to not let it get to you too much. They choose to be nobodies and to stay behind in life, in the future when they have no one to mooch off of they will suffer because they won't have anything for themeselves. So as much as I understand where you're coming from leave it to time and don't waste your energy getting upset.
leslieluu Member Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 290

Sep 23rd, 2009, 04:57 PM	#12
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,553	IMO you're wasting too much energy on getting frustrated over this. Focus on yourself, wish them the best and don't spend too much time analyzing what's going on with them.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Sep 23rd, 2009, 11:41 PM	#13
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941	don't feel bad. my brother got 100K to buy a house and I got nothing. I could be bitter but I feel proud that I bought my house on my own.
Rockysmom Member Joined: May 2008 Posts: 941

Sep 24th, 2009, 12:10 AM	#14
Cheetah7 Member Joined: Aug 2009 Location: Here, there and everywhere Posts: 302	Sounds like you and I have the same brother. It used to pissed me off that my older brother who happens to have a full time job, kept asking our dad for money because he had spent most of his own on stupid things. I try not to stress about it anymore because whether I like it or not, it's something I have no control over. Besides, my parents share the blame for enabling him to do this.
	__________________

Sep 24th, 2009, 12:13 AM	#15
schadenfreude yes please Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,576	Don't even get me started... because this could quickly degenerate into a political discussion, which is not what we want. As much as I respect the others' opinions, the previous comments have seemed a bit.... dismissive. I think the OP's frustration is very warranted and very real. I don't blame you at all. Unfortunately, I don't have any useful words of advice for you, because I can get pretty worked up about similar issues if I dwell on them.
schadenfreude yes please Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 1,576

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