plz bear with me; it's long! question about my former guy best friend/crush

[LouisaPhillips9]

i've been friends with this guy since my freshman yr. of high school and we became really close in our junior yr. i also really liked him.

we were together so much alot of my friends thought he was my bf:

we walked together to class & also after school
when we walked he always nudged and pushed me.
he even grabbed my hand and held it several times while walking.
during lunch at the tables he played footsie with me LOL (SHOES ON!!!!). it was childish, yes.
he always told me he trusted me. he trusted himself first, then he trusted me.

during class he always wanted me to be his partner.
he sang me songs in english & french... all the time.
he gave me nicknames and teased me.
one day he blew me kisses because i let him borrow my pen. lol

he was still flirty in the beginning of senior yr, but as the yr progressed he grew more and more distant.
at graduation (june 2009) he didn't even say goodbye
and that was the last time we saw or talked to each other.
i never got the chance to ask him what went wrong with us and now it's too late bcuz he went away for college

what do you think happened? why did he grow so distant?
did he even like me??

he meant so much to me. he was my best friend and i felt so comfortable with him. he was diff. from all the other guys i've met...
i haven't met anyone like him and now he's gone and i don't know why :(

the feelings i had for him started to fade senior yr.
i am completely over him now and moved on to another guy actually lol
but i lost a really good friend and it still hurts...

[madison!]

I think he definitely liked you! He seemed so sweet to you... it's adorable :)

He might have become distant because of college. Are you guys going to different colleges? If so, maybe it was difficult for him to say goodbye.

Do you have his contact info? Send him an email or call him!

[redney]

Unfortunately none of us on tPF are mind readers so I agree with madison's advice to call or email him and ask him. Get it straight from the horse's mouth!

Good luck!

[Charles]

You list all the things he did towards you, but you didn't list the things you did towards him. Did you reciprocate his flirty behavior? If not, maybe he figured you weren't interested as your relationship with him never progressed.
Did he get a gf?

[bagnshoofetish]

well you've listed a lot of flirty things (which is always really fun and nice to participate in) but I read nothing about sharing deeper things like conversations, supporting each other during rough patches, etc. maybe it was all just fun and games to him? or maybe he just didn't have a good coping mechanism when it comes to saying goodbye? some people are socially retarded like that. they only like it when things are honky dory and avoid any kind of pain or drama like the plague. If you guys were really that close (beyond flirting) chances are you will communicate again and just tell him how bummed you were when he just up and disappeared. You will find throughout your life that some people are just downright kooky. I can't tell you the number of "head scratchers" I've come across throughout my life...you just learn to live and let live.

[gina2328]

He sounds like a flirt to me! Sounds like maybe he had a crush on you, nothing more. It also sounds very superficial without deep meaning. Did he ever say I love you, I care about you a lot, or bring you around his friends or family? Someone growing distant and then not saying goodbye is not a good sign and shows a lack of caring and maturity.

I would just forget about him and move on. I don't think he is even worth thinking about.

[plumaplomb]

Kind of sounds familiar. I remember my former guy BF/crush and I stopped talking by graduation because we couldn't handle being around each other. One of us was always dating somebody else, and it always hurt. I think I stopped talking to him first. Immature, but that's how I dealt with it. That may be how your friend dealt with it. If you want to know the ending to our story, read on.

I got back in touch with him a year or so into college. He was really shocked to hear from me, and we talked as if we had never stopped talking. I was ecstatic and it felt absolutely surreal when he confessed his feelings for me -- I always knew that they were there, but it was the first time he had actually verbalized them. And then we kissed. BLECH!! Thin, hard lips... I was over that four or five year infatuation in about a heartbeat. Hahaha

That being said, it's been almost another five years since we last saw or talked to each other. I still think about him from time to time, as he really affected my life for some of high school. But I'm older and wiser now and know that it was so much fun to flirt with my first real puppy love/infatuation, but it really wasn't meant to be. And real, deep, abiding love is so much better. So don't betray your SO in any way. Don't even tempt yourself. Just let it go.

