Psycho Mother & Jealous Sister

angelstacie04 · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:30 PM

Hi!!! My name is Stacie and I have a problem, lol, two actually. Well, I'll start with my sister, my sister is in her 30's (I'm 18) and she was given up for adoption because my mother was very young when she had her. My sister doesn't care for me because I'm light skinned while she's darkskinned and my mother kept me and raised me. Mind you there's a 15 year difference. My dad is very profitable and a fortunate man. Therefore, I have a lot of things while my sister doesn't. My mom, who plays the instigater, is always pinning my sister up against me and talks shit about me with my sister. Plus my mom is just unappreciative and ignorant at times, i still love her though. So, my BF bought me the dooney girrafe medium logo satchel which is like 425 for xmas last year. meanwhile my dad's mom bought one too. So my mom gets the idea that she wants it. So my sister claims shes gonna get it for her, so my mom goes on and on about this purse, how she wants it and all this crap. So my sister tells her that she ordered it but its on back order, so my mom watches the mail and it never comes, this lasts about a month, now today she claims that she bought it. Then my sister and my mom get on the phone and talk shit about how my sister bought her the purse and i'd rather spend money on myself than her and this that and the other. and about how i can buy her the wallet. I would spend the money on my mom but she doesn't wear stuff nor take care of it. She has atleast 100 purses in her closet, brand new dooneys from like 1995 that have never seen daylight after she got them. She carries the same bag and the same wallet. She talks shit about everything, no matter what it's not good enough. So I waitress at a restuarant and yea, i make a lil money, but i refuse to spend my hard earned money on someone whos just gonna turn around and talk shit about me to someone else, like if i didn't get the wallet or she isn't going to wear it. I bought her a pair of expensive leopard earrings, the 2 sets but that wasn't good enough. I talked my dad into buying her a cadillac to replace her jeep cherokee that he said he would never buy her another vehicle because she doesn't appreciate him but that wasn't good enough. Nothing is ever good enough for her and thats why my dad has even distanced himself from her. So now, my sister supposedly bought the bag so they can talk shit about me and how i didn't and blah blah blah, how am i supposed to feel or what am i supposed to do?

PetiteChaton · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:38 PM

Sadly, we cant pick our family...only our friends..my advice? Work hard... study hard.. go to university ...do a good course that will get you a good job one day..and then move out..get a job..and you can buy yourself all the designer bags you wish for..you dont have to depend on the boyfriend..on your dad...or on your mother and sister.. Whenever we depend on other people in life, its one day.. thrown in our face. Just because someone is family..or a boyfriend...or a husband...does not mean that you can depend on them and that they'll always be there for you..
Point being... focus all this energy on you..tolarate your mother.. and let her bitch to your sister if she wishes.. you dont have to live with her for too long.

angelstacie04 · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:46 PM

Thats true! I'm going to UNC Chapel Hill this fall and plan on going to medical school afterwards. My dad loves me to death and i'd say i'm his favorite daughter, not to get ahead of myself lol (the sister i'm talking about isn't my dads). He'd do anything for me and his the only person i can really count on. idk, im just really tired of my mom making a war between me and my sister.

VPT · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:52 PM

Sorry your mom has an acidic personality, something my mom has too and my sis, bro, dad, and I get around it by being close and not including her in our outings. She's always been trying to tear us apart but our bond is so strong that it stood the test of time.

Your mom will always be your blood relative but the quality of your life is controlled by YOU and who you choose to spend good time with.

lovinalotofbags · Jun 25th, 2008, 10:55 PM

Take the higher ground and ignore them. You cannot control what another person does but you can control how you behave. Concentrate on your future and your educational goals.

gillianna · Jun 26th, 2008, 10:32 AM

It's hard having toxic people in your life, especially if they are your relatives. I also deal with a sister always putting me down.
My one friend has mastered the art of being nice and agreeing to anything her toxic friends say--this stops them in their tracks and they can't say anything else to provoke a fight which is what they want to do. They want you to take the bait and they will go on and on. Example: One person will tell her that her shirt is not pretty or something about what she is wearing, her reply is "thank you for letting me know, it's nice I can count on you to help me realize this." She does this with a smile while she is thinking you bit_h. But it stops them and nothing else can be said because you agree with them. It is like kill them with kindness because they will then move on.

