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gina2328 · Sep 30th, 2009, 12:09 PM

About three years ago my DH talked us into these financial "deals" where we ended up buying homes by helping distressed homeowners about to go into foreclosure on land contracts through a mortgage company, and we would earn interest through the transaction. At any rate, what ended up happening is the owners defaulted on the loans, and we ended up stuck with three mortgages in the past year and a half. Because two of the homes were not very well kept up (mold problems, flooded basement), it has cost us close to $ 40K now to fix up these houses.

The latest thing we had to do was take a $ 20k loan against my husbands 401k to fix up one house to sell which has a $ 3,000/month mortgage. We have been fighting constantly about finances and I am now on anti-anxiety medication. Expenses always seem to keep popping up on these houses, two of which are rented but the $ 3K is not, we will try to sell that, but it will have to be a short sale.

Everytime my DH wants to spend money, and he usually wants to spend additional money on fixing up the $ 3K property, we get into a big fight, we have already spent $ 17K on it to look decent and the roof was totally shot. We are getting into more and more credit card debt and I am at my wits end. We are going to finally see a real estate attorney tomorrow at my insistence to find out if these deals were on the up and up. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get my DH to stop spending money? Even when the realtor states we don't need the work done, my DH will say "no I think this improvement will make the house sell faster, or we will get more money"! I have lost all trust in him, and I cry all the time, I feel he has ruined our future.

mirdc · Sep 30th, 2009, 12:24 PM

It sounds like a marriage counsellor might be of help. Might I also suggest going on to Dave Ramseys' website and looking under 'proferred providers'-- they have licensed real estate people and financial advisors that follow the Ramsey principles of making smart financial decisions. They might be able to get your DH to see the error in his ways

domlee · Sep 30th, 2009, 12:31 PM

He isn't listening to you or your realtor. The truth is, he is solely focused on selling the house, so he can not look like he made a BIG mistake (and hopefully get back in your good graces). He knows he screwed up by getting into a risky deal.

But he is gambling big. He needs to cut his losses. I'm not joking.

The housing market is flooded w/ people selling. And others trying to rent out their house. Therefore, the market is saturated w/ sellers and people renting their homes.

There is another round of foreclosures coming up. And if he thinks he can sell now...what will happen when the next round of houses pops up?

Have him read my post. Print it out and have him read it if you must. The people that are buying, are people looking to pick up investment property. And there is plenty of investment properties available right now. The "vultures" just gotta wait and pick up the house at the right price. And you (the home owners) are the ones that can only lose in this game. It just depends on how much you're "able" to lose....or rather, how much blood you bleed before the vultures are interested.

If he wants proof, have him talk to realtors and ask for their honest opinion on the market. Have him go to Home Depot and talk to the contractors that go there to buy stuff. Observe how empty those parking lots are now.

I have friends that are realtors, and houses just aren't selling.

He needs to cut his losses. He isn't listening to you, rather he is focused on trying to "win". That is the truth.

Gimmethebag · Sep 30th, 2009, 12:36 PM

I don't know what to tell you, but good luck. He might come around if enough people tell him the same thing, hopefully.

domlee · Sep 30th, 2009, 12:55 PM

Bernanke and a few other individuals say that the recession is over in the US. And if you observe people's spending habits, it "feels" like things are going up. (Lots of sales, people starting to spend more again). But there are others in finance that disagree. Look at our jobless rate. Lots of people still unemployed (and I have friends that are still looking after almost one year of unemployment). I know a profitable biotech firm, that just let people go this past week. Lots of info out there. The worst isn't over. It feels good at the moment, but that is temporary.

Sorry that this thread became somewhat of a finance thread because of me. But your husband needs a wakeup call.

boxermom · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:26 PM

I'm so sorry. I can feel your anguish that he is ignoring your feelings and wants and is just doing what HE wants to do. That's not a partnership and he is putting you in jeopardy by not listening to anyone. he doesn't have that right.

IMO, men will go to extreme lengths to cover up their financial mistakes. I guess it's all tied up into their ego. He really does need a wake-up call and start treating you as an equal. Money is the #1 argument for married couples.

