Ppl who are too demanding and draining...

Bagluvluv · Jun 4th, 2008, 09:25 PM

How do you guys deal with this??

I have a close family member...she is driven and always lends a hand to everyone, yet is judgmental...loud...needy...and competitive...

Not to mention always needing attention...I mean its really bad to a point where even if my child is talking about something he wants to share with the family...she chimes in with something relating to her and cuts ppl off!!!
Its so annoying and disruptive....I hate being around her but I have respect for her in general and have wishful thoughts of being able to stand her....

Ughhh, so fustrating...is there anything I can do???

boxermom · Jun 4th, 2008, 10:57 PM

I wish I had some great advice for you. Sounds like avoiding her isn't an option. There are a few people like that in my family but they are more distant so I can limit the time I'm around them. It's exhausting and draining, like you said. She must be very needy to always be redirecting the attention to herself.

Others will have good ideas, I'm sure. I only have ((hugs)).

lovinalotofbags · Jun 5th, 2008, 05:19 PM

When you say lend a hand, what exactly do you mean? I ask this b/c my sister is in a high paying profession and has been there to loan money when anyone needed it and has been very generous to me, paid my full rent twice in the past. I had to tell her that b/c of her generosity, she has no right to talk down to people like her opinion only counts or that she should not say certain things in front of non-family members such as, "What about that $ you owe me." Some people may not know how they come across, so I tell her. Right now I can tell my sister things that she will be on the defensive from other family members. She feels like they are attacking her. I think it has to do with the way they might come across in talking to her and she gets defensive. She has always been this way. I have had to tell her to come off that throne.

Kindly bring her behavior to her attention. If she cares, she will take it to heart and try to curb her behavior.

maggie7 · Jun 5th, 2008, 11:27 PM

Well, if it's impossible to avoid her, try to take her with a pinch of salt..I doubt she will appreciate you pointing out how intolerable her behaviour is, some people just need to be the centre of every conversation..but like you say, she has some good qualities...

When you're due to meet up with her, just prepare yourself for the way she is and try not to let it get to you..it's not like she's constantly in your life?

Having said that, the older I get, the less interested do I become in putting up with people who I feel carry negative energy and leave me feeling drained and exhausted, so I know I would have made my feelings known one way or another...

GirlFriday · Jun 6th, 2008, 01:15 AM

I would just avoid her every chance I get. And when you can't avoid her just put up with her. Unless you want to stand up to her and tell her when she's being rude....but that might start a whole other ball rolling with lots of drama that might not be worth it.

barcreperie · Jun 6th, 2008, 07:02 AM

You might want to start devising little methods to deal with her different types of rudeness. For example, I know several people who talk right over other people mid-sentence. If they talk over me, I just continue to talk while they try to interrupt. Makes them crazy and they'll eventually stop talking. The trick with this one is to not raise your voice as they raise theirs to try to talk over you, just keep talking as though the person hasn't interrupted you. When in a group and the rude person is interrupting someone else, I continue to look at the person who's talking and don't acknowledge the 'talk-over'. When she talks over your child, continue to make eye contact with your child, listen, and then even ask your child a question to continue the verbal exchange.

If she says something insulting or rude, ask her why she'd say such a thing. My point is that although you'll never be able to change her, there are little things you can do to highlight her rudeness and perhaps get her to eventually recognize it and adapt a bit, at least around you.

Redd · Jun 6th, 2008, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bagluvluv

I have a close family member...she is driven and always lends a hand to everyone, yet is judgmental...loud...needy...and competitive...

Ughhh, so fustrating...is there anything I can do???

sounds EXACTLY like someone I know (and don't love) my MIL!!!!

I just try to avoid her as best I can...

bagnshoofetish · Jun 6th, 2008, 10:10 PM

I do have one of these people in my family. I just tune her out and have a test pattern in my head when she talks....

Bagluvluv · Jun 6th, 2008, 10:41 PM

Thanks everyone...

I really like your comment bagnshoefetish!!!

She likes to help family members out with finanical handouts, which isnt ever about us but her own siblings and elders....which by the way, she gets back plus perks...

I guess it is time to try and interrupt her and ignore her completley like you guys suggest...she is getting way out of hand....ughhhh!!!

chiara · Jun 7th, 2008, 01:08 AM

People like this are what I like to call emotional vampires. Keep your distance or they'll suck the life out of you! I've met people like that, I just avoid them at all costs.