I would get involved with your school and realize that you don't have to have your sister in your life and can limit contact with your mom and let her rant to someone else. You seem to know what you want to do with your life and I wish you luck with school. It will be a good change to meet new people and I would think things will be more positive for you there.

k2sealer · Jun 26th, 2008, 12:09 PM

^^ I sooooo agree with the kill with kindness idea. I used to do this with a toxic co-worker. He would snap and snarl and try to pull me into responding the same to him. Once I figured it out and stopped reacting negatively he got frustrated and moved on to bugging someone else.

rainrowan · Jun 26th, 2008, 01:06 PM

It could be your mother's own guilt about giving your sister up for adoption that is driving her to behave so unkindly to you and causing your sister to feel like your sister is now the important one. Maybe your mom thinks she's making it up to your sister by playing favorites with her.

That's such an immature way for your mom to deal with her guilt and her own mistakes from the past. Why do you have to suffer for it? You had nothing to do with it.

Zophie · Jun 26th, 2008, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovinalotofbags

Take the higher ground and ignore them. You cannot control what another person does but you can control how you behave. Concentrate on your future and your educational goals.

I agree. Just focus on making yourself a better person.

Jun 25th, 2008, 10:30 PM	#1
angelstacie04 Asha's my CL Hero! Joined: Apr 2008 Location: New Bern, NC Posts: 292	Psycho Mother & Jealous Sister Hi!!! My name is Stacie and I have a problem, lol, two actually. Well, I'll start with my sister, my sister is in her 30's (I'm 18) and she was given up for adoption because my mother was very young when she had her. My sister doesn't care for me because I'm light skinned while she's darkskinned and my mother kept me and raised me. Mind you there's a 15 year difference. My dad is very profitable and a fortunate man. Therefore, I have a lot of things while my sister doesn't. My mom, who plays the instigater, is always pinning my sister up against me and talks shit about me with my sister. Plus my mom is just unappreciative and ignorant at times, i still love her though. So, my BF bought me the dooney girrafe medium logo satchel which is like 425 for xmas last year. meanwhile my dad's mom bought one too. So my mom gets the idea that she wants it. So my sister claims shes gonna get it for her, so my mom goes on and on about this purse, how she wants it and all this crap. So my sister tells her that she ordered it but its on back order, so my mom watches the mail and it never comes, this lasts about a month, now today she claims that she bought it. Then my sister and my mom get on the phone and talk shit about how my sister bought her the purse and i'd rather spend money on myself than her and this that and the other. and about how i can buy her the wallet. I would spend the money on my mom but she doesn't wear stuff nor take care of it. She has atleast 100 purses in her closet, brand new dooneys from like 1995 that have never seen daylight after she got them. She carries the same bag and the same wallet. She talks shit about everything, no matter what it's not good enough. So I waitress at a restuarant and yea, i make a lil money, but i refuse to spend my hard earned money on someone whos just gonna turn around and talk shit about me to someone else, like if i didn't get the wallet or she isn't going to wear it. I bought her a pair of expensive leopard earrings, the 2 sets but that wasn't good enough. I talked my dad into buying her a cadillac to replace her jeep cherokee that he said he would never buy her another vehicle because she doesn't appreciate him but that wasn't good enough. Nothing is ever good enough for her and thats why my dad has even distanced himself from her. So now, my sister supposedly bought the bag so they can talk shit about me and how i didn't and blah blah blah, how am i supposed to feel or what am i supposed to do? __________________ North Carolina Tarheel!!!! Wish List: Multi Color Pigalles 40-41 (HG) Very Noeud 40.5-41 Red & Purple FoxTrot 40.5-41 VP Lizard 40.5-41 (UHG) www.myspace.com/aintdenzelbutiknowimastar