Best wishes.

juneping · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:39 PM

i am sorry for what you're going thru.

just talked to bf who's been in the business of flipping the apt/houses for rent/re-sell for a long time. he said, you and you DH should both sit down to do the math together. what is market value if the house is okay. and what is the house actual worth, and how much more work/money you are going to put in and how much the house can sell after the work. once you do all those numbers...you'll see if it's worth to keep investing in the renovation of those properties. but all these evaluation after the renovation should be realistic. not what you hope it'll be sale for...but the price ppl would actually pay for.
if the money earn is not that significant..it's better to leave them alone and have the next buyer to fix it or make it better. it's not like you renovate the house, it's value will be much more different. the buyer will have their realtor to help them evaluate the properties as well.
i think bf has a very good point. this way, you two can come up with a plan will make you both happy and you won't automatically put him on defense.
GL!! and keep us posted.

karmenzsofia · Sep 30th, 2009, 01:48 PM

Money changes everything...

I don't think you can make anyone do anything unless you put a gun to his/her head. Going to the RE attorney is a great first step. If the situation doesn't change, you might have to consider getting out given how this is affecting your health.

bagaholic85 · Sep 30th, 2009, 02:42 PM

finances aside, it doest seem like he respects your opinion or value ur input on a HUGE part of your lives together. i couldnt imagine that. a real estate attorney is a great first step, but a marriage counselor might be a smart 2nd step.

sorry its taking a toll on your health. take care gina

Odebdo · Sep 30th, 2009, 04:02 PM

I don't have any advice in particular, other then I am sorry this has happened, and I think the two of you may need couseling to be able to communicate about tough issues like this, so you both HEAR and LISTEN to one another...

Best wishes to you on a good turnout!

vhdos · Sep 30th, 2009, 05:03 PM

Not only does he have a complete disregard for your financial health, but he also has a complete disregard for your emotional & physical well-being. Hopefully, the RE attorney will be able to talk some sense into him, but you also need to see a marriage counselor for the sake of your relationship. Best of luck.

Cheetah7 · Sep 30th, 2009, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by juneping

i am sorry for what you're going thru.

just talked to bf who's been in the business of flipping the apt/houses for rent/re-sell for a long time. he said, you and you DH should both sit down to do the math together. what is market value if the house is okay. and what is the house actual worth, and how much more work/money you are going to put in and how much the house can sell after the work. once you do all those numbers...you'll see if it's worth to keep investing in the renovation of those properties. but all these evaluation after the renovation should be realistic. not what you hope it'll be sale for...but the price ppl would actually pay for.
if the money earn is not that significant..it's better to leave them alone and have the next buyer to fix it or make it better. it's not like you renovate the house, it's value will be much more different. the buyer will have their realtor to help them evaluate the properties as well.
i think bf has a very good point. this way, you two can come up with a plan will make you both happy and you won't automatically put him on defense.
GL!! and keep us posted.

I agree wholeheartedly with this post. Right now it's seller's market and it doesn't make sense for your DH to keep putting in money on a house that won't be worth (in value) than what he spent on it. This is the case in the area where I live. Lots of houses selling in "as is" condition and with the depreciation in value, they won't be getting their money's worth in the way of additional renovation. Perhaps talking to a third party who's in the realty business will help him realize the folly of spending anymore money on the house.

olialm1 · Sep 30th, 2009, 06:50 PM

Wow, no wonder you're on anxiety meds. That is incredibly stressful. He shouldn't have talked you into this. I don't know what to say other than I hope you two are able to mend things between each other and get the debt sorted out.

petitechouchou · Sep 30th, 2009, 07:34 PM

Sorry to hear what you've been going through with DH gina2328. You are put in a very tough and stressful situation and I hope your hubby comes around and realize that you guys are a team and he shouldn't make decisions without you. Hope things work out for you and I'm wishing all the best of luck to you. Hang in there

Firefly32 · Sep 30th, 2009, 08:47 PM

Are these homes in Michigan too as I see where you are from as I am. The unemployment rate is high here and more and more people are buying cheaper nice homes. Many people are going into foreclosure and loosing homes on a daily basis, I truly think it will be quite awhile before Michigan recovers from this economic mess we are in.

I would advise seeing a financial counselor and a marraige counselor. Obviously he has these big dreams and I'm sorry but this sounds like financial disaster you and your DH are in.