[LouisaPhillips9]

Charles he initiated more than i did. i was shy sometimes because i didn't know how he would react. but i always smiled and laughed with him. i never hugged him very much or touched him because he didn't seem to like it.

he didnt have a gf all through high school.

bagnshoofetish you are completely right... now that i think about it, we never really talked about personal things. i told him about myself but he never reciprocated. i was very familiar with him on the outside (his personality, his actions...) but i never knew him as a person (never knew what he liked, disliked, hoped for, feared...). i remember wanting to know more about him but he never talked about himself, which irritated me, because i felt i didnt know him as much as i wanted to.

you are completely right! i guess it was just flirting with us, nothing more. looking back, i don't think i can really say now that we were even friends...
he was always really to himself. he had friends & alot of people liked him but no one knew him well.

now i am starting to feel very used :(

gina2328 yes, it does seem superficial. i realise that now from this outside point of view.
he never really expressed his feelings for me (even as a friend) through words. he used to tell me how amazing he thought i was and once started to say "I love you" but stopped after "love" lol...
he never did anything with me (or anyone else) outside of school. i've invited him places but stopped because he never went.

you are right about him lacking maturity. he's really smart - top of our class pretty much. so i guess he doesn't have brain space for being social? lol.
_______________________________
thanks, everyone. you guys made me realise how superficial our friendship was. it was just flirting and nothing more. i wasted my time on him i think and he wasnt worth my time at all.

thanks.

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by LouisaPhillips9

now i am starting to feel very used :(

don't think of it that way. just remember how good you felt - that is what you seemed to remember in your first post wasn't it? its just a fond, distant, innocent memory of youth. you'll smile about it when you are much older. you were both kids. what did you know about romantic feelings back then? its all a training ground kiddo. at least you had someone around during those years to make school days fun.

[redney]

You know, OP, in reading about your interaction with him and that he didn't have a GF all through high school and didn't like to be social with others, I'm wondering if maybe he's gay? Maybe he liked hanging out with you and "flirting" cuz you were "safe" for him. Know what I mean?

Maybe he went away to college and became comfortable with his sexuality and he's out now (?) Perhaps he's nervous to come out to you - maybe due to being worried about how you'll react or if others in your HS will react?

Just a thought.

[madison!]

^^ That's an interesting point you have but I don't think it's safe for us to assume if this guy was gay.

When I was in high school I didn't have boyfriends either (could have, but didn't work out) but I am straight as a Roman road! Sometimes I get worried about not having had a boyfriend b/c many of my friends have already been in relationships lol!

LouisaPhillips9, I honestly think this guy liked you but maybe he didn't want to take the flirting to the next stage - a relationship. You say he's smart - maybe he was too focused on school?

[Allisonfaye]

Originally Posted by redney

You know, OP, in reading about your interaction with him and that he didn't have a GF all through high school and didn't like to be social with others, I'm wondering if maybe he's gay? Maybe he liked hanging out with you and "flirting" cuz you were "safe" for him. Know what I mean? .

This crossed my mind, too.

[LouisaPhillips9]

lol, now that this sexuality question is brought up, i might as well add a few other pieces to my story:

like any other guy, this guy was pretty horny during freshman/sophomore yrs.
he and his friends made sexual jokes all the time. he grew out of it though. actually he stopped talking to his guy friends too. he just preferred to be alone, i think.

i remember he and his friends used to joke around and he would say he was gay and liked men.

i was hanging out with him one day (we were alone) and i just blurted out, "are you REALLY gay?"
and he told me no, and that he was only joking.

so, i don't think he's gay.

but now i'm not so sure lol.
can you tell the orientation of someone like him? who keeps to himself so much?

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by redney

You know, OP, in reading about your interaction with him and that he didn't have a GF all through high school and didn't like to be social with others, I'm wondering if maybe he's gay? Maybe he liked hanging out with you and "flirting" cuz you were "safe" for him. Know what I mean? Maybe he went away to college and became comfortable with his sexuality and he's out now (?) Perhaps he's nervous to come out to you - maybe due to being worried about how you'll react or if others in your HS will react? Just a thought.

I think thats entirely possible.
One of my BFFs told me he dated girls all throughout high school but never felt right about it. He didn't come out till much later in life. So yeah, it is within the realm of possibility especially if guys were teasing him about being gay. I mean, do you know how many guys stayed in the closet to avoid all the grief they would have gotten?

[bagnshoofetish]

Originally Posted by LouisaPhillips9

can you tell the orientation of someone like him? who keeps to himself so much?

it depends on what kind of support system one has with friends and family. some people are openly gay, especially now that education about it has gotten better and some people are quiet about it because they are afraid of how they will be treated (speaking specifically about young people here). the friend I mentioned was in the closet because he was scared. he said I was the first person who gave him the courage to "come out".