Plastic surgery- How can I make my parents understand?

[Allisonfaye]

I want to hear the answer on how you plan to pay for it before I comment on that. Do you plan to move out in the next 2 or 3 years? I am wondering what culture you might be from that your parents are like this. Are you expected to live at home until you get married? I know it is hard but your parents values differ from yours in this area. I am sorry they said all those hurtful things to you but they are trying to keep you from doing something that they don't approve of. I definately think you should have the procedure but I am not sure when I think you should have it. I want to hear the answers to your my questions first.

Sometimes part of being an adult is making a decision that your parents don't agree with and living with it. Your parents also need to understand that you are an adult and that you can make your own decisions. After you have the surgery, if they give you grief, I would just leave the room and not even let them talk to you that way. Respect goes both ways and I believe they are being disrespectful of your choices.

[gina2328]

I think you should do it, especially if people comment on it and it bothers you. I have had a couple of procedures done, and let me tell you, I will never confide in anyone one again, because some people are very negative about PS. Not all. Its just the way they are.

Once it is done, it will be over with, and your parents will forget about it, get over it, and move on. It will be like it never happened, and you will be happy with the end result.

I'm just sorry they are not being more supportive.

[valjo]

Originally Posted by gina2328

Once it is done, it will be over with, and your parents will forget about it, get over it, and move on. It will be like it never happened, and you will be happy with the end result. I'm just sorry they are not being more supportive.

^ITA. Do what you feel is best and your parents will get over it. I got into fights with my father over getting invisalign braces but I did it anyways and couldn't be happier!

[bagaholic85]

Quote:

I love myself and the way I look except for one physical imperfection I was born with on my face- It doesn't affect my health, but it has given me low self esteem all my life (I won't mention what it is because it isn't really important and not relevant to the advice that I need from you guys).I have spent years struggling with trying different methods to get rid of it, but none of them have even so much as slightly improved it. I got made fun of for it when I was a little kid (I remember it just like it was yesterday), and now that I am an adult, people will randomly make comments about it (I know they don't mean to be hurtful, but it really does upset me). I am so happy with my body and the way I look besides this one little thing!!! It's so frustrating. And most of the time I forget its even there since I can't see it, until I look in a mirror/someone asks me about it... then I'm reminded!

did you tell them this? it doesnt seem like therapy can help you with what you described.

[Roo]

I read this and remember your other post about debt and not having a job. Are you working now? Don't go into debt for surgery....

[lauren8792]

Hey guys! Thank you for all the great replies, I just read them all and they were all wonderfully helpful.

First of all, I don't think a therapist would help me. I don't think this surgery will be a miracle and will transform my life, I just want to do this for ME. I want to be happy when I look at myself! I am happy with the rest of my body and the only thing I could MAYBE see myself getting done in the future is a breast lift post-children, and maybe a little botox here and there in 25-30 years :)
Isn't that usually a healthy reason to get plastic surgery? Because you want to be pleased and comfortable with how you look? And also, I went to my family doctor who has been taking care of me and my family for over 15 years, and HE was the one who suggested plastic surgery. He referred me to a great board certified PS who a lot of people he knew of went to and had terrific results.

As for money and how I plan to pay for it, I have gotten myself out of debt (yay!) I got a very good, solid job and am lucky to have it because it pays very well. I also have a lot of money saved up. They are having a lot of options now where you can get no interest financing on plastic surgery as long as you pay it off within 18 months. I worked it all out with the loan company and it is very realistic for me to be able to pay it off in 9-10 months. I am keeping my job while I go to school (night classes). As for living at home, I do right now, but I plan on moving out within the next 6 months. As for culture, my parents are Italian and Roman Catholic... they were very strict with me as I was growing up, have very conservative views on life, etc. While I do share some of their beliefs, I am not as conservative as they are.

I honestly do think I will wait to do this until after I move out. It feels a little funny for me to be doing this while I am living under their roof if they don't approve of it so much. I plan on maybe writing them a letter (which a sweet TPFer sent me a PM suggesting that), because it seems every time I try to talk to them about this, it gets really heated and I'm not allowed to explain all of my reasons for getting this procedure without them interrupting me.

But yeah, i hope i answered everyone's questions and cleared some things up.. maybe this additional information will help

[lorihmatthews]

I know you really want to do this, and it sounds like you have been wanting to do it for a long time, but I am glad you are going to wait until you're on your own.