Jun 4th, 2008, 09:25 PM	#1
Bagluvluv Think, Think, Think! Location: On my cell	Ppl who are too demanding and draining... How do you guys deal with this?? I have a close family member...she is driven and always lends a hand to everyone, yet is judgmental...loud...needy...and competitive... Not to mention always needing attention...I mean its really bad to a point where even if my child is talking about something he wants to share with the family...she chimes in with something relating to her and cuts ppl off!!! Its so annoying and disruptive....I hate being around her but I have respect for her in general and have wishful thoughts of being able to stand her.... Ughhh, so fustrating...is there anything I can do??? __________________ Want for everybody, all that you want for yourself-----Wallace D. Wattles I'm soooo done....

Jun 5th, 2008, 05:19 PM	#3
lovinalotofbags In for the long haul Location: South Carolina	When you say lend a hand, what exactly do you mean? I ask this b/c my sister is in a high paying profession and has been there to loan money when anyone needed it and has been very generous to me, paid my full rent twice in the past. I had to tell her that b/c of her generosity, she has no right to talk down to people like her opinion only counts or that she should not say certain things in front of non-family members such as, "What about that $ you owe me." Some people may not know how they come across, so I tell her. Right now I can tell my sister things that she will be on the defensive from other family members. She feels like they are attacking her. I think it has to do with the way they might come across in talking to her and she gets defensive. She has always been this way. I have had to tell her to come off that throne. Kindly bring her behavior to her attention. If she cares, she will take it to heart and try to curb her behavior. __________________ Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

Jun 6th, 2008, 10:10 PM	#8
bagnshoofetish We Love Our Billy	I do have one of these people in my family. I just tune her out and have a test pattern in my head when she talks.... __________________ Please help us: http://forum.purseblog.com/animalici...nt-392607.html

Jun 6th, 2008, 10:41 PM	#9
Bagluvluv Think, Think, Think! Location: On my cell	Thanks everyone... I really like your comment bagnshoefetish!!! She likes to help family members out with finanical handouts, which isnt ever about us but her own siblings and elders....which by the way, she gets back plus perks... I guess it is time to try and interrupt her and ignore her completley like you guys suggest...she is getting way out of hand....ughhhh!!! __________________ Want for everybody, all that you want for yourself-----Wallace D. Wattles I'm soooo done....

Jun 4th, 2008, 10:57 PM	#2
boxermom Member Location: North Carolina	I wish I had some great advice for you. Sounds like avoiding her isn't an option. There are a few people like that in my family but they are more distant so I can limit the time I'm around them. It's exhausting and draining, like you said. She must be very needy to always be redirecting the attention to herself. Others will have good ideas, I'm sure. I only have ((hugs)).

Jun 5th, 2008, 11:27 PM	#4
maggie7 Member Location: Australia	Well, if it's impossible to avoid her, try to take her with a pinch of salt..I doubt she will appreciate you pointing out how intolerable her behaviour is, some people just need to be the centre of every conversation..but like you say, she has some good qualities... When you're due to meet up with her, just prepare yourself for the way she is and try not to let it get to you..it's not like she's constantly in your life? Having said that, the older I get, the less interested do I become in putting up with people who I feel carry negative energy and leave me feeling drained and exhausted, so I know I would have made my feelings known one way or another...

Jun 6th, 2008, 01:15 AM	#5
GirlFriday Member	I would just avoid her every chance I get. And when you can't avoid her just put up with her. Unless you want to stand up to her and tell her when she's being rude....but that might start a whole other ball rolling with lots of drama that might not be worth it.

Jun 6th, 2008, 07:02 AM	#6
barcreperie Member	You might want to start devising little methods to deal with her different types of rudeness. For example, I know several people who talk right over other people mid-sentence. If they talk over me, I just continue to talk while they try to interrupt. Makes them crazy and they'll eventually stop talking. The trick with this one is to not raise your voice as they raise theirs to try to talk over you, just keep talking as though the person hasn't interrupted you. When in a group and the rude person is interrupting someone else, I continue to look at the person who's talking and don't acknowledge the 'talk-over'. When she talks over your child, continue to make eye contact with your child, listen, and then even ask your child a question to continue the verbal exchange. If she says something insulting or rude, ask her why she'd say such a thing. My point is that although you'll never be able to change her, there are little things you can do to highlight her rudeness and perhaps get her to eventually recognize it and adapt a bit, at least around you.

Jun 7th, 2008, 01:08 AM	#10
chiara piacere Location: everywhere I wanna be	People like this are what I like to call emotional vampires. Keep your distance or they'll suck the life out of you! I've met people like that, I just avoid them at all costs.