Quote:
Originally Posted by irish_clover
I work with this girl who I was getting to become really good friends with. We tell each other most things and talk about personal stuff a lot.
Awhile ago, I mentioned to her I had said something to another co worker about having insomnia because I lost my fiance. the coworker responded by saying that she didn't think that was a good reason to have insomnia ( I found out recently this was a misunderstanding; she thought by saying "lost" I meant broken up with when I actually meant deceased)
Anyways, I was telling my "friend" ( her name is Tara) this and mentioned how I felt disrespected ( this was before I realized it was misunderstanding) and she said " this is the one time I agree with her..people loose people everyday, it's nothing to get that upset over" And then walked away..
The thing is, Tara always goes on about dumb things.. like someone called her fake and she was almost crying. I gave her a hug, told her it was OK and talked to her until she felt better about it. If she called in sick I would always offer to cover he shift. Basically I acted like a friend should. I feel that by saying the loss of my fiance was not that big a deal or something to get upset about she was being disrespectful towards both me and him. Yes people die everyday but that doesn't mean it's not a personal tragedy for those who experience it.
I also feel like it's one of those things where one person is always listening to the other's problems but it doesn't go both ways..obviously this was an upsetting thing for me.. I think her comment ( if anything) was just plain rude..if you see a friend is upset you should at least show some sympathy instead of saying whatever the problem is isn't a big deal and then walking away!
Anyway I was telling the manager about what happened and what she said..And Tara has acted differently ever since. She has been so bitchy..saying things like " I don't like your new hair it doesn't suit you" and just generally being difficult to be around. I'm guessing she probably mentioned it to her.
I know this is a personal topic and I don't really know anyone on this forum yet..but what should I do? Maybe I should just leave it, or I could say something like " what you said hurt my feelings, now you are acting mad around me and I don't think you have a right to be" It just makes it hard to do my job with her acting like this..we haven't discussed the conversation since and it would be difficult to just bring up out of the blue..
Thanks for listening.. any helpful advice would be appreciated.
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Why were you telling your manager what happened? Were you looking to get Tara reprimanded or you were just seeking someone else to talk to?
The one thing I see here that you keep doing and that keeps blowing up in your face is that you talk about your coworkers behind their backs to
another co-worker. It is going to get back to them, that is the nature of work environments.
Why shouldn't she be mad that you talked about her behind her back? If you're really a friend you would have told her to her face that she made you upset by saying what she did. Instead you went behind her back to THE MANAGER and told the story. She has a right to be upset.
You're going to have to take her out to lunch or something away from the office, and just say that you see she's seemed out of sorts over the last few days and you wanted to cheer her up. Then you can gently segue into "BTW, I wanted to talk to you about what you said last week... it really hurt my feelings but I know that wasn't your intent. I was really upset and I spoke to the manager cause I needed to vent. I know that wasn't the best idea but I was really upset and I owe you an apology for that. I hope we can put this behind us, cause I really appreciate having you as a friend."
That's what I would do, but I am sure one of the other ladies probably has better advice for you...
But good luck and I hope you and your friend work it out.
Probelm with someone I thought was friend..SO upset
