[muggles]

and you do all the housework , laundry ,grocery shopping and yard work. Do you deserve compensation? Am I supposed to do this because it is the role I am in? He works and makes a good living and we have a nice house, he pays the bills and I am the housekeeper. Now if I worked outside the home, I would still do the same work at home, he would not help in the housework or yardwork. He says he is allergic to dust, and mowing the grass and cleaning with any chemicals and taking care of the 2 koi ponds.( I have to regularly clean filters and pumps and get covered in fish crap, while he sits and watches) I get $50.00 a week for all the work and have to pay for my own gas out of that. We live 20 minutes from town and my vehicle is a gas hog. The $50 does not buy a tank of gas! I just want to know if I am supposed to be happy I have a home provided for me or if I am entitled to share in his earnings, since I have no outside income.Any clothing or other purchases are usually paid for by my Mother.

[Jahpson]

I think what your looking for is an appreciation for all your hardwork.

I think that if you weren't there, his house would look like a sewer dump! Why is he being so stingy with money?

Your cleaning the house for both of you...not just him!! You can't talk to him, or get a part time job on the side?

[muggles]

No thats not the problem! If I work outside the home, I will still be required to do all the work inside the home. I have worked before outside the home and I still am required to do all the mowing of lawns and hauling of garbage(we don't have trash pickup) vacumming and cooking and grocery shopping, laundry, etc.He feels that if he pays for the house and utilities and food that the rest of his money is his!!He essentially has a live in Housekeeper for $50.00 a week!

[ChristyR143]

I am a stay home wife and mom, and yes, all of the household responsibilities are mine, including keeping up with and cleaning our inground pool. The only thing I don't do is mow. We pay to have this done. We don't do an 'allowance', but my husband generally does not care what I buy as long as I know we have the money for it and I am reasonable (which I am). I don't feel I deserve any 'additional' compensation, because all of my needs and most of my wants are provided for. There was a time that we gave each other $50 a week for spending money, but we stopped doing that because we realized that there was no need for it. If we find something we want, we just buy it.

Anyway, to answer your questions - Yes, you should be glad that you have a home provided for you (because it is such a wonderful thing to be able to stay at home, that is, if that is what YOU want to do!) Yes, you should also be able to share in his earnings, I mean, after all...you are his wife!! And your mother should not have to be the one paying for you clothing and other things. This is your husbands responsibility!!

[ChristyR143]

Originally Posted by muggles

No thats not the problem! If I work outside the home, I will still be required to do all the work inside the home. I have worked before outside the home and I still am required to do all the mowing of lawns and hauling of garbage(we don't have trash pickup) vacumming and cooking and grocery shopping, laundry, etc.He feels that if he pays for the house and utilities and food that the rest of his money is his!!He essentially has a live in Housekeeper for $50.00 a week!

We cross posted!

Ouch...this is a problem. He needs an attitude adjustment where this issue is concerned for sure. This sort of thing really bothers me. When two people marry they become one and that includes their finances! That money he earns is every bit yours as it is his. If you haven't already you definitely should talk to him and tell him how you feel. If that doesn't work, I think I would seek out some counseling.

[Purses]

Originally Posted by muggles

and you do all the housework , laundry ,grocery shopping and yard work. Do you deserve compensation? Am I supposed to do this because it is the role I am in? He works and makes a good living and we have a nice house, he pays the bills and I am the housekeeper. Now if I worked outside the home, I would still do the same work at home, he would not help in the housework or yardwork. He says he is allergic to dust, and mowing the grass and cleaning with any chemicals and taking care of the 2 koi ponds.( I have to regularly clean filters and pumps and get covered in fish crap, while he sits and watches) I get $50.00 a week for all the work and have to pay for my own gas out of that. We live 20 minutes from town and my vehicle is a gas hog. The $50 does not buy a tank of gas! I just want to know if I am supposed to be happy I have a home provided for me or if I am entitled to share in his earnings, since I have no outside income.Any clothing or other purchases are usually paid for by my Mother.

I do expect my husband to help me with some things that I don't like to do or can't do because of my height. If his income is really good, he should have no problem with you going out to spend money on pedicures and stuff like that. If his income is moderate, I think you need to get your own job and contribute that way. Have a joint account to deal with household issues, and have a seperate account so that if you wish to purchase a birthday or Christmas gift for your partner, it was not your partner's money that was used to make that purchase. And if you want to buy that Chanel bag, then you can use your own money to do that without any guilt.

Maybe you should get a vehicle that is better on gas.

[muggles]

That is my question? I don't mind doing all the work but feel I should be able to spend within reason if I want or need something! I would like to buy a pair of shorts and a new bra, but I would have to ask his permission and then he would have to mull over it! The checking account is his and his alone. I have my account which he puts the $50 a week into plus grocery money. He checks my account online and always questions anything he notices out of the ordinary, say mailing a package! He wants all the receipts and wants me to post everything in a journal.He has complete control over every aspect of anything I do!

[Purses]

Originally Posted by ChristyR143

We cross posted!