I still would suggest that you pay for the surgery in cash as opposed to financing, only because the economy is still so bad and if you lose your job (which you never know these days) you will wish you didn't have that debt.

Also, one more thing -- I'm not sure if the surgeon's office is affiliate with the financing company, but the surgeon might give you a discount if you pay cash as opposed to financing the surgery. Even cosmetic surgeons are hurting these days because people are opting for less cosmetic procedures.

[digby723]

if you are planning on moving out soon, I would put it off until then. from the sounds of it, your parents really aren't coming around on this idea, but if it's what you want and it will make you happy then you should do it! Life is too short to live unhappily! If you can afford it, or you can pay it off within the 18 months of free financing, and you have a stable job, then I say go for it :)

[.flygirl.]

I have an "imperfection" on my face too. I'm only fourteen so I still go through the people talking and all the unwanted questions. I've ALREADY had one surgery and I use topical creams to make the appearance better. However, I look at the surgery (performed by a plastic surgeon) as reconstructive, rather than cosmetic. Maybe have a heart to heart with your parents and tell them that you love yourself for who you are, but you want to do something for yourself, no one else.

[Rocket80]

Yeah, stop referring to it as 'plastic surgery' as that can often have a negative connotation, maybe the word 'reconstructive' is better. Without knowing the specifics, it's hard to say but is it possible to frame it like 'oh the doctor said it could be cancerous so we have to fix it!' If you can afford it, I think it's a risk you should be willing to take (pissing off your parents) because really it isn't that bad, not worth ruining a relationship over, so they will likely get over it. I would think.....

[Rhose]

As long as you're paying for it yourself I think you should just do it. You sound like you've given it a lot of thought and are doing it for the right reasons. I've written on tPF about getting breast implants. My Dad was dead against it when I told him. He swore up and down I didn't need it and that it was very unsafe. I didn't live at home and was paying for it myself though, so it wasn't up to him. I knew I'd done my research. My Mum was okay with it - I inherited my AAA cups from her so she kind of understood!

I also think there are bad connotations associated with plastic surgery. Once I had the surgery done and my Dad could see I only went with very modest implants, was happy, healthy and safe, he was fine. It's not an issue at all now. I'm so thrilled that I did it.

One thing to consider, though, is who will look after you when you get out of surgery if your parents aren't on board. It depends on what kind of procedure it is, but with many you need a responsible adult to take you home and look after you. The clinic or hospital won't let you leave otherwise. I had a rough time with my surgery and needed my sister's constant assistance for more than a week post-op. I get the impression you're having something less major, but thought I should mention it.

[zfamme]

Hi. I understand you feel that therapy won't do anything for you, but if money isn't an issue, why not go to a therapist? maybe this would at least pacify your parents, and most probably the therapist would just say that she doesn't see any issues with you getting the reconstructive surgery!

Goodluck! :)

[scarfmischief1]

Lauren, honey, make the appointment.

Call right now and get it scheduled. I lived with something very noticible until my mid 30's. It affected my self esteem, my confidence, and I thought about it every day when i looked in the mirror and when someone was looking at me. I grew tired of my shame. I was petrified of surgery and somehow got the courage up to do it. Thank you, Valium. The results are so worth it and I wish I would have done it 20 years earlier.

Your parents aren't walking around in your body feeling the way you do everyday. A wise woman takes steps to correct what is wrong and moves on to the next thing. Plastic surgery is a Godsend and I will do it for the rest of my life (when needed). Whatever it takes financially to get it done, do it. I am all for borrowing the money and paying later if that is needed - the results will make you so happy. Make the phone call!

A plastic surgeon can do something in 1 hour that 20 years of a therapist can't fix. Let me now take this opportunity to tell my plastic surgeon, Dr. M., that he rocks!

[bonchicgenre]

^Amen to that!

Hope you're getting it figured! You already know my opinion :)

[jello_1955]

I read one of your earlier posts about your father having surgery due to cancer and perhaps that plays into your parents' objection. I had to have a hysterectomy 5 years ago due to cancer and knowing the pain, possible complications, etc., makes me cautious about having "non-essential" surgery. Not saying I haven't thought about cosmetic surgery but when you've had surgery to save your life, it makes you think twice.