Sep 30th, 2009, 12:09 PM	#1
gina2328 OP Member Joined: Jul 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 625	Problems with my DH About three years ago my DH talked us into these financial "deals" where we ended up buying homes by helping distressed homeowners about to go into foreclosure on land contracts through a mortgage company, and we would earn interest through the transaction. At any rate, what ended up happening is the owners defaulted on the loans, and we ended up stuck with three mortgages in the past year and a half. Because two of the homes were not very well kept up (mold problems, flooded basement), it has cost us close to $ 40K now to fix up these houses. The latest thing we had to do was take a $ 20k loan against my husbands 401k to fix up one house to sell which has a $ 3,000/month mortgage. We have been fighting constantly about finances and I am now on anti-anxiety medication. Expenses always seem to keep popping up on these houses, two of which are rented but the $ 3K is not, we will try to sell that, but it will have to be a short sale. Everytime my DH wants to spend money, and he usually wants to spend additional money on fixing up the $ 3K property, we get into a big fight, we have already spent $ 17K on it to look decent and the roof was totally shot. We are getting into more and more credit card debt and I am at my wits end. We are going to finally see a real estate attorney tomorrow at my insistence to find out if these deals were on the up and up. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get my DH to stop spending money? Even when the realtor states we don't need the work done, my DH will say "no I think this improvement will make the house sell faster, or we will get more money"! I have lost all trust in him, and I cry all the time, I feel he has ruined our future.
	__________________ Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman -- Coco Chanel

Sep 30th, 2009, 12:24 PM	#2
mirdc purse oracle Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 280	It sounds like a marriage counsellor might be of help. Might I also suggest going on to Dave Ramseys' website and looking under 'proferred providers'-- they have licensed real estate people and financial advisors that follow the Ramsey principles of making smart financial decisions. They might be able to get your DH to see the error in his ways
mirdc purse oracle Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 280

Sep 30th, 2009, 12:36 PM	#4
Gimmethebag Gimme Gimme Gimme Joined: Dec 2008 Location: STL-Nashville-Chicago Posts: 1,109	I don't know what to tell you, but good luck. He might come around if enough people tell him the same thing, hopefully.
	__________________ Add Bubbles To Taste Follow me.

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:39 PM	#7
juneping couch potato-ing Joined: Jun 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 4,355	i am sorry for what you're going thru. just talked to bf who's been in the business of flipping the apt/houses for rent/re-sell for a long time. he said, you and you DH should both sit down to do the math together. what is market value if the house is okay. and what is the house actual worth, and how much more work/money you are going to put in and how much the house can sell after the work. once you do all those numbers...you'll see if it's worth to keep investing in the renovation of those properties. but all these evaluation after the renovation should be realistic. not what you hope it'll be sale for...but the price ppl would actually pay for. if the money earn is not that significant..it's better to leave them alone and have the next buyer to fix it or make it better. it's not like you renovate the house, it's value will be much more different. the buyer will have their realtor to help them evaluate the properties as well. i think bf has a very good point. this way, you two can come up with a plan will make you both happy and you won't automatically put him on defense. GL!! and keep us posted.
	__________________ wish list: purse ban until the cc is paid off $10200 paid off...$3300 to go .....oh..i can't wait...

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:48 PM	#8
karmenzsofia Life is Plan Z Joined: Jun 2008 Location: Tarot Card Posts: 14,891	Money changes everything... I don't think you can make anyone do anything unless you put a gun to his/her head. Going to the RE attorney is a great first step. If the situation doesn't change, you might have to consider getting out given how this is affecting your health.
	__________________ Satisfied but wishing 4 a WTM Mini and an AP ~~* Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Or, more importantly, is it funny?

Sep 30th, 2009, 12:31 PM	#3
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 957	He isn't listening to you or your realtor. The truth is, he is solely focused on selling the house, so he can not look like he made a BIG mistake (and hopefully get back in your good graces). He knows he screwed up by getting into a risky deal. But he is gambling big. He needs to cut his losses. I'm not joking. The housing market is flooded w/ people selling. And others trying to rent out their house. Therefore, the market is saturated w/ sellers and people renting their homes. There is another round of foreclosures coming up. And if he thinks he can sell now...what will happen when the next round of houses pops up? Have him read my post. Print it out and have him read it if you must. The people that are buying, are people looking to pick up investment property. And there is plenty of investment properties available right now. The "vultures" just gotta wait and pick up the house at the right price. And you (the home owners) are the ones that can only lose in this game. It just depends on how much you're "able" to lose....or rather, how much blood you bleed before the vultures are interested. If he wants proof, have him talk to realtors and ask for their honest opinion on the market. Have him go to Home Depot and talk to the contractors that go there to buy stuff. Observe how empty those parking lots are now. I have friends that are realtors, and houses just aren't selling. He needs to cut his losses. He isn't listening to you, rather he is focused on trying to "win". That is the truth.