Ouch...this is a problem. He needs an attitude adjustment where this issue is concerned for sure. This sort of thing really bothers me. When two people marry they become one and that includes their finances! That money he earns is every bit yours as it is his. If you haven't already you definitely should talk to him and tell him how you feel. If that doesn't work, I think I would seek out some counseling.

We must of posted at the same time.

This is a problem and I think you need to have a talk with him. A family plan should be produced so that there is no misunderstanding.

[Elara]

I think my biggest concern here is that you use the term "required." Is this not a partnership? Do you guys not have any joint accounts? My husband makes three times what I do, but he would never even consider trying to pull something like this.

I would suggest 1)you sit him down and have a heart to heart and 2)if that doesn't work, or even if it does, go to marital counseling. This sounds to me like there is some HUGE disconnect between what both parties are expecting from a marriage.

I see you're in the Blue Ridge- may I ask where and in what state? And this is purely curiosity on my part, as I grew up in Virginia in a little town in the mountains about 45 minutes north of Charlottesville :)

[muggles]

He will not buy me a new vehicle. I have a 97 Jeep that has no ac and continues to break down! He earns a 6 figure salary, has a company car, benefits and has a Masters in Business. I am a high school graduate in my mid 50's with no skills beyond what I do at home. When I worked outside the home he demanded I have a lot of tax with held so I didn't cost him money at tax time!

[muggles]

Originally Posted by Elara

I think my biggest concern here is that you use the term "required." Is this not a partnership? Do you guys not have any joint accounts? My husband makes three times what I do, but he would never even consider trying to pull something like this.

I would suggest 1)you sit him down and have a heart to heart and 2)if that doesn't work, or even if it does, go to marital counseling. This sounds to me like there is some HUGE disconnect between what both parties are expecting from a marriage.

I see you're in the Blue Ridge- may I ask where and in what state? And this is purely curiosity on my part, as I grew up in Virginia in a little town in the mountains about 45 minutes north of Charlottesville :)

I am in Hardy right outside of Roanoke. You aren't talking about Staunton are you?

[LadyLinda]

Originally Posted by muggles

That is my question? I don't mind doing all the work but feel I should be able to spend within reason if I want or need something! I would like to buy a pair of shorts and a new bra, but I would have to ask his permission and then he would have to mull over it! The checking account is his and his alone. I have my account which he puts the $50 a week into plus grocery money. He checks my account online and always questions anything he notices out of the ordinary, say mailing a package! He wants all the receipts and wants me to post everything in a journal.He has complete control over every aspect of anything I do!

What he's doing is not the way a marriage is supposed to work. I am in my 50s and was a stay at home wife for 20 years. My situation was similar to yours in that my husband kept the house, cars, and all but one bank account in his own name--but at least we had one joint bank account and could buy myself a bra, or new shoes for the kids, etc., without his permission!

Should you be glad to have a house provided for you? Sure. That's a wonderful luxury and anyone in that position should be thankful. But that does not mean you have to accept being treated badly. What your husband is doing sounds very controlling. From what you describe, he is totally treating you like a child. Your allowance barely qualifies as that.

How long have you been married?

[IntlSet]

Muggles, didn't you make a post a while back about problems with your husband, and that you're thinking of leaving? I believe the thread was about how he criticized your spending?

[Jahpson]

boy, i dont ever want to get married

[Purses]

Originally Posted by muggles

He will not buy me a new vehicle. I have a 97 Jeep that has no ac and continues to break down! He earns a 6 figure salary, has a company car, benefits and has a Masters in Business. I am a high school graduate in my mid 50's with no skills beyond what I do at home. When I worked outside the home he demanded I have a lot of tax with held so I didn't cost him money at tax time!

This is troubling....first of all, you don't need a new car. You just need a car that would be more cost affective (used car)

I don't understand the tax part, but if you want a job, go for it. Even if it's part-time.
Do both of you have a good retirement plan? What is your retirement plan? Do you rely on him 100%? If so, I don't think that is good.
I met this women, where I go show jumping (riding) and she said that she never worked a day in her life and when it came to retirement for her husband, he divorced her (basically packed his things and left) and took all the money.
She had to file papers in court for spousal support and then she signed up for school and got some real estate education and got a job. Now she owns a few dogs and started taking riding lessons. This old woman is huge for her height, but she doesn't allow that to stop her! She said that she used to be heavier and when he left her, she had no choice but to figure out how was she going to keep the home, which she could not afford to and be able to survive. I think she even had to go for counselling, because she felt worthless. But she is proactive, and keeps herself busy with things she always wanted to try and went for it.
I truly admire this woman. She has such strong courage and always used positive words in her vocabulary.

Personally, I am in a very difficult situation and I try to remember that woman I knew and it keep me going. Your financial circumstances is somewhat similar to what I am going through, but I don't feel like I am a victim because I did something about it. (Money thread on tPF was a great deal of help...it help me stay proactive and reach my goals, and a book called "Automatic Millionaire") As for household duties and responsibilities, I think all women may have had a talk with their SO and say, I need your partnership to keep this home together or else...
It is all about how you say it, how much you respect your partner and writing out goals and family plans, including retirement. When you try again to talk to him and he does not agree to help, you have some serios issues now. Start planning for your future and you will be surprised, as scary as it will be, how things all come into place.