Jun 25th, 2008, 10:46 PM	#3
angelstacie04 Asha's my CL Hero! Joined: Apr 2008 Location: New Bern, NC Posts: 292	Thats true! I'm going to UNC Chapel Hill this fall and plan on going to medical school afterwards. My dad loves me to death and i'd say i'm his favorite daughter, not to get ahead of myself lol (the sister i'm talking about isn't my dads). He'd do anything for me and his the only person i can really count on. idk, im just really tired of my mom making a war between me and my sister. __________________ North Carolina Tarheel!!!! Wish List: Multi Color Pigalles 40-41 (HG) Very Noeud 40.5-41 Red & Purple FoxTrot 40.5-41 VP Lizard 40.5-41 (UHG) www.myspace.com/aintdenzelbutiknowimastar

Jun 25th, 2008, 10:52 PM	#4
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Joined: May 2008 Location: Vanc, WA Posts: 2,105	Sorry your mom has an acidic personality, something my mom has too and my sis, bro, dad, and I get around it by being close and not including her in our outings. She's always been trying to tear us apart but our bond is so strong that it stood the test of time. Your mom will always be your blood relative but the quality of your life is controlled by YOU and who you choose to spend good time with. __________________

Jun 25th, 2008, 10:55 PM	#5
lovinalotofbags Fashion disaster Joined: Mar 2008 Location: Carolinas Posts: 1,580	Take the higher ground and ignore them. You cannot control what another person does but you can control how you behave. Concentrate on your future and your educational goals. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 25th, 2008, 10:38 PM	#2
PetiteChaton Tres chic Joined: Jun 2008 Posts: 61	Sadly, we cant pick our family...only our friends..my advice? Work hard... study hard.. go to university ...do a good course that will get you a good job one day..and then move out..get a job..and you can buy yourself all the designer bags you wish for..you dont have to depend on the boyfriend..on your dad...or on your mother and sister.. Whenever we depend on other people in life, its one day.. thrown in our face. Just because someone is family..or a boyfriend...or a husband...does not mean that you can depend on them and that they'll always be there for you.. Point being... focus all this energy on you..tolarate your mother.. and let her bitch to your sister if she wishes.. you dont have to live with her for too long.

Jun 26th, 2008, 10:32 AM	#6
gillianna Member Joined: Dec 2005 Posts: 3,524	It's hard having toxic people in your life, especially if they are your relatives. I also deal with a sister always putting me down. My one friend has mastered the art of being nice and agreeing to anything her toxic friends say--this stops them in their tracks and they can't say anything else to provoke a fight which is what they want to do. They want you to take the bait and they will go on and on. Example: One person will tell her that her shirt is not pretty or something about what she is wearing, her reply is "thank you for letting me know, it's nice I can count on you to help me realize this." She does this with a smile while she is thinking you bit_h. But it stops them and nothing else can be said because you agree with them. It is like kill them with kindness because they will then move on. I would get involved with your school and realize that you don't have to have your sister in your life and can limit contact with your mom and let her rant to someone else. You seem to know what you want to do with your life and I wish you luck with school. It will be a good change to meet new people and I would think things will be more positive for you there.

Jun 26th, 2008, 12:09 PM	#7
k2sealer Kerri Joined: Aug 2007 Location: Everett, Washington Posts: 777	^^ I sooooo agree with the kill with kindness idea. I used to do this with a toxic co-worker. He would snap and snarl and try to pull me into responding the same to him. Once I figured it out and stopped reacting negatively he got frustrated and moved on to bugging someone else.

Jun 26th, 2008, 01:06 PM	#8
rainrowan INFJ Joined: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,464	It could be your mother's own guilt about giving your sister up for adoption that is driving her to behave so unkindly to you and causing your sister to feel like your sister is now the important one. Maybe your mom thinks she's making it up to your sister by playing favorites with her. That's such an immature way for your mom to deal with her guilt and her own mistakes from the past. Why do you have to suffer for it? You had nothing to do with it.