Sep 30th, 2009, 12:55 PM	#5
domlee Member Joined: Jan 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 957	Bernanke and a few other individuals say that the recession is over in the US. And if you observe people's spending habits, it "feels" like things are going up. (Lots of sales, people starting to spend more again). But there are others in finance that disagree. Look at our jobless rate. Lots of people still unemployed (and I have friends that are still looking after almost one year of unemployment). I know a profitable biotech firm, that just let people go this past week. Lots of info out there. The worst isn't over. It feels good at the moment, but that is temporary. Sorry that this thread became somewhat of a finance thread because of me. But your husband needs a wakeup call.

Sep 30th, 2009, 01:26 PM	#6
boxermom Member Joined: Aug 2006 Location: North Carolina Posts: 13,704	I'm so sorry. I can feel your anguish that he is ignoring your feelings and wants and is just doing what HE wants to do. That's not a partnership and he is putting you in jeopardy by not listening to anyone. he doesn't have that right. IMO, men will go to extreme lengths to cover up their financial mistakes. I guess it's all tied up into their ego. He really does need a wake-up call and start treating you as an equal. Money is the #1 argument for married couples. Best wishes.

Sep 30th, 2009, 02:42 PM	#9
bagaholic85 Member Joined: Sep 2007 Location: i <3 ny Posts: 5,090	finances aside, it doest seem like he respects your opinion or value ur input on a HUGE part of your lives together. i couldnt imagine that. a real estate attorney is a great first step, but a marriage counselor might be a smart 2nd step. sorry its taking a toll on your health. take care gina

Sep 30th, 2009, 04:02 PM	#10
Odebdo Not another bag??? Joined: Mar 2009 Location: Land of Labradors! Posts: 4,627	I don't have any advice in particular, other then I am sorry this has happened, and I think the two of you may need couseling to be able to communicate about tough issues like this, so you both HEAR and LISTEN to one another... Best wishes to you on a good turnout!
	__________________ "No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich." - Louis Sabin My bags: http://forum.purseblog.com/your-bag-...l#post10884026 Shopping in my closet until all SO's and pre-orders have arrived!

Sep 30th, 2009, 05:03 PM	#11
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,144	Not only does he have a complete disregard for your financial health, but he also has a complete disregard for your emotional & physical well-being. Hopefully, the RE attorney will be able to talk some sense into him, but you also need to see a marriage counselor for the sake of your relationship. Best of luck.
vhdos Member Joined: May 2007 Location: NC Posts: 3,144	__________________ visit Bonanzle.com

Sep 30th, 2009, 06:50 PM	#13
olialm1 windy city Joined: Dec 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 1,553	Wow, no wonder you're on anxiety meds. That is incredibly stressful. He shouldn't have talked you into this. I don't know what to say other than I hope you two are able to mend things between each other and get the debt sorted out.
	__________________ make a difference! free rice

Sep 30th, 2009, 07:34 PM	#14
petitechouchou "H" is for Hamster Joined: Jun 2009 Location: sleeping in my skybox Posts: 1,296	Sorry to hear what you've been going through with DH gina2328. You are put in a very tough and stressful situation and I hope your hubby comes around and realize that you guys are a team and he shouldn't make decisions without you. Hope things work out for you and I'm wishing all the best of luck to you. Hang in there

Sep 30th, 2009, 08:47 PM	#15
Firefly32 Member Joined: Jul 2008 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,570	Are these homes in Michigan too as I see where you are from as I am. The unemployment rate is high here and more and more people are buying cheaper nice homes. Many people are going into foreclosure and loosing homes on a daily basis, I truly think it will be quite awhile before Michigan recovers from this economic mess we are in. I would advise seeing a financial counselor and a marraige counselor. Obviously he has these big dreams and I'm sorry but this sounds like financial disaster you and your DH are in.

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